Sunday, 5 January 2020

What a long hiatus...


Salam,

My last post was in July 2018, where I talked about my life etcetra.. it was back when I was still working for JMPEC at Ara Damansara and I was stationed at Paka Terengganu for 5 months.



In the whole of 2019, I didn’t post a single entry. I just didn’t feel like posting anything. Even as I am typing this, I do have the doubt if if will complete it. But that’s besides the point.. whats important is that I keep writing.

Truth be told, I have so many things on my mind.. it’s a clutter inside my head.. 


so in order to make this post more organized, I will make a list and go through it one by one.. so here it goes..

1.       Car accidents
2.       Hyperthetical thoughts of dying or TPD
3.       No work - interview
4.       Takaful
5.       Selling house
6.       Sublet business, digital marketing
7.       Return to Grab as last resort, family expectation etc
8.       Adawiyah first teeth and Ukails first day of schoole

Hahaha see its already 8 items here and I have so many more in my head.. but never mind, I will talk about these first.. I have all the time in the world.. well not really...

1. Car Accidents

On a Sunday evening of 15/12/2019 as I was driving from Pontian to KL with my family, there was a massive traffic jam along PLUS highway. I was driving my wife’s car Perodua Arus and as we were reaching the Nilai Exit, my car was hit from behind by a Ford Fiesta. 

When I drive, I would always keep a safe distance from the car in front of me. So when the car in front hit the emergency brake, I managed to slow my car in time. Unfortunately, the Ford behind me probably didn’t keep a safe distance, and collided with me.

I was quite shocked but I knew there was no use for me to get upset coz it was an accident and unintentional. The driver was a young girl aged 23 but the car owner is her brother aged 24. Our Aruz did not sustain substantial damage in my opinion, only denting to the rear bumper and mis location of the rear-view camera, among other things.

 Luckily my family and I didn’t sustain any injury.

The ford on the other hand, had quite substantial damages. As we were moving from the highway to Nilai Police Station to lodge a report, the Ford couldn’t move as its temperature was high, probably the radiator was broken. Despite the problem, both the ford owner and I managed to report the accident at Plaza toll Seri Putra that night.


The next day my wife had to take EL as we need to send the car to Body & Paint workshop for repair and submit for insurance claim. It has been 3 weeks, her car is still at the workshop, waiting for some spare parts which are yet to arrive. To me there’s no issue there as the longer the car is at the workshop, the more LOU (Loss of Use) claim that we will get from the insurance company.. haha.. 


hopefully, by this week, the repair will be done and we could collect back our car ASAP.

2 weeks after that incident, it was my turn to be in a car accident. My family and I were on our way from Bandar Kinrara to Serdang for dinner. Our Perodua Axia was hit by a Lorry from the right-hand side. Luckily, I was not driving fast and was on the slow lane. 


1 or 2 seconds before impact I heard a screeching sound from outside and swerved my car to the left to avoid the lorry. Unfortunately, I didn’t manage to get out of its way and the collision happened. I however managed to stop my car or else we would’ve fallen down to the drain on the side.


The lorry drive was a Malay bloke aged 31, and knowing that the accident was purely his fault, he apologized several times. He said his lorry had problems with the braking or the transmission system. I honestly didn’t care what was the issue as long as he acknowledged that it was his fault.


He did offer to repair my car and asked that I send my Axia to his friends workshop at Seri Kembangan without reporting the accident to the police, but my wife didn’t agree.. (hahaha.. I am too nice sometimes and always want to help people when they ask nicely) but since my wife gave me a glare and a disapproving look, I agreed to make the police report. The lorry couldn’t move due to the transmission (gear) issue and was left on the side of the road.


My family and I didn’t sustain any injuries but my Axia was quite badly damaged. On the same night, the lorry driver made a police report at Sri Petaling Station.
I couldn’t lodge the report on the same night as I didn’t have my driving license with me. Earlier that day I went to the gym and had left my DL there in exchange for the locker so I could only report on the next day.
Now both our cars are at Body & Paint workshop for repair. I had to take my Persona from Wangsa Maju and let my wife drive the Persona. I will take the public transport to work.




2    2. Hypothetical thoughts of dying or TPD

Having experienced 2 car accidents in the span on 16 days, I would be lying if I said the thought of dying never crossed my mind. 

Being someone who does overthink and likes to plan on things, I even imagined how it would be like if I died or had Total Permanent Disability (TPD).
Well, truthfully, not so much on me dying actually but more on if I had TPD.. coz if I’m dead then I’m dead, what more to do, right?
First think that comes to mind is, I will get my TPD compensation from my Takaful certs which sum up to RM800k.

I would probably be paralyzed so there’s not much of travelling that can be done. I would use the money to clear all my loans – those that are not insured. Also my wife’s loans as well. Then the balance I would probably put in ASB, ASB2, and other ASNB funds available. We will live off of the dividend only. I think I will start writing more and hopefully publish a book about life or about anything. I will probably spend whole lot of time reading.


My wife will probably stop working as she would need to take care of me and our kids. It would be a challenging life for her. If she decides to leave me, I would not stop her though. I am not a selfish person and I would understand. But I know that she won’t leave me... huhu...

But if she does leave me, then I will stay with my family at Wangsa Maju then... quite a sad life but nevertheless, I’m still alive so just live it la.

3.      3. No work – interview

Now lets talk about real life matters. I was recently let go from my current work and I am currently serving the notice period. My last working day is on 10/01/2020 which is this Friday. My boss has already given me the letter and in the letter its mentioned that I would be compensated until March of 2020.
Why am I being let go? According to my boss, he does not think that this line of work is suitable for me. That is all I can say on behalf of him. Yes I have made mistakes but they are never major mistakes and have never costed major loss to the company IMO.

Yes I feel sad and disappointed, but I believe in Allah as the provider of Rizq (sustenance/provision) and when a door closes, another will open. And I believe everything that happened, happened for a reason and Allah is the best planner for me and my family. As long as I keep working hard, He will provide.

So I have been applying to many jobs on Jobstreets, Linked-in, Adnexio, Glassdoor, Jobstore but I am yet to get any offer. I had an interview scheduled last Saturday 04/01/2020 and I already went to the office, waited there for 10 minutes or so but to my disappointment, I was told that the boss who was going to interview me had an emergency matter and had to re-schedule. I was quite upset for about a minute coz I had to drive from home on a Saturday for the scheduled interview only to be told that it could not take place at the very last minute… 

but then I thought, there is no point in getting upset. It is only re-scheduled, not cancelled… shit happens, so just pick up the pieces and move on. I have already emailed the company asking to re-schedule the interview to this coming Saturday 11/01/2020. So hopefully I will excel during the interview and get the job. Insya-Allah, if its meant to be it will be.


4.       4. Takaful

I recently joined Zurich as a Takaful Agent since Dec 2019 and I already have 6 clients so far. I have approached my office mates but only managed to close 1 of them. Some are still thinking and considering. Well, let them be.. its their decision. My job is to create the awareness and provide them with the information, but the final say is theirs. What matters is that I have done my part… nothing more that I can do but keep reminding and spreading the awareness on the importance of Takaful.


Truth be told, I initially was approached by an AIA agency to do Takaful. I even sat for the Takaful Basic Exem (TBE) under AIA and was given the training by the AIA agency who are mostly Chinese. However I am a racist person and felt that I connected more to the Zurich team which are all Malays. 

My Zurich leader is Hilmi, my work colleague from Infinite QL back in 2017. I am not sure if it was the right decision to register under Zurich instead but I followed my heart and I was more comfortable with Hilmi so that’s why I joined under him. I do feel bad for the AIA Agency tho but oh well…

Hilmi’s leader who is also my leader is Izfar, who is an Agency Manager. On 31/12/2019, he even picked me up from my house at Jalilmas to go to Takaful Beginner class at Setia Alam. He dives a BMW. I believe that was the 1st time I ever rode a BMW and I must admit I was a bit Jakun but of course I tried not to show it too much… hahaha…

So on our way to Setia Alam and from Setia Alam back to Jalilmas, we talked and I learned a few things about Izfar. He had started doing Takaful since 2008. He did it part time for about 4 years before doing it full time and now he is very comfortable. Although I don’t like to admit it, I was impressed by him. Not only by his car or possessions, but by his attributes and characters. He is someone whom I respect and aspire to become one day. Insya-Allah, may Allah ease and show me the way.




5.       5. Selling house

Actually, I have been contemplating to sell my house in Skudai since April of 2019, but to no luck, still no buyer up until now. It might be the location or the price or something. I keep praying to Allah that it will eventually get sold though.

Why do I want to sell the house, one might ask… its because now my family are staying in KL and it would be difficult to manage the house, to look for tenants, among other things. Also, after the house is sold, we will have some cash to allow me to venture into small business or anything… or at the very least, we can use the cash to sustain our life here in KL.
Yes I do feel attached and sayang to let go of the house as it is our first house together but my wife and I discussed this and we both agree that its for the best.


6.      6. Sublet business, digital marketing

I often saw the ads on FB on Digital Marketing so I actually registered to attend the 2-hour free class. It was an okay experience and we were made known on the importance of Digital Marketing in todays world. It is a known fact and an undeniable truth. I am intrigued to join the full class which will consist of 90 days to learn about FB marketing, Google ads, Youtube marketing, Video making workshop, Search engine Optimizations among other things. 

The total cost is around RM3800 if I’m not mistaken. After completion of the course, we will be given a certificate. I personally believe that the course is very important for business owners to market their business. If I am a business owner, I would not hesitate to join the course actually… but considering my current circumstance, I have to be realistic and put it on hold for now… Unless if my house gets sold immediately, then I would really consider joining the classes.

Also on FB, I saw the ads for a free 2 hour class to do Sublet Business, which I registered and attended on 25/12/2019. Almost all of the things shown during the free class are the things that I already know. At the end of the free class, the instructor said the full class will be a 2-day class and it the price is RM1800… OK bye!!

I know that knowledge is never free… but I think its really too much to charge that amount for a 2-day class… and there is no certification and no guarantee that it will work… the best way to learn in this Sublet business is to actually do it on your own… to just jump and go through it all and learn the hard way… its always the best… 

but in order for me to do that, I need some capital and fund, and it goes back to me selling my Skudai House… again, may Allah ease and show me the way.

7.       7. Return to Grab as last resort, family expectation etc

As I said, I am a practical person and I do plan most of the things in my life. Considering how things are at the moment I have to plan what if I still don’t get offered any job by April of this year… My option would be to back being a Grab driver.

Atleast its Halal job and if done right, the monthly income would be enough for me to pay my monthly commitments and bills… but of course this will be my last option though… I will keep applying for Engineering jobs and at the same time promoting Takaful on my Social Media and actually implementing my plans on how to find clients etcetra…

If my luck is heading towards that, I would have to face the scrutiny and disappointment from my family and my in laws though… but then again, everything that has happened is not my fault and there is no use to cry over spilled milk… what I must do and what I will do is keep on living and trying to find ways on how to better myself and to improve my life and my family’s life… that’s really what matters… is that I never stop trying and never stop working hard… everything else is in God’s hand.


8.       8. Adawiyah first teeth and Ukails first day of school
Okay, enough about sad stuff… Just want to share here that my daughter Adawiyah had her first teeth appeared about 2 – 3 days ago and she is the cutest… there is no word that I can use to describe how much I love her… she is such an adorable and manja child, cannot part from her mother even for a minute…



Also to share here, today is Ukails first day of school. I saw on FB other people post on facebook of their childrens first day of school… I would rather post about it here coz its for my view only…
Earlier today, in the morning I sent Adawiyah to the babysitter Tok Ma, then took Ukail to his school which is in the same block but on GF… The lifts were all full and we had to take the stairs down from Level 10 to GF… Ukail didn’t complain but he kept saying “lepas ni tangga ni pulak” and “eh ada tangga lagi”… alahai comel nyer anak bujang dedi ni… when we reached GF, the school was yet to open, we had to wait about 5 minutes before the teacher arrived… I hugged him and kissed him… told him to be good to the teachers and learn ABC…



I love both my kids with every fiber of my being…

So I guess that is all from me for today… I started this post from 10am and now its 12.30pm already…
Hahaha… its been a while so my writing is quite unpolished and my typing is quite slow…

Till next time… later~~



Monday, 2 July 2018

Such is life

Salam,

as usual, and as mentioned numerous times before, i often write in this blog when i feel like i need to vent out, let out some feelings... frustrations, anxiety, excitement etc..

so the same thing this time around..

since the last update was in April, and i have been on hiatus in May and June, so it is understandable that there have been many events that have taken place in my life. However, I aint got time and the mood to talk about all of them, only selected few

prior to blurting them out here, i wrote them on my diary, just so i would know how to structure them in writing. LOLz.. organized much?

so here are the overview of the things i wish to go through in this blog post

1. Work
- Feelings at work
     - Relationship with colleagues
- Resigning (again!!)
     - pros & cons before resigning
- anxiety to start at a new place
     - small company 
- career progression & future
- Motivation & morale

2. Study
- Final exams
     - Lack of preparation
     - accident on the way back to KL
- Desire to do PHD (relate to future career)

3. Family
- New house budget
- Wife's pregnancy
- Budget vs expenses
     - side income
     - new car to do Grab

4. Social
- Non-existent
- Azhan's acceptance issue
- Missing Qayyum's wedding

Obviously there are many things on my mind, so without wasting any time i will get to each one of them

1. Work

Truthfully, when I am writing this, I feel extremely unmotivated to work. I hate to be in this mood.
i have to ask myself, what is the reason i am feeling this way?
so i answer, its probably because of my relationship with my colleagues at site.. (they are all younger than me)
i dont hate them, and i believe they dont hate me too. we just dont click.
we dont operate in the same frequency.
sometimes i feel i just cant be bothered to try to tune into their frequency so we could click better..
maybe because i am getting old, i just cant be bothered to try to do that.. i'd rather just sit on my desk and go on facebook/instagram than to talk & socialize with them.. #oldbitchsyndrome

I believe this is the main reason i am disliking work right now, because i am not happy with the people.. on the technicality, work is as usual, and quite manageable & rather a boring subject to talk about here

Moving on..

I have resigned from my current company JMPEC.
Since i was assigned to go to site here in Paka, being away from my family, I have already resented the whole arrangement.

But i understand that i was hired as a site engineer and it is the nature of work for me to go to site.. I cant really argue or complain so much
I dont have any issues with site work since thats what i have been doing since 2013.
My issues is that the site is in effing Terengganu, where the rest day is on Fridays, which proved to be troublesome to me in so many levels..

My wife works on Fridays
I have classes on Saturdays & Sundays (which means I have to take unpaid leave to attend my weekend classes)
with all these difficulties & challenges of having to work at Paka, I did bring it up to my boss and requested that I only be sent to projects nearby KL/Selangor. He essentially had agreed to my request but asked that i remained until he could find a replacement for me.. alas, he didnt keep his words ( which is another reason why I feel strongly about leaving the company) and I knew that I shouldnt rely on other people to change my luck so i started applying for other jobs.

and indeed it was a rezeki from God that I got a job offer from another company quite immediately after i started looking.
Its a consultancy firm in Puchong and I was offered a job as an M&E consultant engineer, which is an office based job but will also require traveling for meetings and site verification works etc..

Prior to sending my resign letter, i did a pros vs cons table comparing my current job to the new one and based on that, i decided to jump ship.. again..

i know its not good to keep changing companies, but i know that its the right decision as i have done my due diligence of comparing between the two..
so regardless of what the future holds, I know that at the time that i made the decision, it was a calculated one and based on careful considerations on many aspects of my life

Having said this, i am still unable to shake off this feeling of worry and anxiety with regards to starting at a new company.
with it being a smaller company, and also there is this worry that i will get bored with office work, then i will become demotivated, then in return will affect my morale to work altogether..
its a constant worry, this feeling of not wanting to work, this feeling of wanting to just laze around at home yadayada..

i need to keep reminding myself about the importance of working, and pray that my motivation will stay intact..
regardless of the company and the profession, i still need to do this.. insyallah God will rid me off of this feeling of laziness..i can only pray..

there have been times i wonder, if i enjoy my work then the motivation & morale will stay lifted.. but now i am starting to realize that that might not be the case.. enjoying the work and staying discipline about work are probably 2 unrelated things, and it is an on-going thing, a constant battle and it needs to be recharged periodically, much like our iman..
it goes up and down, but to ensure that it stays up, we need to be with people & in an environment that will lift it up.. hence being able to recognize what lifts it up from what brings it down is also crucial..
that is a whole another topic on that..

ok moving on..

I just finished my final exam from 28/6/2018 - 1/7/2018.
I didnt do very well because i only managed to answer 50% of the question confidently.
I did answer all of the questions but only half of them with confidence.

So i think i will probably pass the 2 subjects, but not with excellence.. just satisfactory, I guess..
I did some preparation prior to sitting for the papers, but considering with me working at site (8am - 7pm everyday) you can imagine that there is not much studying can be done..
it is a difficult situation that i have been put into and i am glad that i managed to complete the tests even with all the challenges that i was facing.

to add to that, i was actually in a road accident while i was on my way back to KL, the day before my exam.

I finished work at 5pm on the 27th, and i made my way straight to KL with the intention of reaching home around 9pm so i can actually do some studying for my paper the next day.
unfortunately, i had an accident where my car hit the road curb, in the heavy rain, and my car got stucked.. to make things worse, as i exited my car and closed the car door, it automatically locked leaving me outside dumbfounded and ready to give up..

locked outside in the rain after hitting the road curb, i really wanted to cry..
but alhamdulillah, there were many motorcyclist stopped and helped me.
using screw driver, the peeled off the black thingy next to the driver's side window, and using steel wire, the managed to unlock my car from the outside.
after that, even helped lifted and pushed my car so i could get out from the curb.

i was and am so grateful that they helped me.. had it not been for them, i wouldve stucked here in Paka and missed my paper on the 28th and most probably failed the subject..
#faithinhumanityrestored

to continue on the topic of furthering studies, I know that it will only get harder from here on out..
and my journey to PHD is still so far.. but we all know, Rome was not built in a day..

so with that, i hope and pray that my dream of furthering my studies and obtaining a doctoral degree will materialize one day, insyallah..
i believe after obtaining my PHD, my future will be brighter, and i can leave engineering world and become a lecturer instead.. well, thats still too far in the future, its better for me to focus at the task at hand, which is getting my Masters degree first.. #fingerscrossed

3. Family

on the topic of family, i cant help but to talk about our new house Jalilmas which is expected to complete its construction early next year.
and just like the Pulai Jaya House, I have prepared a budget for moving into the new house and the total amount of RM35k seems quite impossible to attain now.. which worries me too.. but i dont want to stress about it too much.. slowly but surely, we will get it done.. it doesnt have to be all at once, we can always complete the renovation by stages..
so below is the screenshot of the budget that i have prepared for the new house..
In addition to the new house, as my wife is currently pregnant with our 2nd child, so i need to prepare for the delivery of the 2nd baby as well..

we plan to go to Government hospital, probably in Selangor, that is the budget that we have for now..
although i honestly think that the expertise of Doctors in Government hospital is undeniable, and also they are better equipped.. The minus side is the level of comfort is considerably lower than that of private hospital..
but we need to be realistic and practical with our planning & expenses so I think all is good and under control for now..

speaking of expenses, starting April of this year I have started to keep track of all my spendings, as well as my wife.. We have an excel file stored in Google drive that we both can access, and we will record our spendings in there.. there are different categories like Food, transportation, petrol, miscellaneous and the credit card spendings..

the file also allows us to have a better outlook of the cash flow in and out, and planned expenses in the future, taking into account the cost for car maintenance, my study tuition fees, cost for baby delivery etc.. so at the end of each month we can expect how much money left in our account, and to bring forward to the next month, until end of the year, so whatever plan we have, including to go on vacation, we can plan based on this budget that we have..

i think its pretty cool to have this kind of tracking, and hopefully that it will be an on-going thing for as long as required..

and to add on the topic of expenses, right now i feel like there's a strong need for me to be looking for a side income, and one way that i can think of right now is to drive for Grab part time..

and to do that i might have to get a new car since my persona is from 2011 and Grab requirement is only allowing cars from 2011 onwards..

i am still on the fence with the decision of getting a new car, maybe after i have started at the new company i can have a better overview if driving Grab part time is actually something i can do or not..
so ill leave that as KIV for now and to be revisited later in Sept or October.. see how it goes..

4. Social

The last topic for todays post is about my social life, which seems to be non-existent since i started working at Paka..

i dont have time to play volleyball, no time to go hang out with my friends (because I would rather spend the little time I have in KL with my family instead)
but insya-allah it will change once i change company, i can only hope #fingerscrossed

a few days ago, Azhan txt me on whatsapp and asked me the weirdest thing, and we talked about self-love and self acceptance..
i am not sure if i should disclose our conversation here, but from the little interaction that i had on that day, it made me to reflect on myself too, because we both sort of have had similar life experience and having him shared what he went through, i could definitely relate to his stories and it made me realize how important it is to always be grateful with Allah's blessings..
so that by itself is a blessing and Alhamdulillah for that..

lastly, i want to say that i am very sad that i would be unable to attend Qayyum's wedding reception on 7/7/2018 because i have to work on that day.
like i said, my social life is non-existent now..
right now the plant PGB GPP6 is having turn around in July and taking leaves is just impossible, not when its not because of something urgent or unavoidable..
furthermore, I have taken 9 days of unpaid leave to go for classes and exams before, so i think its only fair that i work for the whole of July and focus on the shutdown.. Besides, its only for this month, and by August I will be leaving the company already..



so that is all that i have to share for today, until the next rambling and rantings..
Later~~


Tuesday, 17 April 2018

Kesedihan... Bertabahlah..


20180417 2207

Harini selasa

Aku kat kerteh.. kena station sini sampai bulan 8, maybe sampai bulan 9..

Aku sedih.. kena tinggalkan anak bini

Sekarang dalam kepala mmg asyik teringat kat anak bujang kecik aku ahnaf ukail

siang tadi masa nak keluar rumah, dan tertoleh kat bas kuning ahnaf, aku hampir2 menitiskan air mata..

Hati rasa x senang.. rasa mcm nak berhenti keje je sekarang sbb kena berjauhan dari family mcm ni..

Mcm rasa baik aku bawa grab uber je.. atleast aku boleh balik rumah setiap hari boleh jumpa anak bini..

To be honest mmg aku ada fikir mcm tu pun skrg ni..

Tapi bawak grab bukan lah jawapan nya..

Aku masih xtau apa jawapannya..

Ada masa bila aku kat luar dan melihat bagaimana hidup orang lain lagi susah dari hidup aku, aku rasa aku mmg patut bersyukur.. bersyukur sbb masih ada pekerjaan yg halal dan boleh tahan baik mcm skrg..

Aku sangat sedih skrg sbb sangat rindukan my family

Aku hanya boleh balik setiap 2 minggu dan tu pun waktu aku ada kelas..

Aku tulis kat sini sbb aku tgh cuba untuk menenangkan hati dan perasaan aku skrg..

Situasi skrg ni buat aku sgt tak happy..

Aku suka keje aku tapi aku x suka bila kena berjauhan mcm skrg ni..

Sebelum ni site dekat kat port klang, walaupun aku kena gerak awal kol 7am dan balik sampai rumah kol 9pm, aku tak kisah sebab aku masih balik rumah.. tp bila kena dok site jauh2 mcm skrg aku rasa mcm aku x boleh nak handle..

Aku mmg akan start cari keje lain.. keje yg aku x perlu pergi site..

Tapi nnt aku akan x suka pulak dgn kerja tu, mcm sebelum ni aku keje dekat IQL tu aku x perlu pergi site dan aku pun x happy bila keje mcm tu..

Aku rasa mcm berbelah bagi sangat sekarang ni..

Aku dah mmg since start keje da biasa pergi site.. kalau dulu masa bujang aku x kisah pun..

Atau pun masa da kawin tp belum ada anak, perasaan tu x seteruk mcm skrg ni..

Atau masa ada anak tp anak bini duduk jauh rasa x mcm skrg.. 
Tp bila da dok sama dgn anak bini selama 9 bulan yg lepas, dan skrg kena pergi site dan berjauhan buat aku rasa sangat tak boleh nak handle..

Ada sebahagian kecil dalam diri aku yg cakap, mungkin aku sepatutnya tak boleh terlalu attached dengan keluarga aku.. utk rasionalnya, kerana semua benda dalam dunia ni adalah sementara..

But I just cant, I cant accept this argument..

This is the hardest thing that I have ever done in my life..

Seriusly skrg raa mcm nak menangis..

Bila tgk video dan dgr suara anak kecik aku yg my wife shared thru whatsapp perasaan rindu dan sedih tu jadi berkali2 ganda..

Aku tau bersedih mcm ni x kan menyelesaikan apa2..

Aku patut cari jalan penyelesaian..

What options do I have?

1.       Cari keje lain?

2.       Bawa grab?

3.       Bertabah dan jangan terlalu fikirkan?

Semua options yg ada tu aku x suka..

Kalau option1, cari keje lain, aku nak cari keje mcm mana? Aku nak jadi cikgu tp takda peluang..

Jadi cikgu mrsm pun xda peluang, jadi cikgu sekolah biasa pun xda peluang.. No opening!

Dan kalau ada pun gaji nye mesti separuh dari sekarang ni..

Untuk jadi lecere kena ada masters degree, atau PHD, hence the decision to sambung belajar..

Nak keje jadi engineer tp x nak pergi site? Nnt jadi mcm masa keje dekat IQL pulak..

Kalau ada pun nnt mungkin kerja bukan permanent, iaitu kerja kontrek.. IQL dulu pun kontrek jugak..

Dan kat sana pun sbb kondisi kerja dia sangat x best, jadi aku ambik keputusan utk berhenti dan bawa grab je.. 

Best scenario is, aku dapat keje baru dan keje baru tu ada the followings

1.       Gaji sama atau lebih dari skrg

2.       Permanent position

3.       Keje pergi site tp dalam area KL je. Kalau pergi outstation pun x lama sampai 4-5 bulan

4.       Dapat boss yg best dan boleh tolak ansur dan tolong bila kita taktau

Aku rasa tu je kriteria keje yg aku perlukan..

Tp pada zaman skrg ni mmg susah la nak dpt exactly mcm yg kita nak tu..

Tp kita kena la cari kan.. kalau x cari mana nak dapat..

So kisah nye kena la update resume dan mula mencari stat!!



Option2 which is bawa grab

Aku da cuba da bulan januari tahun ni..

Dah lah xda cuti, kalau kau cuti kau xda income.. ni yg jadi time wan aku meninggal tempoh hari..kalau keje biasa ada compassionate leave, tp sbb bawa grab, ko cuti ko yg xda duit..

Dan xda kwsp.. xda pay slip..

Keje long hours.. bawak kereta dalam jam yg sangat memenatkan..

Dan sometimes kau dapat passengers yg negro la Nepal la bangla la #racist.. and some of them stink..

Tak berbaloi jugak sbb bila kau tolak cost utk petrol n maintenance, utk waktu kerja kau yg sampai 10-12 jam sehari selama 6 hari seminggu kau hanya boleh dpt dalam 3.5k-4k saja..

And being on the road for all those hours, it’s a risk sbb ko boleh eksiden dan mati.. or worse, kau cacat xleh keje langsung..

Sbb tu la bila aku terfikir nak buat grab aku mmg akan fikir berkali2 sbb x berbaloi dgn risiko nyer..


Option 3 is bertabah dgn situasi skrg sampai dpt keje lain?

Aku rasa nak taknak aku terpaksa la pilih option 3, sbb ni yg paling baik buat masa ni..

Walaupun hati ni meruntun dgn situasi skrg, terpaksa berjauhan dgn family,

Rasa bersalah dgn wife sbb biarkan dia seorang utk jaga anak especially time dia tgh pregnant skrg..

Boleh x kalau aku bring this up to my boss, and ask to only be sent to site yg jauh2 dari KL bila my wife habis pregnant?

Aku rasa kalau aku nak bring this up to him, I should be prepared for the backfires..

kemungkinan2 yg boleh terjadi..
Mungkin dia akan suruh aku berhenti keje?

Aku ingat lagi masa interview dia ada tanya sbb masa tu dia plan nak anta aku pergi gebeng dan aku cakap ok.. aku sendiri yg agree utk terima keje ni, sbb masa tu aku dah x tahan dgn pekerjaan bawa grab..

Ntah la buat masa ni aku kena la bertabah je dulu..

Dan financially I cant afford to lose this job..

Sbb tu la aku cakap ni je pilihan terbaik yg aku ada.. walaupun sangat sedih dan meruntun jiwa..

Dgn tulis kat sini je aku dpt luahkan perasaan sedih ni..

Mungkin ada sesetengah orang yg suka bila berada dalam situasi aku, sbb seolah2 hidup bujang.. x yah susah2 jaga anak.. xda bini nak kawal pergerakan atau buat apa2.. but not me..

Aku sikit pun x rasa happy skrg..

Bila aku tulis kat sini, aku imagine maybe dalam masa 10 tahun nnt, time anak aku dah besar dan boleh faham sikit dunia dan di abaca apa yg aku tulis, apa agaknya yg dia fikir..

Will he be mad at me for leaving him and his mum for months?

Will he be able to understand that its not my desire..

Daddy buat semua ni sbb terpaksa bukan saja2..

Maybe aku patut tido je skrg ni..

Maybe benda ni hanya akan rasa sangat susah pada awal2 saja..

Maybe bila da bermingu2 nnt perasaan sedih tu akan berkurang..

Atau mungkin jugak tak?


Okla, sampai sini saja, aku pon da ngantuk esok kena bangun awal pulak..

Later~~