im pissed!!!

right now i just feel so geram.. i tried to chill it out and not think about it too much but that certain someone seems determined to burn some more of my anger fuel and now i feel like meletop already... aaarrrrggghhhh!!!!

i dont know what he will gain from making me feel so angry like this.. hell i dont care.. im just so pissed...

thats why i am writing here.. i know by writing this now will slowly calm me down and hopefully by the end of this entry i will be able to think more rationally, see things clearer and make better judgements for everyones sake..

it all started earlier this evening when i was so eager to watch again the documentary planet earth in my old external hardisk.. and i know myself as someone who can easily get distracted, went to see back my old photos from 2008 and started reminiscing.. i laughed and smiled when i saw my youger self looking so fine with the long hair and slim body etc etc..i was so happy with my life and had nothing to care for in life.. i thought it would be nice to share those memories that are so precious to me with the ones i care about now.. i like to share things.. thats just who i am..

i had the nicest intention to share those memories with this person.. but the contrary happened.. he said my photos make him feel sad and he didnt want to remember what happened... back then we were not in good terms.. we had our clashes and things were said and done.. hurtful things.. but i am here ready to make amends and move on.. to learn from past experience and start having a better life now.. but not this guy..  think he's just so unreasonable to still get upset after all that weve been through.. i thought we are over this.. and that now we are in good terms and weve already done the forgive and forget thingy..

haaa.... maybe apart of it is my fault.. maybe i didnt account for his feelings... obviously he was more hurt and more affected by what happened..the fighting and clashes we had in the past.. so it must be more difficult for him to let go.. haih..

i understand that.. coz from where he was at.. it was difficult for him to truly let go.. .. hell it was difficult for everyone to let go...

one thing to still get upset.. but another to continue makings things more unpleasant.. then the argument got escalated when he started accusing me of having lied to him all these while.. oh hello man.. u didnt get your math straight.. obviously i wasnt lying.. ur just throwing accusations..ur  probably trying to make me feel guilty.. or ur just trying to make me look bad.. i dont care what your intentions were.. theyre irrelevant..

haaaaa.. i dont want to get mad and i dont want to fight.. i want to move on pass all these things.. dwelling in them will not do anyone any good... thats what ive been telling myself.. focus on what matters now.. i want things to be normal again.. i want everyone to be happy again.. whats past is past.. no use crying over spilled milk..
my hope is that there will not be any fighting or misunderstanding between me and that fella..

ok ive got work to do.. a report for the HDC thingy.. damn i dont want to go to Penang.. i pray that everything will go smoothly in Penang.. haih..

see... i am calmer already... i think im a soft hearted person who forgives and forgets so easily... hhuhu... yeke?