salam...
diam2 je da masok tahun baru... dan aku tak sedar pon yg untuk bulan 12 yang lepas aku hanya ada satu post saja... secara jujur mmg aku ada byk kali rasa cam nak tulis blog tapi aku just takda kesempatan.. lain la macam ben ashari.. menurut kata dier kalau kita ada rasa atau idea nak tulis a blog ntry kita patut teros tulis tanpa ada tunggu2.. kepala otak dier.. dier igt aku takda keje lain yg lagi penting nak selain nak tulis blog entry??
senang cakap la oi..
sekang aku kat labuan.. and macam aku cakap tadi la aku byk kali gak rasa am nak tlis blog kan tapi aku takda kesempatan.. selalunyer mesti time aku dalam bas atau taxi atau boat atau kapal terbang.. kejadah nyer aku bak tuis blog time2 camtu.. and salunyer idea aku mesti la berkaitan dgn perjalanan aku seantero borneo ni kan..
tapi sekang ni aku rasa blog entry untuk ceritakan kisah2 atau pon perkara2 yg aku encounter during my journey in borneo is not necessary lagi pasal aku da buat satu video log yang super duper panjang berkaitan perjalanan aku dari sibu ke kapit, ke sarikei sri aman kuching bintulu miri limbang sibu kapit sibu kk keningau kk sandakan tawau kk labuan... glamor kan?? dan the length of the video is so effing long 48 minutes ko..
i tried to upload it on utube but i couldnt because it was too long.. so i think nobodys gonna see the video but just me.. haha..
okla aku pon da penat now taktau la naper penat lak.. aku nak tido awal so that esok dapat buat keje awal and boleh jenjalan labuan cari perfume before my ferry at 1230 tomorrow.. semoga takda masalah kat janm labuan dan aku boleh balek ke KK in time..
this is my first post of 2012.. happy new year people.. i dont have any resolution this.. what comes my way let it come.. que serra serra katanya..
okla da lenguh pinggang ni.. malas la nak cari gambar2 kali ni.. huhu.. later~~
Monday, 2 January 2012
Sunday, 4 December 2011
bosan.. atau nak share opinion??
salam..
untuk post kali ini aku mmg xda apa2 topik yg specific untuk diceritakan.. aku ni mmg byk berfikir.. dan pada masa yg sama sekarang ni aku berada dalam situasi yg membosankan... alone in a hotel room with nothing to do.. igt nak ajak member2 chatting but none is available... satu lagi indicator that i am leading a very boring life kawan2 pon xda byk.. but its ok.. itu bukan la perkara yg nak aku citer kat sini..
a few times before this aku telah tergerak hati nak menulis tentang isu2 semasa yg aku kira agak penting la jugak.. aku ada la terfikir pasal politik di malaysia dan igt nak la tulis pasal politik kat sini.. tapi lepas beberapa ketika aku berfikir aku rasa macam aku takda apa2 yg bagus untuk di share kan.. satu mungkin sebab aku ni mmg jarang atau x pernah ambik kisah pasal politik pon.. so aku rasa aku taktau byk pon pasal isu2 politik semasa and yeah i am that shallow.. so aku rasa baik aku takyah cakap pasal politik malaysia ni.. but one thing for sure is that i love my country so damn much..
ada juga sekali ni aku terfikir untuk bercakap pasal depth of life.. ni lepas aku ada baca sorang member aku ni nyer fb status.. mmg aku ada berfikir pasal kehidupan.. whats the purpose, the meaning, goals, achievements etc etc.. senang kata perkara2 pasal kehidupan kita la.. apa yg kita nak, secara ambitious atau pon realistik nyer... benda2 ni pon da lama pon aku fikirkan.. tapi last2 sure aku akan cakap... "haaa lantak la malas nak fikir da.." and eventually aku decide that benda2 macam ni tak perlu pon kita nak terlalu ambil kisah.. i mean we still need to plan how to live our lives la.. set goals etc tapi its important to know that not everything that we want we will get.. and its ok.. pasal its not in our hands... tuhan itu lebih mengetahui.. hmm... tetiba aku rasa macam aku sangat lame pasal cakap camni.. eventhough its so true..
ok kat atas tu aku ada cakap something pasal tuhan kan.. ok aritu aku ada terfikir la pasal satu benda ni.. aku taktau la mungkin ini adalah satu cara syaitan nak menyesatkan aku ker... ok let me explain eh.. kita sebagai orang islam adalah hamba kepada Allah.. aku taktau la is it only me tapi aku cam tak berapa berkenan la dgn perkataan hamba yg digunakan kat situ.. ok aku bukan pakar bahasa tapi mungkinkah dalam bahasa arab tu, abdi tu maksud nyer something else and not just hamba.. pada aku bila dibicarakan yg kita ni hamba kepada sesuatu atau someone aku agak tak selesa dgn perkataan tu.. or is it the ego in me that made me feel that way?? tapi at the same time aku sedar yg kita ni mmg sangat kecil dan sangat lemah disisi Allah.. Dia la pencipta kita dan pencipta seluruh alam.. and sesungguhnya la die pemilik segala nya yg ada dalam dunia ni.. tapi bila aku fikir kita sebagai hamba tu, aku rasa cam x best... hmmm... mungkin aku je yg fikir camtu... and like i said.. mungkin its just devils work jer nak rosakkan akidah aku ke..
tapi insyaallah aku still beriman dan akan mati beriman juga nnt insyaallah... i pray to Allah to not leave me forsaken, to always help me give me guidance and to remove this ego feeling or at least reduce it la.. and moga satu hari nnt aku akan jadi hamba yg terbaik yg aku boleh jadi tanpa perasaan yg x best macam ni..
ok now aku nak cakap pasal soemthing yg sangat random..
ok its december already and kat fb tu aku ada 7 invitation kawen this month.. omgee ramai nyer orang nak kawen...
the other day i had listed down every single one of them but nampak nyer macam da ilang jer la ni..
ok one thing that concerns me is that im a cow now and i dont know what to wear to these weddings... the ones yg lek2 tu aku ok je la kot a shirt and jeans should do it.. tapi kalau yg mcm glamer2 ni aku bukan ada baju nak pakai ke sana.. the best i can think of right now is baju melayu la.. huhu.. ok la xnak la pening2 pasal ni when the time comes nnt apa2 pakai pon ok je kot.. afteer all, its not my wedding ma... so why shud i pening2??
haaa speaking of pening2... that reminds me of my stupid sucky boss si chan tu.. ok the other day i went to play bowling with my work friends at ioi mall.. we bought this mydeals coupon from the internet so freaking cheap rm5.50 for 3 games thats really cheap.. there were me alip radin khairi jan hafiz and judith.. we were having fun la main bowling.. aku je tak fun sangat pasal aku nyer bola curve asek masok longkang je..
FAILED!!
ok back to the story.. radin was holding the standby handphone.. pastu si chan ni ada call cakap ngn alip pasal problem kat CSC aper tah.. then dier leh cakap "radin kan standby kenapa dier pegi main bowling?"... omgee bodo gila kan ontua tu... abes tu kalau standby kita ni takleh nak buat benda apa2 ke?? nak duduk diam2 pandang je standby phone tu?? bodo gila orang tua tu... apa hak kau nak determine apa kita buat outside office hour kan... eee geram aku ngn situa ni...
haaa tension je aku igt2 balik... abes tambah lagi selai frown line kat muka i... mencik!!
haaa... why la ada cermin depan aku sekang ni... sure la aku akan menyuluh muka je kan... dan nampak la aku rambut aku yg hudoh ni.. bila la nak panjang ni... tapi... nnt aku da nak masok design team nnt keje dalam opis je cemana nak berambut panjang... nnt di pandang slack pula.. huhu.. tapi... aish... lantak la kan... biar je la rambut ni panjang dlu kalau derang tegor ke apa nnt potong je la apa susah... so buat masa ni aku nak berangan2 rambut panjang macam doloo2 time aku tgh hot dlu... sekang ni da sejuk beku da.. dgn kegajahan yg melanda lagi bak kata raul.. tapi lantak la kan... nnt bila masok gym nnt boleh la kurus balik kot.. *fingers crossed
uiks... talking about gym.. aritu aku pi check out gym lee chong wei arena kat jln kelang lama.. ok murah je dier nyer fee.. rm100 sebulan.. tapi kalau rasa cam nak jimat dan mmg konfirm akan pergi untuk setahun boleh ambil yg bayar lump-sum rm 840 setahun so kira dier nyer fee akan jadi rm70 je sebulan... sngat save pakej yg tu.. tapi betul ke konfem nak pegi sampai setahun kat tempat tu?? mana la tau nnt dibuatnyer aku kena pindah ke atau keje tempat lain ke.. tak ke membazer.. or rasa cam tak best tempat tu nak tukar gym lain ke... so cam byk la benda nak diconsiderkan before decide nak amek setahun tu kan walaupon dier cam murah gila.. tapi aku rasa pilihan terbaik adalah ambik yg bayar bulan2 tu la.. kita try tgk dlu caner performance.. adakah akan mampu aku untuk istiqamah??
haaa.. kalau aku boleh consistent pegi gym nnt aku nak apply kan nyer dalam ibadah aku.. aku nak istiqamah solat 5 waktu xnak tinggal and baca quran everyday... ok aku hanya ada niat tu sekarang.. but the will power?? maybe not there yet.. but i have faith one day it will...
ok badan aku da lenguh da ni.. sampai disini saja la kan... btw, had this been a vlog? how long wudve it taken me to talk about all that the things i wrote here??... hmmm maybe just blog is the way for me..
ps - i told u my head thinks things so strangely kan.. kejap ni kejap tu.. hahaha..
untuk post kali ini aku mmg xda apa2 topik yg specific untuk diceritakan.. aku ni mmg byk berfikir.. dan pada masa yg sama sekarang ni aku berada dalam situasi yg membosankan... alone in a hotel room with nothing to do.. igt nak ajak member2 chatting but none is available... satu lagi indicator that i am leading a very boring life kawan2 pon xda byk.. but its ok.. itu bukan la perkara yg nak aku citer kat sini..
ada juga sekali ni aku terfikir untuk bercakap pasal depth of life.. ni lepas aku ada baca sorang member aku ni nyer fb status.. mmg aku ada berfikir pasal kehidupan.. whats the purpose, the meaning, goals, achievements etc etc.. senang kata perkara2 pasal kehidupan kita la.. apa yg kita nak, secara ambitious atau pon realistik nyer... benda2 ni pon da lama pon aku fikirkan.. tapi last2 sure aku akan cakap... "haaa lantak la malas nak fikir da.." and eventually aku decide that benda2 macam ni tak perlu pon kita nak terlalu ambil kisah.. i mean we still need to plan how to live our lives la.. set goals etc tapi its important to know that not everything that we want we will get.. and its ok.. pasal its not in our hands... tuhan itu lebih mengetahui.. hmm... tetiba aku rasa macam aku sangat lame pasal cakap camni.. eventhough its so true..
ok kat atas tu aku ada cakap something pasal tuhan kan.. ok aritu aku ada terfikir la pasal satu benda ni.. aku taktau la mungkin ini adalah satu cara syaitan nak menyesatkan aku ker... ok let me explain eh.. kita sebagai orang islam adalah hamba kepada Allah.. aku taktau la is it only me tapi aku cam tak berapa berkenan la dgn perkataan hamba yg digunakan kat situ.. ok aku bukan pakar bahasa tapi mungkinkah dalam bahasa arab tu, abdi tu maksud nyer something else and not just hamba.. pada aku bila dibicarakan yg kita ni hamba kepada sesuatu atau someone aku agak tak selesa dgn perkataan tu.. or is it the ego in me that made me feel that way?? tapi at the same time aku sedar yg kita ni mmg sangat kecil dan sangat lemah disisi Allah.. Dia la pencipta kita dan pencipta seluruh alam.. and sesungguhnya la die pemilik segala nya yg ada dalam dunia ni.. tapi bila aku fikir kita sebagai hamba tu, aku rasa cam x best... hmmm... mungkin aku je yg fikir camtu... and like i said.. mungkin its just devils work jer nak rosakkan akidah aku ke..
tapi insyaallah aku still beriman dan akan mati beriman juga nnt insyaallah... i pray to Allah to not leave me forsaken, to always help me give me guidance and to remove this ego feeling or at least reduce it la.. and moga satu hari nnt aku akan jadi hamba yg terbaik yg aku boleh jadi tanpa perasaan yg x best macam ni..
ok now aku nak cakap pasal soemthing yg sangat random..
ok its december already and kat fb tu aku ada 7 invitation kawen this month.. omgee ramai nyer orang nak kawen...
 |
| baju bella sangat chantek... |
the other day i had listed down every single one of them but nampak nyer macam da ilang jer la ni..
ok one thing that concerns me is that im a cow now and i dont know what to wear to these weddings... the ones yg lek2 tu aku ok je la kot a shirt and jeans should do it.. tapi kalau yg mcm glamer2 ni aku bukan ada baju nak pakai ke sana.. the best i can think of right now is baju melayu la.. huhu.. ok la xnak la pening2 pasal ni when the time comes nnt apa2 pakai pon ok je kot.. afteer all, its not my wedding ma... so why shud i pening2??
haaa speaking of pening2... that reminds me of my stupid sucky boss si chan tu.. ok the other day i went to play bowling with my work friends at ioi mall.. we bought this mydeals coupon from the internet so freaking cheap rm5.50 for 3 games thats really cheap.. there were me alip radin khairi jan hafiz and judith.. we were having fun la main bowling.. aku je tak fun sangat pasal aku nyer bola curve asek masok longkang je..
FAILED!!
ok back to the story.. radin was holding the standby handphone.. pastu si chan ni ada call cakap ngn alip pasal problem kat CSC aper tah.. then dier leh cakap "radin kan standby kenapa dier pegi main bowling?"... omgee bodo gila kan ontua tu... abes tu kalau standby kita ni takleh nak buat benda apa2 ke?? nak duduk diam2 pandang je standby phone tu?? bodo gila orang tua tu... apa hak kau nak determine apa kita buat outside office hour kan... eee geram aku ngn situa ni...
haaa tension je aku igt2 balik... abes tambah lagi selai frown line kat muka i... mencik!!
haaa... why la ada cermin depan aku sekang ni... sure la aku akan menyuluh muka je kan... dan nampak la aku rambut aku yg hudoh ni.. bila la nak panjang ni... tapi... nnt aku da nak masok design team nnt keje dalam opis je cemana nak berambut panjang... nnt di pandang slack pula.. huhu.. tapi... aish... lantak la kan... biar je la rambut ni panjang dlu kalau derang tegor ke apa nnt potong je la apa susah... so buat masa ni aku nak berangan2 rambut panjang macam doloo2 time aku tgh hot dlu... sekang ni da sejuk beku da.. dgn kegajahan yg melanda lagi bak kata raul.. tapi lantak la kan... nnt bila masok gym nnt boleh la kurus balik kot.. *fingers crossed
 |
| oh hair~~ |
uiks... talking about gym.. aritu aku pi check out gym lee chong wei arena kat jln kelang lama.. ok murah je dier nyer fee.. rm100 sebulan.. tapi kalau rasa cam nak jimat dan mmg konfirm akan pergi untuk setahun boleh ambil yg bayar lump-sum rm 840 setahun so kira dier nyer fee akan jadi rm70 je sebulan... sngat save pakej yg tu.. tapi betul ke konfem nak pegi sampai setahun kat tempat tu?? mana la tau nnt dibuatnyer aku kena pindah ke atau keje tempat lain ke.. tak ke membazer.. or rasa cam tak best tempat tu nak tukar gym lain ke... so cam byk la benda nak diconsiderkan before decide nak amek setahun tu kan walaupon dier cam murah gila.. tapi aku rasa pilihan terbaik adalah ambik yg bayar bulan2 tu la.. kita try tgk dlu caner performance.. adakah akan mampu aku untuk istiqamah??
 |
| ok ini aku dlm 7 bulan |
haaa.. kalau aku boleh consistent pegi gym nnt aku nak apply kan nyer dalam ibadah aku.. aku nak istiqamah solat 5 waktu xnak tinggal and baca quran everyday... ok aku hanya ada niat tu sekarang.. but the will power?? maybe not there yet.. but i have faith one day it will...
ok badan aku da lenguh da ni.. sampai disini saja la kan... btw, had this been a vlog? how long wudve it taken me to talk about all that the things i wrote here??... hmmm maybe just blog is the way for me..
ps - i told u my head thinks things so strangely kan.. kejap ni kejap tu.. hahaha..
Saturday, 19 November 2011
VLOG??
hello sumer..
so aku nak citer la kat sini pasal keinginan aku nak start buat vlog.. masa mula2 dulu aku cam nakbuat vlog pasal aku nak tiru si mehayam texas luan legacy tu.. tapi aku ni seorang yg ego so aku pon takda buat.. coz im pretty sure if i were to start it then id be talking like him and its so not me to copy others.. huhu.. im too egoistic for that..
so kat sini aku nak citer la.. haritu time balek keje.. hujan renyai2.. dan aku ikot kesas nak balek ke puchong tu.. sampai la kat simpang ke kinrara tu aku tgk kete kat atas jalan kat kesas tu maacam cilake nyer ramai.. so i decided to take the simpang to kinrara instead.. and little did i know.. because of the rain, the jalan to puchong via kinrara was congested even worse than kesas was...
so pasal da stuck kat jam yg cam haram... i started talking to myself coz i wanted to stay fresh.. it works for me.. to talk to myself when i feel sleepy.. i did that when i was driving to and back from penang a few months back... noel tu membuta da time tu... so aku sorang2 je la bermonolog dalaman katanya...
ok back to my story, aku pon mula bercakap seorang diri.. and it was rather brilliant that the topic that i was rambling about was how i coped up with breakups.. or maybe it was more on my realtionships and breakups since i was f2... untill the most recent.. and also during that time i was my most honest self.. i think that was the time aku citer about everything.. no secrets held..
and of coz i was pretending to be telling these stories to someone else... ada la sikit2 feeling2 wardina bercerita kisah2 nabi kepada budak2..
i just thot, had i taped or rcorded myself talking about my past relationships and breakups.. it be a cool video... ok maybe aku je perasan kot..
ok maybe one of these days aku akan cuba cakap balik pasal tu and record it.. tapi rasa cam highly unlikely jer.. passal benda2 camni takleh nak di plan.. takleh nak dipaksa.. what i said the other day while driving in the rain with the radio playing slow romantic songs... it was sooo subtle and perfect for my confessions.. huhu... unplanned... so genuine...
 |
| i dont even know what smitten means |
ok lame nyer entry ni... da la nak layan masterchef malaysia yaw baru dload... laterz~~~
Monday, 14 November 2011
whats happening to me??
haih la..
starting this post with a question that ive been asking myself for so long.. its probably been years already.. its really mind-boggling to me coz up until now i still dont know the answer.. maybe its not important for me to know what happened but more importantly is to know what i should do about it..
aiyoo.. taktau buah butir terus cakap pasal soalan "whats happening to me?" kan...
well it started just a while ago when i was reading my frens tweets and then i saw this
"
these things don't interest me anymore. i don't know what does. maybe i'm just getting old.
"
haaaa... the same thing happened to me.. but its been years.. even when i was in auckland.. it was as if i'd lost my way.. hmm.. how do i say this without sounding like a total loser or a moron.... i just felt fed up with everything... which is silly coz i havent had everything yet.. there are still so many things i havent tried or tasted in this life so why the hell that i felt so damn old already??
hmmm i dont know what happened... everything just seems so insignificant... i dont know what is significant anymore.. and thats the problem..
when i was still a student.. passing my exams and obtaining that degree was the purpose of my life.. that was then.. now i feel kinda lost.. dont know what to pursue.. dont know whats worth to pursue.. and even if i know what is it that i want to pursue, i probably dont know how to pursue them.. as of now, what i can think of that i want to pursue is to become rich..
but becoming rich is soooo cliche and generic right.. and even if i had all the money in the world, i still have the doubt that the wealth will make me feel content.. maybe it will but i dont know.. its not like a i can choose if want to become rich or not..
haih... that part about being rich is sooo random..
so my point is... i find everything boring now... and i have no idea what to do to get me to feel happy or excited again..
well this begs another question that ive also been trying to aswer... are happiness and excitement two different things?? i suppose they do differ in definition from each other.. but i think excitement is how it begins and happiness is where it ends?? huhu.. im still confused with these two words... maybe need to have discussions with my frens to know what their opinions about this.. perlu ke??
in my mind, i picture happiness as something that is all positive i think...
but for some reason i tend to relate it with something boring.. maybe boredom??... maybe im just used to the idea of 'challenges in life make our live worth living', rather than just having a perfect life (rich, famous, good looking etc)..for example the royalty.. i would think their lives are more boring... maybe im wrong.. but who cares...
and also excitement is not always good u know... excitement is what u feel when ur trying something new... this includes when u meet someone new... but not everything new is good for us.. it all depends on the circumstances that we're in.. an example would be if u are in a relationship with someone/something and suddenly u felt bored because u think u'r happy now and that ur life is now less challenging.. u think that sucks coz u feel bored and ur also worried that uve settled with just something decent in your life and not something awesome.. so u seek someone/something new coz u know they offer excitement... but later u'll probably lose all the good things that u had before.. and then u are left with nothing but rejection and peoples remorse... and that kinda sucks too... so which is better?? to be happy but kinda bored or to be miserable but excited?? hahaha bodoh nyer soklan ni...
so funny why im burdening my head with all these when obviously they dont matter and are kinda silly as well..
so berbalik kepada the topic asal iaitu "kenapa aku rasa sumer benda bosan and how do i get around with it??"
is it hormonal?? or is it just age?
do i ignore it? do i do something?? and what should i do??
maybe i shouldnt care too much.. im afraid that my life is turning to something of nothingness and insignificance... well maybe that is okay... or maybe i just expected too much from myself... expected myself to achieve higher and better... expected that i would do something in my life that is meaningful and significant that people will remember me by... from where i stand now, i dont see anyway that is gonna happen.. but what do i know.. the future is yet to unfold itself and i think its best that we dont know ...
maybe i should just accept the possibility that i may not achieve the 'breakthru' that will make me who i want myself to be... or maybe it isnt the time yet??? haih la persoalan lagi... tapi mungkin persoalan ini juga bukan something yang aku patut fikirkan buat masa ini...
que serra serra what ever will be will be..
haih... i dont see the point of this entry... apparently its just another self-indulgent rubbish that i produce whenever im thinking about all the unimportant things... its not like im simon cowell or something...
i have MC tomorrow so im not working... what should i do with all the free time eh?? another blog entry??? haaa after this one, that is so highly unlikely la..
ps - i like najwa latiff
pss - i think online dating service sucks
psss - im bored with my iphone and ipad already
starting this post with a question that ive been asking myself for so long.. its probably been years already.. its really mind-boggling to me coz up until now i still dont know the answer.. maybe its not important for me to know what happened but more importantly is to know what i should do about it..
aiyoo.. taktau buah butir terus cakap pasal soalan "whats happening to me?" kan...
well it started just a while ago when i was reading my frens tweets and then i saw this
"
these things don't interest me anymore. i don't know what does. maybe i'm just getting old.
"
haaaa... the same thing happened to me.. but its been years.. even when i was in auckland.. it was as if i'd lost my way.. hmm.. how do i say this without sounding like a total loser or a moron.... i just felt fed up with everything... which is silly coz i havent had everything yet.. there are still so many things i havent tried or tasted in this life so why the hell that i felt so damn old already??
hmmm i dont know what happened... everything just seems so insignificant... i dont know what is significant anymore.. and thats the problem..
when i was still a student.. passing my exams and obtaining that degree was the purpose of my life.. that was then.. now i feel kinda lost.. dont know what to pursue.. dont know whats worth to pursue.. and even if i know what is it that i want to pursue, i probably dont know how to pursue them.. as of now, what i can think of that i want to pursue is to become rich..
 |
| eh motip sgt gambar paris hilton bogel = rich?? |
but becoming rich is soooo cliche and generic right.. and even if i had all the money in the world, i still have the doubt that the wealth will make me feel content.. maybe it will but i dont know.. its not like a i can choose if want to become rich or not..
haih... that part about being rich is sooo random..
so my point is... i find everything boring now... and i have no idea what to do to get me to feel happy or excited again..
well this begs another question that ive also been trying to aswer... are happiness and excitement two different things?? i suppose they do differ in definition from each other.. but i think excitement is how it begins and happiness is where it ends?? huhu.. im still confused with these two words... maybe need to have discussions with my frens to know what their opinions about this.. perlu ke??
in my mind, i picture happiness as something that is all positive i think...
 |
| u think there are those who dont choose happiness?? |
so funny why im burdening my head with all these when obviously they dont matter and are kinda silly as well..
so berbalik kepada the topic asal iaitu "kenapa aku rasa sumer benda bosan and how do i get around with it??"
is it hormonal?? or is it just age?
do i ignore it? do i do something?? and what should i do??
maybe i shouldnt care too much.. im afraid that my life is turning to something of nothingness and insignificance... well maybe that is okay... or maybe i just expected too much from myself... expected myself to achieve higher and better... expected that i would do something in my life that is meaningful and significant that people will remember me by... from where i stand now, i dont see anyway that is gonna happen.. but what do i know.. the future is yet to unfold itself and i think its best that we dont know ...
maybe i should just accept the possibility that i may not achieve the 'breakthru' that will make me who i want myself to be... or maybe it isnt the time yet??? haih la persoalan lagi... tapi mungkin persoalan ini juga bukan something yang aku patut fikirkan buat masa ini...
que serra serra what ever will be will be..
haih... i dont see the point of this entry... apparently its just another self-indulgent rubbish that i produce whenever im thinking about all the unimportant things... its not like im simon cowell or something...
i have MC tomorrow so im not working... what should i do with all the free time eh?? another blog entry??? haaa after this one, that is so highly unlikely la..
ps - i like najwa latiff
pss - i think online dating service sucks
psss - im bored with my iphone and ipad already
Saturday, 5 November 2011
what to write??
salam..
sungguh aku taktau apa nak tulis kat sini sekarang.. tapi for some reason i felt macam nak tulis jugak.. mungkin sebab aku sekang takda keje kat umah mak kan.. dan esok raya haji.. hmm.. bapak aku sibuk soh aku pegi surau tolong orang buat korban.. i readlly dont fancy that.. maybe aku pegi la kejap kot.. tp takda la nak potong2 lembu tu kot.. satu pasal aku tak reti dan dua pasal aku taknak.. i just dont feel like it.. and i dont think its good to force it neither.. lebih kalau ikhlas.. haha bukan paksa ikhlas..
ok random.. ttiba je tercakap pasal raya haji dan bapak aku yg sibuk soh aku pi tolong orang surau tu..
hmmm.. aku mmg takda apa nak tulis pon.. memula tadi ada la rasa cam nak tulis pasal kenangan kat auckland.. to reminisce old times when i was there.. aku ada terbaca dalam blog seseorang dan die ada cakap pasal that junction between national bank nz and starbuck.. and sumer memory tu datang like a rush and i saw myself teary eyed.. huhu.. bukan nyer niat nak kenang kembali dan bersedih benda2 ni.. tapi it is apart of me and it will always be there.. untuk teringat kembali benda2 ni isnt a choice but to bersedih or be happy about them is our choice and i choose to be happy.. and i am happy that they happened..
ok enough with that..
so i also pondered for a while.. what is it in my life that i feel worthy to be written here now.. i could talk about how my frens invited me to go to tambun for lepak2 and capeks bachelor party katanya.. they just include me in their conference so thats how i knew.. but i still havent said anything there.. mungkin aku akan join mungkin tidak.. i still cannot decide that now..
aku juga ada pikir pasal how lame my job is compared to others.. but thats old news already so i choose not to talk about that now..
ok aku cakap aku taknak compare about my job to others but that doesnt mean i wont talk about my job at all.. because honestly right now.. at this point of my life my job is my life.. i know that sounds so sad but its the truth.. tapi takpe.. like i said my job isnt all bad.. kalau kita focus kat benda2 buruk so kita akan nampak buruk je la.. and often we forget ada je benda2 best dalam satu2 benda tu..
i really enjoy working when im with my frens.. alip, shah, raden, eric, jan, hapis.. they are my family now coz i see them everyday.. huhu.. and at times i do feel happy being around them despite the sucky job that we have.. and bila tensionn pasal keje atleast we have each other to complaint and whine to.. hahaha... and of coz the most popular topic is our boss si chan tu la.. pasal hes soooo... haih i dont know what word to use... lets just say, all of us feel the same way towards him and its not a good feeling..
hahaha... now that im thinking about work and how stupid and foolishly funny about us is that we have created a few words of jargon that we say to each other and laugh about.. huhu...battery tester la.. disneyland la.. cucuk la..rotan la..bertongtong la.. ntah byk lagi la tak igt aku da..
i know my frens dont read my blog.. but issokey coz i do read my blog.. and even if they dont remember all these sweet memories that we have.. i will remember for all of us.. huhu
ok i m really running out of idea what to write about here.. akhir kata.. selamat hari raya aidiladha dan semoga raya kali ni ramai umat islam yg mendapat manfaat terbaik dari nya.. insyaallah..
sungguh aku taktau apa nak tulis kat sini sekarang.. tapi for some reason i felt macam nak tulis jugak.. mungkin sebab aku sekang takda keje kat umah mak kan.. dan esok raya haji.. hmm.. bapak aku sibuk soh aku pegi surau tolong orang buat korban.. i readlly dont fancy that.. maybe aku pegi la kejap kot.. tp takda la nak potong2 lembu tu kot.. satu pasal aku tak reti dan dua pasal aku taknak.. i just dont feel like it.. and i dont think its good to force it neither.. lebih kalau ikhlas.. haha bukan paksa ikhlas..
ok random.. ttiba je tercakap pasal raya haji dan bapak aku yg sibuk soh aku pi tolong orang surau tu..
hmmm.. aku mmg takda apa nak tulis pon.. memula tadi ada la rasa cam nak tulis pasal kenangan kat auckland.. to reminisce old times when i was there.. aku ada terbaca dalam blog seseorang dan die ada cakap pasal that junction between national bank nz and starbuck.. and sumer memory tu datang like a rush and i saw myself teary eyed.. huhu.. bukan nyer niat nak kenang kembali dan bersedih benda2 ni.. tapi it is apart of me and it will always be there.. untuk teringat kembali benda2 ni isnt a choice but to bersedih or be happy about them is our choice and i choose to be happy.. and i am happy that they happened..
ok enough with that..
so i also pondered for a while.. what is it in my life that i feel worthy to be written here now.. i could talk about how my frens invited me to go to tambun for lepak2 and capeks bachelor party katanya.. they just include me in their conference so thats how i knew.. but i still havent said anything there.. mungkin aku akan join mungkin tidak.. i still cannot decide that now..
aku juga ada pikir pasal how lame my job is compared to others.. but thats old news already so i choose not to talk about that now..
ok aku cakap aku taknak compare about my job to others but that doesnt mean i wont talk about my job at all.. because honestly right now.. at this point of my life my job is my life.. i know that sounds so sad but its the truth.. tapi takpe.. like i said my job isnt all bad.. kalau kita focus kat benda2 buruk so kita akan nampak buruk je la.. and often we forget ada je benda2 best dalam satu2 benda tu..
i really enjoy working when im with my frens.. alip, shah, raden, eric, jan, hapis.. they are my family now coz i see them everyday.. huhu.. and at times i do feel happy being around them despite the sucky job that we have.. and bila tensionn pasal keje atleast we have each other to complaint and whine to.. hahaha... and of coz the most popular topic is our boss si chan tu la.. pasal hes soooo... haih i dont know what word to use... lets just say, all of us feel the same way towards him and its not a good feeling..
hahaha... now that im thinking about work and how stupid and foolishly funny about us is that we have created a few words of jargon that we say to each other and laugh about.. huhu...battery tester la.. disneyland la.. cucuk la..rotan la..bertongtong la.. ntah byk lagi la tak igt aku da..
i know my frens dont read my blog.. but issokey coz i do read my blog.. and even if they dont remember all these sweet memories that we have.. i will remember for all of us.. huhu
ok i m really running out of idea what to write about here.. akhir kata.. selamat hari raya aidiladha dan semoga raya kali ni ramai umat islam yg mendapat manfaat terbaik dari nya.. insyaallah..
Monday, 24 October 2011
saya mahu menulis
salam..
aku rasa macam nak menulis sekarang ni.. mungkin sebab aku rasa bosan.. atau mungkin pasal aku rasa macam perlu untuk mengekspresskan beberapa perasaan dlam hatiku ini.. aku ada jugak terfikir untuk update my fb status tapi aku rasa macam lame kalau buat cam tu.. cam tak best jer.. pasal aku rasa agak jelik bila aku baca newsfeed aku da ramai orang yg bising2 complain about their lives on facebook so i try not to do like them people hence im writing here..
aku taktau la kenapa aku rasa macam tak puas dgn kehidupan aku yg sekarang ni.. honest to god i never asked and never imagined to be living like this.. taktau la caner nak cakap.. aku rasa macam tak cukop.. macam ada benda atau benda2 yg masih takda.. haih.. aku tak reti la nak cakap lebih2..
hmm mungkin aku tau sbnanyer apa yg buat aku rasa cani.. tapi aku bingung.. dulu satu masa aku ada menyatakan perasaan aku yg resah dan salu rasa tak cukop ni kepada salah sorang member aku time kat auckland.. dan dier ada cakap something yg aku mmg tak nafikan mmg benar tapi sampai sekarang aku macam berat nak say it out loud.. die cakap aku perlu seek god in times of need like this.. hanya bila aku berserah pada dia aku akan rasa tenang dan cukop..
aku tau apa dier cakap betol tapi aku jer yg masih belom bersedia untuk menerimanya.. aku bukan nyer nak hidup dalam denial dan cuba untuk mengelak perkara ni.. tapi aku belom bersedia..
ada jugak aku tanya bila masa nyer yg aku akan jadi bersedia.. jujurnya mmg aku taktau.. aku tau apa yg aku perlu buat.. aku tau apa yg aku patut tinggalkan.. tapi aku masih degil.. aku selesa dgn cara hidop aku yg sekarang ni walaupon aku tau ianya tak baik untuk aku.. tapi walaupon aku sedar perkara ni aku masih lagi berdegil dan bertindak seolah2 ianya perkara remeh..
aku tau aku jahat.. deep down i do want to change.. but i just dont know how.. aku merasa seakan tidak berdaya.. lebih2 lagi sekarang ni.. mmg aku macam tak berdaya untuk change things.. mmg la nasib seseorang tu takkan berubah unless dier yg cuba untuk mengubah nyer.. tapi condition aku pada masa ini mmg tidak membenarkan aku untuk berubah.. aku mcm takda daya.. seperti tak mampu..
bukan saja tak berdaya nak berubah... niat untuk berubah tu sendiri pon tak berapa nak kuat.. pasal aku sangat gullible and often forget things that im supposed to be doing and not be doing.. i hate myself.. im torn apart... satu bahagian dalam diri aku sangat ingin berubah.. dan satu lagi bahagian seperti sudah malas nak melayan perasaan bersalah dalam diri aku yg sememang nya ada dari dulu lagi tapi tak pernah pulak aku act on these guilty feelings.. i stay sinned.. and keep doing what i do eventho i know i shouldnt..
oh tuhan sungguh aku rasa lemah.. aku rasa buat masa ni the only way aku akan berubah if ada miracle dan aku dikurniakan hidayah yg akan menyebabkan my will power akan jadi sangat kuat dan at the same time dugaan yg menyukarkan dan menyebabkan aku merasa seakan tidak berdaya untuk berubah ni hilang ataupon ia sendiri yg akan mendorong aku kepada perubahan dan bukan kejahatan seperti sekarang ni..
tapi that is so highly unlikely.. aku taktau la nak buat apa.. aku bingung... aku takut... aku risau... dan aku rasa sangat sunyi sekarang ni.. aku rasa sangat terabai walaupon aku tahu tuhan tu takkan pernah mengabaikan hamba2nya... tapi pasal sekarang ni aku macam half half jer perasaan nak berubah... dan separuh lagi macam da tak kisah da, so aku rasa seolah2 tuhan pon da tak kisah dgn aku.. maybe dier pon da tak sayang aku.. da abandon aku.. aku sangat bingung la...
mungkin takda gunanya aku tulis panjang2 kat sini pasaal aku tau last2 jawapan dier tetap sama.. dan aku tau thats th only way.. tapi nonetheless i will still say this..
oh lord please dont leave me forsaken.. and as much as i feel that i dont deserve your love right now.. i still hope that u still hear my prayers.. coz without hope i have nothing else..
yang aku cari adalah ketenangan dan redha illahi
aku rasa macam nak menulis sekarang ni.. mungkin sebab aku rasa bosan.. atau mungkin pasal aku rasa macam perlu untuk mengekspresskan beberapa perasaan dlam hatiku ini.. aku ada jugak terfikir untuk update my fb status tapi aku rasa macam lame kalau buat cam tu.. cam tak best jer.. pasal aku rasa agak jelik bila aku baca newsfeed aku da ramai orang yg bising2 complain about their lives on facebook so i try not to do like them people hence im writing here..
aku taktau la kenapa aku rasa macam tak puas dgn kehidupan aku yg sekarang ni.. honest to god i never asked and never imagined to be living like this.. taktau la caner nak cakap.. aku rasa macam tak cukop.. macam ada benda atau benda2 yg masih takda.. haih.. aku tak reti la nak cakap lebih2..
hmm mungkin aku tau sbnanyer apa yg buat aku rasa cani.. tapi aku bingung.. dulu satu masa aku ada menyatakan perasaan aku yg resah dan salu rasa tak cukop ni kepada salah sorang member aku time kat auckland.. dan dier ada cakap something yg aku mmg tak nafikan mmg benar tapi sampai sekarang aku macam berat nak say it out loud.. die cakap aku perlu seek god in times of need like this.. hanya bila aku berserah pada dia aku akan rasa tenang dan cukop..
aku tau apa dier cakap betol tapi aku jer yg masih belom bersedia untuk menerimanya.. aku bukan nyer nak hidup dalam denial dan cuba untuk mengelak perkara ni.. tapi aku belom bersedia..
ada jugak aku tanya bila masa nyer yg aku akan jadi bersedia.. jujurnya mmg aku taktau.. aku tau apa yg aku perlu buat.. aku tau apa yg aku patut tinggalkan.. tapi aku masih degil.. aku selesa dgn cara hidop aku yg sekarang ni walaupon aku tau ianya tak baik untuk aku.. tapi walaupon aku sedar perkara ni aku masih lagi berdegil dan bertindak seolah2 ianya perkara remeh..
aku tau aku jahat.. deep down i do want to change.. but i just dont know how.. aku merasa seakan tidak berdaya.. lebih2 lagi sekarang ni.. mmg aku macam tak berdaya untuk change things.. mmg la nasib seseorang tu takkan berubah unless dier yg cuba untuk mengubah nyer.. tapi condition aku pada masa ini mmg tidak membenarkan aku untuk berubah.. aku mcm takda daya.. seperti tak mampu..
bukan saja tak berdaya nak berubah... niat untuk berubah tu sendiri pon tak berapa nak kuat.. pasal aku sangat gullible and often forget things that im supposed to be doing and not be doing.. i hate myself.. im torn apart... satu bahagian dalam diri aku sangat ingin berubah.. dan satu lagi bahagian seperti sudah malas nak melayan perasaan bersalah dalam diri aku yg sememang nya ada dari dulu lagi tapi tak pernah pulak aku act on these guilty feelings.. i stay sinned.. and keep doing what i do eventho i know i shouldnt..
oh tuhan sungguh aku rasa lemah.. aku rasa buat masa ni the only way aku akan berubah if ada miracle dan aku dikurniakan hidayah yg akan menyebabkan my will power akan jadi sangat kuat dan at the same time dugaan yg menyukarkan dan menyebabkan aku merasa seakan tidak berdaya untuk berubah ni hilang ataupon ia sendiri yg akan mendorong aku kepada perubahan dan bukan kejahatan seperti sekarang ni..
tapi that is so highly unlikely.. aku taktau la nak buat apa.. aku bingung... aku takut... aku risau... dan aku rasa sangat sunyi sekarang ni.. aku rasa sangat terabai walaupon aku tahu tuhan tu takkan pernah mengabaikan hamba2nya... tapi pasal sekarang ni aku macam half half jer perasaan nak berubah... dan separuh lagi macam da tak kisah da, so aku rasa seolah2 tuhan pon da tak kisah dgn aku.. maybe dier pon da tak sayang aku.. da abandon aku.. aku sangat bingung la...
mungkin takda gunanya aku tulis panjang2 kat sini pasaal aku tau last2 jawapan dier tetap sama.. dan aku tau thats th only way.. tapi nonetheless i will still say this..
oh lord please dont leave me forsaken.. and as much as i feel that i dont deserve your love right now.. i still hope that u still hear my prayers.. coz without hope i have nothing else..
yang aku cari adalah ketenangan dan redha illahi
Sunday, 9 October 2011
im pissed!!!
right now i just feel so geram.. i tried to chill it out and not think about it too much but that certain someone seems determined to burn some more of my anger fuel and now i feel like meletop already... aaarrrrggghhhh!!!!
i dont know what he will gain from making me feel so angry like this.. hell i dont care.. im just so pissed...
thats why i am writing here.. i know by writing this now will slowly calm me down and hopefully by the end of this entry i will be able to think more rationally, see things clearer and make better judgements for everyones sake..
it all started earlier this evening when i was so eager to watch again the documentary planet earth in my old external hardisk.. and i know myself as someone who can easily get distracted, went to see back my old photos from 2008 and started reminiscing.. i laughed and smiled when i saw my youger self looking so fine with the long hair and slim body etc etc..i was so happy with my life and had nothing to care for in life.. i thought it would be nice to share those memories that are so precious to me with the ones i care about now.. i like to share things.. thats just who i am..
i had the nicest intention to share those memories with this person.. but the contrary happened.. he said my photos make him feel sad and he didnt want to remember what happened... back then we were not in good terms.. we had our clashes and things were said and done.. hurtful things.. but i am here ready to make amends and move on.. to learn from past experience and start having a better life now.. but not this guy.. think he's just so unreasonable to still get upset after all that weve been through.. i thought we are over this.. and that now we are in good terms and weve already done the forgive and forget thingy..
haaa.... maybe apart of it is my fault.. maybe i didnt account for his feelings... obviously he was more hurt and more affected by what happened..the fighting and clashes we had in the past.. so it must be more difficult for him to let go.. haih..
i understand that.. coz from where he was at.. it was difficult for him to truly let go.. .. hell it was difficult for everyone to let go...
one thing to still get upset.. but another to continue makings things more unpleasant.. then the argument got escalated when he started accusing me of having lied to him all these while.. oh hello man.. u didnt get your math straight.. obviously i wasnt lying.. ur just throwing accusations..ur probably trying to make me feel guilty.. or ur just trying to make me look bad.. i dont care what your intentions were.. theyre irrelevant..
haaaaa.. i dont want to get mad and i dont want to fight.. i want to move on pass all these things.. dwelling in them will not do anyone any good... thats what ive been telling myself.. focus on what matters now.. i want things to be normal again.. i want everyone to be happy again.. whats past is past.. no use crying over spilled milk..
my hope is that there will not be any fighting or misunderstanding between me and that fella..
ok ive got work to do.. a report for the HDC thingy.. damn i dont want to go to Penang.. i pray that everything will go smoothly in Penang.. haih..
see... i am calmer already... i think im a soft hearted person who forgives and forgets so easily... hhuhu... yeke?
i dont know what he will gain from making me feel so angry like this.. hell i dont care.. im just so pissed...
thats why i am writing here.. i know by writing this now will slowly calm me down and hopefully by the end of this entry i will be able to think more rationally, see things clearer and make better judgements for everyones sake..
it all started earlier this evening when i was so eager to watch again the documentary planet earth in my old external hardisk.. and i know myself as someone who can easily get distracted, went to see back my old photos from 2008 and started reminiscing.. i laughed and smiled when i saw my youger self looking so fine with the long hair and slim body etc etc..i was so happy with my life and had nothing to care for in life.. i thought it would be nice to share those memories that are so precious to me with the ones i care about now.. i like to share things.. thats just who i am..
i had the nicest intention to share those memories with this person.. but the contrary happened.. he said my photos make him feel sad and he didnt want to remember what happened... back then we were not in good terms.. we had our clashes and things were said and done.. hurtful things.. but i am here ready to make amends and move on.. to learn from past experience and start having a better life now.. but not this guy.. think he's just so unreasonable to still get upset after all that weve been through.. i thought we are over this.. and that now we are in good terms and weve already done the forgive and forget thingy..
haaa.... maybe apart of it is my fault.. maybe i didnt account for his feelings... obviously he was more hurt and more affected by what happened..the fighting and clashes we had in the past.. so it must be more difficult for him to let go.. haih..
i understand that.. coz from where he was at.. it was difficult for him to truly let go.. .. hell it was difficult for everyone to let go...
one thing to still get upset.. but another to continue makings things more unpleasant.. then the argument got escalated when he started accusing me of having lied to him all these while.. oh hello man.. u didnt get your math straight.. obviously i wasnt lying.. ur just throwing accusations..ur probably trying to make me feel guilty.. or ur just trying to make me look bad.. i dont care what your intentions were.. theyre irrelevant..
haaaaa.. i dont want to get mad and i dont want to fight.. i want to move on pass all these things.. dwelling in them will not do anyone any good... thats what ive been telling myself.. focus on what matters now.. i want things to be normal again.. i want everyone to be happy again.. whats past is past.. no use crying over spilled milk..
my hope is that there will not be any fighting or misunderstanding between me and that fella..
ok ive got work to do.. a report for the HDC thingy.. damn i dont want to go to Penang.. i pray that everything will go smoothly in Penang.. haih..
see... i am calmer already... i think im a soft hearted person who forgives and forgets so easily... hhuhu... yeke?
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