hapdet kau.. setelah berkurun lamanya

hello dollsss...

*fefeling fazura sangat panggil followers dolls*

owh my lord,.. its been so long since my last update.. have i been busy? no!!
have i been lazy? yeah i think so..
has there been anything interesting happening in my life?? nah i guess not..

owh what the hell... who cares right? i am here now and i am updating my blog.. lke nobodys business.. although i really shouldnt be because i am at work and i just saw my boss passing by..

i am now in singapore office..
bored to death..
was given a task before but i guess i am just quick with excel.. i have completed it dy.. so basically now i aint got nothing to do.. so here i am blogging..

ok ive got a new house but havent moved in yet.. still in the process of fixing the house.. by fixing i mean painting it so that it will look like a house..
already started last week, we managed to paint half of the living room and 1 small room.. then we ran out of paint.. so this week we continue.. can only do at night and weekend because were working and fasting during the day.. everybodys like super duper lazy during the day.. so am i..

i plan to paint my room with violet colour.. i think its cool..

i took the photo at bukit indah court mamoth when i went to look for bed/mattress..

but dont think that id be buying mattress from court tho because they are all so freakishly expensive..

but people say its good to invest on good bed so that we'd get good sleep.. and we all know its important to get good sleep, right?

well, the decision isn't final so thats that..

ok what else eh..

its already 16 or 17 ramadhan today.. time moves quite fast i guess.. 

and owh i bought jeans pants and shirt at zara midvaley the other day when i went for training with my new colleagues.. 

*tu pon nak citer

hmm.. like seriusly dont know what else to talk about here.. i dont think i want to talk about the current issue because..mmm am just not interested..

i watched the movie argo the other day.. i liked it..
dont feel like commenting much about it..

been watching the little britain series.. got it from the dutch/german guy alex whos my neighbour at my home..
i think i have watched them before.. but its always funny to watch them again..

seriusly my life is so dull right now..

nak kahwin!!! tapi takda orang nak.. xda duit.. owh jodoh sila la datang cepat!!

nangis jap la..

kthxbye..

firstdayofwork

hello..
it is my first day of work here in omega integration.. its in gelang patah..
i am typing this using my iphone because i was too dumb that i forgot to bring the the power cord for my laptop.. it is quite hard to type using phone but i will manage..
i am so bored.. obviously i dont have anything to do today.. so all i do is just sit here playing my phone, hence this blog entry..
i watched the game of thrones on my laptop earlier but now the laptop batt has run out i cannot anymore.. ohmygod game of thrones just nvr ceases to catch me by surprise.. one last episode to go for season 3.. aaahhh... too much frustration.. i feel overwhelmed..

owh btw, tomorrow i will start my training in singapore.. to be honest, i am quite nervous about it.. all i can do is to be calm and learn as much as i can.. i believe that if i work hard, put my best effort, things will go smoothly as planned.. i should be able to cope up.. i will not hesitate to ask people if i dont understand anything.. everything will be just fine if i do all that i am supposed to do.. i am not gonna be lazy now that i think i need to prove my capabilities, my worth.. i shall prevail.. i shouldnt worry so much.. yes i shouldnt...

haaaa obviously i was trying to console myself by thinking positively.. well, that is true.. one can only achieve anything by believing that it can be achieved.. without positive thinking and hope, what is left of us all, right?

well anyhow, i should have brought the power cord of my laptop today..
and owh, i just found out that i can deduct the amount of tax i pay by showing them the proof of purchase of my new laptop.. i think i still have the receipt somewhere in KL.. but i dont really know how much tax i will have to pay now... errr... a bit worry there but i will treat it as my other worries.. only worry about them when i have to.. hahaha.. such a carefree life, aint it?
not sure if its good for me but one thing for sure is, caring too much will give u headaces and will probably kill u faster.. so im not gonna fret now.. i will when i need to..

later today they say they will take me to lunch and i will be introduced to everyone in my department.. its something like an icebreaking session i guess.. so i am ready for it..
after my laptops battery ran out, i am hopeless with only my phone..

well actually i have been wanting to blog tp yammer about many things.. these thoughts that came to my head when i was alone or with people.. but strangely, none comes to mind right now..

i can talk about my short trip to singapore the other day.. but there is nothing much to tell..
maybe talk about my wish to switch to umobile after 2 years of using celcom?
hmmm not so interesting story neither.. well to be honest i dont think there are many aspects of my life that are interesting right now..

i am having a financial problem now, is that interesting?

i am feeling homesick of KL and been wishing to go back but i cant.. is that interesting?

i have been feeling lonely and sad of my life for the past few days because  i am all alone here.. is that interesting?

well, i am not sure what else to write here, also my fingers are starting to hurt now.. i suppose it doesnt matter if i stop now, does it?

oh myyy i am so hungry???

nak buat passport pon susah..

aaaa....
penatnyer badan ni..
penat dan jugak agak stress..
aku baru je balik dari putrajaya ni.. aku dengan selambe nyer keluar ofis dan decide to go to putrajaya to renew my passport.
i was actually very free just now since all my work are all completed already.. and Yau doesnt think its wise to assign me new job considering that i will only be working here in PWS for few more days..
so lifes good.. not much work.. but sometimes quite boring u see..

haaaa... now that i just realized that i havent blogged about my new job offer..
ok2..i think i will use my free time in the office to post a blog entry about how my lifes right now..

starting with 2 job offers that i got since last month..
on the 8 of May, i was called up for an interview at one of M&E consultant firms located in USJ Taipan. the company name was Squire Mech S/B. I googled the company and found out that the Malaysia one is a branch from the singapore one.

so i went for the interview and the interview Ir Jason seemed like so impressed with my resume. he asked me alot on New Zealand. he mentioned he once studied in Monash Uni, Australia and he had been to Auckland once.
we talked quite a bit on NZ rather than on my job experience etc etc..
and he didnt even check my cert and other credentials. he really wanted to hire me and he straight awai nego my salary..
he offered me rm3600.. i was thrilled.. considering that my current salary is only rm3200.. thats quite a big increase..
so i accepted the offer there and then.. balik office terus prepare resign letter and tepek kat muka boss aku si Yau tu.. haha xda la aku tepek kat muka dier betul2.. figure of speech je la..
so i was already contented with the offer.. a few days passed by, i received a call from another company Omega Integration S/B.. and as usual i googled the company to know what it does and where its located.
its in Gelang Patah, johore.. its also a branch company and the HQ is in Singapore as well.

its an O&G company yall..
the guy asked me if i would be willing to go to Johore for an interview and if its okay for me to relocate to Johore to work there.. of course i said no problem..
in the application form that he asked me to fill up, i requested for gaji rm4000.. haaa.. kalau nak pindah jauh2 biar berbaloi sikit..

so then aku pegi la interview kat gelang patah tu.. aku ajak raul dgn fariq karim untuk teman.. cost utk trip tu minyak, toll, hotel sumer aku la yg akan bayar..
tapi malangnyer fariq karim je yg boleh teman aku.. raul mehayam tu  x dapat laknak join sekali trip tu..
dipendekkan cerita aku dapat la keje tu..halfway time interview tu aku cam dapat rasa yg aku da dapat keje tu pasal orang tu sibuk bercerita pasal company dier lak.. what the company does, which department hes gonna put me in etc etc.. its the same experience during my interview with Mr Chan when i was joining PWS 2 years back.. he didnt ask much about myself or my education.. he talked much about the company, its core business and other stuffs.. he also mentioned about the offshore allowance that i will be getting, as well as over time.. so i made a quick calculation in my head.. easily my gaji can reach 5k kalau salu keje offshore kan.. so aku cam da excited la..
at the end of the interview the guy Mr Dang told me that they would offer me the job and he will get their HR to contact me to arrange the necessities..
balik dari interview tu aku bawak la fariq karim pegi bershopping kat JPO.. last2 dier takda beli apa pom.. aku jugak tewas dek nafsu shopping setelah gagal menolak offer esprit menjual barang2 yg harga asal nyer rm520 dan diskaun menjadi rm125.. mahu nyer aku tak beli?? da la cantik..

ok back to the job offer..

so i waited for a few days for the offer letter.. finally arrived.. and the HR lady told me to revert to her the filled up offer letter together with a copy of my passport.
so thats why i went to renew my passport.. i had always wanted to renew it but never got the chance before.. or more like i was never rajin enough to go before.. hahaha..

so just now i went to renew.. and of cos i would always google things up before doing anything.. in the internet they say the one in Putrajaya often less people go there, compared to other branches..

owh lupe lak.. i tried to renew it online..and there was this section where it asked you where you want to collect your passport.. but the available choices in the computer were at labuan, limbang, lawas, bukit kayu hitam, raub and other places in sabah & sarawak.. not in KL.. what the??
i gave up.. i tried a number of times.. KL was not available..
so i went to putrajaya this morning to renew my passport.. dengan selambe je aku keluar.. pendek kata aku pegi mengular la tadi..
i thought renew passport kat jabatan imegresen yang depan suruhanjaya tenaga tu.. aku da sampai da sana.. bila tanya kat orang tu die cakap renew passport kat precint 15.. damn!! buang masa aku gi sana.. da la susah nak dpt parking..
so aku pon pegi la precint 15.. ramai nak mampos orang bak ang..
last2 aku boleh buat kat kiosk tu je.. pasal orang kat kaunter tu cakap no giliran utk buat kat kaunter da habis..

buat kat kisok tu cepat jer bagi mereka yg pandai.. tapi nak buat caner.. rakyat malaysia ni tak semua nye pandai.. so lambat la jadi nyer..
halfway aku menunggu kat kiosk tu mesin tu cam hang.. so orang yg giliran dier kat kiosk tu pegi la bagitau kat pegawai kat situ tu mintak betul kan..
pegawai tu cakap kejap2, dier tgh print ape tah.. ke photostate apa tah..
so kitorang cam tunggu dalam 20 - 25 minute gak la.. then baru makcik pegawai tu pegi ke mesin tu dan reboot..
kenapa la dier tak reboot awal2?? motip nak tunggu.. dier boleh pegi take her sweet time lenggang2 pas da lama baru nak pegi reboot mesin tu.. bengang tol aku ngn makcik tu..
pastu xnak terima gambar aku pasal background biru.. nak background putih lak sekang ni.. haih.. terpaksa aku pegi amek gmbar kat situ gak..
bila da siap apply ikot kiosk tu aku pegi la tanya kat kaunter 7&8 tu aku nyer no giliran ni bila agak2 boleh siap passport tu.. time tu pukol 1.30.. akak kat kaunter 7 tu cakap dalam kol 3 nnt siap la..
so aku cam berbelah bagi la.. nak balik ofis dan datang balik ataupon nak tunggu jer.. aku decide untuk tunggu.. aku boleh pegi lunch, solat, isi minyak etc etc sementara nak menunggu pukol 3 tu..
so bila kol 3 aku datang la nak collect.. dier cakap semua yg buat ikot kison harini boleh collect esok jer..omaigod!!! bengang nyer aku.. tadi kol 1.30 aku da tanya kau cakap boleh siap pukol 3.. bila aku datang kol3 kau suruh datang esok...
omaigod sakit nyer hati aku..

aksjds;kjdfh;sdhf;SF;kasdkjfhaslkdjhalskjd hlas.....

ok gila kejap.. so aku terus chow balik ofis la.. dan di sini la kita sekarang.. walaupon aku masih marah dan tak puas hati.. tapi nak buat caner kan.. sabar je la.. da memang sistem kerajaan ni sudah terkenal dgn ketidakefisyenan nyer..

ok da selesai cerita pasal kerja dan passport.. aku nak gak citer kat sini last weekend aku pegi pulau perhentian dengan ahli kelab bujang UoAuckland.. 9 orang join the trip..
aku pegi dgn odie, zhariq, syamim, david, wandi, hairi, bali dan erwan..
kol 6 tu zhariq da datang ambik aku kat rumah aku kg malaysia tu.. gerak la kita ke taman melati nak mengutip hairi dan david.. tapi jalan jam mahameru masyaallah la time tu kan.. orang sumer nak balik keje..
dalam kol 730 la baru dapat amek depa.. pastu gi solat maghrib.. and makan kat taman putih2 melati.. pastu baru gerak ke kerteh rumah bali..
sampai umah bali dalam kol 12 camtu.. wah cantik jugak la rumah bali.. dengan sewa rm1000, agak mahal untuk kawasan kerteh tapi still lagi murah nak compare dgn KL atau JB..

lepas tu gi amek erwan kat jerteh.. tido sana kejap.. dalam kol 4 camtu kot sampai umah erwan.. sempat mehayam itu menjamu kamo french fries and nugget.. tapi aku hairi and david je yg makan.. yg lain2 tu da tewas dek kemengantukan yg amat sangat.. aku haruslah membuta je kat dalam kereta tu kan..

merasa la jugak aku naik kia forte wan bali yg baru beli tu kan.. xda la baru sangat pon da kot.. da setahun gak tu aku rasa..

so pendek cerita.. best la perhentian.. aku sangat enjoy pegi sana.. omaigod ramai sungguh makhluk2 indah untuk dilihat di situ.. seriusly.. pandang kiri pandang kanan ada je keindahan..
owh snorkeling kat situ best gak..
aku pernah snorkeling kat redang.. redang lagi chantik la i must say... tapi perhentian is not bad at all..

balik dari redang, aku zhariq odie and hairi pegi kuantan.. on the way sempat la jumper encik azhan yg ada kat kemaman time tu.. dinner burger king sajork kat mesra mall tu.. takda restoran best2 pon kat situ kot..
kat kuantan kita stay kat hotel arenaa boutique.. bilik die sangat honeymoon..toilet pon xda lock.. haha.. bila nak mandi atau berry2 tu haruslah berjaga2 supaya takda walk in kan..

 ok aku rasa sampai di sini saja aku nak bercerita kat sini.. tanpa disedari jam di komputer dah menunjukkan pukol 5.05 pm.. lagi 25 minit da boleh balik.. harini aku mmg makan gaji buta..

ohmai panjang gila entry ni.. tapi aku rasa sangat puas hati sebab dapat meluahkan banyak gila benda dalam kepala aku ni..

aku sangat eksaited nak keje baru kat johore ni.. tapi bilik sewa pon x dapat lagi..
btw, bilik sewa kat gelang patah tu cam mahal nak mampos kot.. damnit!!
aku igt nak merempat kat rumah shidee je la dulu nnt for a few days.. tu pon kalau dier kasi la..
hahaha nnt aku tanya la dier..
kalau x aku merempat dalam kereta je la..

okla.. sampai di sini saja repekan aku untuk kali ni.. nescaya aku akan merepek lagi di masa akan datang..
later!! wasalamun...

bosan nyer.. tulis blog la..

salam..

aku kat umah ni sengsorang..
pastu terfikir nak tulis blog so aku tulis la..

haih la... aku baca balik ayat atas tu rasa cam sengal gak.. perlu ke aku nak citer why i write this blog? perlu ke nak cakap bosan bagai?

pastu perlu ke nak persoalkan balik?

haha sengal nyer otak aku ni.. dan tangan aku pon ikot je aku otak aku fikirkan..


ok aku sebenarnyer takda idea pon nak tulis apa.. tp dalam hati ni rasa cam rasa tanggungjawab nak update blog.. atleast sebulan sekali..
bila check last entry pon mmg 25 march which was last month..

bukan ada citer menarik nak share sini pon..

tadi before tulis blog ni ada la buat vlog.. walaupon xda idea nak cakap pasal apa..
so hasil nyer haruslah video yg tahi..

random gila aku cakap pasal dreams and aspirations, reminiscing of the past haruslah ada dalam topik rambling aku dalam vlog tu.. tp disebabkan content vlog tu mcm sedih dan dalam video tu asek nampak lubang hidung aku jer.. so aku pon x jadi la nak upload..
walaupon isi utama yg aku nak cakapkan tu agak menarik la jugak..

aku rasa ia menarik kalau kau nak berfikir..
tp kalau jenis org yg taknak befikir, dier tak kisah pon kot..

ok apa lagi nak merepek dalam entry ni..
pasal keje?
xda apa menarik pon.. aku still tgh cari keje baru.. tp masyaallah x dapat2.. sedih betul la..
tp sabar je la.. kita cuba dan terus mencuba..

owh btw, pasal keje gak.. ada 2 budak solutions baru masok.. sorang amoi fresh grad sorang lelaki melayu, tua daripada aku la mamat tu.. tapi masyaallah sedih la dier buat keje sangat la slow..
aku takda bukti apa2 tp aku dapat rasakan mamat ni sorang pencelat..
kol 530 tepat terus chow.. aku rasa aku lagi rajin daripada dier.. walaupon aku tau aku malas.. tp aku rasa die lagi malas..

and dier suker tol cakap pasal politik..
and dier salu overanalyze things.. which is somehow annoying sometimes..
aku rasa xpe kot aku nak komen pasal dier kat blog ni.. aku rasa x berdosa kot..
bukannyer aku cakap nama dier.. dan orang yg baca blog aku pon bukan kawan pejabat aku..
so aku rasa selamat...

cewah, macam ada je orang baca blog aku kan..

ok berbalik kepada vlog td..
aku rasa aku nak buat lagi la.. sebab aku enjoy becakap depan kamera, walaupon agak kabut jugak kadang2.. tp next time kena make sure lubang hidung di rendahkan.. xda la nampak macam serombong kapal.. hahaha..

okla kot.. sekang ni mmg takda idea nak tulis pasal apa.. xda apa2 yg menarik pon yg berlaku dalam hidup aku sekang ni..
masalah kegemokan, masalah kewangan.. same old same old..

okla sampai di sini saja..
later~~

My hands are tied.. I feel hopeless..

Salam.

i feel weak..
just received a really bad news..
but i am powerless to do anything.. i cannot change it.. it is what it is..
theres nothing i can do to make things better..
i did try.. i did the best i could to make the best of the situation.. i did it all..
i was dealt a shitty set of cards.. and now i just found out how shitty my cards really are..

and still i cant do anything..
its the same old same old statement..
Allah knows better where I may know not..
Allah has the best planned for me and my future..

but i aint a psychic my dear God.. I cant see any future left for me.. all i see is darkness..
sadness..
dissapointment..
frustration..

Oh God.. i can keep asking why me why me.. but thats not gonna do me any good, is it?

what i can try to do now is to look for options.. what choice do i have?
not much it seems..

the best i can see now is to stay positive..
be patient..
pray a lot..

and always try to be the best version of Izuan I can be.. thats the only choice i have left..

i know that tough things are ahead of me.. and no use to cry over spilled milk.. the damage is done.. the cards have been dealt.. but the end result is yet to be written..

my job now is to make the best out of what ive been given..
i promise i will not despair on what has been..
but to focus on what i can do to improve on everything.. anything..

being positive is the only option i have left.. giving up is equivalent to committing suicide..

i dont want to be known as the coward who quits life.. nauzubillah..

okla, i think im done with my random ranting for today..
altho i received a bad news today, im not gonna let it ruin whats left of my life..

i shall do everything in my power to make this life of mine, whatever left of it, the best life that i can have..
ameennn....

NAK HAPDATE BLOG LA

Salam..

OMG da lama gila kot tak menulis..
well actually the other day i started to write something.. also tried to post a few photos, mostly gambar kawen pasha&bella yg kat shah alam convention center tu tp that day donno why takleh nak upload lak photo and asyik crash jer.. so post tu pon tak sempat di published kan..

btw..
harini aku cam sangat bosan..
dan aku cam tgh ada problem kat office.. work problems la..
aku malas sbnanyer nak fikir pasal masalah kerja ni.. lagi2 sekang ni bila aku da langsung takda rasa minat nak keje kat tempat tu dah..
da puas gak aku apply kat byk tempat tapi takda yg panggil lagi.. so nak buat caner kan.. sabar & tahan je la buat masa ni..

semalam aku gi karoke dgn fariq bulat, odie and david..
aku cam pelik gila ada david kat situ.. tah dari mana datang nyer dier tetiba da baik dgn odie comolot bagao (hahaha... derang mmg da lama baik pon)
so odie pon ngajak la dier gi karoke ngn kitorang.. walaupon dier da setahun lebih kat paris buat master..  wavelength dier dgn kitorang still x sama.. (ada kaitan ke master kat paris dgn wavelength diva???)
dier karoke amek lagu orang2 tua la.. lagu ala2 rock ni.. pastu ada pulak dier amek lagu rihanna stay tu? mampu?
lagu lullaby buat org tido tu..
mmg x masok la dgn 3 diva ni yg sibuk melalak lagu anuar zain nyer, lagi kathijah ibrahim, lagu beribu sesalan nyer..
u see the gap there?
im not complaining.. and im not saying i dont like him being there.. tp aku rasa cam bersalah and agak kesian pasal dier cam a bit left out.. when we laughed about some inside jokes which im sure he doesnt know of.. dier pon nak gelak sekali..
maybe he was trying to make it less awkward kot.. haih ntah la..
takpe2... aku ok je nak kuar ngn dier lagi kalau next time dier nak ikot la..
maybe it takes time la kot kan.. hehe..

haa and btw, tadi aku kuar lg ngn odie zarek david and syamim ke the curve.. kitorang pi makan tony romas syamim belanja.. xda la belanja sumer, dier cam bayar separuh tapi boleh la kan..
kononnyer nak make up pasal cancel trip ke taman negara haritu.. awww, u didnt have to.. tp if u insist... hahaha kitorang mmg tak menolak..

owh, speaking of which, we went to taman negara haritu for 3 days.. not so much of taman negara pon, we stayed at kampung bantal which is one of the kampungs situated by the river banks..
went to orang asli nyer perkampungan, handed out food and clothes to them.. got to see their houses and way of living..
dapat la mandi sungai pahang tu kan.. air dier sangat deras.. tu pon kitorang mandi tempat cetek jer.. kalau dalam air mesti da hannyut da odie.. eh..

owh btw, lupa nak citer trip ke taman negara tu aku pegi dgn odie, zarik and hairi..
ikot plan asalnyer bali n samem pon nak join tp bali x dpt cuti pastu samem xnak drive sengsorang dari kelantan sebab bali cancel blablabla.. so kami berempat je la..

sepanjang kat taman negara tu mmg gigih aku buat video bagai.. pastu gigih la aku upload kat utube channel aku tp nan hado view pon.. aku sndiri pon tak tgk lagi video2 yg aku buat tu.. haha..

and kitorang salu main taboo kat sana.. taboo kat phone je la.. hairi sangat bersemangat.. dasar taknak kalah!! eh..
last day tu pegi kanopy walk.. cam bosan jer..

balik dr taman negara singgah ke kuantan, teluk cempedak.. pegi umah hairi makan tghari bagai..
ok cam malas lak nak citer pasal taman negara ni..
overall trip ni so so je la.. duit yg habis pon so so jer.. so okay la kan.. dapat la escape dari KL kejap.. walaupon keseluruhan trip tu cam suam2 kuku jer pada aku..

owh nak citer gak.. aritu after wedding rahim and kina kitorang ada pegi main futsal n frisbee kat ferro futsal..
ni sumer atas usaha kak zati la buat event kat fb and ajak budak2 ni ramai..
pendek citer , mmg sonok dapat main frisbee aritu.. tapi aku main futsal kejap sangat.. hehe..
banyak main frisbee je..
rasa cam bersalah lak kalau aku nak keluar frisbee and masok main futsal pasal dalam event tu aku da vote nak main frisbee..
hmm.. takpe la.. sumer pon da lepas.. yg penting aku happy jer main haritu..
tp the next day tu aku cam penat gila.. rasa cam nak demam pon ada..

haaaa..

aku still x paham kenapa aku takleh nak post gambar kat sini..

owh btw, before aku terlupa.. tadi masa kat the curve aku jumper nazim othman pelakon tu..
memula aku nampak dari jauh jer.. pastu cakap kat odie.. pastu ontua tu ajak aku pi amek gambar.. pasal mamat nazim othman tu cam jauh aku pon cam malas la nak semangat nak amek gambar bagai..
tp odie cam semangat nak kejar..
last2 mamat tu masok salon snips tu nak potong rambut agaknyer.. so tak sampai la harapan aku nak bergambar dgn nazimothman..
lagipon cam segan gak nak amek gambar dgn dier sebab baju aku cam selebet sangat tadi time pegi curve.. hehe.. so takleh la nak amek gambar dgn retis kan.. nnt nampak hudoh sangat pulak..
eh camtu pulak?
hahahaha..


okla tu kot..
aku rasa cam da citer je apa aku nak citer kat sini.. da malas da..
aku nyer stamina nak nulis blog da semakin menurun la..
faktor usia kot ni..

ok la..sampai di lain masa..
later~~

MEMBEBEL

salam..

now kat office.. macam xda keje je.. so aku rasa nak menulis.. tapi satgi kol 530 nak meeting lak pasal celcom tu..
macam bangang gak la kol 5.30 nak ajak meeting.. orang nak balik da kot time tu.. agak2 kalau aku kata taknak join the freaking celcom meeting tu boleh x? aku mmg da malas gila da ni.. pastu aku da lama x ke gym so rasa mmg kena pegi gym harini although im not sure if i brought my gears with me when i left the office this morning..
xpe la.. kalau ada baju kasut sumer aku pegi la nnt kalau xda aku x pegi la..
tapi aku mmg nak pegi kot.. maybe aku akan balik umah dan pegi gym after maghrib.. tp selalu nyer bila da balik tu mmg niat nak pegi gym tu terpadam serta merta..

ok panjang lak melalut pasal gym kan..
pokoknyer kat sini, kalau aku join meeting celcom ni mungkin aku x sempat nak ke gym.. tp mungkin meeting celcom ni takda la lama pon kot.. paling2 lama pon maybe stgh jam..

owh btw, pagi tadi aku ada tender interview celcom yg sangat sempoi tadi.. buat penat je aku cam mengelabah nak stadi bagai the night before.. i fret for nothing.. eh takda la for nothing pon kot.. atleast i gained some valuable knowledge in design and products.

ok nak cakap pasal benda lain la.. walaupon otak dan hati aku agak tertekan sekang ni memikirkan akan ada meeting pukol 5.30.. technically aku da clock out kol 5.30.. sesuke hati nak meeting bagai lak.. bukan ada ot ke apa..

haha berkira nyer aku..

ada lagi satu benda yg aku tgh tensionkan sekang ni tapi takpe la.. aku rasa benda tu kechik je.. kalau didiamkan nnt lama2 ilang la tu kot..

aku lately rasa macam kurang happy.. rasa macam missing something which i dont know what.. dulu tak berapa lama dulu aku rasa cam happy.. rasa cam cukop and i wasnt complaining.. tapi lately rasa cam ada kekurangan..

mungkin pasal aku risau umur da meningkat tapi still x kahwin lagi?

mungkin aku risau pasal mungkin aku xkan ada jodoh?

mungkin aku risau yang aku akan mati muda?



haddoi la.. malas gak sebenanyer nak mikirkan pasal benda ni.. satu pasal aku taktau nak buat apa tentang nyer.. rasa cam helpless.. and aku tak suker bila mengalami kekecewaan..


omg im so morbid because i keep thinking that im going to die young.. pelik nyer. aku cam tak kisah..
dulu mungkin aku akan cam like "hey come on la, i will be someone.. i will do something amazing that people will remember me by like forever.."
maybe ive changed..

well, actually kalau diberi peluang, aku nak jadi macam tu.. jadi penting.. jadi hebat gila.. jadi famous sampai orang berkurun2 akan datang pon akan cakap pasal aku.. contohnyer macam gengiz khan ke(how to spell his name?) or macam alexander the great ke.. justin bieber ker.. #random

hahaha over nyer berangan..

tapi kalau setakat nak je benda tu tapi takda apa2 usaha mmg takkan dapat la kan..
bukannyer aku taknak usaha.. tapi macam kalau usaha pon takkan dapat jer..

pasal orang dalam dunia ada 70000000 kot.. masing2 pon ada cita2 asipirasi sendiri.. masing2 nak jadi special.. masing2 nak jadi macam yg aku cakap tadi.. ok mungkin bukan semua tapi ramai la yg nak..
what makes me special? what should i do to be special?

tu yg aku taktau nak jawab tu.. so aku pon stuck kat sini.. feeling unsatisfied.. unfulfilled..
i feel it inside that i was born for greatness.. but the greatness is nowhere to be found.. so im left here stuck.. dumbfounded.. and hopeless..

nak complain banyak2 pon tak guna.. umor makin meningkat.. kalau asyik mikirkan pasal ni.. last2 hidup ni jadi sia2 je la.. pasal asyik fikir dan idamkan benda yg takkan kunjung tiba.. macam mat jenin la lebih kurang..

makin lama makin tua.. so daripada berangan benda2 macam tu.. hidup harus diteruskan.. lagipon kita sebagai muslim ada tujuan yg lebih penting dihidupkan kat bumi Allah ni kan..

aku rasa ni la jawapan ustat2 ataupon alim ulama kalau ditanya pasal benda ni..
bukan la aku nak cakap jawapan derang ni tak betul.. mmg betul pon jawapan yg kita ni khalifah dan tugas n tanggungjawab kita untuk menyampaikan islam, memakmurkan bumi islam blablabla..

tp speaking as a human, that answer doesnt completely fill the gap i feel inside..

maybe its in my gene? hahahaha kelakar lak rasa.. lahir2, kecik2 terus rasa nak famous.. mmg sejak dari dalam perot.. kelakar nyer.. very the vain..

but i also partially believe why i have this kind of feeling/mindset is because thats how i was brought up.. it was my surroundings that had thought me to be like this like that..

maybe..
thats just my believe... it might not be true.

but then again.. what is true and what is not? who says the truth is the truth? who decides whats right whats wrong?

maybe thats why ISLAM is more than just religion.. its way of life.. wanna know whats right whats wrong? come back to Islam..


OH God the Almighty... i pray to you to give me the feeling of ease and fulfillment in my heart.. so i can stop looking for the wrong things in life and start appreciating and working on the right things for myself, my family and friends..

I know Youre the most powerful, Arrahman Arrahim.. only You I ask from and only You can make it happen..
sesungguhnyer kepada Kau aku meminta dan kepada Kau aku kembali..


haaaa ok macam serius pulak the end of this entry..
maybe should stop here.. almost 5.30.. aku tak solat lagi..


later~~~