bosan.. atau nak share opinion??

salam..

untuk post kali ini aku mmg xda apa2 topik yg specific untuk diceritakan.. aku ni mmg byk berfikir.. dan pada masa yg sama sekarang ni aku berada dalam situasi yg membosankan... alone in a hotel room with nothing to do.. igt nak ajak member2 chatting but none is available... satu lagi indicator that i am leading a very boring life kawan2 pon xda byk.. but its ok.. itu bukan la perkara yg nak aku citer kat sini..

a few times before this aku telah tergerak hati nak menulis tentang isu2 semasa yg aku kira agak penting la jugak.. aku ada la terfikir pasal politik di malaysia dan igt nak la tulis pasal politik kat sini.. tapi lepas beberapa ketika aku berfikir aku rasa macam aku takda apa2 yg bagus untuk di share kan.. satu mungkin sebab aku ni mmg jarang atau x pernah ambik kisah pasal politik pon.. so aku rasa aku taktau byk pon pasal isu2 politik semasa and yeah i am that shallow.. so aku rasa baik aku takyah cakap pasal politik malaysia ni.. but one thing for sure is that i love my country so damn much..

ada juga sekali ni aku terfikir untuk bercakap pasal depth of life.. ni lepas aku ada baca sorang member aku ni nyer fb status.. mmg aku ada berfikir pasal kehidupan.. whats the purpose, the meaning, goals, achievements etc etc.. senang kata perkara2 pasal kehidupan kita la.. apa yg kita nak, secara ambitious atau pon realistik nyer... benda2 ni pon da lama pon aku fikirkan.. tapi last2 sure aku akan cakap... "haaa lantak la malas nak fikir da.." and eventually aku decide that benda2 macam ni tak perlu pon kita nak terlalu ambil kisah.. i mean we still need to plan how to live our lives la.. set goals etc tapi its important to know that not everything that we want we will get.. and its ok.. pasal its not in our hands... tuhan itu lebih mengetahui.. hmm... tetiba aku rasa macam aku sangat lame pasal cakap camni.. eventhough its so true..

ok kat atas tu aku ada cakap something pasal tuhan kan.. ok aritu aku ada terfikir la pasal satu benda ni.. aku taktau la mungkin ini adalah satu cara syaitan nak menyesatkan aku ker... ok let me explain eh.. kita sebagai orang islam adalah hamba kepada Allah.. aku taktau la is it only me tapi aku cam tak berapa berkenan la dgn perkataan hamba yg digunakan kat situ.. ok aku bukan pakar bahasa tapi mungkinkah dalam bahasa arab tu, abdi tu maksud nyer something else and not just hamba.. pada aku bila dibicarakan yg kita ni hamba kepada sesuatu atau someone  aku agak tak selesa dgn perkataan tu.. or is it the ego in me that made me feel that way?? tapi  at the same time aku sedar yg kita ni mmg sangat kecil dan sangat lemah disisi Allah.. Dia la pencipta kita dan pencipta seluruh alam.. and sesungguhnya la die pemilik segala nya yg ada dalam dunia ni.. tapi bila aku fikir kita sebagai hamba tu, aku rasa cam x best... hmmm... mungkin aku je yg fikir camtu... and like i said.. mungkin its just devils work jer nak rosakkan akidah aku ke..

tapi insyaallah aku still beriman dan akan mati beriman juga nnt insyaallah... i pray to Allah to not leave me forsaken, to always help me give me guidance and to remove this ego feeling or at least reduce it la.. and moga satu hari nnt aku akan jadi hamba yg terbaik yg aku boleh jadi tanpa perasaan yg x best macam ni..

ok now aku nak cakap pasal soemthing yg sangat random..
ok its december already and kat fb tu aku ada 7 invitation kawen this month.. omgee ramai nyer orang nak kawen...

baju bella sangat chantek...

the other day i had listed down every single one of them but nampak nyer macam da ilang jer la ni..
ok one thing that concerns me is that im a cow now and i dont know what to wear to these weddings... the ones yg lek2 tu aku ok je la kot a shirt and jeans should do it.. tapi kalau yg mcm glamer2 ni aku bukan ada baju nak pakai ke sana.. the best i can think of right now is baju melayu la.. huhu.. ok la xnak la pening2 pasal ni when the time comes nnt apa2 pakai pon ok je kot.. afteer all, its not my wedding ma... so why shud i pening2??

haaa speaking of pening2... that reminds me of my stupid sucky boss si chan tu.. ok the other day i went to play bowling with my work friends at ioi mall.. we bought this mydeals coupon from the internet so freaking cheap rm5.50 for 3 games thats really cheap.. there were me alip radin khairi jan hafiz and judith.. we were having fun la main bowling.. aku je tak fun sangat pasal aku nyer bola curve asek masok longkang je..
FAILED!!

ok back to the story.. radin was holding the standby handphone.. pastu si chan ni ada call cakap ngn alip pasal problem kat CSC aper tah.. then dier leh cakap "radin kan standby kenapa dier pegi main bowling?"... omgee bodo gila kan ontua tu... abes tu kalau standby kita ni takleh nak buat benda apa2 ke?? nak duduk diam2 pandang je standby phone tu?? bodo gila orang tua tu... apa hak kau nak determine apa kita buat outside office hour kan... eee geram aku ngn situa ni...

haaa tension je aku igt2 balik... abes tambah lagi selai frown line kat muka i... mencik!!

haaa... why la ada cermin depan aku sekang ni... sure la aku akan menyuluh muka je kan... dan nampak la aku rambut aku yg hudoh ni.. bila la nak panjang ni... tapi... nnt aku da nak masok design team nnt keje dalam opis je cemana nak berambut panjang... nnt di pandang slack pula.. huhu.. tapi... aish... lantak la kan... biar je la rambut ni panjang dlu kalau derang tegor ke apa nnt potong je la apa susah... so buat masa ni aku nak berangan2 rambut panjang macam doloo2 time aku tgh hot dlu... sekang ni da sejuk beku da.. dgn kegajahan yg melanda lagi bak kata raul.. tapi lantak la kan... nnt bila masok gym nnt boleh la kurus balik kot.. *fingers crossed

oh hair~~

uiks... talking about gym.. aritu aku pi check out gym lee chong wei arena kat jln kelang lama.. ok murah je dier nyer fee.. rm100  sebulan.. tapi kalau rasa cam nak jimat dan mmg konfirm akan pergi untuk setahun boleh ambil yg bayar lump-sum rm 840 setahun so kira dier nyer fee akan jadi rm70 je sebulan... sngat save pakej yg tu.. tapi betul ke konfem nak pegi sampai setahun kat tempat tu?? mana la tau nnt dibuatnyer aku kena pindah ke atau keje tempat lain ke.. tak ke membazer.. or rasa cam tak best tempat tu nak tukar gym lain ke... so cam byk la benda nak diconsiderkan before decide nak amek setahun tu kan walaupon dier cam murah gila.. tapi aku rasa pilihan terbaik adalah ambik yg bayar bulan2 tu la.. kita try tgk dlu caner performance.. adakah akan mampu aku untuk istiqamah??

ok ini aku dlm 7 bulan

haaa.. kalau aku boleh consistent pegi gym nnt aku nak apply kan nyer dalam ibadah aku.. aku nak istiqamah solat 5 waktu xnak tinggal and baca quran everyday... ok aku hanya ada niat tu sekarang.. but the will power?? maybe not there yet.. but i have faith one day it will...

ok badan aku da lenguh da ni.. sampai disini saja la kan... btw, had this been a vlog? how long wudve it taken me to talk about all that the things i wrote here??... hmmm maybe just blog is the way for me..

ps - i told u my head thinks things so strangely kan.. kejap ni kejap tu.. hahaha..

VLOG??

hello sumer..

so aku nak citer la kat sini pasal keinginan aku nak start buat vlog.. masa mula2 dulu aku cam nakbuat vlog pasal aku nak tiru si mehayam texas luan legacy tu.. tapi aku ni seorang yg ego so aku pon takda buat.. coz im pretty sure if i were to start it then id be talking like him and its so not me to copy others.. huhu.. im too egoistic for that..

so kat sini aku nak citer la.. haritu time balek keje.. hujan renyai2.. dan aku ikot kesas nak balek ke puchong tu.. sampai la kat simpang ke kinrara tu aku tgk kete kat atas jalan kat kesas tu maacam cilake nyer ramai.. so i decided to take the simpang to kinrara instead.. and little did i know.. because of the rain, the jalan to puchong via kinrara was congested even worse than kesas was...

so pasal da stuck kat jam yg cam haram... i started talking to myself coz i wanted to stay fresh.. it works for me.. to talk to myself when i feel sleepy.. i did that when i was driving to and back from penang a few months back... noel tu membuta da time tu... so aku sorang2 je la bermonolog dalaman katanya...

ok back to my story, aku pon mula bercakap seorang diri.. and it was rather brilliant that the topic that i was rambling about was how i coped up with breakups.. or maybe it was more on my realtionships and breakups since i was f2... untill the most recent.. and also during that time i was my most honest self.. i think that was the time aku citer about everything.. no secrets held.. 

and of coz i was pretending to be telling these stories to someone else... ada la sikit2 feeling2 wardina bercerita kisah2 nabi kepada budak2..

i just thot, had i taped or rcorded myself talking about my past relationships and breakups.. it be a cool video... ok maybe aku je perasan kot..

ok maybe one of these days aku akan cuba cakap balik pasal tu and record it.. tapi rasa cam highly unlikely jer.. passal benda2 camni takleh nak di plan.. takleh nak dipaksa.. what i said the other day while driving in the rain with the radio playing slow romantic songs... it was sooo subtle and perfect for my confessions.. huhu... unplanned... so genuine...

i dont even know what smitten means

ok lame nyer entry ni... da la nak layan masterchef malaysia yaw baru dload... laterz~~~

whats happening to me??

haih la..

starting this post with a question that ive been asking myself for so long.. its probably been years already.. its really mind-boggling to me coz up until now i still dont know the answer.. maybe its not important for me to know what happened but more importantly is to know what i should do about it..

aiyoo.. taktau buah butir terus cakap pasal soalan "whats happening to me?" kan...

well it started just a while ago when i was reading my frens tweets and then i saw this

"
these things don't interest me anymore. i don't know what does. maybe i'm just getting old.
"

haaaa... the same thing happened to me.. but its been years.. even when i was in auckland.. it was as if i'd lost my way.. hmm.. how do i say this without sounding like a total loser or a moron.... i just felt fed up with everything... which is silly coz i havent had everything yet.. there are still so many things i havent tried or tasted in this life so why the hell that i felt so damn old already??

hmmm i dont know what happened... everything just seems so insignificant...  i dont know what is significant anymore.. and thats the problem..

when i was still a student.. passing my exams and obtaining that degree was the purpose of my life.. that was then.. now i feel kinda lost.. dont know what to pursue.. dont know whats worth to pursue.. and even if i know what is it that i want to pursue, i probably dont know how to pursue them.. as of now, what i can think of that i want to pursue is to become rich..

eh motip sgt gambar paris hilton bogel = rich??

but becoming rich is soooo cliche and generic right.. and even if i had all the money in the world, i still have the doubt that the wealth will make me feel content.. maybe it will but i dont know.. its not like a i can choose if want to become rich or not..

haih... that part about being rich is sooo random..

so my point is... i find everything boring now... and i have no idea what to do to get me to feel happy or excited again..

well this begs another question that ive also been trying to aswer... are happiness and excitement two different things?? i suppose they do differ in definition from each other.. but i think excitement is how it begins and happiness is where it ends?? huhu.. im still confused with these two words... maybe need to have discussions with my frens to know what their opinions about this.. perlu ke??

in my mind, i picture happiness as something that is all positive i think...

but for some reason i tend to relate it with something boring.. maybe boredom??... maybe im just used to the idea of 'challenges in life make our live worth living', rather than just having a perfect life (rich, famous, good looking etc)..for example the royalty.. i would think their lives are more boring... maybe im wrong.. but who cares...

and also excitement is not always good u know... excitement is what u feel when ur trying something new... this includes when u meet someone new... but  not everything new is good for us.. it all depends on the circumstances that we're in.. an example would be if u are in a relationship with someone/something and suddenly u felt bored because u think u'r happy now and that ur life is now less challenging.. u think that sucks coz u feel bored and ur also worried that uve settled with just something decent in your life and not something awesome.. so u seek someone/something new coz u know they offer excitement... but later u'll probably lose all the good things that u had before.. and then u are left with nothing but rejection and peoples remorse... and that kinda sucks too... so which is better?? to be happy but kinda bored or to be miserable but excited?? hahaha bodoh nyer soklan ni...

u think there are those who dont choose happiness??

so funny why im burdening my head with all these when obviously they dont matter and are kinda silly as well..

so berbalik kepada the topic asal iaitu "kenapa aku rasa sumer benda bosan and how do i get around with it??"
is it hormonal?? or is it just age?
do i ignore it? do i do something?? and what should i do??

maybe i shouldnt care too much.. im afraid that my life is turning to something of nothingness and insignificance... well maybe that is okay... or maybe i just expected too much from myself... expected myself to achieve higher and better... expected that i would do something in my life that is meaningful and significant that people will remember me by... from where i stand now, i dont see anyway that is gonna happen.. but what do i know.. the future is yet to unfold itself and i think its best that we dont know ...

maybe i should just accept the possibility that i may not achieve the 'breakthru' that will make me who i want myself to be... or maybe it isnt the time yet??? haih la persoalan lagi... tapi mungkin persoalan ini juga bukan something yang aku patut fikirkan buat masa ini...

que serra serra what ever will be will be..

haih... i dont see the point of this entry... apparently its just another self-indulgent rubbish that i produce whenever im thinking about all the unimportant things... its not like im simon cowell or something...

i have MC tomorrow so im not working... what should i do with all the free time eh?? another blog entry??? haaa after this one, that is so highly unlikely la..

ps - i like najwa latiff

pss - i think online dating service sucks

psss - im bored with my iphone and ipad already

what to write??

salam..

sungguh aku taktau apa nak tulis kat sini sekarang.. tapi for some reason i felt macam nak tulis jugak.. mungkin sebab aku sekang takda keje kat umah mak kan.. dan esok raya haji.. hmm.. bapak aku sibuk soh aku pegi surau tolong orang buat korban.. i readlly dont fancy that.. maybe aku pegi la kejap kot.. tp takda la nak potong2 lembu tu kot.. satu pasal aku tak reti dan dua pasal aku taknak.. i just dont feel like it.. and i dont think its good to force it neither.. lebih kalau ikhlas.. haha bukan paksa ikhlas..

ok random.. ttiba je tercakap pasal raya haji dan bapak aku yg sibuk soh aku pi tolong orang surau tu..

hmmm.. aku mmg takda apa nak tulis pon.. memula tadi ada la rasa cam nak tulis pasal kenangan kat auckland.. to reminisce old times when i was there.. aku ada terbaca dalam blog seseorang dan die ada cakap pasal that junction between national bank nz and starbuck.. and sumer memory tu datang like a rush and i saw myself teary eyed.. huhu.. bukan nyer niat nak kenang kembali dan bersedih benda2 ni.. tapi it is apart of me and it will always be there.. untuk teringat kembali benda2 ni isnt a choice but to bersedih or be happy about them is our choice and i choose to be happy.. and i am happy that they happened..

ok enough with that..

so i also pondered for a while.. what is it in my life that i feel worthy to be written here now.. i could talk about how my frens invited me to go to tambun for lepak2 and capeks bachelor party katanya.. they just include me in their conference so thats how i knew.. but i still havent said anything there.. mungkin aku akan join mungkin tidak.. i still cannot decide that now..

aku juga ada pikir pasal how lame my job is compared to others.. but thats old news already so i choose not to talk about that now..

ok aku cakap aku taknak compare about my job to others but that doesnt mean i wont talk about my job at all.. because honestly right now.. at this point of my life my job is my life.. i know that sounds so sad but its the truth.. tapi takpe.. like i said my job isnt all bad.. kalau kita focus kat benda2 buruk so kita akan nampak buruk je la.. and often we forget ada je benda2 best dalam satu2 benda tu..

i really enjoy working when im with my frens.. alip, shah, raden, eric, jan, hapis.. they are my family now coz i see them everyday.. huhu.. and at times i do feel happy being around them despite the sucky job that we have.. and bila tensionn pasal keje atleast we have each other to complaint and whine to.. hahaha... and of coz the most popular topic is our boss si chan tu la.. pasal hes soooo... haih i dont know what word to use... lets just say, all of us feel the same way towards him and its not a good feeling..

hahaha... now that im thinking about work and how stupid and foolishly funny about  us is that we have created a few words of jargon that we say to each other and laugh about.. huhu...battery tester la.. disneyland la.. cucuk la..rotan la..bertongtong la.. ntah byk lagi la tak igt aku da..
i know my frens dont read my blog.. but issokey coz i do read my blog.. and even if they dont remember all these sweet memories that we have.. i will remember for all of us.. huhu

ok i m really running out of idea what to write about here.. akhir kata.. selamat hari raya aidiladha dan semoga raya kali ni ramai umat islam yg mendapat manfaat terbaik dari nya.. insyaallah..

saya mahu menulis

salam..

aku rasa macam nak menulis sekarang ni.. mungkin sebab aku rasa bosan.. atau mungkin pasal aku rasa macam perlu untuk mengekspresskan beberapa perasaan dlam hatiku ini.. aku ada jugak terfikir untuk update my fb status tapi aku rasa macam lame kalau buat cam tu.. cam tak best jer.. pasal aku rasa agak jelik bila aku baca newsfeed aku da ramai orang yg bising2 complain about their lives on facebook so i try not to do like them people hence im writing here..

aku taktau la kenapa aku rasa macam tak puas dgn kehidupan aku yg sekarang ni.. honest to god i never asked and never imagined to be living like this.. taktau la caner nak cakap.. aku rasa macam tak cukop.. macam ada benda atau benda2 yg masih takda.. haih.. aku tak reti la nak cakap lebih2..

hmm mungkin aku tau sbnanyer apa yg buat aku rasa cani.. tapi aku bingung.. dulu satu masa aku ada menyatakan perasaan aku yg resah dan salu rasa tak cukop ni kepada salah sorang member aku time kat auckland.. dan dier ada cakap something yg aku mmg tak nafikan mmg benar tapi sampai sekarang aku macam berat nak say it out loud.. die cakap aku perlu seek god in times of need like this.. hanya bila aku berserah pada dia aku akan rasa tenang dan cukop..

aku tau apa dier cakap betol tapi aku jer yg masih belom bersedia untuk menerimanya.. aku bukan nyer nak hidup dalam denial dan cuba untuk mengelak perkara ni.. tapi aku belom bersedia..

ada jugak aku tanya bila masa nyer yg aku akan jadi bersedia.. jujurnya mmg aku taktau.. aku tau apa yg aku perlu buat.. aku tau apa yg aku patut tinggalkan.. tapi aku masih degil.. aku selesa dgn cara hidop aku yg sekarang ni walaupon aku tau ianya tak baik untuk aku.. tapi walaupon aku sedar perkara ni aku masih lagi berdegil dan bertindak seolah2 ianya perkara remeh..

aku tau aku jahat.. deep down i do want to change.. but i just dont know how.. aku merasa seakan tidak berdaya.. lebih2 lagi sekarang ni.. mmg aku macam tak berdaya untuk change things.. mmg la nasib seseorang tu takkan berubah unless dier yg cuba untuk mengubah nyer.. tapi condition aku pada masa ini mmg tidak membenarkan aku untuk berubah.. aku mcm takda daya.. seperti tak mampu..

bukan saja tak berdaya nak berubah... niat untuk berubah tu sendiri pon tak berapa nak kuat.. pasal aku sangat gullible and often forget things that im supposed to be doing and not be doing.. i hate myself.. im torn apart... satu bahagian dalam diri aku sangat ingin berubah.. dan satu lagi bahagian seperti sudah malas nak melayan perasaan bersalah dalam diri aku yg sememang nya ada dari dulu lagi tapi tak pernah pulak aku act on these guilty feelings.. i stay sinned.. and keep doing what i do eventho i  know i shouldnt..

oh tuhan sungguh aku rasa lemah.. aku rasa buat masa ni the only way aku akan berubah if ada miracle dan aku dikurniakan hidayah yg akan menyebabkan my will power akan jadi sangat kuat dan at the same time dugaan yg menyukarkan dan menyebabkan aku merasa seakan tidak berdaya untuk berubah ni hilang ataupon ia sendiri yg akan mendorong aku kepada perubahan dan bukan kejahatan seperti sekarang ni..

tapi that is so highly unlikely.. aku taktau la nak buat apa.. aku bingung... aku takut... aku risau... dan aku rasa sangat sunyi sekarang ni.. aku rasa sangat terabai walaupon aku tahu tuhan tu takkan pernah mengabaikan hamba2nya... tapi pasal sekarang ni aku macam half half jer perasaan nak berubah... dan separuh lagi macam da tak kisah da, so aku rasa seolah2 tuhan pon da tak kisah dgn aku.. maybe dier pon da tak sayang aku.. da abandon aku.. aku sangat bingung la...

mungkin takda gunanya aku tulis panjang2 kat sini pasaal aku tau last2 jawapan dier tetap sama.. dan aku tau thats th only way.. tapi nonetheless i will still say this..

oh lord please dont leave me forsaken.. and as much as i feel that i dont deserve your love right now.. i still hope that u still hear my prayers.. coz without hope i have nothing else..

 

yang aku cari adalah ketenangan dan redha illahi

im pissed!!!

right now i just feel so geram.. i tried to chill it out and not think about it too much but that certain someone seems determined to burn some more of my anger fuel and now i feel like meletop already... aaarrrrggghhhh!!!!

i dont know what he will gain from making me feel so angry like this.. hell i dont care.. im just so pissed...

thats why i am writing here.. i know by writing this now will slowly calm me down and hopefully by the end of this entry i will be able to think more rationally, see things clearer and make better judgements for everyones sake..

it all started earlier this evening when i was so eager to watch again the documentary planet earth in my old external hardisk.. and i know myself as someone who can easily get distracted, went to see back my old photos from 2008 and started reminiscing.. i laughed and smiled when i saw my youger self looking so fine with the long hair and slim body etc etc..i was so happy with my life and had nothing to care for in life.. i thought it would be nice to share those memories that are so precious to me with the ones i care about now.. i like to share things.. thats just who i am..

i had the nicest intention to share those memories with this person.. but the contrary happened.. he said my photos make him feel sad and he didnt want to remember what happened... back then we were not in good terms.. we had our clashes and things were said and done.. hurtful things.. but i am here ready to make amends and move on.. to learn from past experience and start having a better life now.. but not this guy..  think he's just so unreasonable to still get upset after all that weve been through.. i thought we are over this.. and that now we are in good terms and weve already done the forgive and forget thingy..

haaa.... maybe apart of it is my fault.. maybe i didnt account for his feelings... obviously he was more hurt and more affected by what happened..the fighting and clashes we had in the past.. so it must be more difficult for him to let go.. haih..

i understand that.. coz from where he was at.. it was difficult for him to truly let go.. .. hell it was difficult for everyone to let go...

one thing to still get upset.. but another to continue makings things more unpleasant.. then the argument got escalated when he started accusing me of having lied to him all these while.. oh hello man.. u didnt get your math straight.. obviously i wasnt lying.. ur just throwing accusations..ur  probably trying to make me feel guilty.. or ur just trying to make me look bad.. i dont care what your intentions were.. theyre irrelevant..

haaaaa.. i dont want to get mad and i dont want to fight.. i want to move on pass all these things.. dwelling in them will not do anyone any good... thats what ive been telling myself.. focus on what matters now.. i want things to be normal again.. i want everyone to be happy again.. whats past is past.. no use crying over spilled milk..
my hope is that there will not be any fighting or misunderstanding between me and that fella..

ok ive got work to do.. a report for the HDC thingy.. damn i dont want to go to Penang.. i pray that everything will go smoothly in Penang.. haih..

see... i am calmer already... i think im a soft hearted person who forgives and forgets so easily... hhuhu... yeke?

.....

salam..

honestly i just dont know what to write as the title so the dots serve the purpose i reckon..
its saturday today and im not working.. for the first time after oh so many saturdays i havent had day off on saturday.. so im gonna spend the whole day lying in bed and watch movies, lazing around eating chip and get fatter... darn!!

actually i already wrote something last week when i was at wangsa maju due to severe boredom so i thought maybe i should just copy what i wrote then and place it here.. so here it goes..

"

Ohmgee.. i just have this need to write here.. i don’t know how to start.. but.. i just have to start.. say something here.. i don’t feel really good. I don’t know if i shud think too much about it.. i kinda think if i talk about it then i am already making it a big deal and that it will be an issue.. and if i just keep quiet and let it go then it will pass me by.. haaa.. i think i will talk about other things and just leave that one out.. im pretty sure that it will be gone in no time..

Just now when i was sitting in the kitchen with my mak and kakjuliana.. juli did say something about a girl named syazwani she knew from the serrajam thingy and she said this syazwani girl is 2 years older than me.. has fair complexion, from Kelantan, wears hijab, studied engineering in korea.. haa from what she told me i cannot find any reason why i shouldnt like her.. coz all those criteria i certainly can live with.. although i don’t really look for a gf or a wife right now.. juli asked if i wanted to berkenalan, to get to know the girl and i said yes.. huhu.. i just thought that was the right answer to give to her at that time.. tak salah kalau setakat nak berkenalan... kan?

To me its simple.. if its meant to be, its meant to be..

Haa now i think i wanna talk about other things..

Earlier today PWS had a bowling competition held at sunway mega lanes.. and i won... hooray... i won mens champion and also group win..we played 3 games and i scored 176 the first game.. it was pretty high for a non professional.. but later for 2^nd and 3^rd game my pin fall became less but when the scores from the 3 games were averaged, i still scored the highest compared to others.. hoho ohsem... alip got second place and jan got 3^rd place..i got rm 80 for mens champion and rm50 for the group win.. pretty awesome day aite?.. it was as if i worked OT on a holiday for 11 hours... hahaha 11 x rm12 = rm132.. my honest opinion for todays bpwling competition is that i was plain lucky.. haha... had we played for 5 games or more, i would’ve lost i think coz i couldn’t be consistent..

Haa theres another thing, last Thursday went to MEPS bangsar for PM servicing of genset, vesda and fire suppression system.. and something happened.. when we were on level 2 and were in the middle of doing the servicing on the FAP, the clean agent gas discharged.. i was in the M&E room 2 with Eric my colleague.. he was about to climb up the ladder to test the heat detector in that room and suddenly we heard a deafening sound and felt an enormous rush of air from behind the room.. damn it was scary.. all i could think of at that moment was that i needed to get out from there ASAP.. i was so scared that i didn’t care who was in front of me and i pushed Eric (i didn’t realize this at all) to the door.. huhu sorry dude..

I don’t know who designed the access door at meps but as far as im concerned when there is an emergency, a good example is when the FSS gas had discharged and the alarming sound is activated, thats when all the security access door should be disable.. but this was not the case in meps coz the magnetic lock for the door was still energized despite the alarm.. haa.. lucky it wasn’t a real fire or else i probably would’ve been locked in unable to get out... well maybe not locked in there in a dangerous way coz at that time all meps staff were still inside the command center room and i would still be able to escape when they escaped.. hmm.. the bottom line is, there is definitely a design flaw on the access door system for meps.. maybe i should address this problem during our meeting later...

"

its funny that i read it again haha its only been 1 week... maybe i shouldve written that as another post so that this one wouldnt be so long one but whatever la.. janji ada situ..

nothing much to talk about.. its october already and i am still not happy with my job coz the pay is very small... damn it... i still havent got over of this shitty fact.. i should be able to move on from it... but maybe i will only get to move on from it once im out of this job and in with a better one.. oh lord i seek from you strength to stay with the company until my contract ends and please grant me with opportunities much better in accord to what i deserve.. eh kenapa ni tetiba cakap pasal keje lagi??

ok lets not dwell in that.. i have a new kegemaran now.. well its not new coz this one particular thing ive done since i could remember.. i actually love to sing and record my singing on my phone.. hahaha i know its so lame and funnayh.... but i think almost everybody has done that.. atleast once..

this brought me a memory once i had this singing session with odie back when we were in seremban.. it was only the first few days in college when we hardly knew anyone else.. we were close coz we were from jasin together.. and the song we sang was dialah di hati by siti nurhaliza.. tempat kejadian was his room dorm B bawah bilik no 1... (damn! how i can still remember this??)

owh lord we thought.. atleast i honestly and foolishly thought that we sounded good when we sang it.. but when we played the recording we sounded so awful hokay... omgee we were like so hadek2 berangan siti or mariah carey.. i wish i still have the recording now but i dont.. huhu i think odie deleted it already..

speaking of memories.. that wasnt the only time me and odie recorded ourselves singing though.. second time was also in his room but this time in auckland.. second year at empire building.. he had just bought his apple PC with the big ass screen and very nice camera for skyping etc etc.. this time we werent alone.. encik dalino also joined.. and the song this time was shiela majids one (was it shiela majid though??) but i cant remember what actually.. this time it was worse coz not only we could hear ourselves but also see our actions coz we used the webcam app.. hahahha... bangang odie even danced in the background hahaha.. while dino and i sang our hearts out thinking we were so good.. huhuhu... and as usual when we watched the playback... nan ado yalls... damn i miss my friends...

ok enough with memories.. back to what i was saying about me liking to sing and record them.. the other day alip downloaded karoke clips for adeles songs.. i didnt ask him to.. he did it himself.. so after the download completed i played the song.. with lyrics on screen... so it went without saying la i just had to sing the song and i was holding my phone.. at first i just thought "this iphone can record sound right?? so why not record me singing this awesome adele song set fire to the rain"... and so i did.. haha.. same mistake i made coz i genuinely thought i sounded good but when i listened back... so bangang ok.. when will i learn?? i hated my own voice... i so cannot become a singer la..  why did i think i was good?? maybe because of false / fake comments people gave me during karoke sessions.. damn!! i have been misled to think i could sing when i really cant... haaa so bangang... huhuhu but it was for fun so lantak la..

now that think about it.. i think i shouldnt waste today by just lazing around in bed... i wanted to go swimming actually..  but then i thought im so fat nowadays it would be a crime to let other people see this awful fat storage warehouse and the muffin top along with it.. shit i hate being fat..

rasa macam nak keluar but i dont know to go where.. no plan, with no friends to hang out with.. kawan2 kerja pon sumer macam busy with their own shit.. haih la.. i miss being around my friend just chilling, playing games, gossiping, pillowtalking, watching movies... hmm.. i miss my student life.. haaa no use dwelling in that either coz none of it is coming back.. so better to just leave it at that.. revisit next day ok..

ok rasa macam da malas nak nulis.. maybe should go mandi so that akan rasa more fresh..
later yallzzz~~~

probabbly im thinking too much... but shouldnt i be??

salam..

damn its been long.. the previous entry was last month during raya.. and now its still raya actually.. in fact, my kakak was having an open house at her house in seremban but i couldnt go because of work.. this week is my turn holding the standby handphone and today i received a call from MEPS at bangsar south asking me to go there to check the alarm on VESDA bla bla bla.. damn work..

haih.. i hate to beat around the bushes so i prefer to go straight to talk about the main/actual thing i want to talk about here..

ok i was on facebook just now.. reading the newsfeed, looking at peoples photos and profiles.. and then went on twitter reading peoples updates etc etc.. all the usual stuffs i do.. then this thought came to me.. actually ive been thinking about it so many times before.. and often ive always figured a way or thought of an argument that i could tell myself to stop thinking about it and to just move on with my life...

err.. wait... pause... rewind.... i think i better explain what is it thats been boggling my mind all these while.. hmm.. its kinda hard to explain but i will atleast try to tho..

i put this as my fb status just a while ago..
"

yes its been 5 months and so many times ive told myself that things will get better.. but however often or convincing i can be at consoling myself over the fact that my job sucks i still have the doubt that... the 'better' times will never come after all... haih la...

"

if u know me well u'd know i was talking about my job..
hmm.. well my job isnt all bad to be honest.. but i know i can do better.. my job now sucks in some ways but also good in some ways.. the pay is small, the hour is unpredictable, the job is dangerous and the future isnt so bright.. the good thing bout it is i am not stuck behind a computer desk all day, i get to go out to sites and meet new people learn new things gain more experience, and the main reason i chose this job to begin with was so i could continue teaching tuition to zarif(which i cant wait to be over coming december)

yes there are perks and downsides of my job.. and ive gone thru this argument in my head over and over again but i still feel like a loser when i compare my job with my other friends.. i know that some people are just luckier than others.. but why arent i one of the lucky ones?? hmm.. maybe im not grateful enough with what i have now.. or maybe im just too ambitious for my age.. i also dont know.. but one thing i know.. if i dont do anything, forever i will stuck here doing a job that im not happy with. hmm..

and surely this begs the question what is the job that i'm happy with? that i enjoy doing? is there any? maybe there is.. i just dont know what it is yet.. maybe an actor? or a host? or a newsreader? haha something to do with the television.. *berangansangats

ok lets be real.. for now i think i should consider jobs that are related to what i studied in university.. my job now is somehow related to my course.. but...

hmm.. ok honestly the main reason i dislike my job so much is because of the small pay...

haaa looks like this entry is becoming one of my self consolation/motivation session that i often have whenever i think about my lame as job.. and its not fun at all.. well atleast its an entry rather than not having anything to write about.. this entry is fine..

haa another thing i wanna share here.. ive been thinking to start my own vlog.. like luanlegacy.. i will only be talking crap i think.. and definitely itll be in english of course.. but i still need to think about it tho.. is it necessary? can i do it?? haaaa so many questions yet so insignificant to burden my head with right now..

i want to watch kaho na pyar hai that i downloaded.. so later~~~

RAYA 2011

salam..

its 1st of september and 3rd day of syawal and for this entry the main thing im gonna talk about is of coz about my syawal 1st and 2nd that i spent with my parents where we went to beraya sana sini and i was driving the whole time *tiring&challenging..

on the 1st syawal woke up very early coz my dad was all like "bangun la dogheh kang lambek lak nak ke mesjid tu bapak susah nak duduk kang tompek bapak tu orang da ambek".. he cannot perform solah like ordianry people coz of his legs condition he has to sit on a chair to perform solat thus he was so worried his 'chair' might be takan by other people if lambat..

so I went to mesjid usamah zaid wangsa maju with parents.. damn so ngantuk time khutbah tu and surely i dozed off la but fortunately not in a manner yg memalukan cam time solat jumaat..
ok dont know if this is relevant but that morning time kat mesjid ramai sungguh orang2 cando yall.. #gatal&pulangkefitrah

pas pi mesjid terus la gerak pulang ke kampong ngn my kak and kak ngah 3 kereta terus ke simpang ampat melaka pi umah makcik hawa kat tebong yang aku pon tak kenal.. tp time kanak2 lu cam pernah sampai la sini.. pastu gerak lak ke umah makngah aku kat batang melaka.. haha she still remembers that time when sho took my kulit goreng pisang she thought i didnt want but i actually purposely skinned the pisang goreng coz nak makan it separately.. huhu.. i was 7 at time maybe..
that day her anak2 takda pasal akan balik 6 hb pasal tak dapat cuti so kesian makngah raya sorang2 jer..

pas pi umah makngah gerak umah palong lak kat gemencheh tapi dier takda umah pasal kuar beraya... jumper lak ngn achik yot kakak my dad kat umah paklong.. dier ngn anak2 cucu2 dier la.. but then we went separate ways la kitorang nak ke bukit rokan umah mak lang dier lak baru balik dari umah maklang.. haaa kat umah maklang lawak tol pasal secara random ada sorang budak ni 8 tahun umor nyer sorang2 jer datang beraya umah maklang.. haha.. mak lang aku pi soal budak ni anak sapa cucu sapa la pasal dier cakap budak ni da datang da tadi beramai2 la ni datang lagi sorang2 nak duit raya la tu.. last2 budak tu blah camtu jer tak salam pon ngn maklang aku ke paklang aku ker..
kat umah maklang bukit rokan aku luper nak check in foursquare.. *perluke???

pas umah maklang gerak lak ke seremban nak ke umah makteh aku belah mak.. kat sana jumper ngn maksu belah mak tapi aku panggil dier induk jer.. haa anak2 dier da besar yall.. anak2 dier aku jumper time kanak2 dulu jer.. time darjah 1 darjah 2 dulu.. sekang ni yg tua du da nak kawen pulak da..
pastu gerak umah paklong lak kat seremban tu.. jumper wan ku sayang.. omg kenyang nyer pi beraya.. pastu balik umah kak aku kat seremban 2 la pulak..

hari kedua lak..
pagi2 terus gerak ke kampung gamin kuala pilah.. pi beraya umah cik dagho, umah mail, umah manap utih, umah udo nan.. pi gak melawat umah kampung wan aku yg dlu2 time kecik2 aku pegi beraya dekat.. tapi la ni da jadi utan la pasal takda orang jaga.. kalo aku ada duit lebih nnt nak je aku bersihkan kampung ni buat rumah ke so that nnt time raya ada la kampung nak balik ke.. lepas habes kat kampong gamin gerak lak ke palong 4 pi umah cik yot yg aku jumper semalam tu.. anak2 dier da balik dan da kuar pegi beraya dier ngn suami jer ada kat umah.. lepas kat umah achik gerak lak umah paktam kat palong 11.. lepas tu gerak lak ke felda lui timur pi umah makteh amah lak..

ateh amah baik la.. satu family dier baik.. umah dier byk kelapa pastu die kasi kitorang kelapa 16 bijik ngn rambutan sekali.. time tu pon da malam kol 1030 malam kot boleh lak abg ijan tu pi kupas kelapa and panjat pokok moktan nak kasi kat kitorang.. huhu... derang nak kitorang tido sana je malam tu.. tapi pasal aku ni cam segan n taknak nyusahkan derang aku ajak gak parents aku balik... lagipon bapak aku cam susah nak tido kalo bukan atas katel.. susah la kalo nak tido sana takda katel..
oh lupe lak.. time kat umah ateh amah paklong taha yg kitorang pegi umah dier semalam tu datang umah ateh amah gak.. 4 bijik keta dier datang.. paklong tanya aku keje mana pastu memberikan nasihat jgn sombong tolong mak bapak pe sumer.. haha pastu maklong ada cakap nak carikan aku bini.. hahaha.. *perlukenaksuke??
kat sini jumper budak chomel yg pipi dier sgt bulat and grumpy lak tu so chomel.. i took a photo of her and uploaded on fb coz i think shes so adorable.. and she smiled at me a few times... huhu..

ok that night dalam kol 1030 ke 1040 tah baru kitorang gerak dari lui timor back to KL.. omg sangat challenging nak drive malam2 kat sini pasal takda lampu jalan and kete kat depan menghala ke pahang ramai pulak tu silau gila pening kepala aku nak drive.. tapi slow2 akhirnya sampai la aku ke kuala pilah.. then ke seremban.. mula2 cam igt nak balik umah kak kat seremban2 tapi pastu pikir balik cam sejam je lagi da sampai KL so aku gagahkan gak drive kat KL.. bapak aku sanggup ni bersengkang mata teman aku to make sure aku tak terlelap.. huhu.. balik ikot PLUS gak pasal bapak risau LEKAS sunyi tak byk kete nnt ada orang buat jahat langgar belakang kete dan rompak samun bila kita berhenti.. so pasal tu ikot PLUS.. aku pon taknak la terlibat dalam kes2 macam ni since just a few days ago my ipad da kena ragut.. babi.. sakit hati aku bila igt2 balik..

ok pendek citer kol 2.30 sampai la aku kat wangsa maju.. ada la berhenti kat hentian seremban tu pasal bapak nak pi toilet and die ajak pekena teh secawan kat situ dier kata sedap..

hmm... actually aku still ngantok lagi pasal bangun cam awal considering semalam tido dekat kol 3 la gak.. maybe i shud sambung tido...

damn this entry is boring like hell... tapi takper la.. aku pon type secara raandom jer ni... nak pi breakfast ni ngn ibu bapa... later~~

Da nak raya y'all..

Salam..

Honestly I'm also surprise TNT I am posting another entry now.. It's only been a few days since my last update.. Maybe I'm just bored now..

Now at mother's house in wangsa maju.. Came back yesterday coz my dad insisted but issokey.. Got home to find nobody's home.. Parents went to surau for teraweh and my kak with her kids went to seremban already coz nak raya Sanaa umah sndri blablabla.. Ok itu terpulang pada dia.. I just feel less meriah without the kids in the house..

Now im typing on my ipad2 just to try it out.. Similar to when i blogged on my ipod touch some time ago just to try it out.. Damn i type so slow here.. Da dapat ipad nnt nxt month igt nak beli leather case kaler itam yg super sleek i checked out yesterday.. Nnt after raaya la kot buy tht one..

Ok later today i ma go send my car to service then get it to a car wash (harap2 adayg bukak lagi).. Then nak gi jalan tar with kengkawan to buy baju melayu for my bapak and for myself as well.. Huhu.. Maybe bukak posa kat luar gak kot.. We'll see..

Ok bosan umah sunyi jer..

Okla xda mood da nak menaip pasal cam x biasa.. So later la yall..

finally there is time for an update..

salam..
i know the title sounds kinda not tally coz i just updated yesterday.. but yesterdays update cant count coz it was just a video that i watched and felt nostalgic.. it wasnt really anything i wanted to talk about, was just something random hence this entry right here..

well ekceli ive been wanting to write a new post since many days ago but just never got the chance.. so u know what i did.. each time i thought of something i want to talk about, i'd write it as a note on my iphone (iphone caption needed) so when its time for me to write about them id know what to talk about.

theres ekceli a list of the things.. so i will try to go at it one by one..


ok first..
u know its ramadhan now and only a few days left to shawal.. and we can see many muslims(those faithful ones) are trying their best to increase their amalan, solat teraweh, baca quran, go to majlis agama, perform qiamulail etc etc as to obtain that one night we call lailatulqadar.. but as for me, i have stopped giving a dang about it long ago.. hmm.. there was one time during ramadhan probably 10years ago that i yearned to be given and blessed with lailatulqadar.. but as i grew up many things changed.. my environment, the people around me.. things i surround myself with..they all have made me become how i am now today.. someone whos not giving a damn.. i am not ignorant though but just i dont care.. i dont know what word can be used to describe me.. but i believe its not of something good.. no i am not blaming anyone or anything for why ive changed from the old innocent me.. i take it as a process in life i must go through.. and i never thought of myself as a saint, so at times i am ok if i am the devil..
hmm.. i cannot say much about how changed ive become coz i know its not a good thing.. but i know there will come a time where i will care again.. care about islam, care about my amalan and bekalan for hereafter.. i just hope when its time, its not too late anymore..

ok i dont want to get my mood down now.. i still have a few things to talk here..
now that i am working.. my salary is not much tho.. but when added up with overtime, mileage claim etc etc i think i earn enough and since i am also teaching tution until end of november.. my monthly income is quite big thus this luxury (kind of) life i am living now.. so it actually worries me that i might not get out of this lavish lifestyle i have now once i dont teach tution anymore.. hmm..
but thats not what i want to talk about coz i said earlier.. i dont want to worry about anything now.. that i will worry later when im supposed to.. *livemoreworryless
what i wanted to talk about is now i am full with desires to buy new stuffs... now my eyes are set on buying an ipad2 and a motorcycle.. probaly not to the latter tho coz i dont even have a bike licence.. but ipad2 is almost certain.. hmm.. once the gaji is in, i ma buy myself an ipad2.. i dont want to care what other people have to say about me getting an ipad2.. its my money so lantak la.. haha *selfish&stubborn


well this actually made me remember about this one thought i had the other day.. u know how often people talk about the importance to save money so that u can use it on rainy days blablabla.. maybe i have not fully understood that or maybe i think i will not have rainy days.. but as of now.. i just dont care.. well ekceli i understand it completely, but im choosing to ignore it.. in other words is that i just dont want to worry about it.. *livemoreworrylessmyass
i know its good to have some money saved up.. but right now i just want to live my life and loving it.. not save all my money, refrain myself from buying things i want so later i can support a house for my bini anak2 or whatever.. thats what  my family expects of me.. but this begs the question do i want to have bini and anak2?? yes actually but  not desperately though.. i will accept if thats what God has destined for me.. terima qada qadar but i dont look for a wife now nor do i long for one.. maybe when the day comes when i feel i need to have a wife, then i will find one.. and i am sure by that time i am richer than i am now so to support them (bini and anak2) wont be a big problem to me.. huhu *katakataconfident
i had that thought when i looked at this one fren of mine (no name needs mentioning) who i just found out will tie the knot early next year or middle of year whenever so hes started to save here and there, sanggup naik moto je rather than a car padahal gaji dia lagi mahal ni bang oi.. ok maybe we just have different perceptions in life on whats important whats not.. but seriusly dude, why are u sacrificing your own happiness for someone other than you?? hmm maybe he loves the woman dearly and the girls happiness outweighs his own.. if thats the case.. i respect u and wish u the best in life.. if suffering just so that your bini can be happy makes u happy, so be it..
*ehmotiptulispanjang2

ok lets move on to the next item on the list..

this one in my iphone i put as "life teaches me that we can only rely on ourselves to never let us down"
hmm.. i actually put a fb status that time coz i was just pissed at everyone and everything..
my fb status  reads "

It sucks when life f*cks u when u least expect it.. True that u can only rely on urself to never let u down.. Nobodys gone love u like u love u.. Shayt!!! *mode meroyan

"
u know how some times when u'd trust on something or something to do something for you.. and u believed him wholeheartedly that he'd never let u down... but when it matters the most he just fucked ya.. haih.. theres nothing much i want or can talk about this one.. i think better to leave this one out and not mention anything that will worsen the scenario..
 but just bear in  mind this.. dont simply put your heart and soul to someone whos not you coz they will not care or love u as much as u do... it pains the worst especially  when its someone whom u trust never to hurt u who does shits to you..
argh... need to clear my mind from this... *ctrl+alt+del please

hmm.. the next thing is about my training i attended the other day.. how to program  a BACnet controller using Plain English Language.. why the fuck that i went to this again??
ok the programming was easy enough, similar to C and C++ i learned as a student but the shit is when i couldnt install the program called Continuum on my laptop coz i'm running windows 7 64-bit OS when the prog requires a 32-bit.. how the fuck was i supposed to know??
(i need to reduce my usage of the word fuck   #random)
but that problem i got solved by installing VMware on my laptop and run a windows XP instead.. but then it turned out the controller the trainer had prepared for me couldnt connect to my workstation due to unknown reason.. i was pissed and in the end i gave up *dasarmelayumudahgiveup
and now there is 2 sets of question that i need to answer and submit to him after raya.. damn i'm so freaking malas to go through the notes to answer them questions.. oh please la datang kerajinan tu nnt..
i also attended a NTSP training at NIOSHto allow us to work at TNB later.. and the trainer named azhar abu bakar was such a funny character.. the whole training session he made jokes and made us laugh so although i was sleepy as shit at that time i didnt doze off.. maybe heres a tip for those teachers or lecturers out there who want to avoid their students from sleeping in class, be creative, crack jokes and dont care too much about appearance and protocol.. act silly sometimes (not all the times please) so that people will know and remember you.. it doesnt hurt, does it??
mo
ok nak cakap pasal benda lain pulak.. bosan la pasal keje..


hmm.. ok next..


i dont know what is it with me now but i am longing to watch old malay movies.. when i said old i dont mean P Ramlee old.. but old like movies in the late 80s or early 90s.. theres this one movie called ops belantara year 1993 i watched when i was kid and me and my brother would later act out the scenes in the movie and we'd kick each other here and there.. haha funny how influenced we were by the movie and we thought it was so cool back then... i bet if i see the movie now i will laugh my heart out and criticize it like hell..

 theres another movie called ringgit kasorga year 1994.. after watching diana yusof in it, i wanted to go to france and learn the language.. haha kids get inspired by anything, dont they.. hmm.. i also want to watchmovies like
sayang salmah (terus teringat phrase sucimusalmah used widely by mehayams) yang ada sidi oraza, azhar sulaiman, norish karman dll
perempuan isteri dan... lakonan sofea jane and nasir bilal khan
kekasih awal akhir lakonan sofea jane and jamal abdillah
Baginda lakonan azean irdawati (pasal voleyball yall)
Puteri Impian lakonan amy mastura
dan lain lain
i have searched the internet for links to download these movies from but still havent found any.. huhuhu.. maybe need to hit a speedy video store like the old days..

OMG i just got a notification on FB, min malik just approved my friend request.. hehe.. excited..
so i paused this entry and went browsing her photos.. she's changed now.. now a military woman.. when did that shit happen?? (seriusly, need to reduce the word shit too)
hmm.. dont want to say much.. if that makes her happy so let her be happy.. no matter what i will always be a fan of her and her song flora cinta..

haha so random nak letak lagu bagai..

ok that brings me to the final item for this blog entry (damn my hands tired already)
the other night i went to jalan TAR KL to look for baju melayu.. and also kueh2 raya.. i was thinking to buy my bapak nyer baju melayu there.. kaler krim saiz L pinggang 42.. so i went with my frens.. 3 of them one being a philipino.. OMG ramai nyer orang time tgh2 malam ni.. and the jalan was quite sempit la.. to make it worse was time tu la pulak ada orang2 bawak trolley berisi air la baju la apa la yg menambahsesakkan keadaan.. rasa cam nak tampar2 jer orang bawak trolley tu nyusahkan orang lalu lalang jer.. at the of the day, i didnt buy anything coz couldnt find baju melayu yg seluar saiz 42.. i asked if they could sell only the shirt they rudely said no..  so curse them..
haih.. kat mana la nak beli ni eh.. *stillnoidea
my friend orang filipina ni pulak yg beli baju raya sakan.. dgn baju nyer sampin nyer songkok nyer.. haha.. semangat kau kan donnie dapat beraya sini tahun ni.. aku pon takda baju lagi ni..
well ekceli i saw one red colour quite nice there so im planning to go back maybe this saturday to buy me that red baju melayu with red samping as well.. hoho.. sungguh meriah merah makngah la aku raya tahun ni..

OMG, i think if my hands have mouth they would be swearing at me coz man im so damn tired already but still rasa macam byk nak cakap ni.. but i think enough is enough.. better stop this post here la.. the other things are so minor they dont mean or matter much anyway..
so sampai disini saja.. later yall

*saper la yg gigih baca entry ni sampai habis eh???

haaaa... i am full of memories..

salam..

no word needs said.. i miss this...

alumni.. i hope therell be one soon..

KenanganManis

saya sayang dan rindukan kamu2 semua kawan2 kesayangans..

reinventing myself?

salam ramadhan..

sedar tak sedar da 6 hari pon puasa untuk tahun 2011 ni.. or 1432 hijraah.. and i have not gone to teraweh yet.. i'm just plain lazy.. but so far havent missed puasa yet so alhamdulillah.. well, probably the reason that i dont go to teraweh anymore coz i dont pray anymore.. ok i have no excuse as to why i dont pray the 5 times wajib anymore.. i'm just malas.. and maybe i'm a changed man now.. not that i'm proud of the person ive become.. i just... haih ok no excuse.. i'm just lazy..

damn, it wasnt my intention to talk about how bad ive been.. but it all just came out without plan.. i actually wanted to talk about reinenting myself.. i feel theres a need for me to change how i live my life now.. i am now a lame as person whos consumed with his work.. everyday keje siang malam.. and all i could think of is work.. like all the times... things that used to matter to me.. things that play very important roles in my life previously now like dont exist anymore.. haih.. like i said.. im a changed man.. and sometimes i feel like i dont know myself anymore..

well, maybe im not supposed to know myself yet.. maybe all of these take time.. i knew that i cannot remain as izuan the new zealand student forever.. and maybe i'm still in the process of adapting.. transitioning bak kata omputeh.. for however long it takes la.. mmg macam kelakar.. ive been working for 4 months now and i still havent let go of the person i used to be.. the glamorous one.. the better looking one.. the nonchalant and carefree one.. maybe i should learn to accept the new me now.. maybe its time already.. im the lame as izuan who works 6 days a week and has no life..

hmm.. that aint entirely true.. i have a life.. and this is the life that have awaited me.. even when i was still studying.. i knew that i'd be this izuan.. and why the eff am i whining now?? haaa... maybe the real question is whether or not i'm ready to let go the old me and step to my new self.. i mean like really step into the new izuan shoes the working man..

in every change, theres good and bad.. if we only focus on the bad then we'll only see the bad la.. and if we can distinguish the good form everything else and see the whole picture.. we know that its not so bad.. not as bad as we first thought it is... i now earn my own money.. pay my own bill.. drive my own car.. and have the pride of being treated like an adult instead of a student.. ok i feel good about all of these.. like i said.. ada baik dan ada buruknyer..

so is there really a need to reinvent myself here?? i think not.. kalau kita nak bising2 komplen itu ini, mmg sampai bila2 pon takkan ubah apa.. if i really want to change, i will take the step i need.. but for now i think i shouldnt complain and just try to adapt to this new life of mine... i know i will learn to love it somehow.. and not that i'm saying i'm a psychic or whatever.. but i'm pretty sure life gets better.. my job gets better..

well, i reread what i wrote and suddenly i realized what made me feel so gloomy lately.. its because of my belly fat.. darn it i havev muffin top now.. eeewww... sangat memalukan.. ok takda sapa yg patut dipersalahkan selain diri sendiri.. ive been eating like a pig.. sumer benda aku makan.. kalau bukak posa tu mmg tak igt dunia la makanan nyer kan.. and often ramai makanan yg tak habes dan dibuang.. membazir sungguh.. ok that one, i'll try to not do anymore..

i know well why my badan continues to expand.. its because i eat a lot and dont go to gym or do any sport.. the reason i dont exercise anymore is because i aint go no time for it.. keje sampai kol  530.. bila jam tu sampai umah dalam kol 630 camtu.. then nak mandi, beli makanan and makan, then kol 730 da kuar pi mengajar budak tusyen lak.. balik da kol 1030 da.. manada masa nak bereksesais..

mula2 dulu ada la pasang niat nak amek fitness first konon2 nyer.. tapi bila pikir2 balik dgn takda masa, dan tak selalu pegi gym, akan membazer je pulak duit bayar membership fee.. kalau murah tak per la jugak.. ni 200 kot.. mahal bos.. tak mampu la aku...

okla, aku rasa cam da malas nak menulis.. maybe nnt aku akan tulis lagi...

this transitioning process is so tiring and confusing.. i hope that itll be over soon and i'll be able to view myself as the awesome izuan like i once did.. not the lame as izuan i am now... sigh..

things will get better... i pray to God not to leave me forsaken and to give me guidance when i most need it.. insyaallah..

sehingga di lain masa.. later~~~