Sedikit coretan dan bebelan...

 

20220607 0820

 

Its been quite a while since my last post.. ada la beberapa perkara yg berlaku tapi aku mcm malas dan takda masa nak update.. juo aku rasa mcm xda motivasi nak update.. but today is different.. when I woke up I had this feeling mcm nak meluahkan something.. nak bercerita.. and if I’m being honest, theres no other person or means that I think is better than my old blog for me to vent and talk about all the randomest things in my life.. so without further ado, here they go..

 

1.       Contract Ending but still no offer

 

It’s something that’s troubling me of course and I have mixed feelings about this..

On one side I feel like it will do me some good to take some time out and just unwind.. but unfortunately since money is tight, I just cant afford to.. so not having another offer is definitely worrying.. but I know I shouldn’t dwell in the worry but to keep applying and checking jobsites for new openings..

Nothing much that I can say about it, I just worry and I pray that I will not give up and a new offer will surface soon.. insyallah

 

2.       Apply keje semula dekat powerware

 

2 weeks ago I submitted an application to rejoin PWS, and the new HR called me for a phone interview and I felt like it went well.. then she sent an email for me to rank my ability on technical matters.. some I knew and some I didn’t.. I just answered them all honestly…

Last week Friday I sent an email to follow, to which she replied that she will check with the hiring manager..

 The idea of rejoining PWS is not my first choice TBH but I know I can do the job..

The reason that I am reluctant to join is because I’ve done it before and I am worried that I might get bored easily.. but beggars cant be choosers kan.. so just suck it up la and just do the damn thing…

 

I don’t know why but I just have this feeling that they don’t want me back pun.. the reason that the HR called me was because she doesn’t know me.. but all the senior people there know me and I feel like I am not wanted there.. so that’s that.. but whatever it is, I will just accept.. and as per what I said before.. to never give up…

 

3.       Interview with AEG Singapore and the idea of PJJ

Also happened last week, I had a teams call interview with AEG, the 1^st one with the global recruiter but I am not sure where he’s from, probably Germany because of his accent..

Then the 2^nd interview with the team from SG..

Just now I checked my email and saw an update for this application, an auto reply from linkedin..

“Unfortunately we will not proceed yadayada…”

Honestly I feel disappointed but I just have to keep going la kan..

Maybe its for the best.. if I got offered the position, there are still so many uncertainties..

1^st being the technical aspect of the job, having to learn about UPS systems and I feel like I am just too old to learn new things.. I am not opposed to learning them though, I just know that it’s going to be challenging..

2^nd being that the position is in SG and I would have to be away from my family, its definitely something that I don’t look forward to… but like I said before, beggars can be choosers kan… if I got the job and had to do PJJ with my family I guess I will just have to do it la.. but now I know its not happening, so its fine.. why bother pun kan..

3^rd being the condition that I am now, I just know that its quite impossible for me to work there.. I don’t want to elaborate further because, what’s the point pun kan…

But just to share la, I had thought about how my life was going to be, doing PJJ, having to travel often and only go back home once every 2 3 months, being single away.. far from my wife and kids.. I guess its for the best kan.. the idea of being away for long period of time from my family is not what I want pun…

4.       Nak jadi artis boleh x??

Kalau dah susah2 sangat takda keje boleh x nak jadi artis je.. jadi pelakon ke.. walaupun aku tahu aku ni hauk.. but 10-15 years ago, I had the confidence that I could become an actor.. but now not anymore.. and being a 35 yo male I know that I shouldn’t underestimate the challenges and the difficulties of becoming an actor… I don’t know why I even talk about it here.. maybe just to share something on my mind jer..

But…

If the opportunity comes, I will give it a try… at this point, why decline?? Why say that I wont be able to do it before even trying it.. I aint got nothing to lose pun kan… definitely, if an opportunity comes, I will try.. huhu berangan much…

Sama la macam apply2 keje engineering ni jugak… banyak je positions yg aku dah apply and I am not confident if I will be able to perform… but then I realize, kenapa aku mesti discount my own ability?? Kenapa aku sendiri yg tidak percaya dengan kebolehan diri aku dan nak be negative.. without even trying…

So sedari itu aku akan apply ajer mana2 positions yg aku rasa mcm ada seakan2 dekat dengan field aku walaupun ada je benda2 yg aku tak tau dan tak pernah dengar sebelum ni… huhu…

So moral of the story is… jangan sabotage diri sendiri!!!

5.       XAUUSD still floating

Sebelum ni when it was going good I had always this thought of quitting my job and just rely on the money I can get from this auto-trading thingy.. now that its not going so good I feel so shitty.. and about the same time la jugak that I found out that my contract won’t be extended.. memang menguji kan..

I don’t know what else I can say about this thing pun..

But I think one good thing that happened during this floating thingy was last month when it the chart came crashing.. I had made an estimation that my capital was able to withstand the drop of gold until 1835.. imagine how scary it was when it actually dropped beyond that.. until 1790++ ok dia turun…

One thing that I learn is that in order for me to stay being alive and not MC was to open a sell position that’s the same amount with the total amount of all the buy positions.. so regardless of how low the position gets, the amount floating will remain.. that had saved my capital.. but now the chart had gone up, the floating amount remains at negative… huhu.. I should’ve closed the Sell position when it went up but I didn’t know if it was gonna continue going up or revert down.. kalau salah Langkah je habis la MC nnt.. huhu… nangis jap…

6.       Ujian dan tenang. Terima seadanya

 

Kalau nak diikutkan sekarang ni memang mcm banyak sangat ujian dating menimpa aku… lepas satu satu kan ujian… tapi aku berpegang pada satu nasihat dan ajaran dari ustaz hannan ataki dari Indonesia ni…

Dek kerana ujian2 ni la kita akan mendekatkan diri dengan Allah.. akan selalu berdoa untuk diberi kekuatan, dipermudah urusan.. and aku bersyukur sebab aku diberi kesedaran ini.. kesedaran yg mana kesusahan dan cabaran hidup yg aku lalui sekarang ni sebenarnya adalah baik untuk aku.. mungkin adalah yg terbaik bagi aku buat masa ni, supaya aku tak lekang untuk berdoa dan meminta dari Allah.. dan supaya aku dapat jauhkan diri dari perbuatan2 jahat dan berdosa.. sebab aku ni sejenis yg kalau aku buat dosa aku akan rasa mcm x layak nak berdoa dan minta dari Allah…

Aku tahu tidak baik begitu.. walaupun kita berbuat dosa, kita harus terus berdoa dan meminta dari Allah.. tapi mmg ada orang yg mcm tu jenis nya.. termasukla diri aku..

Walaupun kadang2 aku rasa mcm agak give up jugak sbb da lama kan berdoa tapi masih belum dpt apa yang aku hajatkan tu.. tapi aku kena terus kuat.. dan aku doa jugak supaya tidak give up… sesungguhnya, bisikan syaitan jer tu nak aku give up kan…

Semoga aku dikurnia kekuatan untuk terus have faith and to never give up.. insyallah…

 

7.       Last resort

 

I am not quite sure what my last resort is if by July I still have no job.. yes I have some savings la kan that will last me for a few months…

In terms of keje, maybe I will bawak grab la kot… or I can focus on the manual trading thingy… kena follow signal dekat telegram & tiktok dengan religiously la kot..

I don’t want to worry too much about it but if I have to cross that bridge, I will do just that…

Hopefully I wont have to.. huhu…

 

8.       Whats my thought of being single??

The reason that I am even thinking about this is because my brother in law is currently staying at my house.. he’s in his 40s already and he’s never married.. belum bertemu jodoh barangkali..

Aku taktau la apa perasaan dia kan tapi nampak mcm happy je single…

Member2 aku yg single pun nampak mcm happy jer… tapi dalam hati cuma dia je la yg tahu…

Member aku si Raul tu dah sekian kali nyer bagitau dia lonely sbb single… nak kawen tapi takda calon katanya… tapi dia yg banyak sangat cekadak nyer terlalu memilih… biarlah dia… itu pilihan dia… mungkin dia dah sangat selesa membujang…

Same with Azhan jugak… dia dah sangat selesa membujang la kot tu…

I am not gonna judge coz it’s not position to do so..  doa yg baik2 saja la kan…

9.       Should my trading recover, whats the first things that I will do??

 

I believe in the law of attraction… dalam islam we have a different term for this law… tapi aku tak ingat what’s the term in Islam..

Basically if we have faith and keep believing something will happen, it will eventually happen… Cuma cepat atau lambat aje la…

So here’s hoping..

Speaking of the recovery of my capital from the current position it is in, the first thing I will do is…

1.       To set aside half of the capital for the loan repayment

2.       To belanja some of the money that I have from the profit to pay for my wants… seperti nak beli barang2 rumah baru, nak bayar macam2 kan bila masuk rumah baru ni…

3.       Nak pergi travel la.. nak pergi kundasang sajor dulu… bawak family…

4.       A new baby is coming.. mcm banyak je barang nak kena beli tu nnt.. so kena la bersiap awal2…

Oh My God, I pray that it will recover soon, before semua benda2 penting yg berlaku ni.. huhu…

 

10.   Nak belajar makeup la..

This is so random kan.. but lately I have been seeing many videos on youtube and tiktok pasal male grooming and make up and I must say that I am intrigued and there’s nothing wrong with that.. we should totally normalize male makeup kan.. its not a bad thing pun.. if it makes you happy why oppose it??

It doesn’t bring any harm pun, and taking care of one’s self is important kan.. including his exterior/image… but of course la dalaman pun kena elok juo.. dalaman tu I am referring to health yer… maksud nye kena eksesais la.. pergi gym bagai… bukan dalaman as in keperibadian atau perangai… owh yer itu pun kena hellok juo…

Why do I even bother explaining pun kan?? Huhu

11.   Chatting dengan Chan Wai Kit

Mamat Cina ni member aku masa sekolah rendah.. sbb dia sekolah kebangsaan dia nyer BM mmg mcm orang melayu KL la.. so bila aku borak ngn dia kat wasep atau fb messenger tu memang mcm cakap melayu je la…

 Da lama da aku x jumpa dia… last I saw him masa form 4 la before aku pergi Jasin..

Tak selalu pun chat dengan dia.. haritu ada la citer2 sikit.. dia citer da jarang balik Malaya sbb parents dia da meninggal… dia dok UK btw, dah keje jadi researcher kat sana katanya… under grant apa tah aku lupa…

Bagus la dia dah berjaya kat sana.. ni dia balik Malaya kejap sbb aku nampak kat fb story dia, aku pun komen la.. panas lettew sbb dia letak caption 27 degC… eh mengada la la pulak konon panas.. dulu masa kecik2 relax je beratur tengah2 panas masa assembly…

Kalau ada rezeki nak la jugak jumpa dia.. tapi dia nak ke jumpa aku?? Lolz.. huhu…

Eh random nyer citer pasal si wai kit ni…

 

So that’s all la for now… aku da penat nak menaip… atleast ada la sikit output aku kat office harini walaupun bukan buat kerja, tapi atleast dapat la membebel sikit2 dan dapat vent out perasaan dan release some stress..

Actually takda stress pun, cuma banyak risau jer.. dan sedih sbb tak dapat keje Singapore.. lolz.. pastu cakap la its for the best sebab nak sedapkan hati sendiri kan.. padahal sedih.. sobs sobs…