takda kijer lagi kita jadi mari bebel

 

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Sesungguhnya aku berbelah bagi nak tulis blog harini.. but since I am not sure what work I should be doing, then I thought maybe aku boleh tulis blog dulu..

Dan sambil2 tu aku boleh listkan item2 yg aku nak bebelkan disini..

1.       Contract Renewal & Interview

Baru semalam aku terima surat dari HR T7 untuk contract renewal aku.. diorang sambung for another 6 months jer.. aku masih belum sign sebab aku nak tunggu interview results aku dengan 2 company yg aku interview minggu lepas dan semalam 28/12/2021

Ok lemme rant a little bit about the contract renewal.. rasa mcm sangat mengambil kesempatan kan t7 ni dengan situasi aku dan juga staff2 yg lain.. takda pun dia nak bagi increment der.. to be honest mmg aku dah takda pilihan lain but to accept the contract renewal je la.. at the same time kita intai2 la tempat lain mana tau ada vacancy..

When I reflect on the amount of work that I do for my current position, I guess the pay and the lack of benefits are justified actually.. I don’t have a lot of work pun.. Cuma when I keep thinking about it, I feel like I deserve better, but if I were to base it of the amount of work, then its justified..

So I am not gonna complain, if I don’t like it, I can always look for other opportunities kan.. and at the same time I just have to remind myself that this is the best for me for the time being, the best that God has planned for me.. if I really deserve something different then God would allow me to get an interview and get another job..

Owh about the 2 interview sessions that I went for.. the 1^st one was when I was in kemaman and I think it went well but I am yet to get the results.. I have informed the HR about the contract renewal from my current company and me having to serve the notice period if I have signed the contract renewal but there has been no answer from their side..

So based on the current circumstance, I guess I didn’t get the job so aku redha je lah..

For my 2^nd interview that I had yesterday, it was thru google meet.. it’s a consultancy firm but the offer is not so attractivev.. contract position juo.. 6 months to 1 year juo term dia.. tapi gaji aku mintak mmg lebat la..

On the interview itself, I think it didn’t go as well as the 1^st one coz there were many that I couldn’t answer.. and I am not the kind of person who will goreng my answer.. if I don’t know or I am not sure, or not familiar, I will just be honest and tell them the truth.. so I guess there is little chance I will get the offer.. but you never know kan… Cuma aku tak berharap pun nak dpt keje tu..

Tapi kalau dpt that offer then I will demand t7 to counter offer la… hahaha… jahat x?? tak jahat pun aku rasa… dalam hidup kena la panda ikan get the best deal…

2.       Job Security

I had this conversation with my wife last night.. actually I have been thinking about it for quite some time la.. in todays world mmg da takda job security dah.. kalau ada pun untuk certain industries je la.. macam medicine, education, polis bomba tu mungkin kita boleh expect job security…

Tp kalau keje lain2 tu mmg dah takda da sekarang.. keje permanent pun boleh kena buang… keje government pun banyak agencies yg amek contract staff jer.. well doctor pun banyak je yg contract.. Cuma dari segi security ty doctor mcm lebih terjamin berbandin yg lain2 la..

So we all need to have this mindset tentang perubahan dalam aspek job security… and once we have this mindset kita akan rasa its okay if we lose job now… coz it was never secured or permanent anyway… nothing guarantees it so we aint gotta be too sad if we were to lose our job la.. just keep applying at other places je la.. or you can always venture into self-emplyment kinda job like becoming an insurance agent or property agent or unit trust agent… any agent la senang cakap..

Rezeki Allah ada di mana.. mungkin pada dasar Nampak mcm satu musibah bila kita kehilangan kerja tapi it could also be a blessing, mana tau dengan ketiadaan kerja itu memberi kita peluang utk mencuba dalam bidang yg lain2 kan.. semua yg berlaku tu pasti ada hikmah nyer.. yakin lah perancangan Allah itu yg terbaik untuk kita..

3.       Gym

Not sure what to bebel here.. just nak share, I have been going to the gym daily since last Friday 24 December 2021.. and so far I like it…

The part that I don’t like is the body aches la.. all over my body sakit weh… ini adalah tanda2 penuaan.. tapi harini mcm da kurang da la.. so harini aku boleh aku Kembali mengangkat besi..

Adalah diharap bila badan aku dah biasa dengan gym nnt takda la sakit2 lagi rasanya.. dan I really want to make it more like a lifestyle.. which means something that I will do daily.. kalau skip pun, Cuma skip sehari sajo…

Kalau aku kena pergi outstation pun aku akan cuba untuk jogging, insyallah…

The reason yg aku nak pergi gym nis bb aku dah bayar RM1800 untuk 16 bulan weh… gigih kan aku bayor guna duit hasil dari trading aku tu.. which I believe berbaloi la sbb kalau di kira2 sebulan Cuma RM112.50 sajork.. which is cheap la juo untuk celebrity fitness ittew..

Semoga aku istiqomah dan aku terus sihat.. main intention is to become more fit and stay healthy la..

4.       Bateri Kereta mati

Ni adalah satu permasalahan yg paling aku sakit hati ni.. kereta aku nyer bateri da mampus lagi.. haritu da mati aku dah tukar.. dalam masa 2 minggu mati semula… dan aku tukar.. ni mati lagi… habis dekat rm400 da tukar batteri sebelum2 ni…

Aku suspect sebab ada problem dengan radio tu yg batteri kena sedut je tu… sakit pulak hati kiter ni…

So kena aku pergi repair radio tu dulu dan pergi tukar bateri kereta… nak guna $$ lagi tu… adehai.. rasa mcm nak nangis pun ada.. tapi apalah faedah nyer menangis.. pergi je la repair.. anggap je lah takda rezeki.. ini adalah ketentuan Tuhan… tapi tetap la sakit hati nyer tu…

 

Oklah aku nak buat claim aku untuk bulan 12.. dan berharap2 dapat la approval by today jugak aku boleh hantar ke HR kejap lagi…

 

mari update sedikit sebanyak perkara2 dalam hidup ini...

 

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Omgeee kekenyangan aku sekarang… baru lepas makan lunch nasi kukus abang bo.. kenyang molek… ngantuk pulak tu..

Sebab tengah bosan dan taktau nak buat keje apa… jadi marilah kita membebel dalam ni.. untuk menjadikan penulisan ni lebih terurus, mari kita buat dalam bentuk point form..

1.       T7 Annual Gala Dinner

Theres nothing much to talk pun… last Friday 17/12/2021 ada annual dinner t7.. the food was ok la.. Chinese course dekat hotel pavillion.. syok jugak la makan hotel kan.. da lama jugak tak rasa makan hotel..

Da lama jugak tak dress up cantik2 utk dinner… so gigih la aku buat rambut, sembur perfume baru mistix men warna putih yg sangat harum aroma nyer ittew.. I think I looked good, puffy but still good.. damn I so need to go to gym and lose weight… ok I will cover the topic of gym in the next point.. lets talk more about the dinner..

Ada la lucky draw but I feel like something fishy sebab yg menang lucky draw sumer selected few ajer.. dan those yg menang sumer mmg company men.. yg permanent position..

Ye I don’t have any proof if the draw was rigged.. but it sure felt that way.. anyhow, its fine la.. I didn’t have to pay anything pun for the dinner nor the draw… but if it was rigged, then I wish the company to lose money in the following years… haa tiber nak emo… kan da kena carot…

Besides that ada competition tiktok videos la… and I just couldn’t be bothered to join.. it turned out semua yg ada video submission company akan bagi RM300.. rasa cam nyesal lak x submit… submit yg bodo2 je pon da dalam 300 kan senang2.. huhu.. maybe next time..

Rasa tu je la kot pasal dinner… on to the next topic..

 

2.       Gym

Dah lama dah rasa nak start pergi gym dan exercise sbb badan da makin mengembang.. makin gemok.. so plan nyer nak pergi join gym celebrity fitness kat endah parade tu.. should I or should I not??
maybe I should go check it out dulu… haritu masa dinner kat subway endah parade tu aku Nampak the gym but I didn’t go ask pulak.. tengok la petang ni or esok nak pergi tanya la..

Besides gym aku mmg nak diet la.. tapi da makin tua ni makin susah nak diet.. contoh macam harini.. makan mmg x jaga… sumbat je sumer benda kan.. dan cepat nor la rasa lapar nyer… padahal pagi tadi da makan roti canai 2 keping… lunch makan nasi kukus ayam goreng pulak..

Ada jugak terfikir nak puasa tapi mcm susah bebenor la pulak rasanya nak menahan perut yg asyik kelaparan jer ni.. adehai..

Takpe, kita mulakan dengan gym tu.. kalau da bayar rm300 sebulan, kena la gigihkan diri untuk pergi workout kan.. kalu x terasa rugi pulak bayor nnt..

Semoga diberi kerajinan..

 

3.       Alkhautar annual fees

Macam random jugak topic ni.. sebab nyer tengah berkira2 nak pergi gym tapi at the same time nak kena set aside duit untuk bayar annual fees utk preschool anak2 dekat alkauthar ni..close to 6k for 2 kids.. rasa mcm botak kepala aku ni..

So harapan nyer tentulah duit dari trading aku ni..

Harini trading agak sendu yer… sumer sebab last week Friday aku x close position so membawa la ke harini…tengah floating lagi tu.. tapi x banyak.. dalam usd8 jer… nak close sekarang pun x boleh… balik nnt kat umah la baru boleh sbb guna AWS VPS kan.. and only accessible thru my desktop at home..

Disebabkan annual fees ni rasa mcm stress jugak sbb nak berjimba beli barangan2 yg bukan2 pun x boleh sbb mmg kena simpan duit.. tapi takpe la.. untuk anak2 juo..

 

4.       Interview

Just nak share last week Thursday when I was in kemaman I had a virtual interview.. apply dekat linked in on wenzday tu rasanya.. aku main apply je kan.. lepas tu dapat phone call dan terus set interview..

So I think it went well but I never know kan.. kadang kita rasa ok tapi x dapat keje tu… ada jugak yg rasa mcm shit tapi dapat pulak keje tu..

So I think I just wait and pray for the best la..

Aku mcm excited sbb ni permanent position tapi akan kena pergi site juo la.. so aku still x sure how I will do if I got the job.. gaji naik sikit la dari sekarang ni..

Pastu ada benefit medical card utk whole family katanya..

Haritu tebiu dengan HR dgn PM dia.. PM tu mcm banyak explain pasal project yg dia jaga.. usually kalau orang beriya share pasal project tu dia nak ambik kita la tu kot.. so aku mcm seronok la jugak.. tapi selagi belum ada black & white I can only wish and pray for whats best for me la..

Contract aku dengan tanjong pun sampai end of the month je.. so masa tebiu tu aku bagitau la I would be available by 1 Jan 2022..

So now I am at a waiting game.. wait for the interview results and official offer, then I will inform my PM at tanjong, and see if tanjong will counter offer.. although that’s highly unlikely but whatever it is, I will wait and see.. maybe I should inform tanjong that the new offer is a permanent position with gaji sekian sekian, and see if they will counter offer..

Oh Allah, I seek from you to give me patience and also to grant me with the best options for me..

Doa beriya tapi solat zuhur pun belum.. lets finish this rambling soon so I can go solat zuhur..

 

5.       Property agent

Just nak share la my plan.. in the event yg mana aku x dpt the job offer from the new company… and tanjong also decides to not renew my contract.. then I will try my luck at becoming a property agent..

And in the mean time untuk sustain kehidupan I will rely on my trading income money…

So we will wait and see and pray…

Back to praying jugak kan… which is a good thing la coz I always go back to asking from God…

 

6.       Kemalasan melanda

Semenjak dua menjak ni kemalasan aku sangat memuncak yer..

Well actually ive always been a lazy mofo but dunno la since last month mmg rasa malas yahamats….

Taktau nak describe caner tapi mmg malas la..

Boleh kata hari2 jugak aku doa supaya dihilangkan perasaan malas tu.. tp still malas juo..

Ada dengan ceramah ustaz hanan attaki… dia kata kalau kita berdoa dengan Allah tu, kalau belum dpt.. kita kena sentiasa doa.. so aku pun bercadang untuk terus berdoa supaya perasaan malas aku ni akan hilang dan aku menjadi seorang yg productive dan tidak malas…

 

7.       Masa depan

Macam random dan agak vague je topic masa depan ni.. begitu juo la masa depan aku sekarang ni… mcm susah nak explain tapi I simply cant imagine what I would be doing in 5 years time… or 10 years time…

I cant possibly expect my trading will continue to be great in the future like it is now… for short term mmg ok la.. tapi aku mcm x Nampak masa depan dengan trading..

Masa depan sebagai engineer or manager pun aku x Nampak…

Truth be told, I am clueless with what I want to pursue… rasa mcm takda arah tujuan.. I just go with the flow.. just do whats in front of me without having a vision or a goal.. what I want to achieve in years to come.. rasa mcm loser.. what I am waiting for??? Waiting to be inspired?? Waiting for someone to point me in the right direction??

What direction is that?? How do I know it’s the right direction??

How long do I need to wait??

Is waiting the right thing to do??

Eh macam2 pulak persoalan dalam kepala ni…

Apa2 pun I will go back to basic.. which is to ask and pray from God.. truly that’s the only constant that I know and I am sure of… just go back to God and ask away..

Yes I will stick to praying and asking God with regards to every aspect of my life, insyallah itll work out somehow…

 

8.       Banjir

Sekarang ni Selangor, KL, N9, Pahang sedang berlaku banjir.. selain dari tu berlaku tanah runtuh dekat highway karak..

Supposedly aku kena pergi kemaman semalam.. tapi disebabkan banjir dan tanah runtuh.. jalan ke kemaman pun tutup..

Aku mmg malas nak pergi pun sebenarnyer.. especially when I think about the possibility of my contract not being renewed..

But as soon as the road is accessible, I will go la to kemaman…

But I need to get TRF approved first… need to discuss with my PM Nasrul Hadi, when exactly should I be going to kemaman…

I need to go to tok bali actually to identify and verify the E&I materials… rasa mcm sengal tu pun nak suruh aku kan…

Eh malas sungguh la rasanya.. apa2 pun we wait and see..

Okla da takda apa2 nak update sini… I want to go solat zuhur and pray sebanyak2 nyer dengan Allah semoga semua urusan dipermudah dan aku dapat keje yg baik.. dan hilang rasa malas… dan aku berasa senang dan tenang…

 

Daaa~~~

WHAT DO I WANT ACTUALLY????

 

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If I have really found a method in which I don’t have to work 9 to 5 yet still be able to earn money, is it so wrong of me to actually choose that instead??

I mean, to quit my day job and just stay at home, do nothing and just wait for the money to grow and collect it at the end of the month??

Yes it does sound too good to be true and I have to admit that I am skeptical.. I still cant believe it 100% and I am aware of the risk involved but why do I feel so compelled to go thru with this plan tho?

Why ? why? Why?

Why am I so lazy that I don’t want to work?

If I choose to quit my engineer job and go thru with the risky plan that might work, and might also make me bankrupt… is that so bad tho??

I have heard the saying that life rewards those who are brave and I am trying to be brave now by taking this risk but at the same time I just cant shake this feeling that I am signing my own death warrant….

Oh my god…

I don’t want to feel this way…

I don’t want to be lazy.. but I just am…

I don’t want to not live in peace.. I want tranquility.. I want peace of mind.. I want happiness.. but what is happiness tho??

Does happiness equate being rich and successful?

Or according to my current state of mind, does happiness equate to not doing anything? Just lazing around??

I used to think that being rich and famous can give me happiness, but now I don’t think that’s true anymore.. in fact, I am still confused with the concept of happiness…

Maybe feeling enough with what God has given me, and I will not ask or want for anything more… maybe that will make me happy… maybe??

How do I achieve that tho? I don’t think its something that we can easily get just by asking from God.. I feel like we gotta do something in order to feel enough and adequate with what we are blessed with…

So we should focus on the good things in life and celebrate the positives… but syaitan is everywhere and working non stop to make us humans forget to be grateful… to always want more..

But… why must I think that wanting more a bad thing tho? Why must I associate wanting more, being rich to syaitans evil doing??

Right now my mind is a mess and I don’t know what to think, what to focus on.. I don’t know what I want.. do I want wealth? Do I want to be rich? Or do I want to just have the grateful feeling and not ask more than what I deserve??

Maybe I want all of them… maybe I don’t want any of them… I don’t know…

I just want to be happy I guess.. I want to feel excited with life again… I want to experience all the good things that this life can offer… like having fun with friends, going places.. eating good food, play good sports that make you sweat like a pig..

I want to be carefree and happy like I once was in my youth that I didn’t have any worry about anything at all.. but I know that’s just wishful thinking and I can never get them back…

I read on my friends fb post about his work that requires him to learn new things, adapt to new technologies yadayada.. and him comparing his job to others who do routine job.. and that seem mundane and having to do the same thing over and over and that will lead to inexplicable boredom, according to him…

But why choose difficultines & challenges when you can have easy things?? Is it necessary to keep changing, keep learning, keep adapting and keep up keeping up with all the new advancement in life?? Why cant we just stay stagnant and just be where we want to be??

I guess the answer to that is, yes we can actually.. we can choose ease.. we can choose stagnance.. that will depend on what we want in life…

Do we want to move forward? Or do we want to just be the same person until the day we die??

Maybe this is an age old question but whatever you decide in your life, just know that its your decision and its nobodys business to tell you otherwise..

So I come back to my initial concern about me not wanting to continue being and engineer but just want to laze around doing nothing at home… provided that I know how to earn the money and necessities to survive and thrive…

If that’s what I want now, its okay I guess…

Its okay to take a break from this rat race and try this new way of living where I will not be in constant competition trying to be better than others…

This life where I can wake up at noon everyday and go to sleep at 4am everynight with nobody to care for…

But I don’t know if I can do that coz ive got dependents, my family… my kids.. and that means responsibilities… I cant be doing that now, can i??

So this brings me to the question of why do people get married tho??

I can only answer based on my knowledge, my experience and based on my own personal reasons why I got arried..

1.       I want to be a good son. I thought(still think) that me getting married will make my parents happy

2.       I want to be a good muslim

3.       Marrigage is a good thing.. good from Islamic pov and family pov

4.       I don’t think anyone wants to marry me so when my wife agreed when I asked, I thought if I don’t get married now, then I probably never will

5.       I don’t want to grow old alone

6.       I don’t want to die alone

7.       I want my kids and grandkids to still du’a for me after my death

I know I should be grateful.. but saying that I want to be grateful and actually being grateful are two different things…

Maybe it’s the syaitans again, telling me to not be grateful, to have regrets etcetera…

Do I need to pray more? Do I need to zikir more? To be protected from syaitans whispers??

Maybe I need to rejuvenate and replenish my iman… ive heard people say that our iman does fluctuates and it needs constant work to keep it afloat.. we need to surround ourselves with good people to do that… go to majlis ilmu and actually do good things… but at my current state of mind… I want none of that so how can I pull myself out of this misery?? I don’t even want to actually…

I just want to sleeeeeeeeeppppppp

 

I AM LAZY... GOD PLEASE HELP

 

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I wish I can be like people who are always motivated and looking forward to Mondays… right now I am not, NOT in the slightest…
its not that I hate Monday, I just really prefer to not have to come to work… lolz… dasar ayat seorang pemalas… and truth be told, I don’t want to be pemalas..

I think apart of the reason that I feel so malas and have no mood to go to work is because of the work that I do now…

And I often wonder, what other job can I do, or should I do… what other jobs that can provide me with joy and will make me feel motivated and full of spirit, excited and look forward to coming to work..

I can give several answers to that, but there is none that I feel 100% confident that the feeling will not wither.. maybe I am just wired like that, meaning that I am wired to easily get bored and lose interest in something quite fast…

When I first started my Takaful advisor journey, I enjoyed it.. although there were a few times that I felt so leceh and frustrated, especially when the application got rejected or postponed due to health issues.. having to deal with deferment is very tiresome and not fun at all..

And that has led me to kind of lose interest in the industry altogether.. but I still have not completely stopped.. I just don’t do the prospecting thingy anymore coz I simply don’t like it… and I don’t feel the need now coz I have a full time job as an engineer..

I don’t entirely hate nor like my job as an engineer tho… it is Mondays like today that make me feel so malas to get to work and repeat the same cycle for the week, again and again.. which is the reason I get bored.. I still do go to work tho, otherwise, how else am I gonna afford life..

It is ramadan now, and I pray almost everyday, and every Friday during Friday prayers that I will be able to get rid of this laziness inside of me.. that I will find something that I thoroughly enjoy that I wont feel like I am working.. I so envy those who do…

But in the mean time, I just have to cope and bertahan… coz it don’t matter if I am bored or lazy or not in the mood… my bills don’t care about that, they will keep coming everytime…

One more thing that I will try starting from this new month, is that I intend to give more money to my parents… if before I give 300, 400, sometimes 500 to my mother only…

This month I want to give 500 to both my mother and father, and for duit raya, maybe 100 for each of them…

I hope with this giving attitude, Allah will grant me so much more in life, will grant my prayers and wish to be happy and rich, for my little family to grow healthy and happy and be successful and contributing citizens… eh skema pulak ayat…

Anyway, I think I know what I want to do today, and it is a lot… so until next time… later~~