Salam,
as usual, and as mentioned numerous times before, i often write in this blog when i feel like i need to vent out, let out some feelings... frustrations, anxiety, excitement etc..
so the same thing this time around..
since the last update was in April, and i have been on hiatus in May and June, so it is understandable that there have been many events that have taken place in my life. However, I aint got time and the mood to talk about all of them, only selected few
prior to blurting them out here, i wrote them on my diary, just so i would know how to structure them in writing. LOLz.. organized much?
so here are the overview of the things i wish to go through in this blog post
1. Work
- Feelings at work
- Relationship with colleagues
- Resigning (again!!)
- pros & cons before resigning
- anxiety to start at a new place
- small company
- career progression & future
- Motivation & morale
2. Study
- Final exams
- Lack of preparation
- accident on the way back to KL
- Desire to do PHD (relate to future career)
3. Family
- New house budget
- Wife's pregnancy
- Budget vs expenses
- side income
- new car to do Grab
4. Social
- Non-existent
- Azhan's acceptance issue
- Missing Qayyum's wedding
Obviously there are many things on my mind, so without wasting any time i will get to each one of them
1. Work
Truthfully, when I am writing this, I feel extremely unmotivated to work. I hate to be in this mood.
i have to ask myself, what is the reason i am feeling this way?
so i answer, its probably because of my relationship with my colleagues at site.. (they are all younger than me)
i dont hate them, and i believe they dont hate me too. we just dont click.
we dont operate in the same frequency.
sometimes i feel i just cant be bothered to try to tune into their frequency so we could click better..
maybe because i am getting old, i just cant be bothered to try to do that.. i'd rather just sit on my desk and go on facebook/instagram than to talk & socialize with them.. #oldbitchsyndrome
I believe this is the main reason i am disliking work right now, because i am not happy with the people.. on the technicality, work is as usual, and quite manageable & rather a boring subject to talk about here
Moving on..
I have resigned from my current company JMPEC.
Since i was assigned to go to site here in Paka, being away from my family, I have already resented the whole arrangement.
But i understand that i was hired as a site engineer and it is the nature of work for me to go to site.. I cant really argue or complain so much
I dont have any issues with site work since thats what i have been doing since 2013.
My issues is that the site is in effing Terengganu, where the rest day is on Fridays, which proved to be troublesome to me in so many levels..
My wife works on Fridays
I have classes on Saturdays & Sundays (which means I have to take unpaid leave to attend my weekend classes)
with all these difficulties & challenges of having to work at Paka, I did bring it up to my boss and requested that I only be sent to projects nearby KL/Selangor. He essentially had agreed to my request but asked that i remained until he could find a replacement for me.. alas, he didnt keep his words ( which is another reason why I feel strongly about leaving the company) and I knew that I shouldnt rely on other people to change my luck so i started applying for other jobs.
and indeed it was a rezeki from God that I got a job offer from another company quite immediately after i started looking.
Its a consultancy firm in Puchong and I was offered a job as an M&E consultant engineer, which is an office based job but will also require traveling for meetings and site verification works etc..
Prior to sending my resign letter, i did a pros vs cons table comparing my current job to the new one and based on that, i decided to jump ship.. again..
i know its not good to keep changing companies, but i know that its the right decision as i have done my due diligence of comparing between the two..
so regardless of what the future holds, I know that at the time that i made the decision, it was a calculated one and based on careful considerations on many aspects of my life
Having said this, i am still unable to shake off this feeling of worry and anxiety with regards to starting at a new company.
with it being a smaller company, and also there is this worry that i will get bored with office work, then i will become demotivated, then in return will affect my morale to work altogether..
its a constant worry, this feeling of not wanting to work, this feeling of wanting to just laze around at home yadayada..
i need to keep reminding myself about the importance of working, and pray that my motivation will stay intact..
regardless of the company and the profession, i still need to do this.. insyallah God will rid me off of this feeling of laziness..i can only pray..
there have been times i wonder, if i enjoy my work then the motivation & morale will stay lifted.. but now i am starting to realize that that might not be the case.. enjoying the work and staying discipline about work are probably 2 unrelated things, and it is an on-going thing, a constant battle and it needs to be recharged periodically, much like our iman..
it goes up and down, but to ensure that it stays up, we need to be with people & in an environment that will lift it up.. hence being able to recognize what lifts it up from what brings it down is also crucial..
that is a whole another topic on that..
ok moving on..
I just finished my final exam from 28/6/2018 - 1/7/2018.
I didnt do very well because i only managed to answer 50% of the question confidently.
I did answer all of the questions but only half of them with confidence.
So i think i will probably pass the 2 subjects, but not with excellence.. just satisfactory, I guess..
I did some preparation prior to sitting for the papers, but considering with me working at site (8am - 7pm everyday) you can imagine that there is not much studying can be done..
it is a difficult situation that i have been put into and i am glad that i managed to complete the tests even with all the challenges that i was facing.
to add to that, i was actually in a road accident while i was on my way back to KL, the day before my exam.
I finished work at 5pm on the 27th, and i made my way straight to KL with the intention of reaching home around 9pm so i can actually do some studying for my paper the next day.
unfortunately, i had an accident where my car hit the road curb, in the heavy rain, and my car got stucked.. to make things worse, as i exited my car and closed the car door, it automatically locked leaving me outside dumbfounded and ready to give up..
locked outside in the rain after hitting the road curb, i really wanted to cry..
but alhamdulillah, there were many motorcyclist stopped and helped me.
using screw driver, the peeled off the black thingy next to the driver's side window, and using steel wire, the managed to unlock my car from the outside.
after that, even helped lifted and pushed my car so i could get out from the curb.
i was and am so grateful that they helped me.. had it not been for them, i wouldve stucked here in Paka and missed my paper on the 28th and most probably failed the subject..
#faithinhumanityrestored
to continue on the topic of furthering studies, I know that it will only get harder from here on out..
and my journey to PHD is still so far.. but we all know, Rome was not built in a day..
so with that, i hope and pray that my dream of furthering my studies and obtaining a doctoral degree will materialize one day, insyallah..
i believe after obtaining my PHD, my future will be brighter, and i can leave engineering world and become a lecturer instead.. well, thats still too far in the future, its better for me to focus at the task at hand, which is getting my Masters degree first.. #fingerscrossed
3. Family
on the topic of family, i cant help but to talk about our new house Jalilmas which is expected to complete its construction early next year.
and just like the Pulai Jaya House, I have prepared a budget for moving into the new house and the total amount of RM35k seems quite impossible to attain now.. which worries me too.. but i dont want to stress about it too much.. slowly but surely, we will get it done.. it doesnt have to be all at once, we can always complete the renovation by stages..
so below is the screenshot of the budget that i have prepared for the new house..
In addition to the new house, as my wife is currently pregnant with our 2nd child, so i need to prepare for the delivery of the 2nd baby as well..
we plan to go to Government hospital, probably in Selangor, that is the budget that we have for now..
although i honestly think that the expertise of Doctors in Government hospital is undeniable, and also they are better equipped.. The minus side is the level of comfort is considerably lower than that of private hospital..
but we need to be realistic and practical with our planning & expenses so I think all is good and under control for now..
speaking of expenses, starting April of this year I have started to keep track of all my spendings, as well as my wife.. We have an excel file stored in Google drive that we both can access, and we will record our spendings in there.. there are different categories like Food, transportation, petrol, miscellaneous and the credit card spendings..
the file also allows us to have a better outlook of the cash flow in and out, and planned expenses in the future, taking into account the cost for car maintenance, my study tuition fees, cost for baby delivery etc.. so at the end of each month we can expect how much money left in our account, and to bring forward to the next month, until end of the year, so whatever plan we have, including to go on vacation, we can plan based on this budget that we have..
i think its pretty cool to have this kind of tracking, and hopefully that it will be an on-going thing for as long as required..
and to add on the topic of expenses, right now i feel like there's a strong need for me to be looking for a side income, and one way that i can think of right now is to drive for Grab part time..
and to do that i might have to get a new car since my persona is from 2011 and Grab requirement is only allowing cars from 2011 onwards..
i am still on the fence with the decision of getting a new car, maybe after i have started at the new company i can have a better overview if driving Grab part time is actually something i can do or not..
so ill leave that as KIV for now and to be revisited later in Sept or October.. see how it goes..
4. Social
The last topic for todays post is about my social life, which seems to be non-existent since i started working at Paka..
i dont have time to play volleyball, no time to go hang out with my friends (because I would rather spend the little time I have in KL with my family instead)
but insya-allah it will change once i change company, i can only hope #fingerscrossed
a few days ago, Azhan txt me on whatsapp and asked me the weirdest thing, and we talked about self-love and self acceptance..
i am not sure if i should disclose our conversation here, but from the little interaction that i had on that day, it made me to reflect on myself too, because we both sort of have had similar life experience and having him shared what he went through, i could definitely relate to his stories and it made me realize how important it is to always be grateful with Allah's blessings..
so that by itself is a blessing and Alhamdulillah for that..
lastly, i want to say that i am very sad that i would be unable to attend Qayyum's wedding reception on 7/7/2018 because i have to work on that day.
like i said, my social life is non-existent now..
right now the plant PGB GPP6 is having turn around in July and taking leaves is just impossible, not when its not because of something urgent or unavoidable..
furthermore, I have taken 9 days of unpaid leave to go for classes and exams before, so i think its only fair that i work for the whole of July and focus on the shutdown.. Besides, its only for this month, and by August I will be leaving the company already..
so that is all that i have to share for today, until the next rambling and rantings..
Later~~
as usual, and as mentioned numerous times before, i often write in this blog when i feel like i need to vent out, let out some feelings... frustrations, anxiety, excitement etc..
so the same thing this time around..
since the last update was in April, and i have been on hiatus in May and June, so it is understandable that there have been many events that have taken place in my life. However, I aint got time and the mood to talk about all of them, only selected few
prior to blurting them out here, i wrote them on my diary, just so i would know how to structure them in writing. LOLz.. organized much?
so here are the overview of the things i wish to go through in this blog post
1. Work
- Feelings at work
- Relationship with colleagues
- Resigning (again!!)
- pros & cons before resigning
- anxiety to start at a new place
- small company
- career progression & future
- Motivation & morale
2. Study
- Final exams
- Lack of preparation
- accident on the way back to KL
- Desire to do PHD (relate to future career)
3. Family
- New house budget
- Wife's pregnancy
- Budget vs expenses
- side income
- new car to do Grab
4. Social
- Non-existent
- Azhan's acceptance issue
- Missing Qayyum's wedding
Obviously there are many things on my mind, so without wasting any time i will get to each one of them
1. Work
Truthfully, when I am writing this, I feel extremely unmotivated to work. I hate to be in this mood.
i have to ask myself, what is the reason i am feeling this way?
so i answer, its probably because of my relationship with my colleagues at site.. (they are all younger than me)
i dont hate them, and i believe they dont hate me too. we just dont click.
we dont operate in the same frequency.
sometimes i feel i just cant be bothered to try to tune into their frequency so we could click better..
maybe because i am getting old, i just cant be bothered to try to do that.. i'd rather just sit on my desk and go on facebook/instagram than to talk & socialize with them.. #oldbitchsyndrome
I believe this is the main reason i am disliking work right now, because i am not happy with the people.. on the technicality, work is as usual, and quite manageable & rather a boring subject to talk about here
Moving on..
I have resigned from my current company JMPEC.
Since i was assigned to go to site here in Paka, being away from my family, I have already resented the whole arrangement.
But i understand that i was hired as a site engineer and it is the nature of work for me to go to site.. I cant really argue or complain so much
I dont have any issues with site work since thats what i have been doing since 2013.
My issues is that the site is in effing Terengganu, where the rest day is on Fridays, which proved to be troublesome to me in so many levels..
My wife works on Fridays
I have classes on Saturdays & Sundays (which means I have to take unpaid leave to attend my weekend classes)
with all these difficulties & challenges of having to work at Paka, I did bring it up to my boss and requested that I only be sent to projects nearby KL/Selangor. He essentially had agreed to my request but asked that i remained until he could find a replacement for me.. alas, he didnt keep his words ( which is another reason why I feel strongly about leaving the company) and I knew that I shouldnt rely on other people to change my luck so i started applying for other jobs.
and indeed it was a rezeki from God that I got a job offer from another company quite immediately after i started looking.
Its a consultancy firm in Puchong and I was offered a job as an M&E consultant engineer, which is an office based job but will also require traveling for meetings and site verification works etc..
Prior to sending my resign letter, i did a pros vs cons table comparing my current job to the new one and based on that, i decided to jump ship.. again..
i know its not good to keep changing companies, but i know that its the right decision as i have done my due diligence of comparing between the two..
so regardless of what the future holds, I know that at the time that i made the decision, it was a calculated one and based on careful considerations on many aspects of my life
Having said this, i am still unable to shake off this feeling of worry and anxiety with regards to starting at a new company.
with it being a smaller company, and also there is this worry that i will get bored with office work, then i will become demotivated, then in return will affect my morale to work altogether..
its a constant worry, this feeling of not wanting to work, this feeling of wanting to just laze around at home yadayada..
i need to keep reminding myself about the importance of working, and pray that my motivation will stay intact..
regardless of the company and the profession, i still need to do this.. insyallah God will rid me off of this feeling of laziness..i can only pray..
there have been times i wonder, if i enjoy my work then the motivation & morale will stay lifted.. but now i am starting to realize that that might not be the case.. enjoying the work and staying discipline about work are probably 2 unrelated things, and it is an on-going thing, a constant battle and it needs to be recharged periodically, much like our iman..
that is a whole another topic on that..
ok moving on..
I just finished my final exam from 28/6/2018 - 1/7/2018.
I didnt do very well because i only managed to answer 50% of the question confidently.
I did answer all of the questions but only half of them with confidence.
So i think i will probably pass the 2 subjects, but not with excellence.. just satisfactory, I guess..
I did some preparation prior to sitting for the papers, but considering with me working at site (8am - 7pm everyday) you can imagine that there is not much studying can be done..
it is a difficult situation that i have been put into and i am glad that i managed to complete the tests even with all the challenges that i was facing.
to add to that, i was actually in a road accident while i was on my way back to KL, the day before my exam.
I finished work at 5pm on the 27th, and i made my way straight to KL with the intention of reaching home around 9pm so i can actually do some studying for my paper the next day.
unfortunately, i had an accident where my car hit the road curb, in the heavy rain, and my car got stucked.. to make things worse, as i exited my car and closed the car door, it automatically locked leaving me outside dumbfounded and ready to give up..
locked outside in the rain after hitting the road curb, i really wanted to cry..
but alhamdulillah, there were many motorcyclist stopped and helped me.
using screw driver, the peeled off the black thingy next to the driver's side window, and using steel wire, the managed to unlock my car from the outside.
after that, even helped lifted and pushed my car so i could get out from the curb.
i was and am so grateful that they helped me.. had it not been for them, i wouldve stucked here in Paka and missed my paper on the 28th and most probably failed the subject..
#faithinhumanityrestored
to continue on the topic of furthering studies, I know that it will only get harder from here on out..
and my journey to PHD is still so far.. but we all know, Rome was not built in a day..
so with that, i hope and pray that my dream of furthering my studies and obtaining a doctoral degree will materialize one day, insyallah..
i believe after obtaining my PHD, my future will be brighter, and i can leave engineering world and become a lecturer instead.. well, thats still too far in the future, its better for me to focus at the task at hand, which is getting my Masters degree first.. #fingerscrossed
3. Family
on the topic of family, i cant help but to talk about our new house Jalilmas which is expected to complete its construction early next year.
and just like the Pulai Jaya House, I have prepared a budget for moving into the new house and the total amount of RM35k seems quite impossible to attain now.. which worries me too.. but i dont want to stress about it too much.. slowly but surely, we will get it done.. it doesnt have to be all at once, we can always complete the renovation by stages..
so below is the screenshot of the budget that i have prepared for the new house..
we plan to go to Government hospital, probably in Selangor, that is the budget that we have for now..
although i honestly think that the expertise of Doctors in Government hospital is undeniable, and also they are better equipped.. The minus side is the level of comfort is considerably lower than that of private hospital..
but we need to be realistic and practical with our planning & expenses so I think all is good and under control for now..
speaking of expenses, starting April of this year I have started to keep track of all my spendings, as well as my wife.. We have an excel file stored in Google drive that we both can access, and we will record our spendings in there.. there are different categories like Food, transportation, petrol, miscellaneous and the credit card spendings..
the file also allows us to have a better outlook of the cash flow in and out, and planned expenses in the future, taking into account the cost for car maintenance, my study tuition fees, cost for baby delivery etc.. so at the end of each month we can expect how much money left in our account, and to bring forward to the next month, until end of the year, so whatever plan we have, including to go on vacation, we can plan based on this budget that we have..
i think its pretty cool to have this kind of tracking, and hopefully that it will be an on-going thing for as long as required..
and to add on the topic of expenses, right now i feel like there's a strong need for me to be looking for a side income, and one way that i can think of right now is to drive for Grab part time..
and to do that i might have to get a new car since my persona is from 2011 and Grab requirement is only allowing cars from 2011 onwards..
i am still on the fence with the decision of getting a new car, maybe after i have started at the new company i can have a better overview if driving Grab part time is actually something i can do or not..
so ill leave that as KIV for now and to be revisited later in Sept or October.. see how it goes..
4. Social
The last topic for todays post is about my social life, which seems to be non-existent since i started working at Paka..
i dont have time to play volleyball, no time to go hang out with my friends (because I would rather spend the little time I have in KL with my family instead)
but insya-allah it will change once i change company, i can only hope #fingerscrossed
a few days ago, Azhan txt me on whatsapp and asked me the weirdest thing, and we talked about self-love and self acceptance..
so that by itself is a blessing and Alhamdulillah for that..
lastly, i want to say that i am very sad that i would be unable to attend Qayyum's wedding reception on 7/7/2018 because i have to work on that day.
like i said, my social life is non-existent now..
right now the plant PGB GPP6 is having turn around in July and taking leaves is just impossible, not when its not because of something urgent or unavoidable..
furthermore, I have taken 9 days of unpaid leave to go for classes and exams before, so i think its only fair that i work for the whole of July and focus on the shutdown.. Besides, its only for this month, and by August I will be leaving the company already..
so that is all that i have to share for today, until the next rambling and rantings..
Later~~
