i am in trouble, a problem of which i myself created, and hv caused pain to others..
if there is anyone to blame, itd be no one other but myself..
i feel lonely and lost.. n the fact that its all my fault only makes things harder for me..
i have a medical condition, and according to the doctors i shouldnt stress myself, i shouldnt be in a stressful condition for long or my health will deteriorate..
i try to not think about it too much but its to no avail.. coz the consequence is too tragic and i cant live w it, should the worst were to happen..
so u can see my situation now is indeed dire.. i cant help myself but to worry..
worry about the future and how my lifes gonna be..
sometimes it feels like itd be easier to just end this all.. end my life.. im offshore now and i can think of many things on how to kill myself making it seem like an accident..
atleast my family get to claim the insurance money for my death, it wudnt be for nothing..
in true honesty, i have thought of ways and the execution of this, no kidding..
i am very alone now, with all the problems with work and now to top it with this personal issue..
it is in the nature of me to think of the worst case scenario and how to cope with the aftermath of it all..
to me it seems like the worst case is id lose all i have..
my life, my family, my future..
seems like theres not much to carry on right? hence the suicidal thoughts..
hmm yeah i shouldve thought of it before right, but u know humans.. dah terhantuk baru nak ngadu sakit..
i hv also asked my ustat-like frens on fb whats the hukum of suicide, is it considered to have quit islam, meaning being kafir, for those who take their own life?
not saying that i will go thru with it, but the thoughts come and go..
the worst part is that i dont have any fren to share this burden with, altho i realize that even if i tell anyone the problem isnt solved.. not sure myself why i bother to share it here.. but i just need an outlet and this is the only way i know how..
i am lonely and i am doomed, isnt that reason enough to want to die?
if there is anyone to blame, itd be no one other but myself..
i feel lonely and lost.. n the fact that its all my fault only makes things harder for me..
i have a medical condition, and according to the doctors i shouldnt stress myself, i shouldnt be in a stressful condition for long or my health will deteriorate..
i try to not think about it too much but its to no avail.. coz the consequence is too tragic and i cant live w it, should the worst were to happen..
so u can see my situation now is indeed dire.. i cant help myself but to worry..
worry about the future and how my lifes gonna be..
sometimes it feels like itd be easier to just end this all.. end my life.. im offshore now and i can think of many things on how to kill myself making it seem like an accident..
atleast my family get to claim the insurance money for my death, it wudnt be for nothing..
in true honesty, i have thought of ways and the execution of this, no kidding..
i am very alone now, with all the problems with work and now to top it with this personal issue..
it is in the nature of me to think of the worst case scenario and how to cope with the aftermath of it all..
to me it seems like the worst case is id lose all i have..
my life, my family, my future..
seems like theres not much to carry on right? hence the suicidal thoughts..
hmm yeah i shouldve thought of it before right, but u know humans.. dah terhantuk baru nak ngadu sakit..
i hv also asked my ustat-like frens on fb whats the hukum of suicide, is it considered to have quit islam, meaning being kafir, for those who take their own life?
not saying that i will go thru with it, but the thoughts come and go..
the worst part is that i dont have any fren to share this burden with, altho i realize that even if i tell anyone the problem isnt solved.. not sure myself why i bother to share it here.. but i just need an outlet and this is the only way i know how..
i am lonely and i am doomed, isnt that reason enough to want to die?
