tension la..

untuk entry kali ni aku nak main taip je apa saja yg terlintas kat kepala aku ni... dan aku malas nak edit kalau ada typo ke apa ke lantak la..

kat umah mak now.. tadi da nak tdo da pasal badan tgh penat tadi petang pegi gym jogging and lift weight skit2.. tapi sebab kepala ni sedang dibebani beberapa perkara yg menekan jiwa dan perasaan... mmg susah la nak tdo.. hence this entry...

tadi duk kat dapor ngn bapak n mak derrang tanya bila nak kawen lak.. aiyoo lambat lagi kot.. derang biasa la pemikiran cam kampung lagi sure la nak aku kawen cepat..
idop aku pon x stabil lagi so mmg tak la aku nak kawen sekang ni kan... aku pon da mula rasa rimas bila derang da bertanya2 pasal ni.. maybe pasal aku tak pernah bawa balik gf ke rumah not like my abang kan.. so maybe derang cam risau la kot.. aiyoo ni la salah satu benda buat aku agak stress gak ni... hopefully pasni takda la derarng nak sibok2 tanya pasal ni lgai pasal aku da tak reti nak menjawab apa... kalau aa jodoh ada la kan...

satu lagi benda yg buat aku stress sekang ni sure la pasal keje kan.. aku cam sedih gila ngn keje aku sekang ni.. well aku da lama pon sedih ngn keje aku pasal gaji nyer yg rendah.. dan da sekian kali nyer pon aku tulis pasal keje aku yg sucks kat blog ni kan... orang yg membaca pon maybe da muak da membacanya... ak pon da muak nak menulis pasal keje.. tapi pasal aku stress sekarang ni aku cam terpaksa la nulis kat sini pasal taktau nak citer kat saper lagi...

keje ok tapi gaji rendah sangat la.. bila2 je topik pasal kerja dibualkan aku akan rasa sangat sucky.. tension la.. aku cam da stuck kat sini.. punca aku masok company ni?? fikir2 sendiri la.... salah dan bodoh aku la pasal percaya sangat kat orang kan.... tapi tu la.. setahun da berlalu and things havent got better and dont seem like it will.. bila fikir pasal ni mesti tension..

tapi adakah setahun masa yg masih awal?? awal??? aiyoooo takda la awal pon.... orang lain tu fresh grad pon gaji da besar... orang lain nasib lain?? haaa yes thats what ive been telling myself nasib orang lain2... tapi the fact remains yg keje aku gaji sucks...

and yes aku da tukar department now bukan lagi teknikal service department buat keje servicing buat keje teknician, buat keje storekeeper, buat keje delivery boy... sekarang tidak lagi...

i know my position has changed... pendek kata keje da up sikit la now duk opis ngadap laptop email2 bagai jer sekang ni... tapi gaji nyer??/ masih macam tu yawww.... kalau naik gaji pon ciput jer naik nyer... company ni mmg da adat resam dier pekerja kelar masok pasal dapat keje nyer senang tapi gaji nyer sedih la... orang yg pandai dan lucky dapat la keje masok company yg lebih besar dan gaji lebih besar...

those yg pandai tapi not so lucky still stuck kat company ni wishing to jump to other big companies but still to no avail... aku rasa aku tergolong dalam kumpulan tu la... tapi mungkin jugak aku ni masih terlalu awal???
aaaaah!!! bullshit la awak.... da jelak aku dgr aku masih awal so ni masa belajar lagi... buto la aku da malas dan fed up da dgn ni sumer.... apa yg aku dapat?? stress jer aku dapat dari dulu lagi....

dalam hati ni mmg aku marah kat seseorang yg bawa aku ke company bangang ni... mmg aku marah... lagi aku marah bila dier langsung tak rasa bersalah... tapi teknikelly mmg la aku yg buat decision dan dier tak bersalah tapi pada masa tu aku baru abes belajar... what do i know kan... mengharapkan orang bagi guide... guide jadah apa nyer sekang aku yg menanggung tekanan perasaan...

ni ada satu lagi berita yg memberi tekanan perasaan kat aku ni... in my hands now ada satu surat public mutual mak kasi tadi aku tgk macam rugi jer investment unit trust aku ni.... adoiyai... da la kat radio sekang ni cam ada iklan suruhanjaya sekuriti pasal nak elak orang ramai terlibat  pelaburan yg salah dan tak menguntungkan ni kan... aku takot la kalau aku pon dalam kelompok tu gak...

ni aku baru sms agent unit trust public mutual aku ni nak minta jumper so that i can know exactly how my investment went through out last year and how much return profit aku dapat, if there is any...
aku harap agent yg ni takda la lepas tangan buat taik mcm agent cimb wealth advisor yg aku invest dulu tu la...

tu pon bila fikir2 balik mmg sakit hati ok... invest 10k ni... dier citer ke main setahun return average boleh dapat 10% ... aku pon tertarik la kan... tu teros letak 10k tu... balik lepas 3 tahun duit tinggal 9600... macam babi tak?? siap boleh rugi lagi..
pastu bila call agent bangsat tu tak angkat telefon.. msg ajak jumper pon dier buat bodo jer... last2 aku pegi sendiri office cimb tu keluarkan duit aku... sakit hati je fikir kan... haih la nasib badan...

aku tau da byk da aku citer perkara2 negatif dan taik yg da jadi kat idop aku ni kan...

tapi aku mmg seorang yg optimis.. tidak dapat tidak mmg aku akan fikir perkara2 yg positif tentang life aku sekang ni walaupon sebenanyer mmg sucks gila kan nasib sekang ni... dgn takda gf ner... keje gaji ciput nyer.... investment rugi lagi...

aku mmg ada menaruh harapn yg nasib aku akan berubah... aku masih lagi percaya yg nnt bila the time comes aku akan dapat keje gaji yg best.... dan pasal gf atau isteri tu, aku nyer prinsip senang jer... sumer nyer di tangan Allah... aku nak tolak tak dapat... dan nak paksa pon tak dapat... yg aku harap ialah supaya parents aku takda la gesa aku pasal ni lagi... aku mmg rimas... buat aku rasa taknak balik rumah pon ada...

and oh btw, aku da buat loan asb tapi masih takda berita la aku pon taktau lepas ke tidak... tapi should be no problem la... nnt bebila aku nak call la pegawai bank yg ambik aku nyer application aritu... tapi tunggu la akhir bulan ni ke bebila...

dan sekang ni pon da mula fikir2 nak buat loan rumah aku igt nak beli rumah apartment je la harga dalam 100k-150k la... aku da tanya da member aku kalau umah tu 150k bayar bulan dalam 600 jer... lebih kurang sewa rumah aku sekarang ni jer... baik aku beli rumah tu pastu bayar kat bank la 600 tu tentu2 bila da abes bayar nnt rumah tu jadi aku punya...

tapi yg merunsingkan aku tu aku nak beli rumah kat mana?? aku takot kalau aku beli rumah kat area sungai besi sekang ni... nnt kalau aku tukar keje office tukar ke shah alam ke damansara ke mana2 da masalah pulak jauh lah... pastu nak pindah la ke area office baru nak sewa sana pulak kan... dua tempat da nak bayar mati la nnt...
haaa mungkin itu bukan masalah sgt pon kan... aku boleh jer sewakan rumah tu nnt... hahaha so kalau mcm tu baik aku beli rumah kat area yg mendapat sambutan... supaya tentu2 nnt ada orang nak sewa je kat sana...

haaa panjang nyer entry dan sumer benda pon sungguh random..

btw, aku ada dpt laptop baru office bagi since aku da masok solution team ni... suker la jugak dpt laptop... tapi kalau dapat gaji besar lagi aku suker...
bak kata bos baru aku si ah yau tu by end of this month or next month dapat tahu la gaji naik ke tak... should be naik la dier kata... tapi yg aku sedih tu... naik nyer sikit... gaji fresh grad kat tempat lain pon lagi tinggi dari gaji aku yg da keje setahun ni.... aiyoooo tekanan perasaan balik da bila teringat pasal bnda ni...

aaaahhhh dah la... malas da aku nak fikir pasal ni... buat penat mengabihkan bogheh jer... bukak la jobstreet tu... klik2 je la keje mana2 yg nampak menarik tu... kalau ada interview pegi je la kan and see how it goes kalau dapat keje baru gaji better blah je la kan... huhu... ok nnt bila ada internet unlimited nnt aku pegi la apply2... sekang ni guna internet phone jer yg data nyer da tenat ni... nak buat mcm mana ni je yg ada buat masa ni...

lagi satu benda sedih yg menekan jiwa is internet kat kampung malaysia tu takda... aku pegi tm aritu cakap la nak pindah kan... dier cakap takda streamyx kat umah baru aku tu... i was like...  couldnt believe what i was hearing... mcm tak logic... tapi dier cakap dier takda... so pasal tu dier kena request technician tm buat survey kat tempat tu la apa la... nak konfemkan number aper tah dier cakap aritu i was too appalled i couldnt focus what he was saying...

so itu la kisah nyer... kalau betul takda streamyx kat sini nnt kena terminate la acc aku yg sekarang ni.. tapi aku rasa ada jer kot pasal kat umah aku tu bila aku bukak laptop nampak byk jer wifi network... takkan la dalam byk2 tu takda yg streamyx kot.. nnt bebila kalau aku tak malu aku nak tanya la orang2 sebelah rumah derang ada pasang internet streamyxx ke tak... pastu bagi nombor telefon rumah derang ke tm point supaya derang boleh check ngn existing customer kat sana kan...

yeah ill do that...

tapi in the case yg steramyx mmg takda... amek U mobile la kot... haha whatever la...

okla aku da malas nak menulis ni pon da panjang mcm haram kot...takper la... tjuan nyer pon pasal aku nak meluahkan perasaan kan... aku nak citer kat orang lain pon cam tak best lak pasal nnt nyusahkan dier lak kan.. so citer kat depan laptop je la...

ok la aku nak stop kat sini nak tido la... later~~~

i am myselfs bestfriend... and some other random stuff

salam..

yesss.. today im gonna be talking about bestfriend.. do i have one? i dont know.. maybe i did but not anymore.. but thats okay coz lately i think i dont really need a bestfren.. i have myself to be my own bestfren..

ive been outstationed for 17days now.. and all this while ive been alone and i did everything on my own.. independent katanya.. ok ada la sekali tu kuar ngn afiq kechik time kat KK but thats it.. yg lain2 tu mmg aku sorang2 je la..

i admit there were times when i felt like screaming my lungs out so that people wud notice me and id not feel alone anymore.. but that is just stupid and crazy and of coz i didnt do it.. being alone sucks people.. im telling u it sucks big time..

i thank all the people whom ive kacau, whom i txted and  dgn baiknyer melayan txting ngn aku during those times i felt lonely and was close to meroyan..

so why do i say i am my own bestfren?? haaa coz i always know what to say and what to think to make me feel better.. about everything.. and i am very thankful for that.. grateful to God who made me this way.. kurang bergantung sikit kepada orang lain and i think thats a good thing..

actually i wanted to talk about my job, comparing to the time when i was still jobless.. how much i have changed.. how much i have gained.... i had nothing before and now i have money, a car, a 42" tv, an iphone, an ipad etc etc... ok malas nak fikir byk2.. dan tetiba rassa cam malas dan cam tak perlu je nak tulis kat sini pasal tu.. *pemalasnyer aku

less than 24 hours i will be in KL.. and that is awesome.. i cannot wait to come home..

tadi my sis called and she said nnt ada interview kat astro nak cari pengacara macam aznil.. im flattered that she called me to tell me that.. she thinks i have what it takes to be a good pengacara.. huhu.. ok bangga sikit.. tapi do i really??
 maybe dulu aku rasa aku ada la bakat sikit2 dalam pengacaraan, public speaking or paling tak pon membaca berita.. tapi aku tak pernah try pon bakat tu.. mungkin its way harder that it looks kan..

i remember back when i was in primary school i entered a pidato competition in malay.. (elocution eh dalam english?).. i was confident before my turn.. i thought that i wud not stumble and i could deliver my points smoothly but thats not the case.. i was a mess.. haha.. point ke mana tangan ke mana sumer benda kacau bilau.. and my head started to heat up and i think my head just changed colout from ceklat to merah.. haha.. so malu and nerves..

so berbalik kepada kisah aku nak jadi pembaca berita ni kan.. i am considering to go audition actually.. i owe it to myself to go try.. and altho i know theres a possibility im gonna make a fool of myself during the audition, atleast i go give it a try.. and thats better than not trying at all.. huhu.. the audition is in january rasanya.. ok aku sangat katak bawah tmpurung now coz i dont have a tv at home..

my source of information is facebook and  download to watch tv series.. kalau berita2 yg kecik2 ni mmg aku taktau la..
aaaa ary malik tersingkir dari masterchef malaysia.. aku suker dier sebab dier cantek walaupon da 40tahun umor..

damnit im so damn full after eating at sugarbun kapit ni.. its like mcd but dodgier.. haha sesuker hati aku jer kutok tempat orang.. beger dier sedap la jugok tapi nothing beats mcd punya fries.. tak caya tanya qamarol arifin ombak ghendu~~

and i read the poem posted by izzaty pwc on fb pasal english pronunciation.. heres the link

http://www.thepoke.co.uk/2011/12/23/english-pronunciation/

aiyoo pening kepala aku nak menyusun lidah nak nyebut the words.. and i think half of them pon aku tak tau maksud and taktau how to pronounce.. but its a nice read la.. give it a try..

shada is getting married this sunday.. aaahhh the first of GB to get married.. i feel old already..

i still remember that time when we were in auckland, making that farewell video for shada.. ada soalan tanya what kind of a mother shes gonna be.. haha.. soalan yang menyebabkan bali meloncat keriangan tu... haha lawak je igt bali yg overexcited tu.. huhu bali sengal..

but for sure shes gonna be a cool mum la.. tapi taktau la if she plans to have children awal ke tak kan.. nnt sure dier ajar anak2 dier main mafia la.. main black magic la.. dan sbgnya..

haa tak sabar nak balik.. tak sabar nak mendownload di rumah dgn internet yg laju.. tak sabar nak balik wangsa maju jumper ibu bapa nak kasi pearl ornaments ni, ceklat2 ni, fridge magnet yg sazalina mintak.. and also tak sabar nak jumper kengkawan time knduri shada nnt.. sure meriah nnt.. GB reunion katanya.. sengal qayum tak dapat join lak.. so sengal..

okla da malas nak tulis da.. nak cari2 gambar lak nak menghiasi blog katanya..

ps - i made a few vlog videos but theyre not gonna be put here.. huhu.. malu..

tahun baru

salam...

diam2 je da masok tahun baru... dan aku tak sedar pon yg untuk bulan 12 yang lepas aku hanya ada satu post saja... secara jujur mmg aku ada byk kali rasa cam nak tulis blog tapi aku just takda kesempatan.. lain la macam ben ashari.. menurut kata dier kalau kita ada rasa atau idea nak tulis a blog ntry kita patut teros tulis tanpa ada tunggu2.. kepala otak dier.. dier igt aku takda keje lain yg lagi penting nak selain nak tulis blog entry??

senang cakap la oi..

sekang aku kat labuan.. and macam aku cakap tadi la aku byk kali gak rasa am nak tlis blog kan tapi aku takda kesempatan.. selalunyer mesti time aku dalam bas atau taxi atau boat atau kapal terbang.. kejadah nyer aku bak tuis blog time2 camtu.. and salunyer idea aku mesti la berkaitan dgn perjalanan aku seantero borneo ni kan..

tapi sekang ni aku rasa blog entry untuk ceritakan kisah2 atau pon perkara2 yg aku encounter during my journey in borneo is not necessary lagi pasal aku da buat satu video log yang super duper panjang berkaitan perjalanan aku dari sibu ke kapit, ke sarikei sri aman kuching bintulu miri limbang sibu kapit sibu kk keningau kk sandakan tawau kk labuan... glamor kan?? dan the length of the video is so effing long 48 minutes ko..

i tried to upload it on utube but i couldnt because it was too long.. so i think nobodys gonna see the video but just me.. haha..

okla aku pon da penat now taktau la naper penat lak.. aku nak tido awal so that esok dapat buat keje awal and boleh jenjalan labuan cari perfume before my ferry at 1230 tomorrow.. semoga takda masalah kat janm labuan dan aku boleh balek ke KK in time..

this is my first post of 2012.. happy new year people.. i dont have any resolution this.. what comes my way let it come.. que serra serra katanya..
okla da lenguh pinggang ni.. malas la nak cari gambar2 kali ni.. huhu.. later~~

bosan.. atau nak share opinion??

salam..

untuk post kali ini aku mmg xda apa2 topik yg specific untuk diceritakan.. aku ni mmg byk berfikir.. dan pada masa yg sama sekarang ni aku berada dalam situasi yg membosankan... alone in a hotel room with nothing to do.. igt nak ajak member2 chatting but none is available... satu lagi indicator that i am leading a very boring life kawan2 pon xda byk.. but its ok.. itu bukan la perkara yg nak aku citer kat sini..

a few times before this aku telah tergerak hati nak menulis tentang isu2 semasa yg aku kira agak penting la jugak.. aku ada la terfikir pasal politik di malaysia dan igt nak la tulis pasal politik kat sini.. tapi lepas beberapa ketika aku berfikir aku rasa macam aku takda apa2 yg bagus untuk di share kan.. satu mungkin sebab aku ni mmg jarang atau x pernah ambik kisah pasal politik pon.. so aku rasa aku taktau byk pon pasal isu2 politik semasa and yeah i am that shallow.. so aku rasa baik aku takyah cakap pasal politik malaysia ni.. but one thing for sure is that i love my country so damn much..

ada juga sekali ni aku terfikir untuk bercakap pasal depth of life.. ni lepas aku ada baca sorang member aku ni nyer fb status.. mmg aku ada berfikir pasal kehidupan.. whats the purpose, the meaning, goals, achievements etc etc.. senang kata perkara2 pasal kehidupan kita la.. apa yg kita nak, secara ambitious atau pon realistik nyer... benda2 ni pon da lama pon aku fikirkan.. tapi last2 sure aku akan cakap... "haaa lantak la malas nak fikir da.." and eventually aku decide that benda2 macam ni tak perlu pon kita nak terlalu ambil kisah.. i mean we still need to plan how to live our lives la.. set goals etc tapi its important to know that not everything that we want we will get.. and its ok.. pasal its not in our hands... tuhan itu lebih mengetahui.. hmm... tetiba aku rasa macam aku sangat lame pasal cakap camni.. eventhough its so true..

ok kat atas tu aku ada cakap something pasal tuhan kan.. ok aritu aku ada terfikir la pasal satu benda ni.. aku taktau la mungkin ini adalah satu cara syaitan nak menyesatkan aku ker... ok let me explain eh.. kita sebagai orang islam adalah hamba kepada Allah.. aku taktau la is it only me tapi aku cam tak berapa berkenan la dgn perkataan hamba yg digunakan kat situ.. ok aku bukan pakar bahasa tapi mungkinkah dalam bahasa arab tu, abdi tu maksud nyer something else and not just hamba.. pada aku bila dibicarakan yg kita ni hamba kepada sesuatu atau someone  aku agak tak selesa dgn perkataan tu.. or is it the ego in me that made me feel that way?? tapi  at the same time aku sedar yg kita ni mmg sangat kecil dan sangat lemah disisi Allah.. Dia la pencipta kita dan pencipta seluruh alam.. and sesungguhnya la die pemilik segala nya yg ada dalam dunia ni.. tapi bila aku fikir kita sebagai hamba tu, aku rasa cam x best... hmmm... mungkin aku je yg fikir camtu... and like i said.. mungkin its just devils work jer nak rosakkan akidah aku ke..

tapi insyaallah aku still beriman dan akan mati beriman juga nnt insyaallah... i pray to Allah to not leave me forsaken, to always help me give me guidance and to remove this ego feeling or at least reduce it la.. and moga satu hari nnt aku akan jadi hamba yg terbaik yg aku boleh jadi tanpa perasaan yg x best macam ni..

ok now aku nak cakap pasal soemthing yg sangat random..
ok its december already and kat fb tu aku ada 7 invitation kawen this month.. omgee ramai nyer orang nak kawen...

baju bella sangat chantek...

the other day i had listed down every single one of them but nampak nyer macam da ilang jer la ni..
ok one thing that concerns me is that im a cow now and i dont know what to wear to these weddings... the ones yg lek2 tu aku ok je la kot a shirt and jeans should do it.. tapi kalau yg mcm glamer2 ni aku bukan ada baju nak pakai ke sana.. the best i can think of right now is baju melayu la.. huhu.. ok la xnak la pening2 pasal ni when the time comes nnt apa2 pakai pon ok je kot.. afteer all, its not my wedding ma... so why shud i pening2??

haaa speaking of pening2... that reminds me of my stupid sucky boss si chan tu.. ok the other day i went to play bowling with my work friends at ioi mall.. we bought this mydeals coupon from the internet so freaking cheap rm5.50 for 3 games thats really cheap.. there were me alip radin khairi jan hafiz and judith.. we were having fun la main bowling.. aku je tak fun sangat pasal aku nyer bola curve asek masok longkang je..
FAILED!!

ok back to the story.. radin was holding the standby handphone.. pastu si chan ni ada call cakap ngn alip pasal problem kat CSC aper tah.. then dier leh cakap "radin kan standby kenapa dier pegi main bowling?"... omgee bodo gila kan ontua tu... abes tu kalau standby kita ni takleh nak buat benda apa2 ke?? nak duduk diam2 pandang je standby phone tu?? bodo gila orang tua tu... apa hak kau nak determine apa kita buat outside office hour kan... eee geram aku ngn situa ni...

haaa tension je aku igt2 balik... abes tambah lagi selai frown line kat muka i... mencik!!

haaa... why la ada cermin depan aku sekang ni... sure la aku akan menyuluh muka je kan... dan nampak la aku rambut aku yg hudoh ni.. bila la nak panjang ni... tapi... nnt aku da nak masok design team nnt keje dalam opis je cemana nak berambut panjang... nnt di pandang slack pula.. huhu.. tapi... aish... lantak la kan... biar je la rambut ni panjang dlu kalau derang tegor ke apa nnt potong je la apa susah... so buat masa ni aku nak berangan2 rambut panjang macam doloo2 time aku tgh hot dlu... sekang ni da sejuk beku da.. dgn kegajahan yg melanda lagi bak kata raul.. tapi lantak la kan... nnt bila masok gym nnt boleh la kurus balik kot.. *fingers crossed

oh hair~~

uiks... talking about gym.. aritu aku pi check out gym lee chong wei arena kat jln kelang lama.. ok murah je dier nyer fee.. rm100  sebulan.. tapi kalau rasa cam nak jimat dan mmg konfirm akan pergi untuk setahun boleh ambil yg bayar lump-sum rm 840 setahun so kira dier nyer fee akan jadi rm70 je sebulan... sngat save pakej yg tu.. tapi betul ke konfem nak pegi sampai setahun kat tempat tu?? mana la tau nnt dibuatnyer aku kena pindah ke atau keje tempat lain ke.. tak ke membazer.. or rasa cam tak best tempat tu nak tukar gym lain ke... so cam byk la benda nak diconsiderkan before decide nak amek setahun tu kan walaupon dier cam murah gila.. tapi aku rasa pilihan terbaik adalah ambik yg bayar bulan2 tu la.. kita try tgk dlu caner performance.. adakah akan mampu aku untuk istiqamah??

ok ini aku dlm 7 bulan

haaa.. kalau aku boleh consistent pegi gym nnt aku nak apply kan nyer dalam ibadah aku.. aku nak istiqamah solat 5 waktu xnak tinggal and baca quran everyday... ok aku hanya ada niat tu sekarang.. but the will power?? maybe not there yet.. but i have faith one day it will...

ok badan aku da lenguh da ni.. sampai disini saja la kan... btw, had this been a vlog? how long wudve it taken me to talk about all that the things i wrote here??... hmmm maybe just blog is the way for me..

ps - i told u my head thinks things so strangely kan.. kejap ni kejap tu.. hahaha..

VLOG??

hello sumer..

so aku nak citer la kat sini pasal keinginan aku nak start buat vlog.. masa mula2 dulu aku cam nakbuat vlog pasal aku nak tiru si mehayam texas luan legacy tu.. tapi aku ni seorang yg ego so aku pon takda buat.. coz im pretty sure if i were to start it then id be talking like him and its so not me to copy others.. huhu.. im too egoistic for that..

so kat sini aku nak citer la.. haritu time balek keje.. hujan renyai2.. dan aku ikot kesas nak balek ke puchong tu.. sampai la kat simpang ke kinrara tu aku tgk kete kat atas jalan kat kesas tu maacam cilake nyer ramai.. so i decided to take the simpang to kinrara instead.. and little did i know.. because of the rain, the jalan to puchong via kinrara was congested even worse than kesas was...

so pasal da stuck kat jam yg cam haram... i started talking to myself coz i wanted to stay fresh.. it works for me.. to talk to myself when i feel sleepy.. i did that when i was driving to and back from penang a few months back... noel tu membuta da time tu... so aku sorang2 je la bermonolog dalaman katanya...

ok back to my story, aku pon mula bercakap seorang diri.. and it was rather brilliant that the topic that i was rambling about was how i coped up with breakups.. or maybe it was more on my realtionships and breakups since i was f2... untill the most recent.. and also during that time i was my most honest self.. i think that was the time aku citer about everything.. no secrets held.. 

and of coz i was pretending to be telling these stories to someone else... ada la sikit2 feeling2 wardina bercerita kisah2 nabi kepada budak2..

i just thot, had i taped or rcorded myself talking about my past relationships and breakups.. it be a cool video... ok maybe aku je perasan kot..

ok maybe one of these days aku akan cuba cakap balik pasal tu and record it.. tapi rasa cam highly unlikely jer.. passal benda2 camni takleh nak di plan.. takleh nak dipaksa.. what i said the other day while driving in the rain with the radio playing slow romantic songs... it was sooo subtle and perfect for my confessions.. huhu... unplanned... so genuine...

i dont even know what smitten means

ok lame nyer entry ni... da la nak layan masterchef malaysia yaw baru dload... laterz~~~

whats happening to me??

haih la..

starting this post with a question that ive been asking myself for so long.. its probably been years already.. its really mind-boggling to me coz up until now i still dont know the answer.. maybe its not important for me to know what happened but more importantly is to know what i should do about it..

aiyoo.. taktau buah butir terus cakap pasal soalan "whats happening to me?" kan...

well it started just a while ago when i was reading my frens tweets and then i saw this

"
these things don't interest me anymore. i don't know what does. maybe i'm just getting old.
"

haaaa... the same thing happened to me.. but its been years.. even when i was in auckland.. it was as if i'd lost my way.. hmm.. how do i say this without sounding like a total loser or a moron.... i just felt fed up with everything... which is silly coz i havent had everything yet.. there are still so many things i havent tried or tasted in this life so why the hell that i felt so damn old already??

hmmm i dont know what happened... everything just seems so insignificant...  i dont know what is significant anymore.. and thats the problem..

when i was still a student.. passing my exams and obtaining that degree was the purpose of my life.. that was then.. now i feel kinda lost.. dont know what to pursue.. dont know whats worth to pursue.. and even if i know what is it that i want to pursue, i probably dont know how to pursue them.. as of now, what i can think of that i want to pursue is to become rich..

eh motip sgt gambar paris hilton bogel = rich??

but becoming rich is soooo cliche and generic right.. and even if i had all the money in the world, i still have the doubt that the wealth will make me feel content.. maybe it will but i dont know.. its not like a i can choose if want to become rich or not..

haih... that part about being rich is sooo random..

so my point is... i find everything boring now... and i have no idea what to do to get me to feel happy or excited again..

well this begs another question that ive also been trying to aswer... are happiness and excitement two different things?? i suppose they do differ in definition from each other.. but i think excitement is how it begins and happiness is where it ends?? huhu.. im still confused with these two words... maybe need to have discussions with my frens to know what their opinions about this.. perlu ke??

in my mind, i picture happiness as something that is all positive i think...

but for some reason i tend to relate it with something boring.. maybe boredom??... maybe im just used to the idea of 'challenges in life make our live worth living', rather than just having a perfect life (rich, famous, good looking etc)..for example the royalty.. i would think their lives are more boring... maybe im wrong.. but who cares...

and also excitement is not always good u know... excitement is what u feel when ur trying something new... this includes when u meet someone new... but  not everything new is good for us.. it all depends on the circumstances that we're in.. an example would be if u are in a relationship with someone/something and suddenly u felt bored because u think u'r happy now and that ur life is now less challenging.. u think that sucks coz u feel bored and ur also worried that uve settled with just something decent in your life and not something awesome.. so u seek someone/something new coz u know they offer excitement... but later u'll probably lose all the good things that u had before.. and then u are left with nothing but rejection and peoples remorse... and that kinda sucks too... so which is better?? to be happy but kinda bored or to be miserable but excited?? hahaha bodoh nyer soklan ni...

u think there are those who dont choose happiness??

so funny why im burdening my head with all these when obviously they dont matter and are kinda silly as well..

so berbalik kepada the topic asal iaitu "kenapa aku rasa sumer benda bosan and how do i get around with it??"
is it hormonal?? or is it just age?
do i ignore it? do i do something?? and what should i do??

maybe i shouldnt care too much.. im afraid that my life is turning to something of nothingness and insignificance... well maybe that is okay... or maybe i just expected too much from myself... expected myself to achieve higher and better... expected that i would do something in my life that is meaningful and significant that people will remember me by... from where i stand now, i dont see anyway that is gonna happen.. but what do i know.. the future is yet to unfold itself and i think its best that we dont know ...

maybe i should just accept the possibility that i may not achieve the 'breakthru' that will make me who i want myself to be... or maybe it isnt the time yet??? haih la persoalan lagi... tapi mungkin persoalan ini juga bukan something yang aku patut fikirkan buat masa ini...

que serra serra what ever will be will be..

haih... i dont see the point of this entry... apparently its just another self-indulgent rubbish that i produce whenever im thinking about all the unimportant things... its not like im simon cowell or something...

i have MC tomorrow so im not working... what should i do with all the free time eh?? another blog entry??? haaa after this one, that is so highly unlikely la..

ps - i like najwa latiff

pss - i think online dating service sucks

psss - im bored with my iphone and ipad already

what to write??

salam..

sungguh aku taktau apa nak tulis kat sini sekarang.. tapi for some reason i felt macam nak tulis jugak.. mungkin sebab aku sekang takda keje kat umah mak kan.. dan esok raya haji.. hmm.. bapak aku sibuk soh aku pegi surau tolong orang buat korban.. i readlly dont fancy that.. maybe aku pegi la kejap kot.. tp takda la nak potong2 lembu tu kot.. satu pasal aku tak reti dan dua pasal aku taknak.. i just dont feel like it.. and i dont think its good to force it neither.. lebih kalau ikhlas.. haha bukan paksa ikhlas..

ok random.. ttiba je tercakap pasal raya haji dan bapak aku yg sibuk soh aku pi tolong orang surau tu..

hmmm.. aku mmg takda apa nak tulis pon.. memula tadi ada la rasa cam nak tulis pasal kenangan kat auckland.. to reminisce old times when i was there.. aku ada terbaca dalam blog seseorang dan die ada cakap pasal that junction between national bank nz and starbuck.. and sumer memory tu datang like a rush and i saw myself teary eyed.. huhu.. bukan nyer niat nak kenang kembali dan bersedih benda2 ni.. tapi it is apart of me and it will always be there.. untuk teringat kembali benda2 ni isnt a choice but to bersedih or be happy about them is our choice and i choose to be happy.. and i am happy that they happened..

ok enough with that..

so i also pondered for a while.. what is it in my life that i feel worthy to be written here now.. i could talk about how my frens invited me to go to tambun for lepak2 and capeks bachelor party katanya.. they just include me in their conference so thats how i knew.. but i still havent said anything there.. mungkin aku akan join mungkin tidak.. i still cannot decide that now..

aku juga ada pikir pasal how lame my job is compared to others.. but thats old news already so i choose not to talk about that now..

ok aku cakap aku taknak compare about my job to others but that doesnt mean i wont talk about my job at all.. because honestly right now.. at this point of my life my job is my life.. i know that sounds so sad but its the truth.. tapi takpe.. like i said my job isnt all bad.. kalau kita focus kat benda2 buruk so kita akan nampak buruk je la.. and often we forget ada je benda2 best dalam satu2 benda tu..

i really enjoy working when im with my frens.. alip, shah, raden, eric, jan, hapis.. they are my family now coz i see them everyday.. huhu.. and at times i do feel happy being around them despite the sucky job that we have.. and bila tensionn pasal keje atleast we have each other to complaint and whine to.. hahaha... and of coz the most popular topic is our boss si chan tu la.. pasal hes soooo... haih i dont know what word to use... lets just say, all of us feel the same way towards him and its not a good feeling..

hahaha... now that im thinking about work and how stupid and foolishly funny about  us is that we have created a few words of jargon that we say to each other and laugh about.. huhu...battery tester la.. disneyland la.. cucuk la..rotan la..bertongtong la.. ntah byk lagi la tak igt aku da..
i know my frens dont read my blog.. but issokey coz i do read my blog.. and even if they dont remember all these sweet memories that we have.. i will remember for all of us.. huhu

ok i m really running out of idea what to write about here.. akhir kata.. selamat hari raya aidiladha dan semoga raya kali ni ramai umat islam yg mendapat manfaat terbaik dari nya.. insyaallah..