i was in cloud nine.. maybe i still am..
i am very happy at the moment.. and because of that i have started imagining how wonderful my life could be.. how much happiness i would be in..
but suddenly i was faced with the hard cold truth, that all the wonderful things that ive been imaginng might not materialize after all..
and the possibility of that davastates me..
i feel so weak and so helpless..
i was so much better of when i didnt have anything to hope for.. when i didnt have anything to lose..
and although it all only exist in my head, the thought of losing them is unbearable, altho technically i havent even gotten them all yet..
oh God, was i wrong to have had high hopes and dreams that things would be better for me?
was i wrong to have believed that all these wonderful things could actually happen to me?
was i not supposed to hope at all?
despite my best effort to not hope, i still do.. deep inside my heart I still hope that itll all come true eventually..
not only that, i think its wise for me to have also prepared myself in case that it all go down the drain, by believing that everything happens for a reason.. and now matter how shitty it might be for me, i would believe that they are whats best for everyone.. and even if that means i would be suffering, so be it just as long as the people i love are happy..
sabar, pasrah dan redha.. kalau balasan nye bukan di dunia, di akhirat nnt pasti akan tiba..
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