Lets vent!!

At the start of the day I was feeling okay, nothing in particular that is making me feeling unease or unhappy…

Then I turned on my laptop and open web browser and saw one of the bookmarks I have which is the iecex cert website, then I went on to search Aida’s name and there it was… her name is there… she is certified and I am not… then I was reminded of the problem I had with regards to my own certification… and that made me feel so down and perhaps upset…

I don’t know what I should do… I probably should inform my boss if this, but I just don’t want to… its making me feel ashamed sort of… that I failed the iecex practical test… which is more frustrating to me is when the training provider didn’t even bother to inform me that I had failed…

Maybe I will txt him again, coz I think I did pass the 001 atleast…

Enough of being upset… its still early in the morning and I don’t want my whole day to get ruined because of something silly such as this…

Next topic… Proton perdana 2.0…

This is such a random, and probably impulsive decision… I had made a booking to try to purchase a new car… proton person of the year 2018… I went to lotus bandar baru bangi for some groceries shopping and I saw the car there, decided to have a look and it was inexplicable thing that pushed me to actually made the booking for the car… the booking is RM100, and the car dealer will assist to apply for loan for the car… if not approved then I will get the RM100 back… if approved, I get the car…

I don’t know if it’s a good thing and I have doubts coz it will be a new loan for the hire purchase, something that I feel I should undertake at this point of time…

But u know what, if its meant to be it will be… if it isn’t, then its also okay… if the loan is somehow approved and I get a new car, I will sell the axia, which I believe can give me approximately 10k… with the extra cash, I can clear my credit card debt, or I can just use it to splurge… lolz… probably the former…

Moving on to the next thing on my mind…

My wife received an invitation to apply for Sr HR position at Vertiv… well this is good news… I hope she gets the job… I don’t know if it is a good job, but I can only pray that her new work would be better… come to think of it, any job would be better than the one she currently has… here is hoping…

I don’t even want to elaborate on why I said that… suffice to say that her colleagues and boss are from hell… so I really hope she finds a better a job… not necessarily a better salary, just a better job in terms of the people and work environment… coz honestly, with our current living arrangement, with 10k/month for the household is already enough in my opinion…

Ok.. lets move on to the next one… Grab driver…

Last night I did grab again… its been 4 or 5 months I have on hiatus.. just because I didn’t feel like doing it… last Friday I did after the 5 months pause, and last night I did again…

I have to say the customer demand at bangi area is not as high as bukit jalil… most of the time I just waited for the ping… then I decided to drive up north to be near KL, then I managed to make 5 bookings there, which amounted to ~RM50… I know its not much but its better to have something than nothing…

Last Friday I made ~RM90… not bad I guess…

I don’t know if I will do again tonight… I will have to see if I will be in the mood or not… I want to, but I feel like my wife doesn’t want me to work tonight… coz she said it will be better for me to do during weekend so I can get more, coz I will be doing longer hours during the day…

My issue with weekend is that I don’t like driving during the day coz its hot… I prefer driving at night coz it is much relaxing and easy… I actually enjoy driving while my Desperate Housewives are playing on my car android player… huhu…

Ok next topic… bonus and increment…

Last week I had my performance review with my boss, which in my opinion went quite okay… nothing bad in particular… I don’t know how my performance is in his eyes… but I feel like I am meeting all the expectations, except on the renewable energy section…

I don’t really have high expectations or hopes with regards to the bonus or increment… I think I will get some, but I know better not to have really high expectations…

I am just so excited to be getting the extra cash from the bonus payment… same like the extra cash that I will get from selling my axia, I will use it to clear my credit card debt, and all the other debts, whichever applicable…

Hahaha… its such a grown up thing kan…

And I want to take my family to eat seoul garden… its been quite some time since our last seoul garden buffet…

Next grown up topic that I feel excited to share is about the Renewable Energy Technical Day…

Last week, my bosses boss Ir Dr Petter gave a talk on Renewable Energy… I enjoyed his presentation thoroughly…

He talked about the why, how, what etc.. he touched on the 1.5 degC by year 2100, the paris agreement, policy on banning ICE, reducing CO2 level, CCUS, Fuel Cell Vehicle, H2 production, Green Energy… In the 2.5 hours of his presentation, not once that I felt bored… I was so engaged and I have even more respect toward him… I also happen to care for our Earth just as much and quite aware of the importance to have Green Energy etc… so Go Green!!

On an unrelated topic, a few nights before, I watched a documentary on Netflix which talked about the meat industry in the US, and how the cow cattle ranches are producing so much CH4, which is a Green House Gas that contributes to Global warming…

After watching the documentary, I feel like being a vegan is such a good thing… but I don’t know if I can go vegan all the way… I love cheese so much…

They have cheese alternatives in the US, which is made from nuts, perhaps almond, but I don’t know if we have that in Malaysia… perhaps in a few more years we will…

Maybe when I am older and financially more stable, I will opt to being a vegan… coz believe it or not, being a vegan aint cheap yall…. 

I think that is all for now… till next time… daaa~~~ 

Kemurungan sikit... tapi takmo la dwell in it...

 

20230724 1100

 

Lately ni rasa macam selalu pulak mengalami kemurungan… although I don’t think that I am facing a major depression episode, but it still sucks…

The first thing, or the main reason that I believe is the major contributor to me feeling depressed is due to the fact that I had just been scammed… I lost about RM300 to the scammer… and I was about to get angry at my wife because apparently she had the similar experience before, but she never told me, never warned me… and I felt quite angry because she didn’t…. then I took a step back and really evaluate the situation, I really shouldn’t blame her, because this was my mistake, and blaming other people is just unhealthy and will not solve the problem…

After being scammed, feeling sad and angry, I understand why she was reluctant or didn’t want to talk to me about it… I feel the same way too… because its not a pleasant thing and I would not want to relive the experience, nor talk about it… so I understand why she didn’t tell me…

But I think its good to talk about it, so we could move on and also warn others to not be the next victims…

Anyhoot, I think I am pretty much over my sadness or upset feeling about the getting scammed incident… I just want to move on…

Next…

The last weekend I was feeling very gloomy and not in the mood for anything… I still do actually, but I really don’t want to dwell in it too long, coz I know it don’t bring me any good…

over the weekend i didnt do much, spent most of the time at home, or in bed... which is the typical behavior of depressed people... not sure on the level of severity though coz today i got up and went to work... hopefully, it will go away soon... 

Next... of being jealous or envious and feeling sad of own self....

This morning I found out that a friend of mine had just gotten a new job, and I can only assume it comes with a better bigger paycheck, and the first thing that came to mind was that I was feeling envious and kinda sad, thinking of my position at the moment, it is far behind my other friends…

I know its unhealthy to compare yourself to others, I guess its one of those times when syaitan will come to you and start whispering, putting unpleasant thoughts into your mind, so you would feel bad and not grateful with what you have in your life…

Again, just be positive, and be happy for the friend… it’s the right and the better thing to do, rather than to feel bad and jealous of others’ successes.

And we need to always count our blessings kan, and to remember that what we have now, the position that we are currently in, this is what is best for us at the moment, and insyaallah when the time comes, when the time is right, we too will get to experience success… just keep doing what you do, and work hard, and make doa, insyaallah our time will come… lagi satu, success is not only measured by the amount of money that you have, it is different to different people… surely I am successful in other aspects kan…. As long as we are happy and content and grateful with ourselves, that is also a measure of success if you ask me….

And also if the type of success that you crave doesn’t come, that’s fine to… surely we have other things to be grateful for… surely Allah is fair…

 

Oklah da malas nak bebel banyak2… nanti tulis lagi… toodles~~

bual sikit lah...

 

I think I am becoming more and more emotional these days… maybe a little bit too sensitive…

Easily get sad or unnecessarily troubled by things that are in my head…

1stly, about my relationship with my kids…

I don’t know but I dread the day that they no longer want to play with me…

I just get so sad thinking that there will come a day that would be the last for me to pick them up and carry them on my hip…

I am very close to my daughters… and soon enough they will grow up and I can no longer do the things I do with them now, like carrying them on my shoulder… or taking them to bath… I am such a clingy dad… is it because I love them too much?? And that’s not wrong or bad now, is it?

I just hate the feeling that everyday the day that they will stop being my little girls is coming nearer and nearer… oh my god I am such a mess…

I know I should just cherish and appreciate it all now… but I don’t want it to end… am I being greedy??

 

Ok enough about that… heres another sad thing on my mind…

About 3 weeks ago, a friend of mine Tengkuk (maybe not a friend but an acquaintance) suffered the loss of his wife, after battling cancer for 13 years…

I know I am not that close to tengkuk or his wife but I just get sad of the news…

I cant help but to reflect it upon my life… I don’t know how I will ever be able to face life should the same were to happen to me… honestly, I feel like my will for this life will be gone as well… having to bury your spouse is possibly the single most painful thing in the world… am reminded of when Shuib the comedian had to bury his wife, whom he lost to Covid, about 2 years ago…

Oh yes I cried, although I don’t know them personally but I couldn’t help but to feel sad too…

 

I know that life has got to go on, but it will be sooo freakin difficult… I don’t want to even think about it, coz I cant…

 

Ada lagi sorang facebook friend, dia shared about her son yg warded sebab ada masalah pernafasan apa tah… dan keadaan dia agak kritikal juo…

I just cannot because I keep imagining what if its my child… so sebab aku taknak tengok post tu, aku pun unfollow that friend… huhu…

Iols so cannot la when it comes to kids…

 

Ok lets move on to the next thing on my mind… about this year raya…

I feel like this year raya is the least festive in my life.. I think, the only day that felt like raya is the 1^st day… lepas tu rasa macam cuti biasa je… theres no kemeriahan raya despite the long holiday… is it because I am getting old??

Balik pekan nenas pun xda beraya mana2 pun… was it because of the heat?? Panas nak mam kan sekarang…

After balik KL, I had several open house invitations but I just didn’t feel like going pulak… ada yg aku lupa, ada yg aku tak rapat so I would rather not go… huhu.. all in all raya was such a meh…

 

Ok next… iphone

Since the incident befallen onto my iphone 13, and the shattering of the back screen, I have been wanting to buy a new iphone… tapi sampai sekarang x beli2 sebab mcm membazir pun ada… coz this phone can still function, despite some minor nuisance due to the dead pixel issue…

Bila jalan2 mall je mesti rasa mcm nak angkat je iphone, bayar la guna credit card yg boleh buat installment tu kan.. tapi lepas tu mesti akan second guess, do I really need to buy it now or should I just wait for iphone 15??

Lepas da balik rumah, meratip balik lepas tengok phone sekarang yg agak sedih ni… huhu.. x faham kan…

 

Ok next… debt consolidation…

I have already submitted all the requested documents… I hope it all goes well, and by the end of the month, should be okay kot… dapat la mengurangkan monthly commitment aku…

I know it the long run memang rugi sbb dia extend the tenure and I had to pay consultation fee 10% tu…. Tapi I care more about the reduced monthly commitment tu… dalam 500+ jugak dapat reduced… so aku proceed je la…

Lagi satu yg aku boleh buat to reduce my monthly commitment is to stop the takaful for my parents…

Yes mmg rugi sbb da setahun lebih jugak bayar… tapi kalau da tak mampu nak buat caner kan… lagipun takaful utk parents tu more like a saving je… bukan nyer pampasan hibah utk ganti gaji tu… yang tu takleh nak stop la…

 

Ok next thing…. New car…

Sebab nye my wife said kereta bmw x1 tu cantik… and I looked it up.. wow cantik sangat ni… terus rasa mcm nak angkat satu… tapi maybe lagi 5 tahun baru mampu kot… hoho… semoga tercapai hasrat nak beli kereta bmw ni…

Besides that, I have also checked out kia Cerrato 2023 yang cun sangat tu… review pun bagus… itu pun kena tunggu 3 tahun lagi baru boleh angkat la kot.. sekarang nak focus kat house renovation je dulu… guna je lah kereta yg ada ni dulu… Cuma tak salah pun nak pasang angan angan awal kan…

 

 

Next… training iecex inspector…

Last 2 week training tu… all in all, memang best dan sangat berguna aku rasa… Cuma penat sikit nak menjawab exam tu… ada 3  exam, each exam was 4 hours long…

Agak tepu jugak kepala ni… pastu penat dia takleh nak dibawak bincang sbb naik motor panas2 tu… rasa macam sangat demanding, especially at my age…

the training costed close to 12k and of course la aku kena bond dengan company ni kan for 4 freaking years... but its okay... i have no intention to change company pun buat masa ni... maybe aku akan keje sini sampai retired kot... why not... its a good company kan...

Next… new gym?

Gym yg CF kat endah parade tu ok je tapi its quite far from my house… sekarang ni rasa macam nak ambik membership yg dekat anytime fitness yg dekat tropika bukit jalil tu, its like 5 minutes from my house… tapi dia mahal sikit kot… yang CF tu dia bagi aku discounted price, RM155/month sbb sebelum ni aku dah join situ...
yang anytime ni kalau x silap aku dia RM189 per month... I think I will go ask about the membership this Friday la.. masa hari yg wfh nanti… kalau nak ambik pun maybe for 6 month je sebab aku dah nak pindah bangi kan…

semalam aku gigih pergi jogging pusing area rumah ni jer... memang best dapat mengeluarkan peluh... tapi harini mcm sakit2 badan dan rasa sengal2 pulak... adoi... sangat tidak fit...

tapi aku memang nak repeat lagi sbb aku suka berpeluh ni... maybe not tonight... maybe esok lusa... night runs are fun!!

oklah dah taktau nak bual apa dah... baik aku buat keje yg melambak ni... toodaloo~~

 

Hidup ini Banyak Ujian... Also some random stories...

 

20230119 0900

So right now I am at office. Yes, I have several tasks to do but I cannot focus on them now.

I feel sad and gloomy.

This morning I got a txt from my sister in our family Whatsapp group. She told us that her newborn Khairatun Hana, who was born on 31^st December 2022 had been diagnosed with a genetic disease called Patau’s Syndrome.

Its very rare and honestly, I have never heard of this genetic disease before.

My sister shared the article below in the whatsapp group.

https://hellodoktor.com/keibubapaan/kesihatan-anak/penyakit-berjangkit/sindrom-patau-pada-bayi-punca-simptom-dan-rawatan/

and upon reading it, my heart sank. I was just so lost for words. To say that I was feeling sad is an understatement. I can’t imagine how she and her husband must be feeling right now. Of course, my thoughts and prayers to both of them.

I dont know why but I feel this enormous love for the little girl... maybe because I love my own daughter Aishah Sofea so much, that I cant help but to love my niece just as much... I just have an abundance of love for baby girls...

I know it could be something that is uncalled for, but I am someone who always wants to see the silver lining in everything, to try to find the hikmah in every trial and challenge that we face in life.

The first that came to mind is that I know that Khairatun is an Anak Syurga, and quite honestly knowing that she belongs in heaven gives me some comfort.

I can’t help but to wonder why Allah test us? I am pretty sure I have heard of the reasoning before in the majlis ceramah agama somewhere but I couldn’t think of any, so I googled and looked it up… and I found the articles below, and it was like a slap to my face, how could I have not known that it’s a sign of God’s love for us.

https://harakahdaily.net/index.php/2021/06/03/kenapa-kita-diuji/

https://www.hmetro.com.my/rencana/2021/12/792216/ujian-daripada-allah-tanda-sayangkan-hamba-nya#:~:text=Tegasnya%2C%20apabila%20Allah%20SWT%20mengasihi,kecintaan%20Allah%20SWT%20kepada%20kita.

I guess what is happening right now is a great reminder to me and my family, to always count our blessings…

Yes, its easier said than done but, we must always have faith that the tests that Allah will never give us more than what we can bear…

Oklah, enough of sad stuff… lets change the topic and talk about something else.

Lets talk about work… what a boring subject, but its on my mind and I see why not…

So basically I was due for the confirmation of employment 2 weeks ago and I had sat down with my boss to discuss about my performance and confirmation.

He was saying all good up until that one time I was caught looking at my phone, watching videos during office hours.

And because of that he wants to extend my probation period for another 3 months.

I was upset of course... because to me, that is just stupid. I didn’t even try to deny the accusation because it was true. Sometimes when at work, I get bored and I would look at my phone for a few minutes before resuming work.

I personally think that as long as it does not interfere with my work, it should be something that is acceptable. No big deal!!

But according to my boss, it was someone else who saw me watching the videos and it was not a good thin, as it might impact their perception or make them think bad of me and the team yadayada...

Honestly, I just couldn’t care less, and I really didn’t want to argue. At least, I know there is no issue with regards to my work performance, despite me always being clueless of what I have to do at work.

Well apparently, I am doing okay on the technical aspect of my work.

On the disciplinary matter, it is something so easy to rectify. So I just have to suck it up and wait for another 3 months for the confirmation.

As usual, looking for the silver lining… I suppose its good that I got the extension so I will not be able to apply for the personal loan/debt consolidation just yet. Else, I would have spent the spare money on forex or something useless. I am hopeless when it comes to managing my finances...

On another note, I was checking my personal email yesterday and saw this email from Linkedin about a job opportunity, a position of Senior E&I Engineer at NOV... I really wasn't planning to apply but I kept on clicking my mouse and before I know it, I had submitted the job application.

Lolz... truly, it was something I hadn't planned... and I have zero expectation whatsoever... but its fun to just berangan you know... berangan in English is day-dream... its free anyway...

I just couldn't help but to think what if I got the job?? it would definitely be a blessing and something i desperately need especially if it comes with a better paycheck... My family could really use a big helping of pay increase and extra money...

Speaking of money, right now my wife and I are struggling financially trying to save money for the new house renovation... I had collected the key from early December 2022 btw...

From the quotations from contractors and budget estimation that we have done, we need about Rm40k to complete everything that we plan to do.

But for the purpose of just moving in, I suppose RM30k would be enough already and after scraping everything, from all the sources available, we estimated that our savings could go up to RM32k, barely enough for the moving in but that would make us vulnerable should anything bad were to happen kan…

It is a scary thing but theres no use to worry about it too much… lets just take it day by day and cross the bridge when the time comes…

Right now, I should focus on completing the defect inspection report, that i need to upload on the IOI Support apps to get the developer IOI to start on the defect rectification work.

That needs to happen before any renovation work takes place...

Owh btw, this Friday we plan to buy all the LED lights and ceiling fan as I want to try to install them at the new house during the weekend. Its a long weekend as Monday and Tuesday will be public holiday too due to CNY. I have never tried installing ceiling fans before so its going to be a challenge, but a challenge I am ready to accept and over nonetheless... I am sure Youtube can offer all the videos I need to learn for the installation.

Back to the topic of money & income, I had already applied to become a grab driver again. I plan to do it part time for the extra income.

Oh My God!! It is such a hassle to re-apply this time around. I had to attend a face-to-face training, costed RM80. Then I had to do medical checkup, another RM80. Then I had to go to JPJ for the application of PSV license, costing another Rm30. Then I had to submit all the documents.

I have done all that, now waiting for Grab to process and give me the EVP number.

In all honesty, I have already forgotten how to do this grab driver thingy. The last time that I did grab was in January of 2018, that is 5 years ago.

But fret now, I am sure I can always ask grab or just attend some refresher training from Grab should I need it. I plan to start doing grab in February. And I plan to do it at night and during the weekend, with expectation to earn about Rm500 per month.

I don’t want to expect too much, I think its better to be more reasonable and target something that is attainable, so I don’t get frustrated and quit easily…. Hahaha…

Owh, I am suddenly reminded of the trading training that I had last week via zoom.

It was by WR Trader and I paid RM100 for the training, if not mistaken.

It was a 2.5 day online training and I believe what I gathered during the session is worth the RM100 that I spent.

Initially I thought that FCPO trading is something that can be done if you have small capital and fund but boy was I so wrong.

From the trainer’s explanation of the trading mechanics, it is estimated that one must have at least RM30k to do the trading comfortably. And this Rm30k should be something that you are willing to lose, a spare Rm30k in your savings that you can afford to spend.

Upon hearing that, my face went like this

But I know and understand why the need for such an extravagant capital, as the cost per point is RM25, and the chart movement per day is 200 – 250 points. You can’t expect having a few hundreds RM would suffice, can you??

But you know what, maybe one fine day when I have the extra money to spend, I will give it a try on the FCPO trading… but until that day comes, bye bitch!!!

Last night I had a weird dream, I went to the UK with dino and Erwan and we had hamburgers there. It was such a weird and random dream.

I have never been to the UK, and in the dream, the weather was rainy and gloomy, and it reminded me of Auckland at times… especially during winter...

Anyway, after ordering the burgers, I realized that I didn’t have any cash with me and I tried paying using my credit card but the transaction couldn’t go thru, needed some authorizations or something… and my phone doesn’t work as I didn’t have a UK simcard… so I had to borrow from Dalino some cash to pay for the burger… Dalino was behaving quite outlandish, almost like a robot and he suddenly fell head down to the pavement… so random kan???

Then I planned to visit Ali in Manchester and looked at the maps and it was a 9-hours drive from the hamburger place… then I woke up… speechless, I was dumbfounded by the randomness of that dream.

Another random story, last night I watched Puss in Boots the Last Wish. I had downloaded the movie from YTS a few days ago and only had the chance to watch it with my family last night.

All in all, it’s a good family and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Owh, another random sharing here… My wife had given birth to our 3^rd child on 20^th October 2022, after about 60 days after the baby only we had our husband & wife thing…

So weirdly, she is yet to bleed, yet to have her menstrual cycle. Both my wife and I are quite scared and thought of the possibility that maybe another bun is in the oven after only 3 months of the 3^rd childbirth… so this morning she took a pregnancy test and it was a single line. 

Truth be told, I didn’t know what to expect. If it was meant to be, then I will accept and love the child, albeit being a huge challenge…

But now after knowing the results of the pregnancy test, I feel kind of sad… and thinking of Khairatun, it makes me even sadder…

But sad I must not continue to be… she is an Anak Syurga, so Alhamdulillah for that… I hope I get the chance to meet and hold her before anything bad happens... insyallah!!

Oklah, enough of random stories… lets try to do some work today and be productive, shall we??

Till next time… toodles~~

 

 

i like to bebel

 

20221230 0900

 

So today I feel like venting, and I will use English today for the entire post, just because I feel like I need the practice. It has been quite some time for me to just dwell in my feelings and express them in English.

For some reason, I am more comfortable to vent in English… it feels more organic…

Regarding work, i have some work that I am yet to complete, but I will do that after… now, is ranting and venting time…

I was talking to Dalino yesterday and he mentioned about him losing passion in his job… basically, he got bored from doing the same thing over and over and there is no more aspiration and no motivation, maybe, to pursue something bigger.

I was shocked coz I have always thought of him as someone who is ambitious and someone who strives to become the best in whatever he does, so hearing him say that took me by surprise… well I guess, that’s just life eh…

Now let’s do the same and I will try to relate the situation to my own.

Well, I have been feeling that for ages now… I have suffered from the lack of motivation from the very beginning of my career.

Truth be told, I have never had a job that I enjoy doing thoroughly and needless to say, I have been feeling like all these while I had just been slaving myself just to earn a living… and sadly, I feel like I have never really contributed to the society in a significant manner, none at all…

I know when I put it that way, it sounds super harsh and kind of humiliating… but that’s just how it is…

Of course, I wish I could be doing something that I enjoy for money… the problem with that, I just don’t know what that something is…

One huge problem of mine is that I get bored easily. Even when I am good at something and, I will have a go at it and make some real progress, promising future, then I just get bored, and I quit.

I acknowledge that as my flaw/weakness, but I don’t know how to better it.

And at times I feel like there is no need for me to strive and struggle to change something like that. I just can’t be bothered.

Well, I guess the best way to handle the situation is to find a job that I really enjoy doing, something that I will not get tired of… and until that happens, slave away bij!

There is something that I quite like doing, but yet to reach a point of giving me ecstasy, that is trading.

For some weird reason I quite like it, not that I am good at it… but I just can’t seem to get enough of it, despite having experienced significant losses in the past, I just can’t quite, maybe I don’t know how to quite, neither do I want to…

I guess this means that I should pursue it, am I right? At least I know that I will not outgrow it, not become bored with it… fingers crossed…

and to that effect, I have registered for the webinar next week to learn about FCPO trading, which is shariah compliant… and I also noticed that the chart is available on TradingView so I can make use of the OBA indicator for the FCPO chart as well…

Let’s just be hypothetical and imagine that I will become very good at trading, thus generating significant income from doing it, what will happen then?? Will I be doing it full time and quit my day job at BV?

I can’t say for sure, but I am more inclined to say no to that… I feel like having an office, 9-5 job is something I have always known since the beginning, and from past experience I know of how important it is… so Its hard for me to simply quit, although as I said, there are days that I feel like I am slaving myself for some dollars… quitting is not the best option, in my opinion.

But to answer the hypothetical, and based on what I know and what I have experienced, I am not going to quit my job coz I feel like the trading can be done part-timely…

I believe a good trader don’t need to be glued to the monitor screen 24/7 analyzing chart and whatnot.

From what I learned, a good trader must be smart at choosing the timing to enter the market, and even more important is money management… coz losing is simply unavoidable.

Money management is important… that is to know when to cut loss and to move on, and wait for the next entry point…

Wow, I sound like a pro already…

But seriously, this is what I feel like my calling is… what I am meant to do with my life… and it’s something that I enjoy doing… so why not pursue it?? Yes I will!!! And I will get better!!! And I will become rich!!! LOLZ

And speaking of things that I like doing. I also want to to try the shopee business as well… although that seems like a lot of work… also I want to be a property agent selling condos too…

At times I feel like I often bite more than I can chew, and as a result, I need to pick and choose what to pursue and what to abandon.

Damn!!

Well, I think that is enough talk of money already…

Since its 2 days to the new year, lets just list down a few NY resolutions…. Not that I will adhere by them, but it is good to have something that I can refer to, in case if I feel lost, and numb about life…

1.       To exercise more, and to be more consistent. I know this is such a cliché NY resolution, but I cant discredit its importance… and even more important is that I really want to do it…

2.       To be more financially savvy… that means to be more responsible on how I spend my $$$. To stop doing impulsive shopping (bye bye shopee) and to start having some money saved.

3.       To explore on how to attain my P.Eng qualification.

4.       To cook more.

5.       To read a book.

I don’t want to list so much coz it will serve no purpose anyway, I will not be able to fulfill them if there are too many resolutions. So for this time around, 5 is plenty.

 until next time... daa~~

 

 

malasnyer nak keje

 

20221223 0900

Awal2 pagi lagi dah rasa sangat x motivated to do any work… rasa macam ada je keje yang perlu disiapkan but I am just not in the mood right now…

Could it be because I didn’t sleep well last night??

For some reason I just couldn’t, despite being sleepy quite early…

So here I am, ranting and venting my feelings… its my way of decluttering my thoughts… I am honestly unsure why I feel like my mind is so jumbled up, and I don’t exactly know what thought exactly is in there… I just feel kind of claustrophobic but in my head…

So anyway, besides feeling extremely lazy and not in the mood, I also feel quite sad, I guess its due to my financial state at the moment… I feel so stupid for feeling this way… oftentimes I tell myself that being broke does not necessarily equal being sad… but right now I find it hard to agree with my own reassurance…

But I know I shouldn’t dwell in the sadness for it will not benefit me in any way… so instead lets focus on other things, shall we?

Do I want to talk about work? Not necessarily

Work is work, nothing new and nothing interesting… I am just getting by…

I did the performance review yesterday, to which I feel like I only meet the expectation, instead of exceeding them… so I think its fair…

Other than that I have also searched for training courses that I would like to join in 2023 and I have shared them with my boss.. and a discussion session is already scheduled next week with him and my other teammate… I hope it will be smooth sailing with regards to this…

Other than that, I just want to say here that I feel lonely at work… I really am on my own and friendless here… this would usually not bother me so much coz I actually like the solitude… but here, somehow I don’t like it too much… macam bodoh jugak kan… but macam tu lah manusia kan, always wanting something that we don’t have, but once we get it, then rasa menyesal dan tak best pulak…

I should really just appreciate it I think… this being alone and having no one to bother me… its actually a blessing and I should just brush this feeling aside… just remind myself that I actually enjoy it…

I don’t want people to think that I am being arrogant actually…

But u know what… pergi mampus kau lah kalau nak fikir aku sombong ke whatever… to hell with u la kan… why should I care if u want to think that?? Why should I bother make u feel a certain type of way about me… u want to think that I am a snobbish person, then by all means go ahead… I know I am not…

I just cant be bothered to care about anything or anyone right now… I should really just focus on what I want and what I need…

Oklah enough about work… next topic!!

Owh semalam I watched the movie spilt gravy on rice on Netflix… the one with Rahim razali tu… I saw harith Iskandar posted a clip of the movie on his ig last week… I actually quite enjoy the movie, its different and sangat open yer… talking about LGBT and drag queens… but mostly I think the movie just nak portray the lives of a modern malay family, who speaks English and always critical of one another…

I believe the movie was made in year 2011 but never made it to local cinema la kan, due to its nature yg depicts too many controversial and sensitive issues in Malaysia.. also on the governance, politics, religions, racial, child abuse/molestation some more…

Oklah, rasanya that’s about it, malas pulak nak cerita banyak2… as movie I give it 4 star la… walaupun ada je benda2 yg macam cringey but its fine…

 

Existential Crisis

https://www.betterup.com/blog/what-is-an-existential-crisis

I don’t remember how but I came across the article in the line above and I must say that it describes what I am feeling to a tee sangat… also on the ways to cope with the cirisis… its definitely looking at mental problem from a different perspective, other than being of depressive in nature… and how common the issue is nowadays…

So nothing much pun nak cerita kat sini… I hope that I will always remain grateful for the things I have and for this life la…

Ok I want to go back to the topic of financial crisis that I am currently in… I think it could be a blessing in disguise jugak actually… for when I am broke like I am at the moment, there will be no chance for me to to waste money on unnecessary things la… so I think that’s a good thing la kan…

Haiyooo stress pulak aku dengan this new EA that I purchased from shopee last week… asyik2 lost je bila open new position…

Tapi aku pun dah told myself that I don’t want to kacau the EA and I will only check on its performance by end of the year… and all I can do is to cross my fingers, semoga dapat banyak profit.. dah la EA tu mahal… I bought it at Rm177 yer… haiyoo… but I actually like its functionality yang ada SL, and that will prevent MC… tapi kalau semua position yang kau bukak asyik loss jer lama2 kau MC jugak kan jahanam… haiyooo

Stress pulak aku..

Adakah ini antara punca aku mengalami perasaan existential crisis ni??? Because this EA is not performing like how I had hoped it would… duh!!

Just let it go already la… maybe ada hikmah nyer tu…

Okla aku dah malas nak bebel, till next time…~~

mari hapdet sikit

 

20221110 0905

 

Hellow gorgeous… its been a while so its befitting to rant here today…

Currently I am at office, listening to Hafiz Hamidon Zikir Terapi Diri because I feel like I need to…

Something within me that’s just feeling restless, unsettled… although I am not quite sure what it exactly is… so by listening to zikir2 and ayat2 suci Al-quran, I am hoping that it will help sooth this uneasiness that I am feeling… tying to combat mental turmoil with calming and soothing Al-quran recitation…

So at the same time, I just want to rant about things here… to vent out, in the hopes to make me feel better… so lets just go talk about it one by one…

1.       PRU15

Not sure why this topic is the first on this list… maybe because I have been seeing and listening talk about it from the people around me… me personally, I am not sure what I feel towards this incoming GE… I also don’t know who I will vote for…

From the info that I have gathered so far, I am more prone to vote for the opposition… mainly because I don’t like corruption, and I want the country economy to flourish…

I don’t feel threatened by the non malays with regards to Hak orang melayu or agama islam, coz I feel like whether or not this country is negara islam, I am always gonna be Malay, and I will always be able to practice Islam, nonetheless…

Its not like letting DAP run the country will make the malay muslims here to suffer like those in China for example… so yeah, all things considered, I think I will go with PH as of now… but we have 8 more days to the voting day so anything can happen kan…

Whatever the outcome I just want whats best for the country and that’s my wish

 

2.       Trading

After losing about USD24k last time, it ought to have taught me to not do this trading thingy again… but I don’t know how to stop… but this time around I only use the money from the public mutual account, which had experienced loss, about 10%… theres about usd500 in there…

I just think since I am not using the money anyway, and rather than let the value of the money shrink in public mutual, might as well I use it for trading…

This time I am using a different EA, that I purchased from shopee… prior to using real account I used it on demo account for a month and the performance is not bad… but I know damn well that doesn’t guarantee anything…

I just wish that I can get some extra $$$ from trading on autopiliot and that’s it… I no longer have the wish and the desires like previously, hoping that it will be safe and good always… coz I know its not…

Ok next…

 

3.       New Baby

I am in love with my new baby girl… who is nocturnal by the way…

She would sleep all day, only wake up to for breastfeeding with her ibu… then would go back to sleep during the day… only at midnight around 12am, then she would be wide awake, until around 5am, then she would go back to sleep…

Sometimes I get up to help my wife, like getting the baby to burp, change the diaper and singing lullaby to get the baby to sleep so the ibu can sleep too… but to no avail… aiyooo daddy give up la…

But its okay, I get the spend time with my cute baby, and as a result daddy would be a zombie at office during the day…

Owh my baby's name is Aishah Sofea, born on 20 October 2022… when she was delivered, I saw everything… and I was scared coz she came out being unalive, no crying, no screaming and she was grey in colour… me and my wife didn’t say anything coz we were scared of the worst…

Then the nurse massaged her body and after about a minute the colour turned pink and I heard her voice for the first time…

She was born at 8:35 pm, I guess it was he sleeping time, and it still is…

What do I do to change her nocturnalness??? Maybe I will go on google and read on it later…

 

4.       Gerhana Bulan and doa/wishes

2 days ago, there was a moon eclipse… its not about the phenomenon that I want to talk about… its about what I wished and prayed for when I did the solat sunat Gerhana…

1^st thing is I wish my daughter Adawiyah to be a good and obedient little girl, to listen to her parents and to grow up being anak solehah…

2^nd thing is I prayed for continuous and berkat rezeki from Allah for my family… also for Allah to always bless us with feelings of having enough and not greedy…

3^rd thing I prayed for work stability, for I get to be confirmed with my current employment… for me to enjoy and able to deliver the work smoothly, basically to have no problem related to work la…

4^th think I prayed that my family will be safe with islam and iman until the hereafter… I think this wish is important coz we don’t know what will happen in the future kan… sesungguhnya pengakhiran seseorang itu yg lagi penting...

5th and its also very important, to always pray for Allah's mercy... i am reminded of this video i saw on tiktok, it talks about love and mercy... muslims enter jannah not because of of their good deeds, but because of Allah's mercy... but of coz la to gain Allah's mercy we need to do good deeds la... we just to always remember to always ask for Allah's mercy.... and not to feel entitled just because we have been a practicing muslim... bukan berat pahala yang masukkan kita dalam syurga tapi belas ihsan Allah... 

Owh just to say here, its not about praying to the moon eclipse, but to ask from God… the moon eclipse is just a symbol of God’s power… to remind ourselves that He is the almighty to allow for such an occurrence for us to observe and therefore be reminded of His power… so tak salah pun kalau kita nak berdoa during the moon eclipse or any other phenomenon yang mengingatkan kita akan kekuasaan Allah…

 

5.       Kurzgesagt and infographic channel on youtube

Actually dah lama jugak aku came across the channel Kurzgesagt ni… and I still don’t know how to spell it without checking it first…

Its very informative and the videos make us think about science and the world in general… and I just love it…

Another channel that I like is the infographic channel… where they talk about world events, like the possibility of WWW3 and nuclear war… they also have stories about serial killers like Jeffrey dhamer, ted bundy and others… I first stumbled with the channel when I was reading about Jeffrey dhamer, and its because of the series on Netflix jugak… but now I enjoy the videos about world war more la… and its scary weh… tapi suka tengok… pelik jugak aku ni kan…

 

 

6.       Success and envy

I don’t consider myself successful pun… I think I just have enough and I am happy, that’s my win… lagipun it doesn’t matter what other people think, as long as we are happy with what we have kan…

Actually I just saw on FB, my schoolmate was just promoted to become the operating director in the company hes working with… theres a small part of me that feels envious of him… I think its pretty normal… I suppose other people will feel it too… but its important to not dwell in it… that’s his life story, so dia la main character so let him be la…

We are the main character in our own story kan… so we should focus on ourselves je lah, and stop comparing ourselves to other people… I think that’s the key ingredient to becoming happy and contented with the life that we have…

And to always count your blessings and be grateful… sesungguhnya, setiap hari we have so many things to be grateful for… at the very least, we are still alive today and we have all the time we need to work on what makes us happy…

Cewah ayat2 penceramah motivasi sangat…

I say this, mostly as a reminder to myself first and foremost… coz like I said, we should always focus dengan diri sendiri dulu yer…

 

7.       Work

Truthfully macam xda apa2 pun nak update pasal work…

Ada this report that I need to complete and hopefully by today can finalize coz need to submit tomorrow…

There are new projects coming in and I have not started on them yet… kejap lagi nak tengok la… and to plan when to complete…

Other than that, nothing else I think…

 

So until next time, I better should start doing some work now… dah sejam jugak aku bebel2 kat sini…

Later~~