oh another update, yeah why the hell not..

Salam people..

i am no offshore onboard MDLQ platform, as usual..

its so boring here..

i cannot stream any video due to the oh so slow internet like snail..

so i do the next best thing, read blogs..

i havent blogged for quite some time i guess..

i looked back at all the old blogs i used to visit when i was younger..

blogging was so the in thing in the late 2000s.. its not anymore..

i feel nostalgic..

now we have fb and ig, and people are just not into blogging anymore.. its kinda sad actually when i visited all the old blogs that i used to follow religiously but not have been abandoned..

in malay we call it bersawang, coz most of them stopped blogging in 2011, or 2012..

that is after ig started taking over the social media world..

but as we know this thing is fleeting, and before we know it, there will come a new damn thing and ig would be the thing of yesterday..

anyhow, i am just so bored and stressed here, there are too many problems with work..

at this point i truly cannot care less.. whatever goes..

and of course this makes me feel demotivated and devastated..

i so dont wanna work makan gaji anymore..

hmm.. its okay, i dont want to talk about that anymore.. i'd rather talk about other things..

i checked beautifulnara old blog entry and he wrote in english, reading the articles is just funny.. haha.. not that his english was terrible or anything like that.. but for some reasons i find it funny if we use english when talking about local entertainment scene..

similar thing i felt when i watched channel E and there was this story about Aaron Aziz..

yes he's singaporean, and the voice over was done by marion caunter whose english is undeniably good, but it doesnt sound quite right..

when she said Balai Polis Bandar Utama,
or Anugerah Bintang Popular..

these phrases, just do not go with the english language, in my opinion..

on another random note, i am now watching and catching up on the series The Good Wife.

it isnt the best series out there but i enjoy it.. just enough..

maybe because i have enjoyed watching Suits, that i find The Good Wife is just as good, maybe less..

i dont want to talk about work, nor to think about it, but i cant help it..

maybe because i am responsible-ish?

whatever the reason is, its bugging me.. i wish i can just turn it off, raise my hands up in the air like i dont care.. but no.. i freaking care..

maybe if i quit then i wouldnt care..

although i havent, and probably wont, i kinda know that quitting my job would be a decision that i would regret.. maybe not.. who knows?

the job is ok, not so bad, but sometimes i feel like it isnt worth it..

have to go offshore, work 6am to 6pm, no OT

small pay..

have to work during public holidays, no OT, no replacement leaves..

come to think about it, it does suck big time..

but no use to cry over spilled milk, this is the decision i have made and i need to live with it..

not to say live with, but more like, i need to make the best out of it..

i am so tired, and sleepy..

i slept at 2am last night coz i was watching The Good wife marathon..

i shouldnve, but i didnt care..

i thought that last night i just had to give that to myself, indulge in watching series altho i knew i coudnt really afford it..

i do that sometimes..

when i am feeling stressed and i feel like i need to get away, i do get away and simply dont care about the consequences..

i think i know, i realize that it is not good for me..

but sometimes u just cant be bothered anymore, and u just want to do what u want to do..

like when theres something i want to buy, and i know that i cannot really afford it.. i would still buy it,
indulge now, despair later..

typical me..

when theres something i want to try, and even after careful consideration (sort of) and my conscience decided that i should not do it, but i probably wont listen.. coz i still want it..

maybe its coming from this one advice that i heard long ago, and i believe when it was said to me, it was regarding buying or shopping for something i fancy..

i was told, i dont remember by who, when theres something i want, i should hold my desire first, go home, or divert my mind, and after a while if i still keep thinking about it, if the thought of it does come back, then i might as well just go and get it..

maybe this advice isnt the best to follow neither.. but what do i know.. not that i care..

i think that is it for me today, i think i am too lazy to continue this entry, i also dont see any point of it, and do not see how it can be of any help to anyone..

so till next time this is izzue signing out.. daa~~ later~~

hanchur hanchur aku..*pose fazura

Ya allah sedih nye aku rasa sekarang ni

Sedih, kecewa, nak nangis..

Fon aku jatuh dari tingkat 5

Hancur berkecai skrin depan

Frame pun herot

Berkecai la jugak hati aku

Ya allah kenapa aku diuji sebegini?

Aku bukan byk duit

Tu pun masih hutang

Ya allah aku mintak ampun atas dosa2 aku

Aku kira ni balasan buat diriku

Atas kesalahan2 aku yg lalu

Yg sedar atau tidak

Juga atas sifat kedekut aku

Aku sedar aku jarang bersedekah

Aku insaf

Aku akan lebih byk bersedekah

Aku redha ya allah

Ni balasan utk aku

Supaya aku x leka

Supaya aku insaf

Supaya aku akan lebih byk bersedekah

Lebih byk tolong org2 dalam kesusahan

Walaupun sgt susah untuk aku terima

Tapi aku redha

Insyallah aku akan okay

Rezeki allah itu luas

Bukan rezeki aku nak pakai fon tu lagi

Aku kehilangan nya pada hari ini

Insyaallah akan dpt yg lebih baik masa depan

Aku terima seadanya

Ujian buat aku

Sesungguhnya ujianku ini sgt la kecil

Berbanding dgn umat2 manusia yg lain

Aku harus sedar dan bersyukur

Akan nikmat yg aku kecapi selama ni

Boleh hilang dalam sekelip mata

Sekiranya kita tak bersyukur

Ya allah aku mohon kekuatan

Sesungguhnya hanya dari Kau aku meminta

Hanya Kau berkuasa memberiku kekuatan

Aku mohon kau ampuni diriku

Dan beriku kekuatan

Menempuh hari2 mendatang

Dgn ujian besar ni

Aku tahu ujian ni x besar mana

Tapi aku ni x sekuat mana

Aku sedih ya tuhanku

Aku nak nangis

Sesungguhnya kau mengetahu perasaanku

Sure la Kau tahu

Kau kan All knowing

Penat la ya Allah

Aku tahu aku gila dan pelik

Sbb cakap dgn Tuhan cam aku cakap ngn member

Aku rasa kau x kisah

Bukan aku kurang ajar pon

Aku lek2 je..

Sedih la ya Allah

Xtau la sampai bila aku akan bersedih

Ikut hati aku nak nangis je dan berkabung sebulan

Belum habis bayar lagi fon tu bak ang

Mana aku nak cekau duit nak bayar ni

Adoi ya allah

Xda cara lain ke Kau nak uji aku?

Cara ni mmg aku lemah

Kau mmg tahu kelemahan aku

Rasa cam nak bunuh diri pun ada tau

Mesti kau cakap ni ujian aku

Hmm.. aku stress

Bukan stress

Tp ntah la

X keruan perasaan aku

Berkecamuk

Nak tido dan harap ini semua mimpi