MEMBEBEL

salam..

now kat office.. macam xda keje je.. so aku rasa nak menulis.. tapi satgi kol 530 nak meeting lak pasal celcom tu..
macam bangang gak la kol 5.30 nak ajak meeting.. orang nak balik da kot time tu.. agak2 kalau aku kata taknak join the freaking celcom meeting tu boleh x? aku mmg da malas gila da ni.. pastu aku da lama x ke gym so rasa mmg kena pegi gym harini although im not sure if i brought my gears with me when i left the office this morning..
xpe la.. kalau ada baju kasut sumer aku pegi la nnt kalau xda aku x pegi la..
tapi aku mmg nak pegi kot.. maybe aku akan balik umah dan pegi gym after maghrib.. tp selalu nyer bila da balik tu mmg niat nak pegi gym tu terpadam serta merta..

ok panjang lak melalut pasal gym kan..
pokoknyer kat sini, kalau aku join meeting celcom ni mungkin aku x sempat nak ke gym.. tp mungkin meeting celcom ni takda la lama pon kot.. paling2 lama pon maybe stgh jam..

owh btw, pagi tadi aku ada tender interview celcom yg sangat sempoi tadi.. buat penat je aku cam mengelabah nak stadi bagai the night before.. i fret for nothing.. eh takda la for nothing pon kot.. atleast i gained some valuable knowledge in design and products.

ok nak cakap pasal benda lain la.. walaupon otak dan hati aku agak tertekan sekang ni memikirkan akan ada meeting pukol 5.30.. technically aku da clock out kol 5.30.. sesuke hati nak meeting bagai lak.. bukan ada ot ke apa..

haha berkira nyer aku..

ada lagi satu benda yg aku tgh tensionkan sekang ni tapi takpe la.. aku rasa benda tu kechik je.. kalau didiamkan nnt lama2 ilang la tu kot..

aku lately rasa macam kurang happy.. rasa macam missing something which i dont know what.. dulu tak berapa lama dulu aku rasa cam happy.. rasa cam cukop and i wasnt complaining.. tapi lately rasa cam ada kekurangan..

mungkin pasal aku risau umur da meningkat tapi still x kahwin lagi?

mungkin aku risau pasal mungkin aku xkan ada jodoh?

mungkin aku risau yang aku akan mati muda?



haddoi la.. malas gak sebenanyer nak mikirkan pasal benda ni.. satu pasal aku taktau nak buat apa tentang nyer.. rasa cam helpless.. and aku tak suker bila mengalami kekecewaan..


omg im so morbid because i keep thinking that im going to die young.. pelik nyer. aku cam tak kisah..
dulu mungkin aku akan cam like "hey come on la, i will be someone.. i will do something amazing that people will remember me by like forever.."
maybe ive changed..

well, actually kalau diberi peluang, aku nak jadi macam tu.. jadi penting.. jadi hebat gila.. jadi famous sampai orang berkurun2 akan datang pon akan cakap pasal aku.. contohnyer macam gengiz khan ke(how to spell his name?) or macam alexander the great ke.. justin bieber ker.. #random

hahaha over nyer berangan..

tapi kalau setakat nak je benda tu tapi takda apa2 usaha mmg takkan dapat la kan..
bukannyer aku taknak usaha.. tapi macam kalau usaha pon takkan dapat jer..

pasal orang dalam dunia ada 70000000 kot.. masing2 pon ada cita2 asipirasi sendiri.. masing2 nak jadi special.. masing2 nak jadi macam yg aku cakap tadi.. ok mungkin bukan semua tapi ramai la yg nak..
what makes me special? what should i do to be special?

tu yg aku taktau nak jawab tu.. so aku pon stuck kat sini.. feeling unsatisfied.. unfulfilled..
i feel it inside that i was born for greatness.. but the greatness is nowhere to be found.. so im left here stuck.. dumbfounded.. and hopeless..

nak complain banyak2 pon tak guna.. umor makin meningkat.. kalau asyik mikirkan pasal ni.. last2 hidup ni jadi sia2 je la.. pasal asyik fikir dan idamkan benda yg takkan kunjung tiba.. macam mat jenin la lebih kurang..

makin lama makin tua.. so daripada berangan benda2 macam tu.. hidup harus diteruskan.. lagipon kita sebagai muslim ada tujuan yg lebih penting dihidupkan kat bumi Allah ni kan..

aku rasa ni la jawapan ustat2 ataupon alim ulama kalau ditanya pasal benda ni..
bukan la aku nak cakap jawapan derang ni tak betul.. mmg betul pon jawapan yg kita ni khalifah dan tugas n tanggungjawab kita untuk menyampaikan islam, memakmurkan bumi islam blablabla..

tp speaking as a human, that answer doesnt completely fill the gap i feel inside..

maybe its in my gene? hahahaha kelakar lak rasa.. lahir2, kecik2 terus rasa nak famous.. mmg sejak dari dalam perot.. kelakar nyer.. very the vain..

but i also partially believe why i have this kind of feeling/mindset is because thats how i was brought up.. it was my surroundings that had thought me to be like this like that..

maybe..
thats just my believe... it might not be true.

but then again.. what is true and what is not? who says the truth is the truth? who decides whats right whats wrong?

maybe thats why ISLAM is more than just religion.. its way of life.. wanna know whats right whats wrong? come back to Islam..


OH God the Almighty... i pray to you to give me the feeling of ease and fulfillment in my heart.. so i can stop looking for the wrong things in life and start appreciating and working on the right things for myself, my family and friends..

I know Youre the most powerful, Arrahman Arrahim.. only You I ask from and only You can make it happen..
sesungguhnyer kepada Kau aku meminta dan kepada Kau aku kembali..


haaaa ok macam serius pulak the end of this entry..
maybe should stop here.. almost 5.30.. aku tak solat lagi..


later~~~

I feel like talking

salam..
owh its been a while.. and ive been rather busy with work and other things.

went to a few weddings, took photos.. maybe will share some here.. maybe later..

x banyak pon, wedding pasha dgn afif je kot for this month of january..



ok ada satu benda ni nak meroyan sikit kat sini.. aku rasa cam nyawa manusia tu sangat la overrated.. sapa yg overrated? sudah tentu la manusia tu sendiri..

kita sebagai manusia makhluk yg ada akal, dan kita la makhluk yg paling dominan atas muka bumi ni pasal kita diberi akal.. so kadar peningkatan populasi manusia pon adalah pada kadar eksponential.. sekarang kita dah terlalu ramai sampai pada tahap yg kita sendiri sudah menyedari kehadiran kita manusia yg terlalu ramai atas bumi ni la punca planet ni pon semakin sempot nak menampung segala keburukan yg datang disebabkan manusia.. man-made disasters la lebih kurang..

mungkin aku didatangi pemikiran ni pasal aku tgk citer History Channel, Mankind the story of all of us..
which is a brilliant show in my opinion...

so aku cant help but to think about kejadian manusia and our survival.. and these days of course the topic of sustainability is not uncommon to the public anymore..

well, berbalik kepada perihal manusia dan nyawa mereka yg sangat overrated.
why kita sangat sedih bila ada orang mati? dan majority daripada kita sangat takutkan mati.. aku juga mungkin salah seorang dalam kumpulan majoriti tu, tapi aku cuba untuk tidak berasa takut akan kematian..
juga cuba untuk tidak berasa sedih bila didatangi berita kematian kenalan, sahabat mahupun ahli keluarga..

memangla setakat ni takda lagi family aku yg da meninggal untuk aku merasai kesedihan tersebut so mungkin aku ni pandai cakap jer.. tapi lambat laun benda tu pasti akan berlaku.. so aku cuba untuk tidak merasa sedih..

TBH, i imagined the day my mother dies (ok admittedly this is quite morbid, but i like to try things, so i did)
ok so i was sad of course.. i just tried to imagine how i'd be like.. would i be weeping? or maybe wailing? or maybe i'd just sit there with my siblings, be strong and just accept what has been.. and i told myself that my mum atleast had me to pray for her 5 times a day everyday.. thats pretty comforting, in my opinion...

and i also know that death is certain, the only thing in life that we are sure we will have to face.. everybody will..
thinking of it as such, having this kind of point of view, i must admit, makes me fear death less..
same like the time when i feared my final year project.. i  didnt think that i could do it.. in the beginning it seemed so hard, i could hardly wrap my head around the concept.. for months i was stuck (with my partner afiq shah)
but there was one thing i told myself..

"degree engineering ni takda la susah mana pon, da beribu atau berjuta orang dah grad dgn degree engineering, da go thru the same thing i will have to go thru, so for sure aku pon boleh lepas, aku pon boleh buat apa yg berjuta orang telah buat, aku pon boleh capai apa yg berjuta orang telah capai"

when i looked at it this way, the task/challenge seemed surpass-able.. it seemed do-able, although i didnt really know how to start yet..
alhamdulillah i got thru it..

same like death,, now it seems scary, seems morbid and we dont want it, and we try not to talk about it too often.. but if you think of it as a normal thing, for example macam cabut gigi ke apa ke, then it'd seem less scary.. and we can get thru it..

ok panjang pulak aku meroyan kan..

some people suker meroyan kat twitter, cakap pendek2.. aku suke meroyan panjang2..so aku tulis blog..
eh ada kaitan ke?

ok la kot da cukop la meroyan pasal nyawa manusia la, pasal mati la..

*matila post ni mcm sangat tak keruan tema nyer