VLOG??

hello sumer..

so aku nak citer la kat sini pasal keinginan aku nak start buat vlog.. masa mula2 dulu aku cam nakbuat vlog pasal aku nak tiru si mehayam texas luan legacy tu.. tapi aku ni seorang yg ego so aku pon takda buat.. coz im pretty sure if i were to start it then id be talking like him and its so not me to copy others.. huhu.. im too egoistic for that..

so kat sini aku nak citer la.. haritu time balek keje.. hujan renyai2.. dan aku ikot kesas nak balek ke puchong tu.. sampai la kat simpang ke kinrara tu aku tgk kete kat atas jalan kat kesas tu maacam cilake nyer ramai.. so i decided to take the simpang to kinrara instead.. and little did i know.. because of the rain, the jalan to puchong via kinrara was congested even worse than kesas was...

so pasal da stuck kat jam yg cam haram... i started talking to myself coz i wanted to stay fresh.. it works for me.. to talk to myself when i feel sleepy.. i did that when i was driving to and back from penang a few months back... noel tu membuta da time tu... so aku sorang2 je la bermonolog dalaman katanya...

ok back to my story, aku pon mula bercakap seorang diri.. and it was rather brilliant that the topic that i was rambling about was how i coped up with breakups.. or maybe it was more on my realtionships and breakups since i was f2... untill the most recent.. and also during that time i was my most honest self.. i think that was the time aku citer about everything.. no secrets held.. 

and of coz i was pretending to be telling these stories to someone else... ada la sikit2 feeling2 wardina bercerita kisah2 nabi kepada budak2..

i just thot, had i taped or rcorded myself talking about my past relationships and breakups.. it be a cool video... ok maybe aku je perasan kot..

ok maybe one of these days aku akan cuba cakap balik pasal tu and record it.. tapi rasa cam highly unlikely jer.. passal benda2 camni takleh nak di plan.. takleh nak dipaksa.. what i said the other day while driving in the rain with the radio playing slow romantic songs... it was sooo subtle and perfect for my confessions.. huhu... unplanned... so genuine...

i dont even know what smitten means

ok lame nyer entry ni... da la nak layan masterchef malaysia yaw baru dload... laterz~~~

whats happening to me??

haih la..

starting this post with a question that ive been asking myself for so long.. its probably been years already.. its really mind-boggling to me coz up until now i still dont know the answer.. maybe its not important for me to know what happened but more importantly is to know what i should do about it..

aiyoo.. taktau buah butir terus cakap pasal soalan "whats happening to me?" kan...

well it started just a while ago when i was reading my frens tweets and then i saw this

"
these things don't interest me anymore. i don't know what does. maybe i'm just getting old.
"

haaaa... the same thing happened to me.. but its been years.. even when i was in auckland.. it was as if i'd lost my way.. hmm.. how do i say this without sounding like a total loser or a moron.... i just felt fed up with everything... which is silly coz i havent had everything yet.. there are still so many things i havent tried or tasted in this life so why the hell that i felt so damn old already??

hmmm i dont know what happened... everything just seems so insignificant...  i dont know what is significant anymore.. and thats the problem..

when i was still a student.. passing my exams and obtaining that degree was the purpose of my life.. that was then.. now i feel kinda lost.. dont know what to pursue.. dont know whats worth to pursue.. and even if i know what is it that i want to pursue, i probably dont know how to pursue them.. as of now, what i can think of that i want to pursue is to become rich..

eh motip sgt gambar paris hilton bogel = rich??

but becoming rich is soooo cliche and generic right.. and even if i had all the money in the world, i still have the doubt that the wealth will make me feel content.. maybe it will but i dont know.. its not like a i can choose if want to become rich or not..

haih... that part about being rich is sooo random..

so my point is... i find everything boring now... and i have no idea what to do to get me to feel happy or excited again..

well this begs another question that ive also been trying to aswer... are happiness and excitement two different things?? i suppose they do differ in definition from each other.. but i think excitement is how it begins and happiness is where it ends?? huhu.. im still confused with these two words... maybe need to have discussions with my frens to know what their opinions about this.. perlu ke??

in my mind, i picture happiness as something that is all positive i think...

but for some reason i tend to relate it with something boring.. maybe boredom??... maybe im just used to the idea of 'challenges in life make our live worth living', rather than just having a perfect life (rich, famous, good looking etc)..for example the royalty.. i would think their lives are more boring... maybe im wrong.. but who cares...

and also excitement is not always good u know... excitement is what u feel when ur trying something new... this includes when u meet someone new... but  not everything new is good for us.. it all depends on the circumstances that we're in.. an example would be if u are in a relationship with someone/something and suddenly u felt bored because u think u'r happy now and that ur life is now less challenging.. u think that sucks coz u feel bored and ur also worried that uve settled with just something decent in your life and not something awesome.. so u seek someone/something new coz u know they offer excitement... but later u'll probably lose all the good things that u had before.. and then u are left with nothing but rejection and peoples remorse... and that kinda sucks too... so which is better?? to be happy but kinda bored or to be miserable but excited?? hahaha bodoh nyer soklan ni...

u think there are those who dont choose happiness??

so funny why im burdening my head with all these when obviously they dont matter and are kinda silly as well..

so berbalik kepada the topic asal iaitu "kenapa aku rasa sumer benda bosan and how do i get around with it??"
is it hormonal?? or is it just age?
do i ignore it? do i do something?? and what should i do??

maybe i shouldnt care too much.. im afraid that my life is turning to something of nothingness and insignificance... well maybe that is okay... or maybe i just expected too much from myself... expected myself to achieve higher and better... expected that i would do something in my life that is meaningful and significant that people will remember me by... from where i stand now, i dont see anyway that is gonna happen.. but what do i know.. the future is yet to unfold itself and i think its best that we dont know ...

maybe i should just accept the possibility that i may not achieve the 'breakthru' that will make me who i want myself to be... or maybe it isnt the time yet??? haih la persoalan lagi... tapi mungkin persoalan ini juga bukan something yang aku patut fikirkan buat masa ini...

que serra serra what ever will be will be..

haih... i dont see the point of this entry... apparently its just another self-indulgent rubbish that i produce whenever im thinking about all the unimportant things... its not like im simon cowell or something...

i have MC tomorrow so im not working... what should i do with all the free time eh?? another blog entry??? haaa after this one, that is so highly unlikely la..

ps - i like najwa latiff

pss - i think online dating service sucks

psss - im bored with my iphone and ipad already

what to write??

salam..

sungguh aku taktau apa nak tulis kat sini sekarang.. tapi for some reason i felt macam nak tulis jugak.. mungkin sebab aku sekang takda keje kat umah mak kan.. dan esok raya haji.. hmm.. bapak aku sibuk soh aku pegi surau tolong orang buat korban.. i readlly dont fancy that.. maybe aku pegi la kejap kot.. tp takda la nak potong2 lembu tu kot.. satu pasal aku tak reti dan dua pasal aku taknak.. i just dont feel like it.. and i dont think its good to force it neither.. lebih kalau ikhlas.. haha bukan paksa ikhlas..

ok random.. ttiba je tercakap pasal raya haji dan bapak aku yg sibuk soh aku pi tolong orang surau tu..

hmmm.. aku mmg takda apa nak tulis pon.. memula tadi ada la rasa cam nak tulis pasal kenangan kat auckland.. to reminisce old times when i was there.. aku ada terbaca dalam blog seseorang dan die ada cakap pasal that junction between national bank nz and starbuck.. and sumer memory tu datang like a rush and i saw myself teary eyed.. huhu.. bukan nyer niat nak kenang kembali dan bersedih benda2 ni.. tapi it is apart of me and it will always be there.. untuk teringat kembali benda2 ni isnt a choice but to bersedih or be happy about them is our choice and i choose to be happy.. and i am happy that they happened..

ok enough with that..

so i also pondered for a while.. what is it in my life that i feel worthy to be written here now.. i could talk about how my frens invited me to go to tambun for lepak2 and capeks bachelor party katanya.. they just include me in their conference so thats how i knew.. but i still havent said anything there.. mungkin aku akan join mungkin tidak.. i still cannot decide that now..

aku juga ada pikir pasal how lame my job is compared to others.. but thats old news already so i choose not to talk about that now..

ok aku cakap aku taknak compare about my job to others but that doesnt mean i wont talk about my job at all.. because honestly right now.. at this point of my life my job is my life.. i know that sounds so sad but its the truth.. tapi takpe.. like i said my job isnt all bad.. kalau kita focus kat benda2 buruk so kita akan nampak buruk je la.. and often we forget ada je benda2 best dalam satu2 benda tu..

i really enjoy working when im with my frens.. alip, shah, raden, eric, jan, hapis.. they are my family now coz i see them everyday.. huhu.. and at times i do feel happy being around them despite the sucky job that we have.. and bila tensionn pasal keje atleast we have each other to complaint and whine to.. hahaha... and of coz the most popular topic is our boss si chan tu la.. pasal hes soooo... haih i dont know what word to use... lets just say, all of us feel the same way towards him and its not a good feeling..

hahaha... now that im thinking about work and how stupid and foolishly funny about  us is that we have created a few words of jargon that we say to each other and laugh about.. huhu...battery tester la.. disneyland la.. cucuk la..rotan la..bertongtong la.. ntah byk lagi la tak igt aku da..
i know my frens dont read my blog.. but issokey coz i do read my blog.. and even if they dont remember all these sweet memories that we have.. i will remember for all of us.. huhu

ok i m really running out of idea what to write about here.. akhir kata.. selamat hari raya aidiladha dan semoga raya kali ni ramai umat islam yg mendapat manfaat terbaik dari nya.. insyaallah..

saya mahu menulis

salam..

aku rasa macam nak menulis sekarang ni.. mungkin sebab aku rasa bosan.. atau mungkin pasal aku rasa macam perlu untuk mengekspresskan beberapa perasaan dlam hatiku ini.. aku ada jugak terfikir untuk update my fb status tapi aku rasa macam lame kalau buat cam tu.. cam tak best jer.. pasal aku rasa agak jelik bila aku baca newsfeed aku da ramai orang yg bising2 complain about their lives on facebook so i try not to do like them people hence im writing here..

aku taktau la kenapa aku rasa macam tak puas dgn kehidupan aku yg sekarang ni.. honest to god i never asked and never imagined to be living like this.. taktau la caner nak cakap.. aku rasa macam tak cukop.. macam ada benda atau benda2 yg masih takda.. haih.. aku tak reti la nak cakap lebih2..

hmm mungkin aku tau sbnanyer apa yg buat aku rasa cani.. tapi aku bingung.. dulu satu masa aku ada menyatakan perasaan aku yg resah dan salu rasa tak cukop ni kepada salah sorang member aku time kat auckland.. dan dier ada cakap something yg aku mmg tak nafikan mmg benar tapi sampai sekarang aku macam berat nak say it out loud.. die cakap aku perlu seek god in times of need like this.. hanya bila aku berserah pada dia aku akan rasa tenang dan cukop..

aku tau apa dier cakap betol tapi aku jer yg masih belom bersedia untuk menerimanya.. aku bukan nyer nak hidup dalam denial dan cuba untuk mengelak perkara ni.. tapi aku belom bersedia..

ada jugak aku tanya bila masa nyer yg aku akan jadi bersedia.. jujurnya mmg aku taktau.. aku tau apa yg aku perlu buat.. aku tau apa yg aku patut tinggalkan.. tapi aku masih degil.. aku selesa dgn cara hidop aku yg sekarang ni walaupon aku tau ianya tak baik untuk aku.. tapi walaupon aku sedar perkara ni aku masih lagi berdegil dan bertindak seolah2 ianya perkara remeh..

aku tau aku jahat.. deep down i do want to change.. but i just dont know how.. aku merasa seakan tidak berdaya.. lebih2 lagi sekarang ni.. mmg aku macam tak berdaya untuk change things.. mmg la nasib seseorang tu takkan berubah unless dier yg cuba untuk mengubah nyer.. tapi condition aku pada masa ini mmg tidak membenarkan aku untuk berubah.. aku mcm takda daya.. seperti tak mampu..

bukan saja tak berdaya nak berubah... niat untuk berubah tu sendiri pon tak berapa nak kuat.. pasal aku sangat gullible and often forget things that im supposed to be doing and not be doing.. i hate myself.. im torn apart... satu bahagian dalam diri aku sangat ingin berubah.. dan satu lagi bahagian seperti sudah malas nak melayan perasaan bersalah dalam diri aku yg sememang nya ada dari dulu lagi tapi tak pernah pulak aku act on these guilty feelings.. i stay sinned.. and keep doing what i do eventho i  know i shouldnt..

oh tuhan sungguh aku rasa lemah.. aku rasa buat masa ni the only way aku akan berubah if ada miracle dan aku dikurniakan hidayah yg akan menyebabkan my will power akan jadi sangat kuat dan at the same time dugaan yg menyukarkan dan menyebabkan aku merasa seakan tidak berdaya untuk berubah ni hilang ataupon ia sendiri yg akan mendorong aku kepada perubahan dan bukan kejahatan seperti sekarang ni..

tapi that is so highly unlikely.. aku taktau la nak buat apa.. aku bingung... aku takut... aku risau... dan aku rasa sangat sunyi sekarang ni.. aku rasa sangat terabai walaupon aku tahu tuhan tu takkan pernah mengabaikan hamba2nya... tapi pasal sekarang ni aku macam half half jer perasaan nak berubah... dan separuh lagi macam da tak kisah da, so aku rasa seolah2 tuhan pon da tak kisah dgn aku.. maybe dier pon da tak sayang aku.. da abandon aku.. aku sangat bingung la...

mungkin takda gunanya aku tulis panjang2 kat sini pasaal aku tau last2 jawapan dier tetap sama.. dan aku tau thats th only way.. tapi nonetheless i will still say this..

oh lord please dont leave me forsaken.. and as much as i feel that i dont deserve your love right now.. i still hope that u still hear my prayers.. coz without hope i have nothing else..

 

yang aku cari adalah ketenangan dan redha illahi

im pissed!!!

right now i just feel so geram.. i tried to chill it out and not think about it too much but that certain someone seems determined to burn some more of my anger fuel and now i feel like meletop already... aaarrrrggghhhh!!!!

i dont know what he will gain from making me feel so angry like this.. hell i dont care.. im just so pissed...

thats why i am writing here.. i know by writing this now will slowly calm me down and hopefully by the end of this entry i will be able to think more rationally, see things clearer and make better judgements for everyones sake..

it all started earlier this evening when i was so eager to watch again the documentary planet earth in my old external hardisk.. and i know myself as someone who can easily get distracted, went to see back my old photos from 2008 and started reminiscing.. i laughed and smiled when i saw my youger self looking so fine with the long hair and slim body etc etc..i was so happy with my life and had nothing to care for in life.. i thought it would be nice to share those memories that are so precious to me with the ones i care about now.. i like to share things.. thats just who i am..

i had the nicest intention to share those memories with this person.. but the contrary happened.. he said my photos make him feel sad and he didnt want to remember what happened... back then we were not in good terms.. we had our clashes and things were said and done.. hurtful things.. but i am here ready to make amends and move on.. to learn from past experience and start having a better life now.. but not this guy..  think he's just so unreasonable to still get upset after all that weve been through.. i thought we are over this.. and that now we are in good terms and weve already done the forgive and forget thingy..

haaa.... maybe apart of it is my fault.. maybe i didnt account for his feelings... obviously he was more hurt and more affected by what happened..the fighting and clashes we had in the past.. so it must be more difficult for him to let go.. haih..

i understand that.. coz from where he was at.. it was difficult for him to truly let go.. .. hell it was difficult for everyone to let go...

one thing to still get upset.. but another to continue makings things more unpleasant.. then the argument got escalated when he started accusing me of having lied to him all these while.. oh hello man.. u didnt get your math straight.. obviously i wasnt lying.. ur just throwing accusations..ur  probably trying to make me feel guilty.. or ur just trying to make me look bad.. i dont care what your intentions were.. theyre irrelevant..

haaaaa.. i dont want to get mad and i dont want to fight.. i want to move on pass all these things.. dwelling in them will not do anyone any good... thats what ive been telling myself.. focus on what matters now.. i want things to be normal again.. i want everyone to be happy again.. whats past is past.. no use crying over spilled milk..
my hope is that there will not be any fighting or misunderstanding between me and that fella..

ok ive got work to do.. a report for the HDC thingy.. damn i dont want to go to Penang.. i pray that everything will go smoothly in Penang.. haih..

see... i am calmer already... i think im a soft hearted person who forgives and forgets so easily... hhuhu... yeke?

.....

salam..

honestly i just dont know what to write as the title so the dots serve the purpose i reckon..
its saturday today and im not working.. for the first time after oh so many saturdays i havent had day off on saturday.. so im gonna spend the whole day lying in bed and watch movies, lazing around eating chip and get fatter... darn!!

actually i already wrote something last week when i was at wangsa maju due to severe boredom so i thought maybe i should just copy what i wrote then and place it here.. so here it goes..

"

Ohmgee.. i just have this need to write here.. i don’t know how to start.. but.. i just have to start.. say something here.. i don’t feel really good. I don’t know if i shud think too much about it.. i kinda think if i talk about it then i am already making it a big deal and that it will be an issue.. and if i just keep quiet and let it go then it will pass me by.. haaa.. i think i will talk about other things and just leave that one out.. im pretty sure that it will be gone in no time..

Just now when i was sitting in the kitchen with my mak and kakjuliana.. juli did say something about a girl named syazwani she knew from the serrajam thingy and she said this syazwani girl is 2 years older than me.. has fair complexion, from Kelantan, wears hijab, studied engineering in korea.. haa from what she told me i cannot find any reason why i shouldnt like her.. coz all those criteria i certainly can live with.. although i don’t really look for a gf or a wife right now.. juli asked if i wanted to berkenalan, to get to know the girl and i said yes.. huhu.. i just thought that was the right answer to give to her at that time.. tak salah kalau setakat nak berkenalan... kan?

To me its simple.. if its meant to be, its meant to be..

Haa now i think i wanna talk about other things..

Earlier today PWS had a bowling competition held at sunway mega lanes.. and i won... hooray... i won mens champion and also group win..we played 3 games and i scored 176 the first game.. it was pretty high for a non professional.. but later for 2^nd and 3^rd game my pin fall became less but when the scores from the 3 games were averaged, i still scored the highest compared to others.. hoho ohsem... alip got second place and jan got 3^rd place..i got rm 80 for mens champion and rm50 for the group win.. pretty awesome day aite?.. it was as if i worked OT on a holiday for 11 hours... hahaha 11 x rm12 = rm132.. my honest opinion for todays bpwling competition is that i was plain lucky.. haha... had we played for 5 games or more, i would’ve lost i think coz i couldn’t be consistent..

Haa theres another thing, last Thursday went to MEPS bangsar for PM servicing of genset, vesda and fire suppression system.. and something happened.. when we were on level 2 and were in the middle of doing the servicing on the FAP, the clean agent gas discharged.. i was in the M&E room 2 with Eric my colleague.. he was about to climb up the ladder to test the heat detector in that room and suddenly we heard a deafening sound and felt an enormous rush of air from behind the room.. damn it was scary.. all i could think of at that moment was that i needed to get out from there ASAP.. i was so scared that i didn’t care who was in front of me and i pushed Eric (i didn’t realize this at all) to the door.. huhu sorry dude..

I don’t know who designed the access door at meps but as far as im concerned when there is an emergency, a good example is when the FSS gas had discharged and the alarming sound is activated, thats when all the security access door should be disable.. but this was not the case in meps coz the magnetic lock for the door was still energized despite the alarm.. haa.. lucky it wasn’t a real fire or else i probably would’ve been locked in unable to get out... well maybe not locked in there in a dangerous way coz at that time all meps staff were still inside the command center room and i would still be able to escape when they escaped.. hmm.. the bottom line is, there is definitely a design flaw on the access door system for meps.. maybe i should address this problem during our meeting later...

"

its funny that i read it again haha its only been 1 week... maybe i shouldve written that as another post so that this one wouldnt be so long one but whatever la.. janji ada situ..

nothing much to talk about.. its october already and i am still not happy with my job coz the pay is very small... damn it... i still havent got over of this shitty fact.. i should be able to move on from it... but maybe i will only get to move on from it once im out of this job and in with a better one.. oh lord i seek from you strength to stay with the company until my contract ends and please grant me with opportunities much better in accord to what i deserve.. eh kenapa ni tetiba cakap pasal keje lagi??

ok lets not dwell in that.. i have a new kegemaran now.. well its not new coz this one particular thing ive done since i could remember.. i actually love to sing and record my singing on my phone.. hahaha i know its so lame and funnayh.... but i think almost everybody has done that.. atleast once..

this brought me a memory once i had this singing session with odie back when we were in seremban.. it was only the first few days in college when we hardly knew anyone else.. we were close coz we were from jasin together.. and the song we sang was dialah di hati by siti nurhaliza.. tempat kejadian was his room dorm B bawah bilik no 1... (damn! how i can still remember this??)

owh lord we thought.. atleast i honestly and foolishly thought that we sounded good when we sang it.. but when we played the recording we sounded so awful hokay... omgee we were like so hadek2 berangan siti or mariah carey.. i wish i still have the recording now but i dont.. huhu i think odie deleted it already..

speaking of memories.. that wasnt the only time me and odie recorded ourselves singing though.. second time was also in his room but this time in auckland.. second year at empire building.. he had just bought his apple PC with the big ass screen and very nice camera for skyping etc etc.. this time we werent alone.. encik dalino also joined.. and the song this time was shiela majids one (was it shiela majid though??) but i cant remember what actually.. this time it was worse coz not only we could hear ourselves but also see our actions coz we used the webcam app.. hahahha... bangang odie even danced in the background hahaha.. while dino and i sang our hearts out thinking we were so good.. huhuhu... and as usual when we watched the playback... nan ado yalls... damn i miss my friends...

ok enough with memories.. back to what i was saying about me liking to sing and record them.. the other day alip downloaded karoke clips for adeles songs.. i didnt ask him to.. he did it himself.. so after the download completed i played the song.. with lyrics on screen... so it went without saying la i just had to sing the song and i was holding my phone.. at first i just thought "this iphone can record sound right?? so why not record me singing this awesome adele song set fire to the rain"... and so i did.. haha.. same mistake i made coz i genuinely thought i sounded good but when i listened back... so bangang ok.. when will i learn?? i hated my own voice... i so cannot become a singer la..  why did i think i was good?? maybe because of false / fake comments people gave me during karoke sessions.. damn!! i have been misled to think i could sing when i really cant... haaa so bangang... huhuhu but it was for fun so lantak la..

now that think about it.. i think i shouldnt waste today by just lazing around in bed... i wanted to go swimming actually..  but then i thought im so fat nowadays it would be a crime to let other people see this awful fat storage warehouse and the muffin top along with it.. shit i hate being fat..

rasa macam nak keluar but i dont know to go where.. no plan, with no friends to hang out with.. kawan2 kerja pon sumer macam busy with their own shit.. haih la.. i miss being around my friend just chilling, playing games, gossiping, pillowtalking, watching movies... hmm.. i miss my student life.. haaa no use dwelling in that either coz none of it is coming back.. so better to just leave it at that.. revisit next day ok..

ok rasa macam da malas nak nulis.. maybe should go mandi so that akan rasa more fresh..
later yallzzz~~~

probabbly im thinking too much... but shouldnt i be??

salam..

damn its been long.. the previous entry was last month during raya.. and now its still raya actually.. in fact, my kakak was having an open house at her house in seremban but i couldnt go because of work.. this week is my turn holding the standby handphone and today i received a call from MEPS at bangsar south asking me to go there to check the alarm on VESDA bla bla bla.. damn work..

haih.. i hate to beat around the bushes so i prefer to go straight to talk about the main/actual thing i want to talk about here..

ok i was on facebook just now.. reading the newsfeed, looking at peoples photos and profiles.. and then went on twitter reading peoples updates etc etc.. all the usual stuffs i do.. then this thought came to me.. actually ive been thinking about it so many times before.. and often ive always figured a way or thought of an argument that i could tell myself to stop thinking about it and to just move on with my life...

err.. wait... pause... rewind.... i think i better explain what is it thats been boggling my mind all these while.. hmm.. its kinda hard to explain but i will atleast try to tho..

i put this as my fb status just a while ago..
"

yes its been 5 months and so many times ive told myself that things will get better.. but however often or convincing i can be at consoling myself over the fact that my job sucks i still have the doubt that... the 'better' times will never come after all... haih la...

"

if u know me well u'd know i was talking about my job..
hmm.. well my job isnt all bad to be honest.. but i know i can do better.. my job now sucks in some ways but also good in some ways.. the pay is small, the hour is unpredictable, the job is dangerous and the future isnt so bright.. the good thing bout it is i am not stuck behind a computer desk all day, i get to go out to sites and meet new people learn new things gain more experience, and the main reason i chose this job to begin with was so i could continue teaching tuition to zarif(which i cant wait to be over coming december)

yes there are perks and downsides of my job.. and ive gone thru this argument in my head over and over again but i still feel like a loser when i compare my job with my other friends.. i know that some people are just luckier than others.. but why arent i one of the lucky ones?? hmm.. maybe im not grateful enough with what i have now.. or maybe im just too ambitious for my age.. i also dont know.. but one thing i know.. if i dont do anything, forever i will stuck here doing a job that im not happy with. hmm..

and surely this begs the question what is the job that i'm happy with? that i enjoy doing? is there any? maybe there is.. i just dont know what it is yet.. maybe an actor? or a host? or a newsreader? haha something to do with the television.. *berangansangats

ok lets be real.. for now i think i should consider jobs that are related to what i studied in university.. my job now is somehow related to my course.. but...

hmm.. ok honestly the main reason i dislike my job so much is because of the small pay...

haaa looks like this entry is becoming one of my self consolation/motivation session that i often have whenever i think about my lame as job.. and its not fun at all.. well atleast its an entry rather than not having anything to write about.. this entry is fine..

haa another thing i wanna share here.. ive been thinking to start my own vlog.. like luanlegacy.. i will only be talking crap i think.. and definitely itll be in english of course.. but i still need to think about it tho.. is it necessary? can i do it?? haaaa so many questions yet so insignificant to burden my head with right now..

i want to watch kaho na pyar hai that i downloaded.. so later~~~