probabbly im thinking too much... but shouldnt i be??

salam..

damn its been long.. the previous entry was last month during raya.. and now its still raya actually.. in fact, my kakak was having an open house at her house in seremban but i couldnt go because of work.. this week is my turn holding the standby handphone and today i received a call from MEPS at bangsar south asking me to go there to check the alarm on VESDA bla bla bla.. damn work..

haih.. i hate to beat around the bushes so i prefer to go straight to talk about the main/actual thing i want to talk about here..

ok i was on facebook just now.. reading the newsfeed, looking at peoples photos and profiles.. and then went on twitter reading peoples updates etc etc.. all the usual stuffs i do.. then this thought came to me.. actually ive been thinking about it so many times before.. and often ive always figured a way or thought of an argument that i could tell myself to stop thinking about it and to just move on with my life...

err.. wait... pause... rewind.... i think i better explain what is it thats been boggling my mind all these while.. hmm.. its kinda hard to explain but i will atleast try to tho..

i put this as my fb status just a while ago..
"

yes its been 5 months and so many times ive told myself that things will get better.. but however often or convincing i can be at consoling myself over the fact that my job sucks i still have the doubt that... the 'better' times will never come after all... haih la...

"

if u know me well u'd know i was talking about my job..
hmm.. well my job isnt all bad to be honest.. but i know i can do better.. my job now sucks in some ways but also good in some ways.. the pay is small, the hour is unpredictable, the job is dangerous and the future isnt so bright.. the good thing bout it is i am not stuck behind a computer desk all day, i get to go out to sites and meet new people learn new things gain more experience, and the main reason i chose this job to begin with was so i could continue teaching tuition to zarif(which i cant wait to be over coming december)

yes there are perks and downsides of my job.. and ive gone thru this argument in my head over and over again but i still feel like a loser when i compare my job with my other friends.. i know that some people are just luckier than others.. but why arent i one of the lucky ones?? hmm.. maybe im not grateful enough with what i have now.. or maybe im just too ambitious for my age.. i also dont know.. but one thing i know.. if i dont do anything, forever i will stuck here doing a job that im not happy with. hmm..

and surely this begs the question what is the job that i'm happy with? that i enjoy doing? is there any? maybe there is.. i just dont know what it is yet.. maybe an actor? or a host? or a newsreader? haha something to do with the television.. *berangansangats

ok lets be real.. for now i think i should consider jobs that are related to what i studied in university.. my job now is somehow related to my course.. but...

hmm.. ok honestly the main reason i dislike my job so much is because of the small pay...

haaa looks like this entry is becoming one of my self consolation/motivation session that i often have whenever i think about my lame as job.. and its not fun at all.. well atleast its an entry rather than not having anything to write about.. this entry is fine..

haa another thing i wanna share here.. ive been thinking to start my own vlog.. like luanlegacy.. i will only be talking crap i think.. and definitely itll be in english of course.. but i still need to think about it tho.. is it necessary? can i do it?? haaaa so many questions yet so insignificant to burden my head with right now..

i want to watch kaho na pyar hai that i downloaded.. so later~~~