Hidup ini Banyak Ujian... Also some random stories...

 

20230119 0900

So right now I am at office. Yes, I have several tasks to do but I cannot focus on them now.

I feel sad and gloomy.

This morning I got a txt from my sister in our family Whatsapp group. She told us that her newborn Khairatun Hana, who was born on 31^st December 2022 had been diagnosed with a genetic disease called Patau’s Syndrome.

Its very rare and honestly, I have never heard of this genetic disease before.

My sister shared the article below in the whatsapp group.

https://hellodoktor.com/keibubapaan/kesihatan-anak/penyakit-berjangkit/sindrom-patau-pada-bayi-punca-simptom-dan-rawatan/

and upon reading it, my heart sank. I was just so lost for words. To say that I was feeling sad is an understatement. I can’t imagine how she and her husband must be feeling right now. Of course, my thoughts and prayers to both of them.

I dont know why but I feel this enormous love for the little girl... maybe because I love my own daughter Aishah Sofea so much, that I cant help but to love my niece just as much... I just have an abundance of love for baby girls...

I know it could be something that is uncalled for, but I am someone who always wants to see the silver lining in everything, to try to find the hikmah in every trial and challenge that we face in life.

The first that came to mind is that I know that Khairatun is an Anak Syurga, and quite honestly knowing that she belongs in heaven gives me some comfort.

I can’t help but to wonder why Allah test us? I am pretty sure I have heard of the reasoning before in the majlis ceramah agama somewhere but I couldn’t think of any, so I googled and looked it up… and I found the articles below, and it was like a slap to my face, how could I have not known that it’s a sign of God’s love for us.

https://harakahdaily.net/index.php/2021/06/03/kenapa-kita-diuji/

https://www.hmetro.com.my/rencana/2021/12/792216/ujian-daripada-allah-tanda-sayangkan-hamba-nya#:~:text=Tegasnya%2C%20apabila%20Allah%20SWT%20mengasihi,kecintaan%20Allah%20SWT%20kepada%20kita.

I guess what is happening right now is a great reminder to me and my family, to always count our blessings…

Yes, its easier said than done but, we must always have faith that the tests that Allah will never give us more than what we can bear…

Oklah, enough of sad stuff… lets change the topic and talk about something else.

Lets talk about work… what a boring subject, but its on my mind and I see why not…

So basically I was due for the confirmation of employment 2 weeks ago and I had sat down with my boss to discuss about my performance and confirmation.

He was saying all good up until that one time I was caught looking at my phone, watching videos during office hours.

And because of that he wants to extend my probation period for another 3 months.

I was upset of course... because to me, that is just stupid. I didn’t even try to deny the accusation because it was true. Sometimes when at work, I get bored and I would look at my phone for a few minutes before resuming work.

I personally think that as long as it does not interfere with my work, it should be something that is acceptable. No big deal!!

But according to my boss, it was someone else who saw me watching the videos and it was not a good thin, as it might impact their perception or make them think bad of me and the team yadayada...

Honestly, I just couldn’t care less, and I really didn’t want to argue. At least, I know there is no issue with regards to my work performance, despite me always being clueless of what I have to do at work.

Well apparently, I am doing okay on the technical aspect of my work.

On the disciplinary matter, it is something so easy to rectify. So I just have to suck it up and wait for another 3 months for the confirmation.

As usual, looking for the silver lining… I suppose its good that I got the extension so I will not be able to apply for the personal loan/debt consolidation just yet. Else, I would have spent the spare money on forex or something useless. I am hopeless when it comes to managing my finances...

On another note, I was checking my personal email yesterday and saw this email from Linkedin about a job opportunity, a position of Senior E&I Engineer at NOV... I really wasn't planning to apply but I kept on clicking my mouse and before I know it, I had submitted the job application.

Lolz... truly, it was something I hadn't planned... and I have zero expectation whatsoever... but its fun to just berangan you know... berangan in English is day-dream... its free anyway...

I just couldn't help but to think what if I got the job?? it would definitely be a blessing and something i desperately need especially if it comes with a better paycheck... My family could really use a big helping of pay increase and extra money...

Speaking of money, right now my wife and I are struggling financially trying to save money for the new house renovation... I had collected the key from early December 2022 btw...

From the quotations from contractors and budget estimation that we have done, we need about Rm40k to complete everything that we plan to do.

But for the purpose of just moving in, I suppose RM30k would be enough already and after scraping everything, from all the sources available, we estimated that our savings could go up to RM32k, barely enough for the moving in but that would make us vulnerable should anything bad were to happen kan…

It is a scary thing but theres no use to worry about it too much… lets just take it day by day and cross the bridge when the time comes…

Right now, I should focus on completing the defect inspection report, that i need to upload on the IOI Support apps to get the developer IOI to start on the defect rectification work.

That needs to happen before any renovation work takes place...

Owh btw, this Friday we plan to buy all the LED lights and ceiling fan as I want to try to install them at the new house during the weekend. Its a long weekend as Monday and Tuesday will be public holiday too due to CNY. I have never tried installing ceiling fans before so its going to be a challenge, but a challenge I am ready to accept and over nonetheless... I am sure Youtube can offer all the videos I need to learn for the installation.

Back to the topic of money & income, I had already applied to become a grab driver again. I plan to do it part time for the extra income.

Oh My God!! It is such a hassle to re-apply this time around. I had to attend a face-to-face training, costed RM80. Then I had to do medical checkup, another RM80. Then I had to go to JPJ for the application of PSV license, costing another Rm30. Then I had to submit all the documents.

I have done all that, now waiting for Grab to process and give me the EVP number.

In all honesty, I have already forgotten how to do this grab driver thingy. The last time that I did grab was in January of 2018, that is 5 years ago.

But fret now, I am sure I can always ask grab or just attend some refresher training from Grab should I need it. I plan to start doing grab in February. And I plan to do it at night and during the weekend, with expectation to earn about Rm500 per month.

I don’t want to expect too much, I think its better to be more reasonable and target something that is attainable, so I don’t get frustrated and quit easily…. Hahaha…

Owh, I am suddenly reminded of the trading training that I had last week via zoom.

It was by WR Trader and I paid RM100 for the training, if not mistaken.

It was a 2.5 day online training and I believe what I gathered during the session is worth the RM100 that I spent.

Initially I thought that FCPO trading is something that can be done if you have small capital and fund but boy was I so wrong.

From the trainer’s explanation of the trading mechanics, it is estimated that one must have at least RM30k to do the trading comfortably. And this Rm30k should be something that you are willing to lose, a spare Rm30k in your savings that you can afford to spend.

Upon hearing that, my face went like this

But I know and understand why the need for such an extravagant capital, as the cost per point is RM25, and the chart movement per day is 200 – 250 points. You can’t expect having a few hundreds RM would suffice, can you??

But you know what, maybe one fine day when I have the extra money to spend, I will give it a try on the FCPO trading… but until that day comes, bye bitch!!!

Last night I had a weird dream, I went to the UK with dino and Erwan and we had hamburgers there. It was such a weird and random dream.

I have never been to the UK, and in the dream, the weather was rainy and gloomy, and it reminded me of Auckland at times… especially during winter...

Anyway, after ordering the burgers, I realized that I didn’t have any cash with me and I tried paying using my credit card but the transaction couldn’t go thru, needed some authorizations or something… and my phone doesn’t work as I didn’t have a UK simcard… so I had to borrow from Dalino some cash to pay for the burger… Dalino was behaving quite outlandish, almost like a robot and he suddenly fell head down to the pavement… so random kan???

Then I planned to visit Ali in Manchester and looked at the maps and it was a 9-hours drive from the hamburger place… then I woke up… speechless, I was dumbfounded by the randomness of that dream.

Another random story, last night I watched Puss in Boots the Last Wish. I had downloaded the movie from YTS a few days ago and only had the chance to watch it with my family last night.

All in all, it’s a good family and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Owh, another random sharing here… My wife had given birth to our 3^rd child on 20^th October 2022, after about 60 days after the baby only we had our husband & wife thing…

So weirdly, she is yet to bleed, yet to have her menstrual cycle. Both my wife and I are quite scared and thought of the possibility that maybe another bun is in the oven after only 3 months of the 3^rd childbirth… so this morning she took a pregnancy test and it was a single line. 

Truth be told, I didn’t know what to expect. If it was meant to be, then I will accept and love the child, albeit being a huge challenge…

But now after knowing the results of the pregnancy test, I feel kind of sad… and thinking of Khairatun, it makes me even sadder…

But sad I must not continue to be… she is an Anak Syurga, so Alhamdulillah for that… I hope I get the chance to meet and hold her before anything bad happens... insyallah!!

Oklah, enough of random stories… lets try to do some work today and be productive, shall we??

Till next time… toodles~~

 

 

i like to bebel

 

20221230 0900

 

So today I feel like venting, and I will use English today for the entire post, just because I feel like I need the practice. It has been quite some time for me to just dwell in my feelings and express them in English.

For some reason, I am more comfortable to vent in English… it feels more organic…

Regarding work, i have some work that I am yet to complete, but I will do that after… now, is ranting and venting time…

I was talking to Dalino yesterday and he mentioned about him losing passion in his job… basically, he got bored from doing the same thing over and over and there is no more aspiration and no motivation, maybe, to pursue something bigger.

I was shocked coz I have always thought of him as someone who is ambitious and someone who strives to become the best in whatever he does, so hearing him say that took me by surprise… well I guess, that’s just life eh…

Now let’s do the same and I will try to relate the situation to my own.

Well, I have been feeling that for ages now… I have suffered from the lack of motivation from the very beginning of my career.

Truth be told, I have never had a job that I enjoy doing thoroughly and needless to say, I have been feeling like all these while I had just been slaving myself just to earn a living… and sadly, I feel like I have never really contributed to the society in a significant manner, none at all…

I know when I put it that way, it sounds super harsh and kind of humiliating… but that’s just how it is…

Of course, I wish I could be doing something that I enjoy for money… the problem with that, I just don’t know what that something is…

One huge problem of mine is that I get bored easily. Even when I am good at something and, I will have a go at it and make some real progress, promising future, then I just get bored, and I quit.

I acknowledge that as my flaw/weakness, but I don’t know how to better it.

And at times I feel like there is no need for me to strive and struggle to change something like that. I just can’t be bothered.

Well, I guess the best way to handle the situation is to find a job that I really enjoy doing, something that I will not get tired of… and until that happens, slave away bij!

There is something that I quite like doing, but yet to reach a point of giving me ecstasy, that is trading.

For some weird reason I quite like it, not that I am good at it… but I just can’t seem to get enough of it, despite having experienced significant losses in the past, I just can’t quite, maybe I don’t know how to quite, neither do I want to…

I guess this means that I should pursue it, am I right? At least I know that I will not outgrow it, not become bored with it… fingers crossed…

and to that effect, I have registered for the webinar next week to learn about FCPO trading, which is shariah compliant… and I also noticed that the chart is available on TradingView so I can make use of the OBA indicator for the FCPO chart as well…

Let’s just be hypothetical and imagine that I will become very good at trading, thus generating significant income from doing it, what will happen then?? Will I be doing it full time and quit my day job at BV?

I can’t say for sure, but I am more inclined to say no to that… I feel like having an office, 9-5 job is something I have always known since the beginning, and from past experience I know of how important it is… so Its hard for me to simply quit, although as I said, there are days that I feel like I am slaving myself for some dollars… quitting is not the best option, in my opinion.

But to answer the hypothetical, and based on what I know and what I have experienced, I am not going to quit my job coz I feel like the trading can be done part-timely…

I believe a good trader don’t need to be glued to the monitor screen 24/7 analyzing chart and whatnot.

From what I learned, a good trader must be smart at choosing the timing to enter the market, and even more important is money management… coz losing is simply unavoidable.

Money management is important… that is to know when to cut loss and to move on, and wait for the next entry point…

Wow, I sound like a pro already…

But seriously, this is what I feel like my calling is… what I am meant to do with my life… and it’s something that I enjoy doing… so why not pursue it?? Yes I will!!! And I will get better!!! And I will become rich!!! LOLZ

And speaking of things that I like doing. I also want to to try the shopee business as well… although that seems like a lot of work… also I want to be a property agent selling condos too…

At times I feel like I often bite more than I can chew, and as a result, I need to pick and choose what to pursue and what to abandon.

Damn!!

Well, I think that is enough talk of money already…

Since its 2 days to the new year, lets just list down a few NY resolutions…. Not that I will adhere by them, but it is good to have something that I can refer to, in case if I feel lost, and numb about life…

1.       To exercise more, and to be more consistent. I know this is such a cliché NY resolution, but I cant discredit its importance… and even more important is that I really want to do it…

2.       To be more financially savvy… that means to be more responsible on how I spend my $$$. To stop doing impulsive shopping (bye bye shopee) and to start having some money saved.

3.       To explore on how to attain my P.Eng qualification.

4.       To cook more.

5.       To read a book.

I don’t want to list so much coz it will serve no purpose anyway, I will not be able to fulfill them if there are too many resolutions. So for this time around, 5 is plenty.

 until next time... daa~~

 

 

malasnyer nak keje

 

20221223 0900

Awal2 pagi lagi dah rasa sangat x motivated to do any work… rasa macam ada je keje yang perlu disiapkan but I am just not in the mood right now…

Could it be because I didn’t sleep well last night??

For some reason I just couldn’t, despite being sleepy quite early…

So here I am, ranting and venting my feelings… its my way of decluttering my thoughts… I am honestly unsure why I feel like my mind is so jumbled up, and I don’t exactly know what thought exactly is in there… I just feel kind of claustrophobic but in my head…

So anyway, besides feeling extremely lazy and not in the mood, I also feel quite sad, I guess its due to my financial state at the moment… I feel so stupid for feeling this way… oftentimes I tell myself that being broke does not necessarily equal being sad… but right now I find it hard to agree with my own reassurance…

But I know I shouldn’t dwell in the sadness for it will not benefit me in any way… so instead lets focus on other things, shall we?

Do I want to talk about work? Not necessarily

Work is work, nothing new and nothing interesting… I am just getting by…

I did the performance review yesterday, to which I feel like I only meet the expectation, instead of exceeding them… so I think its fair…

Other than that I have also searched for training courses that I would like to join in 2023 and I have shared them with my boss.. and a discussion session is already scheduled next week with him and my other teammate… I hope it will be smooth sailing with regards to this…

Other than that, I just want to say here that I feel lonely at work… I really am on my own and friendless here… this would usually not bother me so much coz I actually like the solitude… but here, somehow I don’t like it too much… macam bodoh jugak kan… but macam tu lah manusia kan, always wanting something that we don’t have, but once we get it, then rasa menyesal dan tak best pulak…

I should really just appreciate it I think… this being alone and having no one to bother me… its actually a blessing and I should just brush this feeling aside… just remind myself that I actually enjoy it…

I don’t want people to think that I am being arrogant actually…

But u know what… pergi mampus kau lah kalau nak fikir aku sombong ke whatever… to hell with u la kan… why should I care if u want to think that?? Why should I bother make u feel a certain type of way about me… u want to think that I am a snobbish person, then by all means go ahead… I know I am not…

I just cant be bothered to care about anything or anyone right now… I should really just focus on what I want and what I need…

Oklah enough about work… next topic!!

Owh semalam I watched the movie spilt gravy on rice on Netflix… the one with Rahim razali tu… I saw harith Iskandar posted a clip of the movie on his ig last week… I actually quite enjoy the movie, its different and sangat open yer… talking about LGBT and drag queens… but mostly I think the movie just nak portray the lives of a modern malay family, who speaks English and always critical of one another…

I believe the movie was made in year 2011 but never made it to local cinema la kan, due to its nature yg depicts too many controversial and sensitive issues in Malaysia.. also on the governance, politics, religions, racial, child abuse/molestation some more…

Oklah, rasanya that’s about it, malas pulak nak cerita banyak2… as movie I give it 4 star la… walaupun ada je benda2 yg macam cringey but its fine…

 

Existential Crisis

https://www.betterup.com/blog/what-is-an-existential-crisis

I don’t remember how but I came across the article in the line above and I must say that it describes what I am feeling to a tee sangat… also on the ways to cope with the cirisis… its definitely looking at mental problem from a different perspective, other than being of depressive in nature… and how common the issue is nowadays…

So nothing much pun nak cerita kat sini… I hope that I will always remain grateful for the things I have and for this life la…

Ok I want to go back to the topic of financial crisis that I am currently in… I think it could be a blessing in disguise jugak actually… for when I am broke like I am at the moment, there will be no chance for me to to waste money on unnecessary things la… so I think that’s a good thing la kan…

Haiyooo stress pulak aku dengan this new EA that I purchased from shopee last week… asyik2 lost je bila open new position…

Tapi aku pun dah told myself that I don’t want to kacau the EA and I will only check on its performance by end of the year… and all I can do is to cross my fingers, semoga dapat banyak profit.. dah la EA tu mahal… I bought it at Rm177 yer… haiyoo… but I actually like its functionality yang ada SL, and that will prevent MC… tapi kalau semua position yang kau bukak asyik loss jer lama2 kau MC jugak kan jahanam… haiyooo

Stress pulak aku..

Adakah ini antara punca aku mengalami perasaan existential crisis ni??? Because this EA is not performing like how I had hoped it would… duh!!

Just let it go already la… maybe ada hikmah nyer tu…

Okla aku dah malas nak bebel, till next time…~~

mari hapdet sikit

 

20221110 0905

 

Hellow gorgeous… its been a while so its befitting to rant here today…

Currently I am at office, listening to Hafiz Hamidon Zikir Terapi Diri because I feel like I need to…

Something within me that’s just feeling restless, unsettled… although I am not quite sure what it exactly is… so by listening to zikir2 and ayat2 suci Al-quran, I am hoping that it will help sooth this uneasiness that I am feeling… tying to combat mental turmoil with calming and soothing Al-quran recitation…

So at the same time, I just want to rant about things here… to vent out, in the hopes to make me feel better… so lets just go talk about it one by one…

1.       PRU15

Not sure why this topic is the first on this list… maybe because I have been seeing and listening talk about it from the people around me… me personally, I am not sure what I feel towards this incoming GE… I also don’t know who I will vote for…

From the info that I have gathered so far, I am more prone to vote for the opposition… mainly because I don’t like corruption, and I want the country economy to flourish…

I don’t feel threatened by the non malays with regards to Hak orang melayu or agama islam, coz I feel like whether or not this country is negara islam, I am always gonna be Malay, and I will always be able to practice Islam, nonetheless…

Its not like letting DAP run the country will make the malay muslims here to suffer like those in China for example… so yeah, all things considered, I think I will go with PH as of now… but we have 8 more days to the voting day so anything can happen kan…

Whatever the outcome I just want whats best for the country and that’s my wish

 

2.       Trading

After losing about USD24k last time, it ought to have taught me to not do this trading thingy again… but I don’t know how to stop… but this time around I only use the money from the public mutual account, which had experienced loss, about 10%… theres about usd500 in there…

I just think since I am not using the money anyway, and rather than let the value of the money shrink in public mutual, might as well I use it for trading…

This time I am using a different EA, that I purchased from shopee… prior to using real account I used it on demo account for a month and the performance is not bad… but I know damn well that doesn’t guarantee anything…

I just wish that I can get some extra $$$ from trading on autopiliot and that’s it… I no longer have the wish and the desires like previously, hoping that it will be safe and good always… coz I know its not…

Ok next…

 

3.       New Baby

I am in love with my new baby girl… who is nocturnal by the way…

She would sleep all day, only wake up to for breastfeeding with her ibu… then would go back to sleep during the day… only at midnight around 12am, then she would be wide awake, until around 5am, then she would go back to sleep…

Sometimes I get up to help my wife, like getting the baby to burp, change the diaper and singing lullaby to get the baby to sleep so the ibu can sleep too… but to no avail… aiyooo daddy give up la…

But its okay, I get the spend time with my cute baby, and as a result daddy would be a zombie at office during the day…

Owh my baby's name is Aishah Sofea, born on 20 October 2022… when she was delivered, I saw everything… and I was scared coz she came out being unalive, no crying, no screaming and she was grey in colour… me and my wife didn’t say anything coz we were scared of the worst…

Then the nurse massaged her body and after about a minute the colour turned pink and I heard her voice for the first time…

She was born at 8:35 pm, I guess it was he sleeping time, and it still is…

What do I do to change her nocturnalness??? Maybe I will go on google and read on it later…

 

4.       Gerhana Bulan and doa/wishes

2 days ago, there was a moon eclipse… its not about the phenomenon that I want to talk about… its about what I wished and prayed for when I did the solat sunat Gerhana…

1^st thing is I wish my daughter Adawiyah to be a good and obedient little girl, to listen to her parents and to grow up being anak solehah…

2^nd thing is I prayed for continuous and berkat rezeki from Allah for my family… also for Allah to always bless us with feelings of having enough and not greedy…

3^rd thing I prayed for work stability, for I get to be confirmed with my current employment… for me to enjoy and able to deliver the work smoothly, basically to have no problem related to work la…

4^th think I prayed that my family will be safe with islam and iman until the hereafter… I think this wish is important coz we don’t know what will happen in the future kan… sesungguhnya pengakhiran seseorang itu yg lagi penting...

5th and its also very important, to always pray for Allah's mercy... i am reminded of this video i saw on tiktok, it talks about love and mercy... muslims enter jannah not because of of their good deeds, but because of Allah's mercy... but of coz la to gain Allah's mercy we need to do good deeds la... we just to always remember to always ask for Allah's mercy.... and not to feel entitled just because we have been a practicing muslim... bukan berat pahala yang masukkan kita dalam syurga tapi belas ihsan Allah... 

Owh just to say here, its not about praying to the moon eclipse, but to ask from God… the moon eclipse is just a symbol of God’s power… to remind ourselves that He is the almighty to allow for such an occurrence for us to observe and therefore be reminded of His power… so tak salah pun kalau kita nak berdoa during the moon eclipse or any other phenomenon yang mengingatkan kita akan kekuasaan Allah…

 

5.       Kurzgesagt and infographic channel on youtube

Actually dah lama jugak aku came across the channel Kurzgesagt ni… and I still don’t know how to spell it without checking it first…

Its very informative and the videos make us think about science and the world in general… and I just love it…

Another channel that I like is the infographic channel… where they talk about world events, like the possibility of WWW3 and nuclear war… they also have stories about serial killers like Jeffrey dhamer, ted bundy and others… I first stumbled with the channel when I was reading about Jeffrey dhamer, and its because of the series on Netflix jugak… but now I enjoy the videos about world war more la… and its scary weh… tapi suka tengok… pelik jugak aku ni kan…

 

 

6.       Success and envy

I don’t consider myself successful pun… I think I just have enough and I am happy, that’s my win… lagipun it doesn’t matter what other people think, as long as we are happy with what we have kan…

Actually I just saw on FB, my schoolmate was just promoted to become the operating director in the company hes working with… theres a small part of me that feels envious of him… I think its pretty normal… I suppose other people will feel it too… but its important to not dwell in it… that’s his life story, so dia la main character so let him be la…

We are the main character in our own story kan… so we should focus on ourselves je lah, and stop comparing ourselves to other people… I think that’s the key ingredient to becoming happy and contented with the life that we have…

And to always count your blessings and be grateful… sesungguhnya, setiap hari we have so many things to be grateful for… at the very least, we are still alive today and we have all the time we need to work on what makes us happy…

Cewah ayat2 penceramah motivasi sangat…

I say this, mostly as a reminder to myself first and foremost… coz like I said, we should always focus dengan diri sendiri dulu yer…

 

7.       Work

Truthfully macam xda apa2 pun nak update pasal work…

Ada this report that I need to complete and hopefully by today can finalize coz need to submit tomorrow…

There are new projects coming in and I have not started on them yet… kejap lagi nak tengok la… and to plan when to complete…

Other than that, nothing else I think…

 

So until next time, I better should start doing some work now… dah sejam jugak aku bebel2 kat sini…

Later~~

20220919 0850 updates

 20220919 0850

Not sure but I feel like I want and need to vent today, this Monday morning

Maybe because its Monday and I have the worst Monday blues.. last Friday was a public holiday, the 16th of September.. meaning I have been off work for 3 days.. and that would entail the next working day, which is today.. my mood for work would be non existent.

Hence, this strong need to just write things out.. although I am not exactly sure what topic I want to bebel today.. maybe just some random things.. so whatever comes to mind la eh.

GV

So last night being a Sunday night, the first concert for GV9 took place

Okay2 je la.. takda la gempak sangat.. I watched the whole show and I am quite entertained ler.. biasa2 jer.. as expected jaclin victor got 1st place for the 1st show ni.. but I think her performance biasa2 saja.

Other than Jaclyn, I am also rooting for bob mesra.. and I agree with what shafinaz said about bobs talent being underappreciated.

That’s just how the world is kan.. anyhow, I hope bob will do better and place better in following weeks.

Mcm xda apa yang menarik sangat pun pasal GV, but it’s the 1st thing on my mind so here it is.

RPDR Down Und

So the 2nd season of Down Under RPDR just concluded last Saturday and I am content with the winner.. I have even posted an IG story about it.. spankie Jackson was not my 1st pick.. if anyone, it was probably kween kong.. but over the course of the season, seeing how it unfolded, there is no denying that spankie deserves the win

I also like the storyline she carried with her.. about moving back to Palmerton north from 12 years in Melbourne just so she could take care of her dad.. about her working with children.. I feel like that’s a plus point.. and how she sees herself after coming back to palmy, where the drag scene is probably none, compared to Melbourne.

But above all, I am happy because again, it’s a winner from NZ.. although Aus is known to have major drag scene, much bigger than NZ I guess.. when kita mean won the 1st season, I thought this is odd, and probably may never happen again.. now with 2 winners from NZ, surely they will boast about it comes the 3rd season.. and I am sure Aus will win the next season.

Even kween kong is from south Auckland nz.. although originally shes from samoa/tonga.. but she said shes worked in south Auckland before..or lived there.

Okla enough about that.. next!

The below section is written on 20 sept 2022.. I stopped halfway yesterday coz I had some work to do.. so I am resuming it today coz ive got some other things to talk about

Living as a single pare

I feel like I shouldn’t even write about this.. but since its been on my mind quite often these days so I just write je lah.. lagipun, I don’t see the harm in it.. its not that I wish for it.. its something on my mind, and I just want to get it out jer..

Coz right now my wife is pregnant with out 3rd child and I cant help to shake this thought what if the undesirable happen and I am left to raise our 3 children on my own.

Omg to be honest I am scared.. and worried.. that’s a HUGE responsibility.. I don’t even want to think about it.. but being a reasonable and practical person, I feel like I should give it a thought.

How would my life be if that was to happen kan.. lagipun, death is a confirmed thing, Cuma lambat atau cepat je.. so we shouldn’t really fear death, hence having this thought is probably a good thing.. atleast I have this little preparation.

Will I still be working or will I be a stay at home dad? I think I will still go to work as usual.. life has got to go on la kan.. no matter how hard and challenging... but I think I will probably take a month leave kot... I dunno

What breaks me the most is when I think about my daughter who is so manja with her ibu and that will be devastating, when she misses her mother and asks where her mother is.. I will surely menangis meraung2 nanti.. but I have to be strong for them.. and teach them about takdir and qada and qadar.. verily, everything that happens is Gods will and we have to have faith that it’s the best for us.

And I will teach my children and tell them to always send prayers to their mom, each time solat.. insyallah doa anak2 beriman akan sampai ke ibu bapa mereka.

Another question that’s on my mind.. will I remarry?

For now I don’t think I will.. but at the same time I am not one to oppose takdir and jodoh.. if I am destined to remarry, and theres someone who can accept me flaws and all, then I will.. but I wont be looking for it la.. if it happens, it happens.. mcm tu je.

Where will I be staying?

I am not sure, I think I will just stay at jalilmas.. maybe I will ask my parents to stay with me.. or maybe I will move back to wangsa maju.. well it depends, most probably will move to wangsa maju and see how things are.. I think it will be to hard for me to live in RJ coz theres too much memories… so better move to wangsa maju.. if not comfortable then I will move back to jalilmas.. lagipun I feel bad coz if I moved to wangsa maju, it will be burdening my mak to take care of my children pulak.. but at the same time, I will be with my parents to look after them.. anak2 I will send them to school la.. xda la dok umah jer.. so this one is quite hard.. but like I said.. if we come to that bridge, then only we will cross it.. for now I guess, I will probably move to wangsa maju with anak2.

What will I do with my wifes belonging?

I guess I will donate the good ones to charity.. like her clothes, shoes, bags etcetra.. or if my parents in law or her sisters want them, I will just give to them la kot.. kereta arus tu I will continue using la kot.. takda la nak jual ke.. pakai je lah… kereta putih tu maybe aku akan jual.. walaupun sayang, tapi nak buat apa pulak ada byk2 kereta kan

Owh lupa pulak… what about the money from the takaful and insurance?

I think I will just dump them in ASB je la kot and let it grow… kalau ada lebih I will buy another property with cash money and just rent it out… atleast ada la continued income.. itu je la kot

Okla cukup2 la tu fikir pasal bende ni.. lets move to another topic pul

Living overse

Ni pun da banyak kali terlintas kat kepala.. I think me and my wife pernah je have conversations about it.. and we both want to, cuma maybe not now.. coz our parents are still living, and I think seelok2 nya we should spend as much time as possible with them.. maybe in the future when they are no longer with us, masa tu kita dah stable, atau lebih stable.. duit savings pun da banyak, then we can really plan to live overseas

My country of choice right now is Canada.. i like the country coz its similar to NZ in many ways, and the country is known to be very welcoming to immigrants.. and its cold there.. like really cold.. I don’t know if I will like the cold when I get there.. but for now, I will choose cold over hot anytime

Another country that I kinda want to move to is probably Scotland.. yes its apart of the UK, but from what I gathered, the lifestyle in Scotland is very different compared to London.. and I prefer a non busy place for living.. but Canada is still no 1.. haha.

Talking about living overseas kan… coz at the moment both my wife and I work for MNCs

Shes with Axens and I am with Bureau Veritas,  I think it will be an advantage and a plus point la should we want to seek work opportunities overseas in the future… insyallah kalau ada rezeki and opportunity, it will happen… tapi kena la kumpul experience dulu… atleast more than 5 years.. insyallah boleh

Medical Check

This talk about living overseas has made me think about the last medical checkup I had at KKKL.. I think everything is okay, except for my high cholesterol and the high level of creatine(kidney function) in my blood

The cholesterol thingy I think I know why… its because I have been eating fast food like McDonalds so often lately and very seldom workout at the gym.. so I guess I know what I have to do to bring the cholesterol level down la.. insyallah I will restrain myself from eating McDonalds for now until my cholesterol level is back to normal.. and I will do cardio every time I hit the gym.. and hopefully that will be a daily thing... one can only hope.

Another thing is the creatine level.. I think it was really high during the checkup coz I was taking this supplement creatine, which I thought would help me with my workout.. coz I read about its uses and its suppose to help with increasing strength and therefore will improve my workout sessions.

I guess, I should really change the way I see workout, previously I thought having more strength, thus lifting heavier weights is important.. I guess I was wrong.. more importantly is to do it consistently, with lighter weight... the strength will develop over time.. so okay lah.. lepas ni kita angkat ringan2 jer.. tapi takda la ringan sangat.. sesedap rasa je la.. maybe I should focus on endurance more, hence do more cardio… aku bukan nak sangat badan sado.. aku nak kurus je buat masa ni.. I really want to get rid of my belly fat.. huhu

And yes, I should have calorie deficit everyday… and that means to control what I eat… haha easier said than done, I know… but I have to try… eat more vegies and fruits.. lets go!

Owh just to share here… after the checkup, then after 2 weeks I went to see the doctor to discuss about the results… and coincidently, my dad had to do x ray at the same KKKL so I took him with me on the same day… he was done with the x-ray much earlier so I asked him and my mum to go home first, while I wait for my turn to see the doctor for my checkup

And this has caused my mum to get worried… obviously, I have never told them about my condition and me having to do this medical checkup got them really concerned, especially my mum…

I just told them about the high cholesterol and the creatine situation je lah.. and technically its not lying kan... huhu… I love my parents so much

So the next check up will be somewhere in November or December… and fingers crossed, hopefully itll be all okay by then

I guess that’s it for now… so until next time… toodles

~~…… …!…....up…….…..asak…?…?.?.?..…... nt..!.....er......9....

I guess that’s it for now… so until next time… toodles~~

Sedikit coretan dan bebelan...

 

20220607 0820

 

Its been quite a while since my last post.. ada la beberapa perkara yg berlaku tapi aku mcm malas dan takda masa nak update.. juo aku rasa mcm xda motivasi nak update.. but today is different.. when I woke up I had this feeling mcm nak meluahkan something.. nak bercerita.. and if I’m being honest, theres no other person or means that I think is better than my old blog for me to vent and talk about all the randomest things in my life.. so without further ado, here they go..

 

1.       Contract Ending but still no offer

 

It’s something that’s troubling me of course and I have mixed feelings about this..

On one side I feel like it will do me some good to take some time out and just unwind.. but unfortunately since money is tight, I just cant afford to.. so not having another offer is definitely worrying.. but I know I shouldn’t dwell in the worry but to keep applying and checking jobsites for new openings..

Nothing much that I can say about it, I just worry and I pray that I will not give up and a new offer will surface soon.. insyallah

 

2.       Apply keje semula dekat powerware

 

2 weeks ago I submitted an application to rejoin PWS, and the new HR called me for a phone interview and I felt like it went well.. then she sent an email for me to rank my ability on technical matters.. some I knew and some I didn’t.. I just answered them all honestly…

Last week Friday I sent an email to follow, to which she replied that she will check with the hiring manager..

 The idea of rejoining PWS is not my first choice TBH but I know I can do the job..

The reason that I am reluctant to join is because I’ve done it before and I am worried that I might get bored easily.. but beggars cant be choosers kan.. so just suck it up la and just do the damn thing…

 

I don’t know why but I just have this feeling that they don’t want me back pun.. the reason that the HR called me was because she doesn’t know me.. but all the senior people there know me and I feel like I am not wanted there.. so that’s that.. but whatever it is, I will just accept.. and as per what I said before.. to never give up…

 

3.       Interview with AEG Singapore and the idea of PJJ

Also happened last week, I had a teams call interview with AEG, the 1^st one with the global recruiter but I am not sure where he’s from, probably Germany because of his accent..

Then the 2^nd interview with the team from SG..

Just now I checked my email and saw an update for this application, an auto reply from linkedin..

“Unfortunately we will not proceed yadayada…”

Honestly I feel disappointed but I just have to keep going la kan..

Maybe its for the best.. if I got offered the position, there are still so many uncertainties..

1^st being the technical aspect of the job, having to learn about UPS systems and I feel like I am just too old to learn new things.. I am not opposed to learning them though, I just know that it’s going to be challenging..

2^nd being that the position is in SG and I would have to be away from my family, its definitely something that I don’t look forward to… but like I said before, beggars can be choosers kan… if I got the job and had to do PJJ with my family I guess I will just have to do it la.. but now I know its not happening, so its fine.. why bother pun kan..

3^rd being the condition that I am now, I just know that its quite impossible for me to work there.. I don’t want to elaborate further because, what’s the point pun kan…

But just to share la, I had thought about how my life was going to be, doing PJJ, having to travel often and only go back home once every 2 3 months, being single away.. far from my wife and kids.. I guess its for the best kan.. the idea of being away for long period of time from my family is not what I want pun…

4.       Nak jadi artis boleh x??

Kalau dah susah2 sangat takda keje boleh x nak jadi artis je.. jadi pelakon ke.. walaupun aku tahu aku ni hauk.. but 10-15 years ago, I had the confidence that I could become an actor.. but now not anymore.. and being a 35 yo male I know that I shouldn’t underestimate the challenges and the difficulties of becoming an actor… I don’t know why I even talk about it here.. maybe just to share something on my mind jer..

But…

If the opportunity comes, I will give it a try… at this point, why decline?? Why say that I wont be able to do it before even trying it.. I aint got nothing to lose pun kan… definitely, if an opportunity comes, I will try.. huhu berangan much…

Sama la macam apply2 keje engineering ni jugak… banyak je positions yg aku dah apply and I am not confident if I will be able to perform… but then I realize, kenapa aku mesti discount my own ability?? Kenapa aku sendiri yg tidak percaya dengan kebolehan diri aku dan nak be negative.. without even trying…

So sedari itu aku akan apply ajer mana2 positions yg aku rasa mcm ada seakan2 dekat dengan field aku walaupun ada je benda2 yg aku tak tau dan tak pernah dengar sebelum ni… huhu…

So moral of the story is… jangan sabotage diri sendiri!!!

5.       XAUUSD still floating

Sebelum ni when it was going good I had always this thought of quitting my job and just rely on the money I can get from this auto-trading thingy.. now that its not going so good I feel so shitty.. and about the same time la jugak that I found out that my contract won’t be extended.. memang menguji kan..

I don’t know what else I can say about this thing pun..

But I think one good thing that happened during this floating thingy was last month when it the chart came crashing.. I had made an estimation that my capital was able to withstand the drop of gold until 1835.. imagine how scary it was when it actually dropped beyond that.. until 1790++ ok dia turun…

One thing that I learn is that in order for me to stay being alive and not MC was to open a sell position that’s the same amount with the total amount of all the buy positions.. so regardless of how low the position gets, the amount floating will remain.. that had saved my capital.. but now the chart had gone up, the floating amount remains at negative… huhu.. I should’ve closed the Sell position when it went up but I didn’t know if it was gonna continue going up or revert down.. kalau salah Langkah je habis la MC nnt.. huhu… nangis jap…

6.       Ujian dan tenang. Terima seadanya

 

Kalau nak diikutkan sekarang ni memang mcm banyak sangat ujian dating menimpa aku… lepas satu satu kan ujian… tapi aku berpegang pada satu nasihat dan ajaran dari ustaz hannan ataki dari Indonesia ni…

Dek kerana ujian2 ni la kita akan mendekatkan diri dengan Allah.. akan selalu berdoa untuk diberi kekuatan, dipermudah urusan.. and aku bersyukur sebab aku diberi kesedaran ini.. kesedaran yg mana kesusahan dan cabaran hidup yg aku lalui sekarang ni sebenarnya adalah baik untuk aku.. mungkin adalah yg terbaik bagi aku buat masa ni, supaya aku tak lekang untuk berdoa dan meminta dari Allah.. dan supaya aku dapat jauhkan diri dari perbuatan2 jahat dan berdosa.. sebab aku ni sejenis yg kalau aku buat dosa aku akan rasa mcm x layak nak berdoa dan minta dari Allah…

Aku tahu tidak baik begitu.. walaupun kita berbuat dosa, kita harus terus berdoa dan meminta dari Allah.. tapi mmg ada orang yg mcm tu jenis nya.. termasukla diri aku..

Walaupun kadang2 aku rasa mcm agak give up jugak sbb da lama kan berdoa tapi masih belum dpt apa yang aku hajatkan tu.. tapi aku kena terus kuat.. dan aku doa jugak supaya tidak give up… sesungguhnya, bisikan syaitan jer tu nak aku give up kan…

Semoga aku dikurnia kekuatan untuk terus have faith and to never give up.. insyallah…

 

7.       Last resort

 

I am not quite sure what my last resort is if by July I still have no job.. yes I have some savings la kan that will last me for a few months…

In terms of keje, maybe I will bawak grab la kot… or I can focus on the manual trading thingy… kena follow signal dekat telegram & tiktok dengan religiously la kot..

I don’t want to worry too much about it but if I have to cross that bridge, I will do just that…

Hopefully I wont have to.. huhu…

 

8.       Whats my thought of being single??

The reason that I am even thinking about this is because my brother in law is currently staying at my house.. he’s in his 40s already and he’s never married.. belum bertemu jodoh barangkali..

Aku taktau la apa perasaan dia kan tapi nampak mcm happy je single…

Member2 aku yg single pun nampak mcm happy jer… tapi dalam hati cuma dia je la yg tahu…

Member aku si Raul tu dah sekian kali nyer bagitau dia lonely sbb single… nak kawen tapi takda calon katanya… tapi dia yg banyak sangat cekadak nyer terlalu memilih… biarlah dia… itu pilihan dia… mungkin dia dah sangat selesa membujang…

Same with Azhan jugak… dia dah sangat selesa membujang la kot tu…

I am not gonna judge coz it’s not position to do so..  doa yg baik2 saja la kan…

9.       Should my trading recover, whats the first things that I will do??

 

I believe in the law of attraction… dalam islam we have a different term for this law… tapi aku tak ingat what’s the term in Islam..

Basically if we have faith and keep believing something will happen, it will eventually happen… Cuma cepat atau lambat aje la…

So here’s hoping..

Speaking of the recovery of my capital from the current position it is in, the first thing I will do is…

1.       To set aside half of the capital for the loan repayment

2.       To belanja some of the money that I have from the profit to pay for my wants… seperti nak beli barang2 rumah baru, nak bayar macam2 kan bila masuk rumah baru ni…

3.       Nak pergi travel la.. nak pergi kundasang sajor dulu… bawak family…

4.       A new baby is coming.. mcm banyak je barang nak kena beli tu nnt.. so kena la bersiap awal2…

Oh My God, I pray that it will recover soon, before semua benda2 penting yg berlaku ni.. huhu…

 

10.   Nak belajar makeup la..

This is so random kan.. but lately I have been seeing many videos on youtube and tiktok pasal male grooming and make up and I must say that I am intrigued and there’s nothing wrong with that.. we should totally normalize male makeup kan.. its not a bad thing pun.. if it makes you happy why oppose it??

It doesn’t bring any harm pun, and taking care of one’s self is important kan.. including his exterior/image… but of course la dalaman pun kena elok juo.. dalaman tu I am referring to health yer… maksud nye kena eksesais la.. pergi gym bagai… bukan dalaman as in keperibadian atau perangai… owh yer itu pun kena hellok juo…

Why do I even bother explaining pun kan?? Huhu

11.   Chatting dengan Chan Wai Kit

Mamat Cina ni member aku masa sekolah rendah.. sbb dia sekolah kebangsaan dia nyer BM mmg mcm orang melayu KL la.. so bila aku borak ngn dia kat wasep atau fb messenger tu memang mcm cakap melayu je la…

 Da lama da aku x jumpa dia… last I saw him masa form 4 la before aku pergi Jasin..

Tak selalu pun chat dengan dia.. haritu ada la citer2 sikit.. dia citer da jarang balik Malaya sbb parents dia da meninggal… dia dok UK btw, dah keje jadi researcher kat sana katanya… under grant apa tah aku lupa…

Bagus la dia dah berjaya kat sana.. ni dia balik Malaya kejap sbb aku nampak kat fb story dia, aku pun komen la.. panas lettew sbb dia letak caption 27 degC… eh mengada la la pulak konon panas.. dulu masa kecik2 relax je beratur tengah2 panas masa assembly…

Kalau ada rezeki nak la jugak jumpa dia.. tapi dia nak ke jumpa aku?? Lolz.. huhu…

Eh random nyer citer pasal si wai kit ni…

 

So that’s all la for now… aku da penat nak menaip… atleast ada la sikit output aku kat office harini walaupun bukan buat kerja, tapi atleast dapat la membebel sikit2 dan dapat vent out perasaan dan release some stress..

Actually takda stress pun, cuma banyak risau jer.. dan sedih sbb tak dapat keje Singapore.. lolz.. pastu cakap la its for the best sebab nak sedapkan hati sendiri kan.. padahal sedih.. sobs sobs…