Lets vent!!

At the start of the day I was feeling okay, nothing in particular that is making me feeling unease or unhappy…

Then I turned on my laptop and open web browser and saw one of the bookmarks I have which is the iecex cert website, then I went on to search Aida’s name and there it was… her name is there… she is certified and I am not… then I was reminded of the problem I had with regards to my own certification… and that made me feel so down and perhaps upset…

I don’t know what I should do… I probably should inform my boss if this, but I just don’t want to… its making me feel ashamed sort of… that I failed the iecex practical test… which is more frustrating to me is when the training provider didn’t even bother to inform me that I had failed…

Maybe I will txt him again, coz I think I did pass the 001 atleast…

Enough of being upset… its still early in the morning and I don’t want my whole day to get ruined because of something silly such as this…

Next topic… Proton perdana 2.0…

This is such a random, and probably impulsive decision… I had made a booking to try to purchase a new car… proton person of the year 2018… I went to lotus bandar baru bangi for some groceries shopping and I saw the car there, decided to have a look and it was inexplicable thing that pushed me to actually made the booking for the car… the booking is RM100, and the car dealer will assist to apply for loan for the car… if not approved then I will get the RM100 back… if approved, I get the car…

I don’t know if it’s a good thing and I have doubts coz it will be a new loan for the hire purchase, something that I feel I should undertake at this point of time…

But u know what, if its meant to be it will be… if it isn’t, then its also okay… if the loan is somehow approved and I get a new car, I will sell the axia, which I believe can give me approximately 10k… with the extra cash, I can clear my credit card debt, or I can just use it to splurge… lolz… probably the former…

Moving on to the next thing on my mind…

My wife received an invitation to apply for Sr HR position at Vertiv… well this is good news… I hope she gets the job… I don’t know if it is a good job, but I can only pray that her new work would be better… come to think of it, any job would be better than the one she currently has… here is hoping…

I don’t even want to elaborate on why I said that… suffice to say that her colleagues and boss are from hell… so I really hope she finds a better a job… not necessarily a better salary, just a better job in terms of the people and work environment… coz honestly, with our current living arrangement, with 10k/month for the household is already enough in my opinion…

Ok.. lets move on to the next one… Grab driver…

Last night I did grab again… its been 4 or 5 months I have on hiatus.. just because I didn’t feel like doing it… last Friday I did after the 5 months pause, and last night I did again…

I have to say the customer demand at bangi area is not as high as bukit jalil… most of the time I just waited for the ping… then I decided to drive up north to be near KL, then I managed to make 5 bookings there, which amounted to ~RM50… I know its not much but its better to have something than nothing…

Last Friday I made ~RM90… not bad I guess…

I don’t know if I will do again tonight… I will have to see if I will be in the mood or not… I want to, but I feel like my wife doesn’t want me to work tonight… coz she said it will be better for me to do during weekend so I can get more, coz I will be doing longer hours during the day…

My issue with weekend is that I don’t like driving during the day coz its hot… I prefer driving at night coz it is much relaxing and easy… I actually enjoy driving while my Desperate Housewives are playing on my car android player… huhu…

Ok next topic… bonus and increment…

Last week I had my performance review with my boss, which in my opinion went quite okay… nothing bad in particular… I don’t know how my performance is in his eyes… but I feel like I am meeting all the expectations, except on the renewable energy section…

I don’t really have high expectations or hopes with regards to the bonus or increment… I think I will get some, but I know better not to have really high expectations…

I am just so excited to be getting the extra cash from the bonus payment… same like the extra cash that I will get from selling my axia, I will use it to clear my credit card debt, and all the other debts, whichever applicable…

Hahaha… its such a grown up thing kan…

And I want to take my family to eat seoul garden… its been quite some time since our last seoul garden buffet…

Next grown up topic that I feel excited to share is about the Renewable Energy Technical Day…

Last week, my bosses boss Ir Dr Petter gave a talk on Renewable Energy… I enjoyed his presentation thoroughly…

He talked about the why, how, what etc.. he touched on the 1.5 degC by year 2100, the paris agreement, policy on banning ICE, reducing CO2 level, CCUS, Fuel Cell Vehicle, H2 production, Green Energy… In the 2.5 hours of his presentation, not once that I felt bored… I was so engaged and I have even more respect toward him… I also happen to care for our Earth just as much and quite aware of the importance to have Green Energy etc… so Go Green!!

On an unrelated topic, a few nights before, I watched a documentary on Netflix which talked about the meat industry in the US, and how the cow cattle ranches are producing so much CH4, which is a Green House Gas that contributes to Global warming…

After watching the documentary, I feel like being a vegan is such a good thing… but I don’t know if I can go vegan all the way… I love cheese so much…

They have cheese alternatives in the US, which is made from nuts, perhaps almond, but I don’t know if we have that in Malaysia… perhaps in a few more years we will…

Maybe when I am older and financially more stable, I will opt to being a vegan… coz believe it or not, being a vegan aint cheap yall…. 

I think that is all for now… till next time… daaa~~~ 

Kemurungan sikit... tapi takmo la dwell in it...

 

20230724 1100

 

Lately ni rasa macam selalu pulak mengalami kemurungan… although I don’t think that I am facing a major depression episode, but it still sucks…

The first thing, or the main reason that I believe is the major contributor to me feeling depressed is due to the fact that I had just been scammed… I lost about RM300 to the scammer… and I was about to get angry at my wife because apparently she had the similar experience before, but she never told me, never warned me… and I felt quite angry because she didn’t…. then I took a step back and really evaluate the situation, I really shouldn’t blame her, because this was my mistake, and blaming other people is just unhealthy and will not solve the problem…

After being scammed, feeling sad and angry, I understand why she was reluctant or didn’t want to talk to me about it… I feel the same way too… because its not a pleasant thing and I would not want to relive the experience, nor talk about it… so I understand why she didn’t tell me…

But I think its good to talk about it, so we could move on and also warn others to not be the next victims…

Anyhoot, I think I am pretty much over my sadness or upset feeling about the getting scammed incident… I just want to move on…

Next…

The last weekend I was feeling very gloomy and not in the mood for anything… I still do actually, but I really don’t want to dwell in it too long, coz I know it don’t bring me any good…

over the weekend i didnt do much, spent most of the time at home, or in bed... which is the typical behavior of depressed people... not sure on the level of severity though coz today i got up and went to work... hopefully, it will go away soon... 

Next... of being jealous or envious and feeling sad of own self....

This morning I found out that a friend of mine had just gotten a new job, and I can only assume it comes with a better bigger paycheck, and the first thing that came to mind was that I was feeling envious and kinda sad, thinking of my position at the moment, it is far behind my other friends…

I know its unhealthy to compare yourself to others, I guess its one of those times when syaitan will come to you and start whispering, putting unpleasant thoughts into your mind, so you would feel bad and not grateful with what you have in your life…

Again, just be positive, and be happy for the friend… it’s the right and the better thing to do, rather than to feel bad and jealous of others’ successes.

And we need to always count our blessings kan, and to remember that what we have now, the position that we are currently in, this is what is best for us at the moment, and insyaallah when the time comes, when the time is right, we too will get to experience success… just keep doing what you do, and work hard, and make doa, insyaallah our time will come… lagi satu, success is not only measured by the amount of money that you have, it is different to different people… surely I am successful in other aspects kan…. As long as we are happy and content and grateful with ourselves, that is also a measure of success if you ask me….

And also if the type of success that you crave doesn’t come, that’s fine to… surely we have other things to be grateful for… surely Allah is fair…

 

Oklah da malas nak bebel banyak2… nanti tulis lagi… toodles~~

bual sikit lah...

 

I think I am becoming more and more emotional these days… maybe a little bit too sensitive…

Easily get sad or unnecessarily troubled by things that are in my head…

1stly, about my relationship with my kids…

I don’t know but I dread the day that they no longer want to play with me…

I just get so sad thinking that there will come a day that would be the last for me to pick them up and carry them on my hip…

I am very close to my daughters… and soon enough they will grow up and I can no longer do the things I do with them now, like carrying them on my shoulder… or taking them to bath… I am such a clingy dad… is it because I love them too much?? And that’s not wrong or bad now, is it?

I just hate the feeling that everyday the day that they will stop being my little girls is coming nearer and nearer… oh my god I am such a mess…

I know I should just cherish and appreciate it all now… but I don’t want it to end… am I being greedy??

 

Ok enough about that… heres another sad thing on my mind…

About 3 weeks ago, a friend of mine Tengkuk (maybe not a friend but an acquaintance) suffered the loss of his wife, after battling cancer for 13 years…

I know I am not that close to tengkuk or his wife but I just get sad of the news…

I cant help but to reflect it upon my life… I don’t know how I will ever be able to face life should the same were to happen to me… honestly, I feel like my will for this life will be gone as well… having to bury your spouse is possibly the single most painful thing in the world… am reminded of when Shuib the comedian had to bury his wife, whom he lost to Covid, about 2 years ago…

Oh yes I cried, although I don’t know them personally but I couldn’t help but to feel sad too…

 

I know that life has got to go on, but it will be sooo freakin difficult… I don’t want to even think about it, coz I cant…

 

Ada lagi sorang facebook friend, dia shared about her son yg warded sebab ada masalah pernafasan apa tah… dan keadaan dia agak kritikal juo…

I just cannot because I keep imagining what if its my child… so sebab aku taknak tengok post tu, aku pun unfollow that friend… huhu…

Iols so cannot la when it comes to kids…

 

Ok lets move on to the next thing on my mind… about this year raya…

I feel like this year raya is the least festive in my life.. I think, the only day that felt like raya is the 1^st day… lepas tu rasa macam cuti biasa je… theres no kemeriahan raya despite the long holiday… is it because I am getting old??

Balik pekan nenas pun xda beraya mana2 pun… was it because of the heat?? Panas nak mam kan sekarang…

After balik KL, I had several open house invitations but I just didn’t feel like going pulak… ada yg aku lupa, ada yg aku tak rapat so I would rather not go… huhu.. all in all raya was such a meh…

 

Ok next… iphone

Since the incident befallen onto my iphone 13, and the shattering of the back screen, I have been wanting to buy a new iphone… tapi sampai sekarang x beli2 sebab mcm membazir pun ada… coz this phone can still function, despite some minor nuisance due to the dead pixel issue…

Bila jalan2 mall je mesti rasa mcm nak angkat je iphone, bayar la guna credit card yg boleh buat installment tu kan.. tapi lepas tu mesti akan second guess, do I really need to buy it now or should I just wait for iphone 15??

Lepas da balik rumah, meratip balik lepas tengok phone sekarang yg agak sedih ni… huhu.. x faham kan…

 

Ok next… debt consolidation…

I have already submitted all the requested documents… I hope it all goes well, and by the end of the month, should be okay kot… dapat la mengurangkan monthly commitment aku…

I know it the long run memang rugi sbb dia extend the tenure and I had to pay consultation fee 10% tu…. Tapi I care more about the reduced monthly commitment tu… dalam 500+ jugak dapat reduced… so aku proceed je la…

Lagi satu yg aku boleh buat to reduce my monthly commitment is to stop the takaful for my parents…

Yes mmg rugi sbb da setahun lebih jugak bayar… tapi kalau da tak mampu nak buat caner kan… lagipun takaful utk parents tu more like a saving je… bukan nyer pampasan hibah utk ganti gaji tu… yang tu takleh nak stop la…

 

Ok next thing…. New car…

Sebab nye my wife said kereta bmw x1 tu cantik… and I looked it up.. wow cantik sangat ni… terus rasa mcm nak angkat satu… tapi maybe lagi 5 tahun baru mampu kot… hoho… semoga tercapai hasrat nak beli kereta bmw ni…

Besides that, I have also checked out kia Cerrato 2023 yang cun sangat tu… review pun bagus… itu pun kena tunggu 3 tahun lagi baru boleh angkat la kot.. sekarang nak focus kat house renovation je dulu… guna je lah kereta yg ada ni dulu… Cuma tak salah pun nak pasang angan angan awal kan…

 

 

Next… training iecex inspector…

Last 2 week training tu… all in all, memang best dan sangat berguna aku rasa… Cuma penat sikit nak menjawab exam tu… ada 3  exam, each exam was 4 hours long…

Agak tepu jugak kepala ni… pastu penat dia takleh nak dibawak bincang sbb naik motor panas2 tu… rasa macam sangat demanding, especially at my age…

the training costed close to 12k and of course la aku kena bond dengan company ni kan for 4 freaking years... but its okay... i have no intention to change company pun buat masa ni... maybe aku akan keje sini sampai retired kot... why not... its a good company kan...

Next… new gym?

Gym yg CF kat endah parade tu ok je tapi its quite far from my house… sekarang ni rasa macam nak ambik membership yg dekat anytime fitness yg dekat tropika bukit jalil tu, its like 5 minutes from my house… tapi dia mahal sikit kot… yang CF tu dia bagi aku discounted price, RM155/month sbb sebelum ni aku dah join situ...
yang anytime ni kalau x silap aku dia RM189 per month... I think I will go ask about the membership this Friday la.. masa hari yg wfh nanti… kalau nak ambik pun maybe for 6 month je sebab aku dah nak pindah bangi kan…

semalam aku gigih pergi jogging pusing area rumah ni jer... memang best dapat mengeluarkan peluh... tapi harini mcm sakit2 badan dan rasa sengal2 pulak... adoi... sangat tidak fit...

tapi aku memang nak repeat lagi sbb aku suka berpeluh ni... maybe not tonight... maybe esok lusa... night runs are fun!!

oklah dah taktau nak bual apa dah... baik aku buat keje yg melambak ni... toodaloo~~

 

Hidup ini Banyak Ujian... Also some random stories...

 

20230119 0900

So right now I am at office. Yes, I have several tasks to do but I cannot focus on them now.

I feel sad and gloomy.

This morning I got a txt from my sister in our family Whatsapp group. She told us that her newborn Khairatun Hana, who was born on 31^st December 2022 had been diagnosed with a genetic disease called Patau’s Syndrome.

Its very rare and honestly, I have never heard of this genetic disease before.

My sister shared the article below in the whatsapp group.

https://hellodoktor.com/keibubapaan/kesihatan-anak/penyakit-berjangkit/sindrom-patau-pada-bayi-punca-simptom-dan-rawatan/

and upon reading it, my heart sank. I was just so lost for words. To say that I was feeling sad is an understatement. I can’t imagine how she and her husband must be feeling right now. Of course, my thoughts and prayers to both of them.

I dont know why but I feel this enormous love for the little girl... maybe because I love my own daughter Aishah Sofea so much, that I cant help but to love my niece just as much... I just have an abundance of love for baby girls...

I know it could be something that is uncalled for, but I am someone who always wants to see the silver lining in everything, to try to find the hikmah in every trial and challenge that we face in life.

The first that came to mind is that I know that Khairatun is an Anak Syurga, and quite honestly knowing that she belongs in heaven gives me some comfort.

I can’t help but to wonder why Allah test us? I am pretty sure I have heard of the reasoning before in the majlis ceramah agama somewhere but I couldn’t think of any, so I googled and looked it up… and I found the articles below, and it was like a slap to my face, how could I have not known that it’s a sign of God’s love for us.

https://harakahdaily.net/index.php/2021/06/03/kenapa-kita-diuji/

https://www.hmetro.com.my/rencana/2021/12/792216/ujian-daripada-allah-tanda-sayangkan-hamba-nya#:~:text=Tegasnya%2C%20apabila%20Allah%20SWT%20mengasihi,kecintaan%20Allah%20SWT%20kepada%20kita.

I guess what is happening right now is a great reminder to me and my family, to always count our blessings…

Yes, its easier said than done but, we must always have faith that the tests that Allah will never give us more than what we can bear…

Oklah, enough of sad stuff… lets change the topic and talk about something else.

Lets talk about work… what a boring subject, but its on my mind and I see why not…

So basically I was due for the confirmation of employment 2 weeks ago and I had sat down with my boss to discuss about my performance and confirmation.

He was saying all good up until that one time I was caught looking at my phone, watching videos during office hours.

And because of that he wants to extend my probation period for another 3 months.

I was upset of course... because to me, that is just stupid. I didn’t even try to deny the accusation because it was true. Sometimes when at work, I get bored and I would look at my phone for a few minutes before resuming work.

I personally think that as long as it does not interfere with my work, it should be something that is acceptable. No big deal!!

But according to my boss, it was someone else who saw me watching the videos and it was not a good thin, as it might impact their perception or make them think bad of me and the team yadayada...

Honestly, I just couldn’t care less, and I really didn’t want to argue. At least, I know there is no issue with regards to my work performance, despite me always being clueless of what I have to do at work.

Well apparently, I am doing okay on the technical aspect of my work.

On the disciplinary matter, it is something so easy to rectify. So I just have to suck it up and wait for another 3 months for the confirmation.

As usual, looking for the silver lining… I suppose its good that I got the extension so I will not be able to apply for the personal loan/debt consolidation just yet. Else, I would have spent the spare money on forex or something useless. I am hopeless when it comes to managing my finances...

On another note, I was checking my personal email yesterday and saw this email from Linkedin about a job opportunity, a position of Senior E&I Engineer at NOV... I really wasn't planning to apply but I kept on clicking my mouse and before I know it, I had submitted the job application.

Lolz... truly, it was something I hadn't planned... and I have zero expectation whatsoever... but its fun to just berangan you know... berangan in English is day-dream... its free anyway...

I just couldn't help but to think what if I got the job?? it would definitely be a blessing and something i desperately need especially if it comes with a better paycheck... My family could really use a big helping of pay increase and extra money...

Speaking of money, right now my wife and I are struggling financially trying to save money for the new house renovation... I had collected the key from early December 2022 btw...

From the quotations from contractors and budget estimation that we have done, we need about Rm40k to complete everything that we plan to do.

But for the purpose of just moving in, I suppose RM30k would be enough already and after scraping everything, from all the sources available, we estimated that our savings could go up to RM32k, barely enough for the moving in but that would make us vulnerable should anything bad were to happen kan…

It is a scary thing but theres no use to worry about it too much… lets just take it day by day and cross the bridge when the time comes…

Right now, I should focus on completing the defect inspection report, that i need to upload on the IOI Support apps to get the developer IOI to start on the defect rectification work.

That needs to happen before any renovation work takes place...

Owh btw, this Friday we plan to buy all the LED lights and ceiling fan as I want to try to install them at the new house during the weekend. Its a long weekend as Monday and Tuesday will be public holiday too due to CNY. I have never tried installing ceiling fans before so its going to be a challenge, but a challenge I am ready to accept and over nonetheless... I am sure Youtube can offer all the videos I need to learn for the installation.

Back to the topic of money & income, I had already applied to become a grab driver again. I plan to do it part time for the extra income.

Oh My God!! It is such a hassle to re-apply this time around. I had to attend a face-to-face training, costed RM80. Then I had to do medical checkup, another RM80. Then I had to go to JPJ for the application of PSV license, costing another Rm30. Then I had to submit all the documents.

I have done all that, now waiting for Grab to process and give me the EVP number.

In all honesty, I have already forgotten how to do this grab driver thingy. The last time that I did grab was in January of 2018, that is 5 years ago.

But fret now, I am sure I can always ask grab or just attend some refresher training from Grab should I need it. I plan to start doing grab in February. And I plan to do it at night and during the weekend, with expectation to earn about Rm500 per month.

I don’t want to expect too much, I think its better to be more reasonable and target something that is attainable, so I don’t get frustrated and quit easily…. Hahaha…

Owh, I am suddenly reminded of the trading training that I had last week via zoom.

It was by WR Trader and I paid RM100 for the training, if not mistaken.

It was a 2.5 day online training and I believe what I gathered during the session is worth the RM100 that I spent.

Initially I thought that FCPO trading is something that can be done if you have small capital and fund but boy was I so wrong.

From the trainer’s explanation of the trading mechanics, it is estimated that one must have at least RM30k to do the trading comfortably. And this Rm30k should be something that you are willing to lose, a spare Rm30k in your savings that you can afford to spend.

Upon hearing that, my face went like this

But I know and understand why the need for such an extravagant capital, as the cost per point is RM25, and the chart movement per day is 200 – 250 points. You can’t expect having a few hundreds RM would suffice, can you??

But you know what, maybe one fine day when I have the extra money to spend, I will give it a try on the FCPO trading… but until that day comes, bye bitch!!!

Last night I had a weird dream, I went to the UK with dino and Erwan and we had hamburgers there. It was such a weird and random dream.

I have never been to the UK, and in the dream, the weather was rainy and gloomy, and it reminded me of Auckland at times… especially during winter...

Anyway, after ordering the burgers, I realized that I didn’t have any cash with me and I tried paying using my credit card but the transaction couldn’t go thru, needed some authorizations or something… and my phone doesn’t work as I didn’t have a UK simcard… so I had to borrow from Dalino some cash to pay for the burger… Dalino was behaving quite outlandish, almost like a robot and he suddenly fell head down to the pavement… so random kan???

Then I planned to visit Ali in Manchester and looked at the maps and it was a 9-hours drive from the hamburger place… then I woke up… speechless, I was dumbfounded by the randomness of that dream.

Another random story, last night I watched Puss in Boots the Last Wish. I had downloaded the movie from YTS a few days ago and only had the chance to watch it with my family last night.

All in all, it’s a good family and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Owh, another random sharing here… My wife had given birth to our 3^rd child on 20^th October 2022, after about 60 days after the baby only we had our husband & wife thing…

So weirdly, she is yet to bleed, yet to have her menstrual cycle. Both my wife and I are quite scared and thought of the possibility that maybe another bun is in the oven after only 3 months of the 3^rd childbirth… so this morning she took a pregnancy test and it was a single line. 

Truth be told, I didn’t know what to expect. If it was meant to be, then I will accept and love the child, albeit being a huge challenge…

But now after knowing the results of the pregnancy test, I feel kind of sad… and thinking of Khairatun, it makes me even sadder…

But sad I must not continue to be… she is an Anak Syurga, so Alhamdulillah for that… I hope I get the chance to meet and hold her before anything bad happens... insyallah!!

Oklah, enough of random stories… lets try to do some work today and be productive, shall we??

Till next time… toodles~~