Rindu anak

The below is my ranting from last year that I found in my icloud notes..
tetiba feeling rindu kat anak comel lepas baca.. huhu..

padahal jap je lagi jumpa je kat umah kan.. its just not something that can easily be explained.. huhu..
so here it goes..

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20171012

harini aku dok rumah jaga ukail.. kita berdua je..

this morning i made nasi goreng and ukail ate quite alot..

him eating my cooking and liking it made me feel so happy..

its the kind of happy that i never felt before..

in the afternoon i went out with ukail to the clinic where the doc examined his rashes.. the doc gave me 2 days mc to continue to take care of ukail until friday.

balik tu i bought pisang goreng n kepok leko.

ukail seemed very excited to eat the kepok leko.

and sure he did eat, but seketul dua je yg lelain dia buat memain comot2..

aku buat air milo dia pergi kacau2 sampai tumpah sikit atas karpet. terpaksa la aku sapu guna kitchen towel yg tinggal sehelai dua tu..

alamak lupa pulak nak beli kitchen towel time shopping tesco online td..

baju ukail da comot and dia yakk and i wanted to clean him..

dia rebel x nak aku bukak baju n seluar dia.

menjerit sekuat hati.

but i managed to remove his clothes and took him to shower, of during which he screamed his lungs out as if i was abusing him..

finished w the shower he continued his rebel agaisnt his daddy when i wanted to put on his diaper..

omg the struggle was real..

i smacked his buttock once and he stop moving left and right..

only then i managed to put his diaper..

he continued being angry at me.. he smacked me and scratched me..

hit me with a hanger..

did he learn that from me?

i felt very sad..

i didnt pay attention to him.. and left him in the room and went outside to watch tv..

i didnt watch tv but i did some coloring on ukails coloring book..

slowly he came back to me and kacau me.. he wud take the color pencil from my hand and conteng2 on the book..

i shifted my attention to my laptop and played asntm s3 that i have stored in my old acer laptop..

of course ukail came to me seeking attention..

i put him on my lap and he started kacau me and smacked the laptop..

i held his hands and he screamed again wanting to get down so i let him..

as soon as he was down he wanted up again.. hish budak kecik ni..

i know he wanted attention.. he was bored..

thats life my son..

it aint always beautiful..

it aint always gonna be great..

youll feel happy and youll feel sad..

i wish i could protect you from the latter but i know sadness is apart of it..

it will bring you good too..

hardships will bring you good too..

that too you will have to face..

there will be occasions where i will not be able to help you but i hope u will know that i have not and will never stop loving you..

ayat cliche kan..

but i mean it every word..

or maybe he wanted some frens.. ok aku pon nk anak lg tp things are difficult now.. sometimes i feel like i want to quit life.. if i had more kids n i quit life then kesian my wife pulak

"

I know the post seems unfinished.. whatever lah..
this post is also an unfinished one.. kinda.. lolz..

kbye..