hi all,
so today at office i am feeling bored as phuck..
i dont have any job at the moment, only simple things like following up and stuff..
when i get bored, i think.. and i know i am not happy right now..
i need to do something that makes me happy..
but i simply dont know whats that..
when i was a kid things were a lot easier..
i was happy all the time, i guess..
when asked what i wanted to be when i grow up, i gave a few different answers..
when i was 8, i wanted to become a fireman.. not sure why but i remember telling the teacher this when she asked.
when i was 10, i wanted to become a lawyer, at this time i noticed that i had a quite good ability in speaking.. so i thought i could become a lawyer.. but this ambition sort of died when i learned that you need to be good in sejarah.. and i just dont like reading and remembering things so i ditch the ambition
when i was 12, i remember wanting to become a pilot, people told me i need to be good in math to become a pilot and i was good at math.. but i was scared of flying, didnt want to die of plane crash so the thought of that sorta stopped me from pursuing pilot as a career.
when i was 14-15 i wanted to become a TV presenter. i remember there was a show on ntv7 about travelling and i wanted to become the host of that show. this dream of mine is yet to die for i still want to but i think i cant anymore coz i am already old..
a few years back i was at mid valley, there was a career fair and at the tv3 booth they had a camera and people were auditioning as a tv presenter.. at first i wanted to try but i got nervous and shy.. so i didnt.. maybe i dont got what it takes to be that..
when i was 16 i went to mrsm jasin and my interest in science and engineering began.
i hardly knew what an engineer is and what they do for a living. i remember one of my classmates brother had just completed his degree from the UK in chemical engineering and i was inspired. ever since that, i had always wanted to become a chemical engineering or a chemist.
after watching the movie Alcatraz, in which Nicholas Cage is a chemical weapon specialist, i was inspired and interested to become a chemist or a chem engineer. i carried this ambition with me thru out mrsm and kms until at the end of 1st year in Auckland i suddenly changed to Mechatronics engineering..
WHY THE EFF DID I DO THAT??
to be honest, i largely regret that decision. i didnt like electronics nor mechanical that much but i knew i could do it.. i was confident in my skin and knew for sure that it be easy for me, and it was quite okay.. i wouldnt say it was easy but it was doable, and i did it..
altho i may have not gotten 1st class degree, but 2nd class upper is good enough, in my opinion.
so what was the reason that i changed to Mechatronics. i'd say mainly it was because people kept saying it was 2nd hardest course for engineering after biomedical, so i thought i wanted the challenge.
i was stupid!
i should not want to be challenged.
i should want the one that offers the best future, the best career out of it, not the hardest.. or the 2nd hardest.
i was stupid!
speaking of stupid decisions, i think i repeat myself in making stupid decision when i left Omega and go work for Sapura Kencana.
i wanted to challenge myself, i said
izuan was stupid!
i wanted more responsibility and bigger scope of work, yes i did say this
izuan was really stupid!
i should want the things that make me happy, not the things that challenge me..
granted that being able to overcome the challenges and rise to the occasion does give me a certain satisfaction and happiness.. but there are other ways to be happy!!
i dont got to go thru all the harships to be happy, just buy a happy meal from mcdonald to be happy, aint gotta do mechatronics, aint gotta change job, and move to freaking KL, 350km away from my family..
clearly, it was not a good decision, i see that now..
but what the heck man, i was stupid and i thought it was a good decision at the time, that it would open up more doors for me, to bigger companies like Petronas or exxon or whatever, or so i thought..
i dont care about big companies, or open doors anymore.. i hardly care about working anymore..
but i cannot not think about it coz if i dont, i dont get paid.. how in the hell am i gone pay for them bills man..
shit life is hard!!
anyhoot, lifes gotta go on..
the question is.. what do i wanna be now?
of course it isnt just about what i wanna be now, its also a question of whether or not i can be it, or if it is feasible? or doable?
lets just go thru at all the possibilities
from the top of my mind, based on interest/passion
1. TV presenter/MC/Host
2. Motivational Speaker
3. Businessman
4. Teacher
Based on ability
1. Teacher
2. Engineer
3. Insurance/investment agent
4. Uber driver
5. Businessman
its so sad now that i am doubting myself to be able to do any of the job i listed there.
i didnt have doubts when i was small.. this is what growing up does to u.. instilling self doubt..
its inevitable..
maybe you dont feel it now coz u still young, but as u get older.. ull start to feel this..
feeling old, incompetent, inadequate, ready to just hang the towel..
is this what they call quater life cirisis?? i am not that old to have mid life crisis tho.. huhu..
i dont want to be gloomy and depressed anymore.. i want to focus on happy thoughts.. so instead i will list down the things that make me happy, and insyaallah i will try to do it one thing at a time..
1. exercising and catching pokemons
2. getting paid and have lotsa money (mcm xda kaitan je)
3. being with and making my family happy(unfortunately this requires lotsa money. See no2)
4. playing games on laptop/ipad/phone
5. watching movies/sports events on tv while being blanketed in an AC-ed room
6. eating garret popcorn, red velvet cake, american cheesecake, pasta, alfredo, pepperoni pizza, strawberry coklat (damn i love to eat!!)
7. play badminton, play bowling, play volliball, play frisbee.
8. play kejar-kejar, baling selipar and hide & seek (so kanak kanak)
9. having pretty skin (tetiba)
10. buy new car (see no2)
damn its hard to list down things to make me happy.. and unfortunately it revolves around having lotsa money.. its so superficial..
maybe i need to do a muhasabah and learn to change my self, my desires and my niat..
channel those into more islamic stuff.. so that peace would find me easier.. or is it the other way around?
so that its easier for me to find peace..
if your life revolves around more to Islamic and spiritual stuff, its probably gone make life easier.. coz expectation is less, and more achieveable..
thats not a bad idea man.. i ma give it a try.. be more religious, more spiritual.. insyallah life would be much easier..
Allah wills it..
okla i think this is the end of the post.. till next time people~~
so today at office i am feeling bored as phuck..
i dont have any job at the moment, only simple things like following up and stuff..
when i get bored, i think.. and i know i am not happy right now..
i need to do something that makes me happy..
but i simply dont know whats that..
when i was a kid things were a lot easier..
i was happy all the time, i guess..
when asked what i wanted to be when i grow up, i gave a few different answers..
when i was 8, i wanted to become a fireman.. not sure why but i remember telling the teacher this when she asked.
when i was 10, i wanted to become a lawyer, at this time i noticed that i had a quite good ability in speaking.. so i thought i could become a lawyer.. but this ambition sort of died when i learned that you need to be good in sejarah.. and i just dont like reading and remembering things so i ditch the ambition
when i was 12, i remember wanting to become a pilot, people told me i need to be good in math to become a pilot and i was good at math.. but i was scared of flying, didnt want to die of plane crash so the thought of that sorta stopped me from pursuing pilot as a career.
when i was 14-15 i wanted to become a TV presenter. i remember there was a show on ntv7 about travelling and i wanted to become the host of that show. this dream of mine is yet to die for i still want to but i think i cant anymore coz i am already old..
a few years back i was at mid valley, there was a career fair and at the tv3 booth they had a camera and people were auditioning as a tv presenter.. at first i wanted to try but i got nervous and shy.. so i didnt.. maybe i dont got what it takes to be that..
when i was 16 i went to mrsm jasin and my interest in science and engineering began.
i hardly knew what an engineer is and what they do for a living. i remember one of my classmates brother had just completed his degree from the UK in chemical engineering and i was inspired. ever since that, i had always wanted to become a chemical engineering or a chemist.
after watching the movie Alcatraz, in which Nicholas Cage is a chemical weapon specialist, i was inspired and interested to become a chemist or a chem engineer. i carried this ambition with me thru out mrsm and kms until at the end of 1st year in Auckland i suddenly changed to Mechatronics engineering..
WHY THE EFF DID I DO THAT??
to be honest, i largely regret that decision. i didnt like electronics nor mechanical that much but i knew i could do it.. i was confident in my skin and knew for sure that it be easy for me, and it was quite okay.. i wouldnt say it was easy but it was doable, and i did it..
altho i may have not gotten 1st class degree, but 2nd class upper is good enough, in my opinion.
so what was the reason that i changed to Mechatronics. i'd say mainly it was because people kept saying it was 2nd hardest course for engineering after biomedical, so i thought i wanted the challenge.
i was stupid!
i should not want to be challenged.
i should want the one that offers the best future, the best career out of it, not the hardest.. or the 2nd hardest.
i was stupid!
speaking of stupid decisions, i think i repeat myself in making stupid decision when i left Omega and go work for Sapura Kencana.
i wanted to challenge myself, i said
izuan was stupid!
i wanted more responsibility and bigger scope of work, yes i did say this
izuan was really stupid!
i should want the things that make me happy, not the things that challenge me..
granted that being able to overcome the challenges and rise to the occasion does give me a certain satisfaction and happiness.. but there are other ways to be happy!!
i dont got to go thru all the harships to be happy, just buy a happy meal from mcdonald to be happy, aint gotta do mechatronics, aint gotta change job, and move to freaking KL, 350km away from my family..
clearly, it was not a good decision, i see that now..
but what the heck man, i was stupid and i thought it was a good decision at the time, that it would open up more doors for me, to bigger companies like Petronas or exxon or whatever, or so i thought..
i dont care about big companies, or open doors anymore.. i hardly care about working anymore..
but i cannot not think about it coz if i dont, i dont get paid.. how in the hell am i gone pay for them bills man..
shit life is hard!!
anyhoot, lifes gotta go on..
the question is.. what do i wanna be now?
of course it isnt just about what i wanna be now, its also a question of whether or not i can be it, or if it is feasible? or doable?
lets just go thru at all the possibilities
from the top of my mind, based on interest/passion
1. TV presenter/MC/Host
2. Motivational Speaker
3. Businessman
4. Teacher
Based on ability
1. Teacher
2. Engineer
3. Insurance/investment agent
4. Uber driver
5. Businessman
its so sad now that i am doubting myself to be able to do any of the job i listed there.
i didnt have doubts when i was small.. this is what growing up does to u.. instilling self doubt..
its inevitable..
maybe you dont feel it now coz u still young, but as u get older.. ull start to feel this..
feeling old, incompetent, inadequate, ready to just hang the towel..
is this what they call quater life cirisis?? i am not that old to have mid life crisis tho.. huhu..
i dont want to be gloomy and depressed anymore.. i want to focus on happy thoughts.. so instead i will list down the things that make me happy, and insyaallah i will try to do it one thing at a time..
1. exercising and catching pokemons
2. getting paid and have lotsa money (mcm xda kaitan je)
3. being with and making my family happy(unfortunately this requires lotsa money. See no2)
4. playing games on laptop/ipad/phone
5. watching movies/sports events on tv while being blanketed in an AC-ed room
6. eating garret popcorn, red velvet cake, american cheesecake, pasta, alfredo, pepperoni pizza, strawberry coklat (damn i love to eat!!)
7. play badminton, play bowling, play volliball, play frisbee.
8. play kejar-kejar, baling selipar and hide & seek (so kanak kanak)
9. having pretty skin (tetiba)
10. buy new car (see no2)
damn its hard to list down things to make me happy.. and unfortunately it revolves around having lotsa money.. its so superficial..
maybe i need to do a muhasabah and learn to change my self, my desires and my niat..
channel those into more islamic stuff.. so that peace would find me easier.. or is it the other way around?
so that its easier for me to find peace..
if your life revolves around more to Islamic and spiritual stuff, its probably gone make life easier.. coz expectation is less, and more achieveable..
thats not a bad idea man.. i ma give it a try.. be more religious, more spiritual.. insyallah life would be much easier..
Allah wills it..
okla i think this is the end of the post.. till next time people~~
