VLOG??

hello sumer..

so aku nak citer la kat sini pasal keinginan aku nak start buat vlog.. masa mula2 dulu aku cam nakbuat vlog pasal aku nak tiru si mehayam texas luan legacy tu.. tapi aku ni seorang yg ego so aku pon takda buat.. coz im pretty sure if i were to start it then id be talking like him and its so not me to copy others.. huhu.. im too egoistic for that..

so kat sini aku nak citer la.. haritu time balek keje.. hujan renyai2.. dan aku ikot kesas nak balek ke puchong tu.. sampai la kat simpang ke kinrara tu aku tgk kete kat atas jalan kat kesas tu maacam cilake nyer ramai.. so i decided to take the simpang to kinrara instead.. and little did i know.. because of the rain, the jalan to puchong via kinrara was congested even worse than kesas was...

so pasal da stuck kat jam yg cam haram... i started talking to myself coz i wanted to stay fresh.. it works for me.. to talk to myself when i feel sleepy.. i did that when i was driving to and back from penang a few months back... noel tu membuta da time tu... so aku sorang2 je la bermonolog dalaman katanya...

ok back to my story, aku pon mula bercakap seorang diri.. and it was rather brilliant that the topic that i was rambling about was how i coped up with breakups.. or maybe it was more on my realtionships and breakups since i was f2... untill the most recent.. and also during that time i was my most honest self.. i think that was the time aku citer about everything.. no secrets held.. 

and of coz i was pretending to be telling these stories to someone else... ada la sikit2 feeling2 wardina bercerita kisah2 nabi kepada budak2..

i just thot, had i taped or rcorded myself talking about my past relationships and breakups.. it be a cool video... ok maybe aku je perasan kot..

ok maybe one of these days aku akan cuba cakap balik pasal tu and record it.. tapi rasa cam highly unlikely jer.. passal benda2 camni takleh nak di plan.. takleh nak dipaksa.. what i said the other day while driving in the rain with the radio playing slow romantic songs... it was sooo subtle and perfect for my confessions.. huhu... unplanned... so genuine...

i dont even know what smitten means

ok lame nyer entry ni... da la nak layan masterchef malaysia yaw baru dload... laterz~~~

whats happening to me??

haih la..

starting this post with a question that ive been asking myself for so long.. its probably been years already.. its really mind-boggling to me coz up until now i still dont know the answer.. maybe its not important for me to know what happened but more importantly is to know what i should do about it..

aiyoo.. taktau buah butir terus cakap pasal soalan "whats happening to me?" kan...

well it started just a while ago when i was reading my frens tweets and then i saw this

"
these things don't interest me anymore. i don't know what does. maybe i'm just getting old.
"

haaaa... the same thing happened to me.. but its been years.. even when i was in auckland.. it was as if i'd lost my way.. hmm.. how do i say this without sounding like a total loser or a moron.... i just felt fed up with everything... which is silly coz i havent had everything yet.. there are still so many things i havent tried or tasted in this life so why the hell that i felt so damn old already??

hmmm i dont know what happened... everything just seems so insignificant...  i dont know what is significant anymore.. and thats the problem..

when i was still a student.. passing my exams and obtaining that degree was the purpose of my life.. that was then.. now i feel kinda lost.. dont know what to pursue.. dont know whats worth to pursue.. and even if i know what is it that i want to pursue, i probably dont know how to pursue them.. as of now, what i can think of that i want to pursue is to become rich..

eh motip sgt gambar paris hilton bogel = rich??

but becoming rich is soooo cliche and generic right.. and even if i had all the money in the world, i still have the doubt that the wealth will make me feel content.. maybe it will but i dont know.. its not like a i can choose if want to become rich or not..

haih... that part about being rich is sooo random..

so my point is... i find everything boring now... and i have no idea what to do to get me to feel happy or excited again..

well this begs another question that ive also been trying to aswer... are happiness and excitement two different things?? i suppose they do differ in definition from each other.. but i think excitement is how it begins and happiness is where it ends?? huhu.. im still confused with these two words... maybe need to have discussions with my frens to know what their opinions about this.. perlu ke??

in my mind, i picture happiness as something that is all positive i think...

but for some reason i tend to relate it with something boring.. maybe boredom??... maybe im just used to the idea of 'challenges in life make our live worth living', rather than just having a perfect life (rich, famous, good looking etc)..for example the royalty.. i would think their lives are more boring... maybe im wrong.. but who cares...

and also excitement is not always good u know... excitement is what u feel when ur trying something new... this includes when u meet someone new... but  not everything new is good for us.. it all depends on the circumstances that we're in.. an example would be if u are in a relationship with someone/something and suddenly u felt bored because u think u'r happy now and that ur life is now less challenging.. u think that sucks coz u feel bored and ur also worried that uve settled with just something decent in your life and not something awesome.. so u seek someone/something new coz u know they offer excitement... but later u'll probably lose all the good things that u had before.. and then u are left with nothing but rejection and peoples remorse... and that kinda sucks too... so which is better?? to be happy but kinda bored or to be miserable but excited?? hahaha bodoh nyer soklan ni...

u think there are those who dont choose happiness??

so funny why im burdening my head with all these when obviously they dont matter and are kinda silly as well..

so berbalik kepada the topic asal iaitu "kenapa aku rasa sumer benda bosan and how do i get around with it??"
is it hormonal?? or is it just age?
do i ignore it? do i do something?? and what should i do??

maybe i shouldnt care too much.. im afraid that my life is turning to something of nothingness and insignificance... well maybe that is okay... or maybe i just expected too much from myself... expected myself to achieve higher and better... expected that i would do something in my life that is meaningful and significant that people will remember me by... from where i stand now, i dont see anyway that is gonna happen.. but what do i know.. the future is yet to unfold itself and i think its best that we dont know ...

maybe i should just accept the possibility that i may not achieve the 'breakthru' that will make me who i want myself to be... or maybe it isnt the time yet??? haih la persoalan lagi... tapi mungkin persoalan ini juga bukan something yang aku patut fikirkan buat masa ini...

que serra serra what ever will be will be..

haih... i dont see the point of this entry... apparently its just another self-indulgent rubbish that i produce whenever im thinking about all the unimportant things... its not like im simon cowell or something...

i have MC tomorrow so im not working... what should i do with all the free time eh?? another blog entry??? haaa after this one, that is so highly unlikely la..

ps - i like najwa latiff

pss - i think online dating service sucks

psss - im bored with my iphone and ipad already

what to write??

salam..

sungguh aku taktau apa nak tulis kat sini sekarang.. tapi for some reason i felt macam nak tulis jugak.. mungkin sebab aku sekang takda keje kat umah mak kan.. dan esok raya haji.. hmm.. bapak aku sibuk soh aku pegi surau tolong orang buat korban.. i readlly dont fancy that.. maybe aku pegi la kejap kot.. tp takda la nak potong2 lembu tu kot.. satu pasal aku tak reti dan dua pasal aku taknak.. i just dont feel like it.. and i dont think its good to force it neither.. lebih kalau ikhlas.. haha bukan paksa ikhlas..

ok random.. ttiba je tercakap pasal raya haji dan bapak aku yg sibuk soh aku pi tolong orang surau tu..

hmmm.. aku mmg takda apa nak tulis pon.. memula tadi ada la rasa cam nak tulis pasal kenangan kat auckland.. to reminisce old times when i was there.. aku ada terbaca dalam blog seseorang dan die ada cakap pasal that junction between national bank nz and starbuck.. and sumer memory tu datang like a rush and i saw myself teary eyed.. huhu.. bukan nyer niat nak kenang kembali dan bersedih benda2 ni.. tapi it is apart of me and it will always be there.. untuk teringat kembali benda2 ni isnt a choice but to bersedih or be happy about them is our choice and i choose to be happy.. and i am happy that they happened..

ok enough with that..

so i also pondered for a while.. what is it in my life that i feel worthy to be written here now.. i could talk about how my frens invited me to go to tambun for lepak2 and capeks bachelor party katanya.. they just include me in their conference so thats how i knew.. but i still havent said anything there.. mungkin aku akan join mungkin tidak.. i still cannot decide that now..

aku juga ada pikir pasal how lame my job is compared to others.. but thats old news already so i choose not to talk about that now..

ok aku cakap aku taknak compare about my job to others but that doesnt mean i wont talk about my job at all.. because honestly right now.. at this point of my life my job is my life.. i know that sounds so sad but its the truth.. tapi takpe.. like i said my job isnt all bad.. kalau kita focus kat benda2 buruk so kita akan nampak buruk je la.. and often we forget ada je benda2 best dalam satu2 benda tu..

i really enjoy working when im with my frens.. alip, shah, raden, eric, jan, hapis.. they are my family now coz i see them everyday.. huhu.. and at times i do feel happy being around them despite the sucky job that we have.. and bila tensionn pasal keje atleast we have each other to complaint and whine to.. hahaha... and of coz the most popular topic is our boss si chan tu la.. pasal hes soooo... haih i dont know what word to use... lets just say, all of us feel the same way towards him and its not a good feeling..

hahaha... now that im thinking about work and how stupid and foolishly funny about  us is that we have created a few words of jargon that we say to each other and laugh about.. huhu...battery tester la.. disneyland la.. cucuk la..rotan la..bertongtong la.. ntah byk lagi la tak igt aku da..
i know my frens dont read my blog.. but issokey coz i do read my blog.. and even if they dont remember all these sweet memories that we have.. i will remember for all of us.. huhu

ok i m really running out of idea what to write about here.. akhir kata.. selamat hari raya aidiladha dan semoga raya kali ni ramai umat islam yg mendapat manfaat terbaik dari nya.. insyaallah..