twas my birthday a few days ago.
browsed facebook to see those birthday wishes.
as fb now has timeline, i had the urge to see back what was on 2009 and saw 2 videos..
heres one of em..

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=141904351637&notif_t=video_comment_tagged

it made me teary eyed... things arent gonna be the same anymore..
i miss it all so much..
knowing that its something that i prolly am never gonna experience again made me even more sad..

but i know sad i shouldnt be but of course utmost gratitude to God that I got to experience that.. the sweetness we shared being friends, more than just friends, almost a family..

but i keep my fingers crossed that one fine day we'll get to gather together and just have fun like we did..
until then all the best people in whatever you do..

25 tahun

haaa bosan nyer hari sabtu pon kena keje.. mencik!!!

now aku kat opis, macam xda keje je, except for circuitry for csc renewals ni, which i will do later..
right now im just not in the mood. what im in the mood of right now is to go home and watch tv, watch Olympics opening that i missed this morning.
the plan was that id get up and sahur and watch the opening, but i didnt get up.
too tired?
forgot?
the pillow too good to get away from?

haha maybe a lil bit of everything of the above..

tak sahur this morning, but nvm im not hungry. maybe im just the kind of person who is ok if i do not sahur. ok what is sahur in english? early breakfast?

nvm, not important.

a few things to ramble on here.
last night i watched the iron lady starring the awesome meryl streep. oh god she showed tremendous talent in the movie when she plays margaret tatcher, UK PM from 1979 to 1990.
shes just really good, from the wat she walks talks shes magnificent.
and altho ive never really known margaret before.. i probably have heard of the name before but never really cared of who she really was.
but seeing meryl streep in the movie made me have the utmost respect for the true iron lady mrs tatcher herself.. and of coz ever more respect to miss streep who is just so awesome in every movie shes in..
shes in devil wears prada, so good.
then the movie with alec baldwin.. awesome..

haha ok2.. tak perlu la nak panjang lebar talking about her talent, greatness etc.

now moving on to the real deal.

tomorrows my birthday.. haha macam best jer.. i think its weird that i feel excited now.. unlike previous years, i didnt really the excitement compared to now.

maybe its because im getting older?
and at 25 year old, which the prime age for any guy, i am just more excited from before?
nonsense..

wah talking about being 25, i remember that time when i was turning 20 i did write a post about being a 20 sumthing guy and i felt really different like i was growing up, not a child no more.. and now the mutual, sort of the same feeling i have that im turning 25..

time flies.. and in the past 5 years, ive earned my degree, got a job as a technician, then sort of promoted to consultant. still working for the same company.. waiting till im ripe enough to test market at other companies, and hopefully make a fortune with the leap

ok put that aside, still a long way to go before im ready for that.

back to talking about getting older..
and of coz lifes goals?





hahaha the above portion i wrote it when i was at the office, the of coz i got distracted, got pulled into a meeting that i didnt want to join, and in the end it all left unfinished..

not everything must have an ending(true?)

especially now im home in WM and waiting to bukak puasa in 1 hour.. and my body so penat.. i will just post it as it is..

later~~

ya allah tekanan nyer sekarang ni

aku berada dalam situasi yg sangat menekankan perasaan.
sumer benda pon aku rasa macam fighting, acting against me..
sumer benda takda, tak menjadi, rosak, hilang.. adeh pening kepala

arini aku balik wangsa maju pasal 1st day puasa aku mmg nak balik la. lagipon pasal da lama tak balik aku rasa mmg patut balik kalau x nnt mak merajok jadi anak derhaka pulak.

aku bawa laptop keje n laptop peribadi. tujuan pasal nak buat keje la kononnyer and pasal i told my coleage id email her my portion of the proposal bla3..

nothing much happen siang tadi pasal aku membuta je la taktau la kenapa bila puasa ni rasa mengantuk makin menjadi2. lagipon kalau tak leh makan apa je la aku boleh buat kat umah tu kan.. dgn budak2 ni berebut nak main ipad bagai.

ok malam ni lepas bukak posa aku lepak2 then teringat akan keje yg aku kena buat nak bagi ke coleague aku tu.

aku pon bukak la laptop keje aku tu. then aku perasan yg power cord laptop ni takda.. what the hell?? where the hell?? aku sangat yakin aku da masokkan dalam beg aku befoe balik tadi.. damn!! i couldnt find it.
then i thot its okay i can copy the files to usb drive and do the work on my own laptop.. shit happen i couldnt find the file so i wanted to dload from my email, outlook.. so aku bukak outlook, tetiba die cam suruh aku register pekejadah masukkan whatever code that i didnt know of.. last2 aku takleh bukak my email.. xleh nk dload the stupid file
a
and tup2 la pastu laptop keje aku tu mati habis power.. ni sumer pasal si aleya tu on siang tadi pastu dier tak shut down properly dier main tutup lead jer.. abes la power..

so kekdah nyer sekang aku kat kdai oldtown dgn laptop aku tgh dload dari email server aku email2 yg bersaiz 1.8 gb
macam tak logic x masok di akal jugak..
sebab da lama x bukak email sini so mmg berlambak la kan..
then i thought kalau bukak ka webmail sure lagi cepat..
then baru sedar webmail perlukan password aku yg aku taktau apa..
argh!!1 banyak nyer masalah..
so nak taknak kena la tunggu die dload email ni pulak..

nak dijadikan cerita lagi, bertambah masalah aku..
internet kat oldtown sri rampai ni bangang.. mada putus2 jer... so kekdah nyer aku da 3 kali kna refressh email ni pasal internet tu putus dier tak reti nak sambung otomatik gamaknyer... haddoi banyak nyer masalah
ni baru nak dapatkan file ni.. belom mula buat keje lagi pon... haddoi la..
lantak la.. kalau sampai ke subuh aku kat sini pon sampai ke subuh la.. lagipone sok aku takda apa2 aktiviti pon kot..
except for pasang langir mak, kena drill2 bagai.. which i will need to buy the drill bit kat kedai hardware pesumer.. damn!! at times like this i wish i were still a kid, minum susu je tau.. haha

okla sampai di sini saja.. saku sangat tension pasal terlalu banyak perkara yg tidak menyebelahi aku sekang ni..
terima kasih la ada blog boleh jugak meluahkan perasaan.. kalau ada awek aku luahkan kat awek tapi takda nak buat caner.. luahkan kat diri sendiri je la

okla bye
later~~

wah bersawang da kot ni..

salam..

oh god da lama nyer tak update blog.

dan byk betol benda nak citer.. ok satu2 aku citer..

harini majlis reception my abang tarmizi with his wife cik timah..
their nikah was last week held at pontian.. my whole family went there..

todays kenduri was ok2 je nothing much yg compelling or good enough to me to be shared here
owh just one thing..
the pakcik catering who prepared food for the event looked like my arwah pakngah.. my cousins and anak buahs were sad and some even shed tears when they saw the pakcik catering.. they took photos and hugged each other.. i cant really imagine how that felt like.. id be mostly i think.. but maybe quite happy also.. seolah2 melepaskan kerinduan?? hmm.. dunno.. macam tu lah..

all in all, it was an okay ceremony.. all went on as planned and thats good i think.. altho it could also mean boring for me coz ive alwasys had a flare for unpredictable and spontaneous things.. today lacked of those so i say its just..so so..

to hell la to what i think kan.. its my brothers reception kot.. not mine.. so nak sibut pehal kan aku ni..

ok ill move on to talk about other things in my life
the gintell massage chair had arrived.. awesome stuff.. i sit on it like 30 minutes everyday since i got it... after gym, id go take my shower and just sit on the chair and enjoy the massage.. although i had wished for the more expensive type for it could massage my buttock as well but i couldnt buy that one so its ok.. ill just massage my buttock myself.. maybe in a few years when i can afford the more expensive one ill buy it then.. maybe by then there will be other types which are way better from that one kan..

ok nak cakap sikit pasal kerja..

lately im super busy.. like crazy busy everyday like that..
 ni aku cuti friday n saturday email da penoh keje menunggu di office.. but for now i dont want to care about them yet.. i will start on monday 9 pm when i ought to work..
 ok malas nak cakap lebih2 la xda pekdah..

haa teringat this one thing i want to talk here.. merely just sharing my opinion.. altho perhaps id be sharing it with myself only here but nvm itsokey..

i was in the car listening to capital fm and heard this social service reminder/message that talked about kesaksamaan gender.. or something like that..
the first one was about educating our children.. basically what i can conclude from the reminder was that it is okay to let our kids be who they want to be.. let them be kids to discover where their niche / the kind of persons they want to be etc etc..
and also saying something like never teach our boys to hate pink love blue, not to play with dolls only cars guns etc..
i wish i can find the whole text that i heard in the radio and post it here.. but i cant..
not that i cant i just didnt even try to google it.. sebab aku malas.. and i dont think it matters.. after all this is for me eyes only right?
well to me they were right to a certain extent.. in some things it is okay to let our kids be free and discover the world, discover their likings and interests in the world..
but that does not mean we ought not to interfere with their life.. we are here to guide them to be good people.. letting them exploring their individuality is vital but it can also be misleading should we take it for granted..

i will use myself and people around me as an example to support my statement.
i am a soft person, a sissy. i know that.. ive known that fact since standard 2 when the kids at school started calling me pondan, lembut, bapok etcetra.. and it hurt back then.. it nearly killed me but thank God i survived, but not with little difficulty..
ok digressed a bit..
i know i was born this way.. but my parents had never allowed me to be soft.. and yes there were times when even my dad called me lembut and oh god i wanted to cry.. but i didnt.. i toughened up.. in fact what he said made me want to be more of a man, walk talk like a real man.. or like other men.. so i wouldnt feel so excluded.. i tried to suppress my flamboyance attitude and control my actions in public.. i befriended boys who were not soft.. i have my abang tarmizi to thank for this.. if it hadnt been for him, id never have normal boy friends growing up.. and if it werent for my dad, my sis (my whole family la senang citer) maybe i wouldve ended up like some sissy kids who played with girls and in the end of the day didnt hesitate to dress like a girl, get boob jobs, become hookers, mak ayam etcetra..

ok back to what i was trying to say.. parents should be wary and look after their kids development while they still can.. melentur buluh biar dari rebung is very true indeed.. help your child be the person you and everybody will be proud of in the future..
dont say bullshit like "even if my son is gay im still proud of him"
thats just bulls.. when the time comes u realize your gay son will never have their own children, then u can go fuck your pride of.. orang melayu kata, time tu jgn kau nak menangis tak berlagu..

be the parent.. being parent does not mean to only SUPPORT what your children choose.. but to GUIDE them as well.. and also punish when they do wrong..

well unless if really dont care how they turn up, then suit yourself la.. but atleast have the civic awareness to not let your children become psychopaths sudah la..  or worse a homicide killing hundreds in a locked supermarket.. *random

so to whomever reading this, just know that being parent is not easy.. that day you decide to become a parent is the day you are putting someone else's importance ahead of your own.. thats when your child safety, well being etcetra comes first in your life... so everybody, think thoroughly and make the decision wholeheartedly..
children are not like school or work assignments.. they are your responsibilities for life..

ok sangat random aku da jadi fadzilah kamsah pulak malam2 ni..

damn byk nye nyamok pulak ni haddoi..

ok da sakit tengkok menaip bongkok ni.. till next time later~~

keinginan yg sangat rawak

sekang ni aku rasa aku ada masalah kewangan,

tapi yg peliknyer time2 ni la nafsu membeli aku is over the roof... byk jer benda aku rasa cam nak beli..

so disebabkan aku tak boleh nak beli those coveted items, i think it wouldnt hurt to just have a shout out here of what they are...

haha shout out... shout la sangat..

ok secara rawak nyer,
aku nak beli kerusi urut gintell...

if all goes well, i will have it soon i think.. maybe in weeks, or latest in 1 month

ok then aku nak jam guess, the one i had a few years back.. ive always been fond of the wrist watch.. but for some reason i had to give it up.. now i want it again..

pastu aku nak kurus... ok ni takda kaitan sgt la dgn kewangan except for the gym fee that i have to pay every month.. but all im saying here is.. nak kurus, to get to where i want is damn hard... my weight is hardly changing now.. its like its maintained at that particular number.. its been weeks now..

the shape of my body has shown some improvements.. one that im grateful for and satisfied with.. but still ada lagi lemak2 yg stubborn ni di sekeliling perot.. and its not going away anytime soon no matter how much cardio i do.. i have to keep doing cardio exercise for 6 months i think to really see the difference.. this part, getting rid of stubborn belly fat is the hardest thing.. maybe i should continue talking those fat burner pills like i did a few months back.. haaa pill ni pon nak kena guna duit gak tu... huhu

ok next random item is nak dapatkan injection vitamin c untuk kulit cantik dan cerah katanya.. ok ini sangat random.. tapi sangat la tak penting... will be put on hold until the situation allows me..

next is i want to paint my car... maybe im careless maybe i just dont care but my car byk gila scratches.;.. its been only 1 year and it looks like 5 years already.. geram betol la byk sgt calar... ones that im not aware off pon when it happenned.. tau2 je da ada sana..
cakap pasal kete ni byk je benda lagi yg aku tgh risau ni tapi takda duit nak fix it.. tayar belah kanan belakang tu piring nyer da hilang.. aku igt nak tukar sumer jer piring utk sumerr tayar psl yg sekarang ni byk sgt calar..
also tayar kanan depan ada bunyi lak.. alip kata break pad dier da haus.. pastu aku nak anta kete aku wax kat tempat aku beli kupon aritu tapi masalahnyer asyik takda masa jer..

ok this is random.. but i think i will end this post here.. now pon kat office.. i should start doing some real work now.. huhu

later~~

~langit tak selalunyer cerah... dan mendung pon tak semestinya akan hujan...

salam,

harini bukan la hari paling bagus bagi aku, kerana terdapat beberapa perkara yg aku harap tak jadi tapi sudah jadi..

tapi bukan juga hari paling buruk, kerana at the end of the day, literally just minutes ago i found back something that i wish never to lose again... a recovery that i will forever be grateful for..

nvm, i will get to them one at a time..

today i had to work until 4 pm.. i personally think the TSD team didnt need my assistance at HDC, but since mr Chan had personally asked for my help since earlier this week, i felt its a courtesy that i should honour to him since he was my boss once.. and also i felt it could be fun to work in TSD with them lads like i did before.. coz honestly, i miss doing it, and miss them boys also..

after work, reached home at 5 more or less.. badan da penat.. but i promised my kak to go back w maju today.. and since i didnt go back last week, I really thought i should go back today.. also, i wanted to avoid unnecessary sulking by my dad.. he was mad and is still mad at me because i didnt go back last week.. even now hes not talking to me.. tapi takpe la, i hope it will pass sooner or later..

ok where was i??

yeah i promised to go back but time tu i was so damn tired already.. then atat and hazmeer came to my apartment coz he wanted the installer for my lord of the rings II game.. and we played kinect also... it was so much fun.. but i had to leave at 630 la coz if i didnt then id be late to reach w maju and my dad would be forever mad at me pulak kan...

reached w maju close to 730.. and i was a fool coz i said id join the games night at shadas house in damansara.. but considering everything that had happened, i thought i really couldnt join them there.. so i had to cancel... i didnt want to make things worse between me n dad..

but the worst thing was yet to happen.. my niece aleya played with my ipad and i dont know how it happened but it fell on the tile floor and the screen went black.. i didnt see this so i didnt know.. she returned the ipad to me and i thought that it had run out of battery so plugged it in for charging la..
my nephew aiman saw what happened and he told me what aleya did, so i went to check the ipad.. i tried to turn it on but it was not turning on.. i connected it to itunes on my laptop and heard the beep sound.. and it could also be sync.. after that i check the screen and found that the left side had fallen off from the socket...

Oh god i was so furious.. nak nangis, nak jerit, nak marah... but i held it all in... i went to my sis and showed her the thing... then she went mad, jerit2 kat aleya tu... budak tu diam je buat dek je.. didnt even say sorry.. haih la budak2 zaman sekarang... are we as parents or uncles too soft in child upbringing that we dont hit our children like our parents did to us?? thats a question with an obvious answer but still no action, no change, just mere words..

then my kak said she would pay for the repair later.. haaah i doubt it.. sekarang pon die da hutang aku rm2k already... repair screen tu aku rasa dalam 500 kot.. but tu pon aku tak sure la boleh repair ke tak..
i was quite stressed up la.. and frustrated.. i posted this on facebook..
"

Nak marah pon x guna benda da jadi.. Tp last2 aku jugak yg sakit balik.. Haih la... Langit x selalunya cerah...

"
for some reason i feel like i couldve been more tough(garang/tegas/scary?) on her... but then again, shes not my child... i cudnt just go and hit her when her mother was there... i dont know where the line lies... was i supposed to hit the kid?? and if i did, to what end?? i really didnt want to sort of cross the line and assumed the role of a father to punish the kid as if she was my own... this is something im not sure of of where it stands and what i should do...

this reminds me of another incident a few weeks ago at my parents house.. my other niece khayrin daughter of my kakngah, she made a mess at the house and i told her mum la to get it clean.. but she told me to clean it pulak.. then i said la, bukan anak aku yg buat sepah.. then she got mad saying shouldnt berkira coz according to her khayrin was also my daughter (sort of?)
sesuka hati je kan... when it comes to cleaning up shit, lending a hand, giving help, u say that la... tapi kalau aku pukol anak kau kuat sikit nnt dier nangis kau tarik muka kat aku pulak.. bukan tak pernah jadi.. aku pernah je pukol anak kak aku sekali tu kuat sikit pastu da tarik muka taknak cakap ngn aku... so tell me where does the line lies???

ok malas nak panjang2 citer pasal ni la... at the end of the day, they are  family... so kita beralah la... kalau ngn orang lain kita boleh beralah, dgn family takkan nak berkira sangat.. lagipon budak tu baru 8 tahun umor nyer.. and i dont think she purposely smashed my ipad to the floor kan..

well, the ipad screen tercabut made me miserable for a few hours la.. coz i was also worried for my financial standing as of now.. da la mak pon ada mintak tolong sikit for my brothers wedding ni.. and last week i paid traffic nyer summon and roadtax and cars insurans, now im so pokai... im broke!!!
bila la nak gaji ni..

so terpaksa la ditangguhkan niat nak shopping baju keje baru, nak shopping jam guess bagai... sumer benda tak penting haruslah ditangguhkan dahulu...

haaa like i said earlier la i was upset and miserable for a few hours after the incident, then i encountered a recovery of something i consider as great and priceless for me.. a memoir of me when i was a teenager.. my diary/journal when i was in kolej matrikulasi perak... and the earlier months in kolej mara seremban, and this was before i started my friendster blog...  oh god how i was such a teenager... the hormones and the naivety...
and that book was also the testimonial book where there were pages where my KMPK friends wrote goodbye words, farewell testimonials for me when i was leaving KMPK for KMS...
I read it all just now... everything ever written there.. and that made me smile...

kalau ikotkan aku nak je aku salin balik everything in there and post it here... but that would be ridiculous now, wudnt it...
but one thing for sure, i would want her to read it too... and i would want her to know whats in the journal/testimonial...everything and not one word less... i just want to share with her something like this.. something that is so precious for me... and i want her to know that this simple thing is what i treasure the most in life.. and this sort of thing that can make me smile again after my ipad is jahanam already...


now i wish i have the lens printer yg mcm dalam citer ghost protocol yg mamat tu pakai untuk make photocopy of the nuclear launch code tu.... so cool, tgk kertas tu, blink the eye and the page is printed somewhere else...

kalau aku ada lens tu da lama aku print/scan the content in that book and post them somewhere.. here maybe or somewhere else..

ok i think that is all for now... initially i wanted to go into more details of some of the things i wrote in the book... stories of how my crushes went from A to B to whoever it was la after... hahahaha... kelakar nyer diri ini time tu... sampai kisah mountains aizeera n thuraiya pon ada dalam buku tu... the jiggling balls as i described it back then...

and my english was tunggang langgang la, as expected of teenagers yg baru nak up ni..

Gosh!! The best thing right now is that I have someone whom i can share this feeling with, someone who is as equally excited as I am about the journal recovery... huhu... but too bad theres noone i can think of.. i wish that shed be excited... i would think she would be interested if it was 2 years ago... but now not anymore... many things have changed...

aaarhh.. this is another sad story... its better to leave it for another day..

so sampai di sini saja... later~~

lame dull life is what mine is..

damn people its been ages..

many things had rendered me slow at blogging these past few weeks but i think im gonna make an exception today.. i will post something today no matter how short or long it may be..

well, for a fact its no secret that many have taken place during the period that i havent been blogging.. and i just cant figure out on what i should start rambling on..

well maybe the primary reason why i had this sudden feeling to blog is just to explain why i havent felt like blogging.. ok now that sounds kinda silly realy..

been busy with work?
had no time?
had nothing interesting to blog about?
lame dull life has made me stupid and not interesting and i hate it..

ok maybe just a quick rambling on some so random things..

i love the show spartacus.. need not mention the reason for that.. watch and ull know what i speak of

i love going to the gym.. and also the results im seeing after almost 3 months been working out regularly.. but still a long way to go..
i will try to make it a habit and continue going to the gym even after ive reached my goal.. but for now the goal seems farfetched and that means i aint stopping any time soon.. not stopping at all would be better..

ok random gila cakap pasal gym..

and also kalau pasal gym sure nak cakpa pasal aci malik and aci subang.. hahaha lawak la aci aci yg pegi gym ni.. especially aci malik yg setting treadmill sejam.. orang lain da abes lari da dier sibuk nak tekan2 lagi kat treadmill tu... god knows what she was doing so long tekan2 mesin tu..
and also aci malik sangat fond of this machine untuk back excercise tu.. hahaha dia akan visit that particular machine several times.. i wonder whats her aim is.. getting slimmer? or bulding muscles to become malik nor?? haha thats how the name aci malik came about.. really funny..

today got no job meh?? haaa dunno.. dun care.. ada je keje.. that stupid csc el light and keluar sign need some changes some more.. bodo betol la.. benci bila kena buat keje sama dua kali..
and today got that FAT for proton switchboard.. i hope nothing out of the ordinary will happen.. or else i'd be damned..

aaaahhh bosannyer hidop sekarang.. need to find ways to make life more interesting and better.. want to go out often but got no money.. want to make more money but not ready for the commitment.. need to enjoy some more but feel like need to save money... buy new things??? what things?? and for whom??? banyak nyer persoalan.. damn i shouldnt burden my head with all these questions..i just want to watch spartacus some more..

okla nak sambung buat keje.. buat la apa2 pon.. haha..