Thursday 29 December 2022

i like to bebel

 

20221230 0900

 

So today I feel like venting, and I will use English today for the entire post, just because I feel like I need the practice. It has been quite some time for me to just dwell in my feelings and express them in English.

For some reason, I am more comfortable to vent in English… it feels more organic…

Regarding work, i have some work that I am yet to complete, but I will do that after… now, is ranting and venting time…

I was talking to Dalino yesterday and he mentioned about him losing passion in his job… basically, he got bored from doing the same thing over and over and there is no more aspiration and no motivation, maybe, to pursue something bigger.

I was shocked coz I have always thought of him as someone who is ambitious and someone who strives to become the best in whatever he does, so hearing him say that took me by surprise… well I guess, that’s just life eh…

Now let’s do the same and I will try to relate the situation to my own.

Well, I have been feeling that for ages now… I have suffered from the lack of motivation from the very beginning of my career.

Truth be told, I have never had a job that I enjoy doing thoroughly and needless to say, I have been feeling like all these while I had just been slaving myself just to earn a living… and sadly, I feel like I have never really contributed to the society in a significant manner, none at all…

I know when I put it that way, it sounds super harsh and kind of humiliating… but that’s just how it is…

Of course, I wish I could be doing something that I enjoy for money… the problem with that, I just don’t know what that something is…

One huge problem of mine is that I get bored easily. Even when I am good at something and, I will have a go at it and make some real progress, promising future, then I just get bored, and I quit.

I acknowledge that as my flaw/weakness, but I don’t know how to better it.

And at times I feel like there is no need for me to strive and struggle to change something like that. I just can’t be bothered.

Well, I guess the best way to handle the situation is to find a job that I really enjoy doing, something that I will not get tired of… and until that happens, slave away bij!

There is something that I quite like doing, but yet to reach a point of giving me ecstasy, that is trading.

For some weird reason I quite like it, not that I am good at it… but I just can’t seem to get enough of it, despite having experienced significant losses in the past, I just can’t quite, maybe I don’t know how to quite, neither do I want to…

I guess this means that I should pursue it, am I right? At least I know that I will not outgrow it, not become bored with it… fingers crossed…

and to that effect, I have registered for the webinar next week to learn about FCPO trading, which is shariah compliant… and I also noticed that the chart is available on TradingView so I can make use of the OBA indicator for the FCPO chart as well…

Let’s just be hypothetical and imagine that I will become very good at trading, thus generating significant income from doing it, what will happen then?? Will I be doing it full time and quit my day job at BV?

I can’t say for sure, but I am more inclined to say no to that… I feel like having an office, 9-5 job is something I have always known since the beginning, and from past experience I know of how important it is… so Its hard for me to simply quit, although as I said, there are days that I feel like I am slaving myself for some dollars… quitting is not the best option, in my opinion.

But to answer the hypothetical, and based on what I know and what I have experienced, I am not going to quit my job coz I feel like the trading can be done part-timely…

I believe a good trader don’t need to be glued to the monitor screen 24/7 analyzing chart and whatnot.

From what I learned, a good trader must be smart at choosing the timing to enter the market, and even more important is money management… coz losing is simply unavoidable.

Money management is important… that is to know when to cut loss and to move on, and wait for the next entry point…

Wow, I sound like a pro already…

But seriously, this is what I feel like my calling is… what I am meant to do with my life… and it’s something that I enjoy doing… so why not pursue it?? Yes I will!!! And I will get better!!! And I will become rich!!! LOLZ

And speaking of things that I like doing. I also want to to try the shopee business as well… although that seems like a lot of work… also I want to be a property agent selling condos too…

At times I feel like I often bite more than I can chew, and as a result, I need to pick and choose what to pursue and what to abandon.

Damn!!

Well, I think that is enough talk of money already…

Since its 2 days to the new year, lets just list down a few NY resolutions…. Not that I will adhere by them, but it is good to have something that I can refer to, in case if I feel lost, and numb about life…

1.       To exercise more, and to be more consistent. I know this is such a cliché NY resolution, but I cant discredit its importance… and even more important is that I really want to do it…

2.       To be more financially savvy… that means to be more responsible on how I spend my $$$. To stop doing impulsive shopping (bye bye shopee) and to start having some money saved.

3.       To explore on how to attain my P.Eng qualification.

4.       To cook more.

5.       To read a book.

I don’t want to list so much coz it will serve no purpose anyway, I will not be able to fulfill them if there are too many resolutions. So for this time around, 5 is plenty.

 until next time... daa~~

 

 

Thursday 22 December 2022

malasnyer nak keje

 

20221223 0900

Awal2 pagi lagi dah rasa sangat x motivated to do any work… rasa macam ada je keje yang perlu disiapkan but I am just not in the mood right now…

Could it be because I didn’t sleep well last night??

For some reason I just couldn’t, despite being sleepy quite early…

So here I am, ranting and venting my feelings… its my way of decluttering my thoughts… I am honestly unsure why I feel like my mind is so jumbled up, and I don’t exactly know what thought exactly is in there… I just feel kind of claustrophobic but in my head…

So anyway, besides feeling extremely lazy and not in the mood, I also feel quite sad, I guess its due to my financial state at the moment… I feel so stupid for feeling this way… oftentimes I tell myself that being broke does not necessarily equal being sad… but right now I find it hard to agree with my own reassurance…

But I know I shouldn’t dwell in the sadness for it will not benefit me in any way… so instead lets focus on other things, shall we?

Do I want to talk about work? Not necessarily

Work is work, nothing new and nothing interesting… I am just getting by…

I did the performance review yesterday, to which I feel like I only meet the expectation, instead of exceeding them… so I think its fair…

Other than that I have also searched for training courses that I would like to join in 2023 and I have shared them with my boss.. and a discussion session is already scheduled next week with him and my other teammate… I hope it will be smooth sailing with regards to this…

Other than that, I just want to say here that I feel lonely at work… I really am on my own and friendless here… this would usually not bother me so much coz I actually like the solitude… but here, somehow I don’t like it too much… macam bodoh jugak kan… but macam tu lah manusia kan, always wanting something that we don’t have, but once we get it, then rasa menyesal dan tak best pulak…

I should really just appreciate it I think… this being alone and having no one to bother me… its actually a blessing and I should just brush this feeling aside… just remind myself that I actually enjoy it…

I don’t want people to think that I am being arrogant actually…

But u know what… pergi mampus kau lah kalau nak fikir aku sombong ke whatever… to hell with u la kan… why should I care if u want to think that?? Why should I bother make u feel a certain type of way about me… u want to think that I am a snobbish person, then by all means go ahead… I know I am not…

I just cant be bothered to care about anything or anyone right now… I should really just focus on what I want and what I need…

Oklah enough about work… next topic!!

Owh semalam I watched the movie spilt gravy on rice on Netflix… the one with Rahim razali tu… I saw harith Iskandar posted a clip of the movie on his ig last week… I actually quite enjoy the movie, its different and sangat open yer… talking about LGBT and drag queens… but mostly I think the movie just nak portray the lives of a modern malay family, who speaks English and always critical of one another…

I believe the movie was made in year 2011 but never made it to local cinema la kan, due to its nature yg depicts too many controversial and sensitive issues in Malaysia.. also on the governance, politics, religions, racial, child abuse/molestation some more…

Oklah, rasanya that’s about it, malas pulak nak cerita banyak2… as movie I give it 4 star la… walaupun ada je benda2 yg macam cringey but its fine…

 

Existential Crisis

https://www.betterup.com/blog/what-is-an-existential-crisis

I don’t remember how but I came across the article in the line above and I must say that it describes what I am feeling to a tee sangat… also on the ways to cope with the cirisis… its definitely looking at mental problem from a different perspective, other than being of depressive in nature… and how common the issue is nowadays…

So nothing much pun nak cerita kat sini… I hope that I will always remain grateful for the things I have and for this life la…

Ok I want to go back to the topic of financial crisis that I am currently in… I think it could be a blessing in disguise jugak actually… for when I am broke like I am at the moment, there will be no chance for me to to waste money on unnecessary things la… so I think that’s a good thing la kan…

Haiyooo stress pulak aku dengan this new EA that I purchased from shopee last week… asyik2 lost je bila open new position…

Tapi aku pun dah told myself that I don’t want to kacau the EA and I will only check on its performance by end of the year… and all I can do is to cross my fingers, semoga dapat banyak profit.. dah la EA tu mahal… I bought it at Rm177 yer… haiyoo… but I actually like its functionality yang ada SL, and that will prevent MC… tapi kalau semua position yang kau bukak asyik loss jer lama2 kau MC jugak kan jahanam… haiyooo

Stress pulak aku..

Adakah ini antara punca aku mengalami perasaan existential crisis ni??? Because this EA is not performing like how I had hoped it would… duh!!

Just let it go already la… maybe ada hikmah nyer tu…

Okla aku dah malas nak bebel, till next time…~~